Best funny jokes funny


  • Santa in computer exam.

  • Examiner:”What is Microsoft Excel.. ??
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  • Santa:”It is a new branch of Surf Excel to clean the
  • computer..:p

  • =================================
  • .\

  • Arz kiya hai..
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  • Jaldbazi me Shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge..
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  • Wah… Wah
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  • Jald bazi me Shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge..
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  • Wah…wah
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  • Soch samaj K karoge to bhi kya ukhad loge.. ??..:p



  • =================================

  • Parhai sirf do wajah se hoti hai.. ??

  • ek shauk se
  • aur
  • ek khauf se

  • Faltu k Shauk hum rakhte nahi
  • au

  • Khauf to hame kisi k baap ka bhi nahi..:p

  • =================================

  • 1 Stone Is Enough To Break A Glass..:p
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  • 1 Word Is Enough To Break AHeart…:p
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  • 1 Second Is Enough To Fall InLove….
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  • But Why
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  • 1 Chapter Is not Enough To Pass Exam’s….
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  • Point To Be Noted…:p 😀 :O

  • =================================

  • Facebook fact…
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  • Girls Pura din ghar me Bartan Manjati aur kapde sukhati hongi..
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  • Aur jab raat ko msg.. Karke pucho ke..
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  • Pura din kaha thi.. ??
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  • To reply aata hai…
  • ‘Kuch nhi ,was just hanging out wid frnds’.. :p

  • =================================
  • Akalmand Pappu
  • Pappu : I Love You
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  • Girl : Meri Chappal Ki Size Pata
  • Hai Kya..?
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  • Pappu :- OH…Ho..
  • Propose KIYA NHI Ke GIFT MAGNA SHURU
  • or gift b kya maang rhi h ,
  • chappal 😛
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  • Bhikharin Kahin Ki Chal Bhag
  • yaha se 😀 😛
  • .
  • I hate u..

  • =================================

  • Boy to his mom:”Mumma mai kaise paida hua.. ??
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  • Mom:”Maine 1 bartan me mitti daal kar rakh di,
  • kuch din baad usme se tum mujhemile..
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  • Bache ne aisa hi kiya..
  • Ab kuch din baad usne jakar dekhato usme 1 mendak tha..
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  • Bacha:”gusse se dil to karta hai ke Saale..

  • tujhe goli mar du, par kya karu??
  • Aulad hai tu meri 😀

  • =================================

  • Husband:” sir meri wife kho gai
  • hai
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  • postman:” Yeh post office hai police station nahi..
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  • . Husband:” ohh sorry! Saala
  • khushi k mare kaha jaon, kuch
  • samjh mein nahi aa raha
  • hai…:D

  • =================================

  • Ladkiyo ke 7 jhoot.. ?? :p
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  • 1. I Love u..
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  • 2. Aapki kasam..
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  • 3. U r my 1st love..
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  • 4. Balance nahi hai..
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  • 5. Awaaz nahi aa rahi..
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  • 6. Parents sath mein hai..
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  • 7. Mai tumhe hi yaad kar rahi thi.




  • Classic Insult !!

  • Lecture Was Going On..
  • Suddenly A Boy Went Out Of The Class.

  • Lecturer : Ye Bahar Kyn Chala Gaya?
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  • His Friend : Sir Usko Neend Mein Chalne Ki Aadat Hai 😛 …l0lz

  • =================================

  • Colgate se daant saaf krain,
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  • pepsodent se mazboot krain,
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  • Closeup se fresh krain,
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  • Or agar phir bhi white na ho to bina sharmaye…
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  • “harpic” use krain q k “harpic” de 5 guna zyada behtar safaaii…:p

  • =================================

  • 1 Admi public toilet me betha tha.
  • Achanak usy 7 waly toilet se awaz ai,
  • kya hal hai?
  • Admi ghabra kr bola: Theek hon
  • Phir aawaz ai,
  • kya kr rahe ho?
  • Admi: Betha hon,
  • phir awaz ai,
  • mai aa jaun?
  • Admi or ghabra ke bola:
  • Nai nai mai busy hon
  • phir aawaz ai,
  • Acha yaar tumhe bad me call krtahu,
  • abi koi ullu ka patha 7 wale toiletse
  • meri har baat ka jwb de raha hai:P

  • =================================
  • 2 Logo Ki Baaton Ka Kabhi Bura Nahi Maan
  • Na Chahiye..
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  • 1st wo:” Jo Facebook Par Gali De Raha Ho..
  • (Qki Wo Bechara Real Me Aapka Kuch Nahi
  • Ukhaad Sakta..)
  • Aur
  • 2nd Wo:” Jo Exam Me Apka Viva LeRaha Ho..
  • (Qki Aap Uska Kuch Nahi Ukhaad Sakte..) 😛

  • =================================

  • Larkiyo’n Ki Specialty ..
  • UK: Dressing
  • Spain Beautiful
  • America: Stylish
  • Italy: Friendly
  • Brazil: Hot
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  • India : Kuch Ho Na Ho Par
  • ATTITUDE Ki Koi Kami Nahi
  • MileGi. 😛 = 😀

  • =================================

  • Hostel student to his frnd:”yaar dhoka ho
  • gaya..
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  • Frnd:”kya ho gaya.. ??
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  • Student:”yaar ghar se books ke
  • liye paise mangaye the,
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  • Gharwalo ne books hi bhej di…:/ :p :O

  • =================================
  • Santa Ek Din Interview Dene Gaya To Us Se Ek Question Pucha Gaya
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  • Interviewer:“ Aapko Kitne Saalo Ka Tajurba Hai.. ??
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  • Santa:“ Sir Ji, Juth Nahi Bolunga Par Saalo Pe Mene Kabhi Try NahiKiya,
  • Par Apni 3 Saliyo Ka Tajurba Jarur Hai… :p
  • =================================

