Best english jokes-2018

1. I Have a Dieter Inside Me
2. Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.
3. 
   
4. More: Diet Jokes
5.    
6. Get Thrown Out
7. A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror.  Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat too much.
8. 
   
9. More: Diet Jokes
10.    
11. Fattening Spoon
12. The most fattening thing that you can put in an ice cream sundae is the spoon.
13. 
    
14. More: Diet Jokes
15.    
16. Chocolate Chip Diet
17. Chocolate chips are fattening, about 50 calories a tablespoon.  However, chocolate chips eaten while making chocolate chip cookies have no calories whatsoever.  Therefore make chocolate chip cookies often but don’t eat them.
18. 
    
19. More: Diet Jokes
20.    
21. Don’t Watch Others Eat
22. The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat.  It’s watching what other people eat.
23. 
    
24. More: Diet Jokes
25.    
26. 
    
27. More Jokes
28. Dessert Ditcher
29. Do you call a person who has abandoned their diet a desserter?
30. 
    
31. Stick to One Serving
32. Never go back for seconds… get it all the first time.
33. 
    
34. One Day Diet
35. A funny thing with a diet, the second day of a diet is always easier than the first.  By the second day you’re off it.
36. 
    
37. What do you call a collection of diet jokes?
38. Is it true that a collection of jokes about dieting can be referred to as: ‘a binge of jokes’?
39. 
    
40. Diet at the Best Restaurants
41. ↩Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn’t want to gain weight in the wrong places?
42. 
    
43. Always Getting Older
44. Q: What goes up and never comes down?
45. 
    
46. A: Your age!
47. 
    
48. Birthday Holidays
49. Q: What do ⇖George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
50. 
    
51. ⇪A: They were all born on holidays.
52. 
    
53. ⇷Don’t Forget Your Wife’s Birthday
54. Q: What’s the easiest way to remember your wife’s birthday?
55. 
    
56. A: ⇷Forget it once!