Best english jokes-2018


  1. I Have a Dieter Inside Me
  2. Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.

  3. More: Diet Jokes
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  5. Get Thrown Out
  6. A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror.  Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat too much.

  7. More: Diet Jokes
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  9. Fattening Spoon
  10. The most fattening thing that you can put in an ice cream sundae is the spoon.

  11. More: Diet Jokes
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  13. Chocolate Chip Diet
  14. Chocolate chips are fattening, about 50 calories a tablespoon.  However, chocolate chips eaten while making chocolate chip cookies have no calories whatsoever.  Therefore make chocolate chip cookies often but don’t eat them.

  15. More: Diet Jokes
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  17. Don’t Watch Others Eat
  18. The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat.  It’s watching what other people eat.

  19. More: Diet Jokes
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  21. More Jokes
  22. Dessert Ditcher
  23. Do you call a person who has abandoned their diet a desserter?

  24. Stick to One Serving
  25. Never go back for seconds… get it all the first time.

  26. One Day Diet
  27. A funny thing with a diet, the second day of a diet is always easier than the first.  By the second day you’re off it.

  28. What do you call a collection of diet jokes?
  29. Is it true that a collection of jokes about dieting can be referred to as: ‘a binge of jokes’?

  30. Diet at the Best Restaurants
  31. ↩Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn’t want to gain weight in the wrong places?

  32. Always Getting Older
  33. Q: What goes up and never comes down?

  34. A: Your age!

  35. Birthday Holidays
  36. Q: What do ⇖George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?

  37. ⇪A: They were all born on holidays.

  38. ⇷Don’t Forget Your Wife’s Birthday
  39. Q: What’s the easiest way to remember your wife’s birthday?

  40. A: ⇷Forget it once!

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