  • Joke of the day :)
  • Beauty is not judged by your clothes or your appearance.
  • It is judged by your inner beauty.
  • So…
  • Always Wear…
  • Designer Undergarments… :)

  • =================================
  • Super POGO Joke.. ;-))
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  • 1 aadmi Dinner Ke Vakt Apne bete
  • Se Gusse Me Bola:” Gadhe, KARELA Kha,LAMBA Hoga..
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  • Kitchen Se Sharmate Hue WIFE Boli:”
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  • AAP Bhi Khaiye Na…. :p 😀 :O

  • =================================
  • Class Ki Group Photo Dekhte Hue Teacher
  • Baccho Se Kahne Lagi Ki
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  • Jab tum Log Bade Hoke ye deko ge to
  • Kahoge,,
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  • Ye Raju Hai Jo America Chala Gaya..
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  • Ye Chandu Hai Jo London Chala Gaya..
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  • Aur Ye pappu Hai Jo Wahi Ka WahiReh
  • Gya.. 😛
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  • Pappu gusse se Bola:”or Ye Humari Kamini
  • Teacher Hai Jinka dehant ho
  • gya…:p 😀 :O 😀
  • Teacher Shock -Pappu Rockz





  • Drinkrs Gang:” Aaj TabTak Piyenge
  • Jab Tak Wo Samne K 3 Ped 6 Nahi Dikhte..
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  • Bar Owner:” Bas Karo Kamino,
  • Samne 1 Hi Ped Hai..

  • Ab Jungle Banaoge Kya.. ?? :/ :p

  • =================================

  • Doctor- A chote Ek Chocolate khilaunga kya apne Didi ka
  • number dega??
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  • Engg- Tujhe Ek Beer peelaunga ye Luv Leter Jaake apni Choti behen ko dega??
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  • Doctor Shocks!!

  • =================================

  • PAPPU Biwi Se: Pani Pila Do

  • Biwi :- Kya! ,Pyaas Lagi Hai ??
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  • PAPPU (Gussey se): “Nahi”Gala Check Karna Hai Kahin se”LEAK”to Nahi Hai =P xD 😛

  • =================================

  • School ka wo Last day …….
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  • jab sari ladkiya Saree me aati hai……… .
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  • We all have a feeling k sala ye “Raanu”bhi
  • Itni
  • Sunder hai……
  • School dress me pata hi nahi
  • chala yaar……..
  • Ye to Pat hi Jaati…..
  • And jab u think k last me baat karunga…..
  • Uska bhai usko lene aa gaya…..!!!

  • =================================
  • Sardar park me betha tha.

  • Friend: Kya kr raha hy?

  • Sardar: Badla le Raha hoon!

  • Friend: Kese?

  • Sardar: Waqt Ne muje barbad kia hy ab ma waqt barbad kr raha hoon.

  • =================================

  • Life has many ways to make u weak but remember 3 thningz that will alwayz keep u str0ng
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  • Dinner
  • Lunch
  • – breakfast :-p
  • Think hatkay nd eat datt kay..

  • =================================

  • Husband wife ko English sikha raha
  • tha.
  • Wife dopehar me husband se:
  • dinner lo Ji.
  • Husband Jahil ye dinner nahi lunch
  • hai.
  • Wife: Jahil tu, Tera baap, Tera Sara
  • khandan,
  • ye raat ka bacha hua khana
  • hai. 😛

  • =================================

  • Teacher Balu Se: “Khali Jagah Poori Karo:

  • 900 Chuhe
  • Kha Kar Billi ________ Chali”
  • :
  • Balu: “900 Choohe Kha Kar Billi Slow-Slow Chali”
  • :
  • Teacher Gusse Se: “Khade Ho Jao, Mazak Karte Ho ”
  • :
  • Balu: “Miss Ye Bhi Maine Aapka Dil Rakhne Ke Liye Keh
  • Diya Warna 900 Choohe Kha Kar Billi Ka Baap Bhi Nahi Chal Sakta” 😛 😀

  • =================================

  • Bhai ko bhai se juda kar deti hai “GF”
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  • Ma ko bete se juda kar deti hai “GF”
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  • Biwi aur shohar k beech jhagde paida kar deti hai
  • “GF” .
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  • Insan ko duniya se juda kar deti hai “GF”
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  • Gharo me jhagda paida kar deti hai “GF”
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  • “GF” mtlab “Galat Fehmi” jo is waqt aapko hui hai!
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  • Girl Friend to bechari Masoom hoti hai… ;;) :p XD

  • CLICK TO SEND THIS SMS TO ANYONE
  • FEBRUARY 20, 2013ADMINISTRATOR
  • Kutta

  • Teacher- Batao Kutta Puch Q Hilata Hai..?
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  • Student- Q ki Puch Me Itni Takat Nhi Hoti K Wo Kutte Ko Hila Sake.. Seedhi Baat , No Bakvas…



  • After Accident:

  • American: Its Fine Man

  • British: I am So Sorry

  • Australia: No Worries Dude

  • Germany: Are You Okay….??
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  • India: Andha hai kya saale
  • dhakkan ki tarha chala raha
  • hai

  • akkal ke dushman saale tere
  • baap ka road hai kya
  • bahar nikal dekh teri kaise
  • bajata hun 😛 =D 😀 =))

  • =================================
  • Ek 7 Saal Ka Bacha 1 Rs Ka Coin Kha Gaya Tha..
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  • 2 Din Baad Uski Potty Mein Se Vo Coin Nikal Aaya To Vo Bahut Khush Tha..
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  • Maa Ne Pucha:“Bete Kya Hua.. ?? Bada Khush Dikh Raha Hai Aaj ”
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  • Beta:“Mummy, Aaj Bahut Dino Baad Fassi Hui Payment Wapis Aayi Hai isliye Khush hun“:p 😀 :O 

  • =================================
  • Horror movie ka dialogue:
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  • Girl: “Kaun hai? Kaun hai wahan?”
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  • Bolti to aise hain jaise Bhoot khud bolega,
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  • “Haa Jaanu, Main hu, Kitchen mein Pakode tal raha hu, Khaogi kya” :p

  • =================================

  • Once in a party fruits were
  • talking .
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  • Orange : i look like basketball
  • grapes : i look like green tennis
  • ball
  • pineapple : i look like plant and
  • pot.
  • mango : i look like human face. …..
  • everyone one shared their
  • views …
  • at last.
  • . .
  • banana : please change the
  • topic yaar… 😛 😀

  • =================================

  • Ek ped per ek ullu baitha karta
  • tha..
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  • Ek din ped kaat diya gaya..
  • Ped bahot khush hua, kyuki ab
  • uspar koi ullu nahi bethega.. .
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  • magar us ki khushi mitti mein
  • mil gai
  • kyu ki…
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  • Ped ko kaat kar Pradhaan
  • Mantri ki kursi bana di gai…
  • aur Itihaas gawah
  • hai,
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  • “Aaj Bhi Us Par Ullu Hi Baithta Hai…:p 😀

  • =================================
  • What is the most Irritating on
  • Facebook?

  • 1. Unwanted notifications.
  • 2. Someone unnecessarily tagging
  • u.
  • 3. Fake accounts.
  • 4. People updating status like “I
  • am
  • drinking champagne”
  • 5. Un-wanted frnd request
  • 6. Unknwn messages
  • 7. People uploading nude
  • photos. :@
  • 8. others specify

  • =================================

  • A Couple never fought in 25Yrs!!!
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  • A friend asked – How did U make it
  • possible??
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  • Husband – We went 2 Shimla for our
  • Honeymoon, While Horse riding
  • My Wife’s Horse jumped & my wife
  • fell down,
  • she got up, patted the
  • Horse’s back & said “Dis is your 1st time”
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  • After a while,it happened again. She said “dis
  • is your 2nd time” &
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  • When it happened the 3rd time, she
  • took out a gun & shot the horse.
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  • I shouted, U psycho, U killed the horse.
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  • She gave a grave look & said “dis is your 1st
  • time”. &
  • Since then we are very happy… 😛

  • =================================

  • Mom:”school jaa,

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  • Bachcha:”nahi jaunga
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  • Mom:”kyu ??
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  • Bachcha:”job kar lunga..
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  • Mom:”Nalayak beshram..
  • KG 2 pad k kya job karega.. ??
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  • Bchcha:”KG 1 ki ladkiyo ko
  • tution padaunga.. :O 😀

  • =================================

  • Ek Shayar Garibi Se Tang Aakar Daku Ban Gaya..
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  • Daketi Karne Bank Gaya, Aur kaha..
  • » Arz kiya hai..
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  • »”Taqdeer Mein Jo likha hai Wahi Milega,,
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  • ‘Hands Up’ koi Apni Jagah Se Nahi Hilega..:p
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  • Phir Cashier Se Kaha..
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  • » “Kuch khawab Meri Aankho Se Nikal Do,,
  • Jo Kuch b Hai Jaldi Se is Bag Mein Dal Do.:p
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  • » General Warning:”Bahut koshish karta hu teri yaadein bhulane ki..
  • koi koshish nahi Karega police ko bulane ki… :p :O
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  • » Bhula dena Mujko, Kya JataHai tera,,
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  • Mein Goli Maru Ga Usko Jo Picha Karega Mera”..:p :O 😀 😀

  • =================================

  • When i Was Small,
  • i was afraid to show my report card to
  • my parents..!!
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  • But now in Engineering
  • They are afraid to see it..




  • I could have been a doctor and
  • saved
  • lifes!
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  • I could hav been a lawyer and
  • defended lifes!
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  • I could hav been a soldier and
  • protectd
  • lifes!
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  • But why to play
  • with others lifes??
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  • So I choose to be an Engineer,
  • and destroyed my own life…!!! :( 😛

  • =================================

  • YO YO HONEY SINGH IN EXAM
  • VERSION
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  • Book se hu dur lekin exam
  • se Majboor…… Dil ko staye teacher ka
  • Noor….
  • ha
  • Answer ye sachi aaj usko
  • batau
  • Mujhko samzh nahi aata kaise teacher ko patau……
  • Bas pass hone ke liye main
  • ye answer likhte jau…
  • Din raat mai ye book rat’te
  • jau… Book aur Guide mai
  • dekhu vari
  • vari….
  • Ji karda book fad du main
  • sari……
  • 😛 😀

  • =================================

  • Jahan Apna Crush Hai,
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  • Saala..
  • Udhar Pehley Se He Rush Hai 😀

  • =================================

  • Beggar:Give me food.
  • Man: I’ll give U Vodka.
  • Beggar: I don’t drink, Give me food.
  • Man: I’ll give U cigarettes.
  • Beggar: I don’t smoke.
  • Man: I’ll take U to race.
  • Beggar: I don’t gamble.
  • Man: I’ll get U girl friend.
  • Beggar: I love only my wife.
  • Man: I’ll give U food, but first U have to come to my house.
  • Begger: why?
  • Man: I want my wife to see what state people get into when they don’t Drink, Smoke, Gamble & Love only their own WIFE..

  • =================================
  • Lady On Phone..
  • Hi Sir, I want To Meet & Talk To u.
  • U Are The father Of 1 Of My Kids..
  • .
  • Man Stunnd & Says…
  • Omg R U Priya ?
  • Lady : No
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  • Man : Sonu ??
  • Lady : No
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  • Man : Shruti ??
  • Lady : No
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  • Man : Anjali ??
  • Lady : No
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  • Man : Sheetal??
  • Lady : No
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  • Man : Kanika
  • Lady : No
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  • Man : Latika??
  • Lady : No
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  • Lady in confusion
  • No Sir.. I am The Class Teacher Of Ur
  • Son…
  • =================================

  • Sadhu Chrch k Father se:”Aap kon hai..??
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  • Father:”Mai tumhara baap hu log mujhe”Father” kehte hai..
  • Fathr:”Aap kon hai… ??
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  • Sadhu:”Hum tumhare baap ke baap hain log hame “BABA” kehte hai..:p :/:O 😀

  • =================================
  • A man got a call from unknown number…

  • Girl: Hi, r u single?

  • Man: Yes, but who r u?

  • Ans: Your wife.
  • Aaj ghar aana tab bataoogi.

  • Another call from unknown number…

  • Girl: R u married?

  • Man: Yes, but who R u?

  • Girl: Your girlfriend,
  • U cheat!!

  • Man: Sorry baby, I thought it was my wife.

  • Ans: Wife hi hoon kutte,

  • aaj tu bas ghar aaja..!

  • =================================

  • 1 Building jo 107 Floor ki thi, usme
  • 3 dost saath rehte the..
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  • 1 Din Lifit kharab ho gayi, to wo
  • stairs se uper jane lage chadhte-
  • chadhte bor na ho jaye isliye socha
  • ki
  • .
  • 1st Friend Kisi Jang(war) Ki Story
  • Sunaye ga
  • .
  • 2nd friend Koi Funny Story
  • aur
  • .
  • 3rd wala Koi Sad Story Sunaega ..
  • .
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  • Is Tarha 107th Floor tak Pahuch
  • Jaayenge
  • .
  • 1st Ne Jung Ki Story Sunai aur 50
  • Floor Tak Pohnch Gaye
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  • 2nd Ne Funny Story Sunai aur wo
  • 99 Floor Par Ponch Gaye Phir..
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  • 3rd sad face karke bola :- yaaro sad
  • story ye ha ki
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  • apne FLAT ki chabi CAR me hi reh
  • gayi hai 😛 =D 😛 #

  • =================================
  • The great difference between
  • Love marriage
  • and
  • Arrange marriage:
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  • Love marriage mein apni gf se shadi
  • hoti hai
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  • &
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  • Arrange marriage me dusre ki gf se
  • shadi hoti hai!!.

  • =================================

  • Bf- Texting to his gf.
  • Hey baby..what’s up.?

  • Gf- Nothing much just
  • washing my BOOBS.

  • Bf- What.! :O

  • Gf- Yeah. It has become very
  • dirty. People keep
  • stepping on it a lot.

  • Bf- What the hell.. O.o

  • Gf- Why..?? Oh fish..!!
  • Sorry baby I meant.
  • BOOTS.
  • Damn this Automatic dictionary is
  • on....

  • =================================



  • Ladkiyo ki scooty pe bhale 2 ki
  • jagah 4 brakes hi lagwa do
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  • Rokti pairo se hi hai :p 😀 =D

  • =================================

  • Man to gorgeous Air-hostess: Whats your Name??
  • Air-Hostess: Eva Benz !! =)

  • Man: Wow, lovely name.. Any relation with Mercedes Benz?? =D
  • Air Hostess: Same price..!! 😉 =P

  • =================================

  • Boy :- Kal se hum kahin aur milenge,,
  • .
  • Girl :- Kyun kya hua ??
  • .
  • Boy :- Bade zaalim hai teri gali ke bachche,,
  • kutte piche laga kar kehte hai,,
  • .
  • “JAB PYAR KIYA TO DARNA KYA” =D

  • =================================

  • Height of teasing:
  • I was sitting near the window&singing.
  • “kabutar ja ja ja”

  • ..
  • then my mom asked me:-
  • “Kya hua beta SMS pack khatam ho gaya kya” ? :)

  • =================================

  • A man got a call from unknown number…

  • Girl: Hi, r u single?

  • Man: Yes, but who r u?

  • Ans: Your wife.
  • Aaj ghar aana tab bataoogi.

  • Another call from unknown number…

  • Girl: R u married?

  • Man: Yes, but who R u?

  • Girl: Your girlfriend,
  • U cheat!!

  • Man: Sorry baby, I thought it was my wife.

  • Ans: Wife hi hoon kutte,

  • aaj tu bas ghar aaja..!

  • =================================
  • Q:Ladkiya Kabi Khud Pyar Ka
  • Izhar Pehle Q Ni Krti?
  • Intresting Jawab
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .

  • Taki Break-up Krte Waqt Ye
  • Keh Ske Ki Tum Mere Piche
  • Pade The Mai Nahi.

  • =================================

  • Larki doctor se meri skin
  • buht ziada malayem,soft aur
  • sensitive he aur mera rang b
  • buht gora he,man raat ko kia
  • laga kar soya karon?

  • Doctor: “KUNDI”

  • =================================
  • Beggar:Give me food.
  • Man: I’ll give U Vodka.
  • Beggar: I don’t drink, Give me food.
  • Man: I’ll give U cigarettes.
  • Beggar: I don’t smoke.
  • Man: I’ll take U to race.
  • Beggar: I don’t gamble.
  • Man: I’ll get U girl friend.
  • Beggar: I love only my wife.
  • Man: I’ll give U food, but first U have to come to my house.
  • Begger: why?
  • Man: I want my wife to see what state people get into when they don’t Drink, Smoke, Gamble & Love only their own WIFE…:P

  • =================================
  • Nalayak bano to aise bano.
  • .
  • Ki
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • jis din kitab kholo toh khud
  • kitab ke panne tumse puchhe
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Beta aaj tabiyat to theek hai
  • na yaa tumne pee rakhi
  • hai…

  • =================================

  • 2 student raat me parte huye
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • 1st:”kitne baje hai yaar.. ??
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • 2nd ne patthar uthakar samne
  • girls hostel me
  • mara..
  • 1 ladki nikli boli:”kamino ab to
  • so jao raat ke 2 baj rahe
  • hai….:p

  • =================================


  • Engineer Student:”Sir humne ek
  • aisi cheez banayi hai jis se hum
  • deewar ke us paar bhi dekh
  • saktehain..
  • .
  • . .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Sir:”Wow, fantastic, kya hai
  • wo.. ?? .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Student:”Suraak h..:p :O 😀

  • Teacher Shock :O
  • Student RoCkZzz -_^
  • =================================
  • Hmari generation ko sab se zyada tention kab hoti hai.. ??
  • .
  • .
  • Exams mein.. ?? Nahi..
  • .
  • .
  • Result k tym.. ??
  • Naa..
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Jab so kar utho aur mobile aas paas na ho…

  • =================================

  • Remember your school Life once again ..

  • Big Gang of friends.

  • Boring Uniforms.

  • Cycle se school jaana.

  • “School ke bahar miliyo” kehna :P.

  • Teacher ke naam rakhna :D.

  • Group Photos.

  • Wo Homework kar ke na jaana aur Teacher ko kehna “Ma’am kiya toh tha par ghar bhul gaye” :P.

  • Roz ki Punishment:( :P.

  • 1 Period Pehle se “Games Period” ki excitement hona.

  • Rocking Annual days\m/.

  • Terror Report card :(.

  • Self Parent Signature;).

  • Lovable Trips

  • Summer Holidays ka Intezaar ;).

  • Farewell \m/ :D.

  • Last Board Exam ;).

  • Sabse bichad jaana :(

  • School Life = HEAVEN heart

  • =================================

  • Jo Awwwwwwwwwww Naa Kare….
  • .
  • .
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  • .
  • .
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  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Woh AwwwRat He Nahi. =D

  • =================================

  • Jab Maine “Daru” Pehli baar Pee thi,
  • Mai Khud Apni Nazron me gir gaya…

  • Aur Maine “Daru” Chhodne ka faisla kar liya?
  • Par fir jab Maine
  • Un tamaam “Daru” factory ke Mazdur,
  • Aur Unke biwi-Bacchhon ke Baare me
  • Socha to Meri aankh bhar aayi :'(

  • Aur Us Pal Faisla kiya ki :
  • Abse, I will Drink Regularly
  • Apne liye to sab Jeete hain,
  • Lekin Hum to garibon ke liye peete hain:)

  • Jio or jine do, pio or pine do… 😛

  • =================================

  • Ek Indian aur Ek American dono dost the,
  • .
  • .
  • Dono ek din ek chocolate store me gaye.
  • Waha sab logo ko busy dekhkar American ne 3 chocolate chura li,
  • Jab dono bahar aaye to

  • American bola :- “Man I m the best thief
  • ever,
  • I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me,
  • u cant beat that”
  • .
  • Indian replied: “You wanna see something better,

  • lets go back to the shop and I will show you real stealing”
  • So they went to the counter and Indian said to the Shop boy :-

  • “Do you wanna see magic….??

  • “Shop boy replied: “Yes.”

  • Indian said: “Give me one chocolate bar.”
  • The shop boy gave him one,
  • and he ate it.

  • He asked for the second,
  • and he ate that as well.

  • He asked for the third, and finished that one too.

  • The shop boy asked: “But where is the magic….??
  • .
  • .
  • Indian replied: “Check in my friends pocket, and you ll find them.” 😛 😀 😀

  • U can’t beat an Indian 😛 :D:D:-P

  • =================================
  • RAJNIKANTH : Hey murgi,
  • .
  • .
  • tuje 2 ande dene ko kaha tha 1 kyon diya…..??
  • .
  • .
  • tujhe mujhse darr nahi lagta…..??
  • .
  • .
  • MURGI – ‘Darr ki vajah se hi 1 diya hai , main to MURGA hu .. 😛 =D

  • Rajnikant Rocks.. :)

  • =================================
  • Wife : Main Marne Ja Rahi Hoon,

  • Husband : Ye loo Dairy milk chocolate.

  • Wife ; Q?

  • Husband : Khushi k Moqay per

  • “Khuch Meetha hoo jaye.”

  • =================================

  • Akbar : Anarkali tujhe kya chahiye?

  • Taaj ya Takht?

  • Anarkali : Jan-e-panah
  • Mujhe na Taaj chahiye na hi takht
  • Bs

  • ” UPS”

  • lagwa do

  • Allah da wasta ay.

  • =================================
  • Aplication to the headmaster
  • In Punjabi………!

  • Oy Mastra,

  • MAMA Guzarish A vay k Mera
  • Hun school aan nu dil nai krda,

  • Tusi kurian V alg kr ditia net y sadi class wich ek V
  • Kuri ni re gai hun,

  • Te madam V chawal jai koi khas kam di ni ,
  • MAMA enj ty ni kri da masum bachyan nal.

  • Sady nal kuriyan rakho ni ty feesan wapas kro.

  • J es tra V ni ho skda ty.
  • ”kam waliyan” e soniyan rakh lo,
  • Bari mehrbani.

  • Tuada shagard,
  • ”Pappu Dukhi”
  • Rol no ”420”

  • =================================




  • 1 Molvi Ki girl friend thi,
  • molvi ne Usko raat 12 Bajay Ka time dya,

  • lekin 12 bajay woh nahi aai,

  • molvi se sabar na hua,

  • usne masjid k loud speaker
  • pe Elaan kia:
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • 1 Zaruri Ailaan sunye,

  • “12 baj chuke hain Momino Allah se
  • daro or jo wada kia hy Use Poora karo

  • =================================

  • Pathan to Air Hostess:

  • “ Tumhara shakal hamara biwi se buhat milta hai”

  • Air Hostess ne thapar mara.

  • Patahn bola:

  • “ WALLAH ” …….! Aadat B

  • kitna milta hai.

  • =================================
  • Molvi Sahb ki Love Story ka DROP SEeN

  • Wo bohat haseen thi mujhe bohat pyari lagti thi,

  • Last Friday main us k ghar gaya wo darwazay
  • Pr aai main usay daikh raha tah us nay bhi mujhe
  • daikha,
  • wo qarib aai to mainy himat ki Or aahista se kaha

  • “CHANDA”

  • Wo muskurai main khush ho gaya,
  • Wo andar gai our phir wapis aai

  • R
  • R
  • R
  • R
  • Phr
  • Us ne 100 rupay meray haath pr rakh diye,
  • Mainay heart se poucha ye kya?

  • Wo boli

  • “CHANDA”………->

  • =================================
  • PATHAN English k paper mein Fail ho gya.
  • Translation k waja se :
  • 1: Main aik Aam Admi hoon.
  • (I am a Mangoo man)

  • 2: Mere taluk Haripur Hazara se hai.
  • (I belong to Green Pur Thousanda)

  • 3 :Mujhe English Aati hai.
  • (English comes to me)

  • 4: Sarak per Goliyan chal rahi hain.
  • (Tablets are walking on the road);-)

  • =================================

  • Agar aaj “IQBAL” zinda hote to petrol 107 ka dekh k
  • Zardari se farmaty:

  • Wabasta reh PETROL sey Umeed-e-Shola rakh

  • Kuttay deya Putra thora hath hola rakh.

  • =================================

  • Teacher: Mukhtasir baat karna Aqlmand
  • Admi ki nishani hai

  • Teacher: Tmhary abbu ka kia naam hai ?

  • Student: CNG

  • Teacher: Ye kesa naam hai?

  • Student: Chudhary Naeem Gujjar 😀
  • =================================

  • Hum Gaye They Un K Ghar
  • Kehna Tha Dil Se Dil Mila Lo

  • Unke Papa Ne Khola Darwaza

  • Hum Ghabra K Bol
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • “Uncle Light Aa Gai Hai Motor
  • Chala Lo

  • =================================

  • Sardar ki Maa Sardar se :
  • “Uth Ja ,Wekh Sooraj
  • Kadon da nikal aaya Ae……..”.
  • .

  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Sardar :
  • “Te ki hoya Amma……
  • O Sonda V te Magrib ton pellhaan A…………

  • =================================

  • Biwi : Tm tu khete they shadi k
  • Bad b mujh se pyar kro gay?
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Husband: mujhe kia pata tha k tmhari shadi mujh se
  • H ho gi……:D

  • =================================

  • 1 pathan Aasman par
  • Dekh Raha
  • Tha
  • Usne Dosre pathan se pocha:

  • Yar ye SURAJ hai ya CHAND ?

  • Dosra pathan bola
  • Pata nahi hum khud is
  • Shehar me naya aya hai…





  • Jo student top kre, wo
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • “Student Of The Year”
  • .
  • aur jo student fail ho jaye wo
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • “Student Of The Next Year”:p

  • =================================

  • 1 CHURAIL ne 60 saal k
  • shadi shuda joray se kaha;
  • Me tm dono ki 1 khwaish
  • puri kr skti hun!

  • Bv: Me apnay shohar k sath
  • sari duniya ki sair krna
  • chahti hon,

  • usny chhari ghumai 2
  • tickets a gaey.

  • phir shohar sy poocha tum
  • btao kya chahty ho?
  • Shohar:mujay apny sy 30
  • saal chhoti bv chahyay.
  • Churail ny chhari ghumai or
  • shohar ko 90 saal ka
  • kardia… 😛

  • Moral: mard ko yad rakhna
  • chahyay k churail b aurat
  • hoti hai 😀 😛 :O 😛

  • =================================

  • Brilliant Answers by a Student who got 0% Marks..

  • Q.1- In which battle did Tipu Sultan Died ?..
  • Ans.- In his Last Battle..

  • Q.2- Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed ?..
  • Ans.- At the Bottom of the Page..

  • Q.3- What is the Main Reason for Divorce ?..
  • Ans.- Marriage..

  • Q.4- Ganga Flows in which State ?..
  • Ans.- Liquid State..

  • Q.5- When was Mahatma Gandhi Born ?..
  • Ans.- On His Birthday..

  • Q.6- How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People ?..
  • Ans.- By Preparing Mango Shake

  • =================================

  • Kamyabi ka Funda:

  • Apni zindagi me koi kaam karne se pehle..

  • Humesha kisi ladki se mashwara lena..

  • Aur..

  • Wo jo mashwara de
  • Uska ulta karna..

  • Kamyab rahoge.. 😀 😀 😛

  • =================================
  • Ek admi ki shadi hui, Dost se
  • Mashwra liya k apni Biwi ka Dil
  • kese jetoon.. ??
  • .
  • .
  • Frnd:”Us k paas Cigret laga kar jana
  • or dhuwa us k muh pe mar
  • k kehna:”Agar tum kaho to ye
  • adat bhi chor sakta hun…:->
  • .
  • Us ne jaa kar esa hi kiya..
  • . .
  • .
  • .
  • Biwi ne sun kar jawab dia:”NAi
  • its 0k.. Agar GOLD FLAKE hai te
  • ek SUTTA Mujhe bhi marna
  • hai..:p:O 😀 😀

  • =================================

  • 1 Engineer,
  • 1 Mba Student
  • Or 1 Mca
  • Kasti Me Ja Rahe The.
  • 1 Jin Aaya Or Bola

  • “Samndar Me Koi Chiz Phenko Agr
  • Mene Dhund Li To Me Tumhe Mar
  • Dunga
  • Or Na Dhund Paya To Me Tumhara
  • Gulam”

  • Mba Ne Needle Phenki
  • Jin Ne Dhund Li Or Use Mar Dia.

  • Mca Student Ne Memory Card
  • Phenka.

  • Jin Ne Dhund Lia Or Use Bhi Mar
  • Dia.
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Engg. Student Ne Disprine Ki Goli
  • Phenki.
  • Wo Pani Me Ghul Gyi.
  • Studnt Bola:
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Chal Beta Ghar Chal.
  • Bahut Assignment Pade hai 😛

  • =================================
  • Santa ke bete ka acident ho gaya..
  • .
  • .
  • Dr:”Aapke bete k pair katne padenge..
  • .
  • . Santa ne apna sir pakda..
  • .
  • Dr:”Kya hua..
  • .
  • Santa:”Kal hi nalayak ko chapal dilai thi..:p

  • =================================

  • Double Meaning Dhamaka…:p
  • .
  • .

  • Baap:”Ek jamana tha jab main 10 rupiye mein doodh pe kar aata tha..
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .

  • Pappu:”Wo jamane lad gaye Dad aaj kal toh koi 10 rupiye me dikhati bhi nahi hai…:p 😀 :O 😀

  • =================================

  • 3 Tips on how to improve ur phone’s battery life..
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
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  • .
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  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • 1. No Facebook

  • 2. No Twitter

  • 3. No YouTube..
  • =================================

  • Ladkiyan jab arguement harti hain toh akhir me kya bolti hain.. ??
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • WHAT EVER I DONT CARE…




  • Wife : I will die.
  • Husband : I will also die.
  • Wife : why do u want to die?
  • Husband : because main itni khushi bardasht nahi kar sakta.

  • =================================
  • Aik pathab ne Veena Malik se masjid ka chanda manga.

  • Veena : ap log to kehte hen k mera paisa naapak hai?

  • Pathan : tumhary paison se hum BATHROOM banaey gy..;-)



  • =================================

  • Line marne k 3 tarike…
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • 1:- pen se
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • 2:- Marker se
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • 3:- Pencil se.
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Sab ko apne jaisa Line
  • marne wala
  • mat samjho…:P
  • Sach ma bahut sharif hun
  • yaar



  • =================================

  • Us Ko Chor Jane K Bad
  • Main To Marne Hi Wala
  • Tha

  • K Achanak Yad Aaya,Us
  • Ki cousion Ny Bhi Apna
  • Number Diya Tha,
  • /(‘,’)/
  • ..(_) Uth Shazaday
  • ../_/ Himat Kr..


  • =================================

  • Girlfriend Ko Apni
  • Palko Par Bitha Lo,

  • De K Khushi Us K Sary
  • Gham Chura Lo

  • Pyar Karo Us Ki Saheli
  • K Samne Itna K..

  • Us Ki Saheli Bhi Aa K
  • Kahy

  • JANU Muje Bhe Phasa Lo..



  • =================================

  • Last Benchers… Student’s Law Of Tension

  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .

  • Pressure Is Inversely Proportional To
  • The Number Of Days Left For the Exams,

  • Where ‘KAL SE PADHENGE’ Remains Constant!”



  • =================================

  • Husband on Job And Wife Car leke gai Market

  • Here is the Conversation on phone call ..

  • Wife : Honey, Car me problem he. carburetor me Paani chala gaya he.

  • Husbnd: carburetor me Paani? kya bakwaas kar rahi ho tum?

  • Wife: Are me sach keh rahi hu k carburetor me Paani chala gaya he.

  • Husband: Tum carburetor kya he wo nahi jaanti , ME dekh lunga , Bataao Car kahan he?

  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Wife : Kisi ke Swimming pool me



  • =================================

  • Man: I lost my wife. Inspector: What is her height?
  • Man: I never noticed. Inspector: Slim or healthy?
  • Man: Not slim, can be healthy
  • Inspector: Colour of the eyes?
  • Man: Never noticed Inspector: Colour of hair?
  • Man: Changes according to season.
  • Inspector: What was she wearing?
  • Man: I don’t remember exactly.
  • Inspector: Was somebody with her???
  • Man: Yes, my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a
  • golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, brown eyes,
  • blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly
  • broken, wearing a golden belt studded with blue
  • balls, he likes non-veg. food, we eat together, we jog together… And the man started crying….



  • =================================

  • Pappu : I Love U..
  • .
  • .

  • Girl :Tumne Mujme Aisa Kya Dekha Ki Mujhe Propose Kar Diya ???……

  • Papu: Sab Kuch Dekhne Ke Liye Hi Toh Propose Kiya Hai Pagli…!! :p =)).

  • Pappu rocks girl shock:D




  • BILL GATES in a restaurant.

  • After eating, he gave 5$ to
  • the waiter as a tip.
  • The waiter had a strange feeling
  • on his face after the tip.
  • Gates realized & asked..What
  • happened?

  • Waiter: I’m just amazed Bcoz on the same table ur
  • son gave Tip Of 500$…&u his Father,
  • richest man in the world Only Gave 5$…?

  • Gates Smiled & Replied With
  • Meaningful words:

  • “He is Son of the world’s richest man, but i am the
  • son of a wood
  • cutter…”

  • (Never Forget Your Past.
  • It’s Your Best Teacher. ) :) ♥



  • =================================

  • Exam hall mein Student copy pe apna

  • Hath bana ra tha.

  • Duty per teacher bola paper mein to hand ki diagram ka Question nai

  • Student:

  • Mein paper banane wale per lanat bhej raha hun 😀



  • =================================

  • True Fact..:)

  • Earlier people watched TV, read newspaper and listen to radio..
  • .
  • .
  • Now they watch the internet, read the internet
  • and listen to the internet…



  • =================================

  • Define A Woman….
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Someone Who Can Talk 4 Hours While Standing At
  • The Door .
  • .
  • .
  • But She Won’t Sit … Because Shes Getting Late…



  • =================================

  • 1 Kamina Bachha apni Toy Train
  • se khel rha tha aur Bar-Bar bol raha
  • tha,
  • ”Jis HARAMI ko chadna hai chad jao,
  • Jis KAMINE ne utarna hai utar jao
  • .
  • .
  • Uske BAAP ne uski train rok ke 1zor se thappad laga diya Bachha thodi der roke chup ho
  • gaya aur fir shuru ho gaya,
  • ”Jis HARAMI ko chadna hai chad
  • jao,
  • Jis KAMINE ne utrna hai utar jao..
  • .
  • Pehle hi kisi KUTTE ki wajah se Train 10 min late ho gayi hai..:p:D :O 😀



  • =================================
  • Arz hai..

  • Wo apne hi hote hai..

  • jo paijama khich kar bhag jate hai
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • warna gairo ko kya pata ki paijama Lastik wala hai..:p :O 😀



  • =================================

  • “Sholay Film Mein Sabse Badi Tragedy
  • Kya Thhi?”
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Answer:”Pehle To Gabbar Ne
  • Thakkur Ki Biwi Maar Di Aur Phir
  • Bechhare
  • Ke Haath Bhi Kaat Diye.”xD xP.



  • =================================

  • 1 CHURAIL ne 60 saal k
  • shadi shuda joray se kaha;
  • Me tm dono ki 1 khwaish
  • puri kr skti hun!

  • Bv: Me apnay shohar k sath
  • sari duniya ki sair krna
  • chahti hon,

  • usny chhari ghumai 2
  • tickets a gaey.

  • phir shohar sy poocha tum
  • btao kya chahty ho?
  • Shohar:mujay apny sy 30
  • saal chhoti bv chahyay.
  • Churail ny chhari ghumai or
  • shohar ko 90 saal ka
  • kardia… 😛

  • Moral: mard ko yad rakhna
  • chahyay k churail b aurat
  • hoti hai...



  • =================================

  • 2 pagal cricket match dekh
  • rahe the,

  • virat ne 6 mara…

  • pehla pagal: wah kya goal
  • kiya hai.!!
  • .
  • Dusra: bewakoof Goal is mai
  • nahi cricket me hota hai.



  • =================================

  • Girlfriend:”Last night I had a
  • dream about you.”
  • .
  • Boyfriend (got excited):”Maine kya
  • kiya tumhare sapne mein aa ke”

  • Girlfriend replied:”We were
  • traveling in bus,
  • .
  • .
  • Suddenly the bus lost control and
  • fell in the river.

  • Everyone swam to save
  • their life,
  • but you were still
  • swimming and searching for someone.”

  • Boyfriend (with luv):”I was
  • searching for you, na ?? ♥”

  • Girlfriend said: NO, You
  • were
  • shouting,
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • “Arrey, conductor kidhar
  • gaya, 2 rupaye lene thay”




  • =================================

  • Girlfriend:”Last night I had a
  • dream about you.”
  • .
  • Boyfriend (got excited):”Maine kya
  • kiya tumhare sapne mein aa ke”

  • Girlfriend replied:”We were
  • traveling in bus,
  • .
  • .
  • Suddenly the bus lost control and
  • fell in the river.

  • Everyone swam to save
  • their life,
  • but you were still
  • swimming and searching for someone.”

  • Boyfriend (with luv):”I was
  • searching for you, na ?? ♥”

  • Girlfriend said: NO, You
  • were
  • shouting,
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • “Arrey, conductor kidhar
  • gaya, 2 rupaye lene thay..



  • =================================

  • Wife : Ek baat bolu??..
  • Pappu : Bolo. . . ?
  • .
  • Wife : Maaroge to nahi?. . .
  • Pappu : Nahi to, kya baat hai?. . .
  • .
  • Wife : mai pregnant hun.. . . .
  • pappu : Hurray!!! Its gud news :)
  • par tum dar kyu rahi thi ?? . ..
  • .
  • Wife : College ke dino mai papa
  • ko bataya tha to badi maar padi thi.. 😀 .



  • =================================
  • A plane was about to crash and there were only 4
  • parachutes…
  • Meanwhile there were 5 people on board.

  • The 1st who was Anil Ambani said:
  • “You know I’m the richest man in India
  • and I’m not that old to die”
  • so, he took 1 parachute and left.

  • The 2nd person was rahul gandhi and he said:
  • “i m the most popular politician of India ,
  • so I can’t die now” he took 2nd parachute and left.

  • Indian Prime Minister Manmohan said:
  • “You know I’m the smartest prime minister in the world,
  • so I can’t die now” 😛 😛 😛 he took 1 and left.

  • It was left with Anna Hazare and A little schoolgirl.

  • The Anna said to her:
  • “take the last 1, I’ll sacrifice my life 4 you”.

  • The little girl replied:
  • “but there are two parachutes left,
  • Manmohan took my school bag” 😛 😛 😛



  • =================================

  • Kal raat jab maine kitab kholi
  • to ehsaas hua k
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • kitab kholne ke baad jo neend aati hai na
  • wo neend ki goli khane se bhi nai ati 😛 😀 😛



  • =================================

  • Lady : Yar mere paise chori ho gye..
  • !
  • 2nd Lady : lekin tum to paise blouse me rakhti thi na ?
  • !
  • 1st Lady : ha, par mujhe kya pata tha
  • wo kamina, paise churane k liye hath daal rha h..


  • =================================

  • Ek garib kishan ka beta jail me the. . . .

  • us budhe kisan ne apne bete ko jail me khat
  • likha :-
  • “beta me aalu ki fasal nahi bo sakta,
  • Itna bada khet mujse nahi khudega
  • kash tu meri madad kr pata.”
  • .
  • .
  • Bete ne wapas jawab diya –
  • “papa aap khet mat khodna,
  • mene waha hathiyar chhupa rakhe hai !!!
  • .
  • Agle din police force ne sara khet khod diya
  • par hathiyar nahi mila…
  • Bete ne fir baap ko likha-
  • papa yaha se me itni hi madad kr pauga,
  • Aap ab aalu uga dijiye..

  • =================================

  • Wife:”Mehman aa rahe hain or ghar me Daal k siva kuch nai
  • .
  • Husband:”Jab wo aaye to kitchen me 1 bartan girana,
  • Me pochu to kehna QORMA gir gaya..
  • .
  • phir dosra girana, kehna BiRYANi gir gai..

  • fir Me kahuga chalo Daal hi le aao…:p
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Mehmano k aane k bad Bartan girne ki awaaz aai..
  • .
  • Husbnd:”Kya hua.. ??
  • .
  • .
  • Wife: “Daal hi gir gai manhoos..


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