Computers SMS New 2016


  • Teacher: De!finition of an upgrade?

  • Student: Take old bugs out n put the new ones.

  • ====================================
  • Man: i heard Microsoft is going to make condoms,

  • Friend: That gi!ves a new meaning to the words,

  • “General Protection Fault”.

  • ====================================
  • Pathan: yar mu!jhy lgta sari umr me single hi rhun ga,

  • Dost: qn?

  • Pathan: Hr girl j!isko b dekhun website domain name ki treh doosry k nam pe book hoti ha.
  • !
  • ====================================

  • Girl putting th!e password for laptop,

  • “brain”

  • Laptop error: “Too small”.

  • ====================================
  • Google is the !most powerful search engine,

  • But still cant fin!d the chappal u lost outside of the mosque.

  • ====================================
  • Tum usse debug karna.

  • Wait main karunga tumhara intezar karte karte,
  • Main so gaya !yeh dekho mera connection, time out ho gaya.

  • ====================================

  • Agr Computer windows
  • PUSHTO me hoti tu

  • Send = Wolega
  • Insert = wrka pake
  • Download =! rakaga
  • Delete = chapa kol
  • Run = Tekhta
  • Alt ctrl de l= Takhta gene ghaim dey.

  • ====================================

  • Sardar to !Friend,

  • Yar meri biwi b google ha,

  • Friend: wo kesy.

  • Ik to hr cheez ki khabar rkhti ha,

  • Doosra ik sawaal kro. to ds jawab deti ha.

  • ====================================

  • Is Google !male or Female,

  • Google is a female,

  • bcuz,

  • It gives ten a!nswers of every question always.

  • ====================================

  • Sardar : aj meri pdosan ka bcha um ho gya.

  • Friend: Phir tumny kya kia,

  • M
  • ene kaha Google pe search kr lo


  • ====================================

  • Ik programmer lrrki ki gaalian,

  • Saaly kisi corrupt windows k virus!
  • aby hard dis!k k tooty huye cluster!
  • Recycle bin ki purani file. .!
  • Oye c++ k function jis ki header files hi ni!
  • Ksi program ki memory leakage!
  • Kisi logical error ki pedawar !
  • Declare kiye bghair use kiye gye integer!
  • Pirated programme ki nasal.
  • Chl apni dangling pointer jysi shakl ly kr nikl yahan se!

  • ====================================
  • Pappu rings a call centre…

  • .

  • .
  • My internet is not working properly..

  • .
  • Officer:

  • .

  • .
  • Ok

  • .
  • Double clic!k on “My computer”

  • .

  • .
  • Pappu:

  • .


  • I can’t see ur computer..

  • .


  • Officer:

  • .
  • No no..

  • .


  • click on “My computer” on ur computer..

  • .


  • Pappu:

  • .

  • .
  • How can I click on! ur computer from my..

  • .


  • computer?>..

  • .


  • Officer:

  • .


  • listen..

  • .


  • There is an !icon labelled “My Computer” on ur..

  • .


  • computer..

  • .


  • Ok..

  • .


  • double click on it..

  • .


  • Pappu:

  • .

  • .


  • what the hell, wh!at is your computer doing on..

  • .


  • my computer..???

  • .

  • .


  • Officer:

  • .


  • Double click on ur computer..

  • .


  • Pappu:

  • .


  • On which Icon i’ve to click..

  • .


  • Officer:

  • .

  • .
  • “My Computer”..

  • .


  • Pappu:…

  • .


  • Oh u Idiot……

  • .

  • .
  • Tell me where is ur office…

  • .

  • I’ll come there and ..

  • .

  • click on ur “Compu!ter.”?lolx hahahahahahha

  • ====================================

  • Compaq is c!onsidering …
  • .
  • changing the command …
  • .
  • (press any key) ..
  • .
  • 2…
  • .
  • (press RETURN key )
  • .
  • .
  • bcOz of the f!lood of calls…
  • .
  • asking where the any key is? lolx hahha

  • ====================================

  • Hansi Ko Inbox
  • Anso Ko Outbox
  • Gusay Ko Hold
  • Muskan Ko Sent
  • Help Koh ok z
  • Dil Ko Vibrate Kro
  • Pher Dekho Zindgi Ki Ring Tone
  • Keesi Peyari Mehsoos Hugi.

  • ====================================
  • Tm Ussay Debug Karnaa
  • Wait Mein Karoongah
  • Tmhaara I!ntezaar Karte Kartay
  • Main So Gaya Yeah Dekho Mera Connection
  • Time Out
  • Hou Gayaa.

  • ====================================
  • Tmhaare Liye Pyaar Ki Application
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • Create Mein Karoongah.

  • ====================================
  • Ghar Se Nikalti Ho Tm Jab
  • Pehen Ke Evening
  • Gown
  • Too Many Requests Se
  • Ho Jaata Hai Server Down.

  • ====================================

  • Aisaa Bhi Nahin Hai Kay
  • I Don’8 Like Ur Face
  • Per Dil !Ky Computer Mein
  • Nahien Hai Enough Disk
  • Space

  • ====================================
  • Tmse Mila Main Kal Toh
  • Mere Dil Mein Hua Eik
  • Sound
  • Lekin Aaj Tm Mili To Kehti Ho
  • Ur File! Not
  • Found.

  • ====================================

  • Gabbar Sends Kaalia Nd Two Others To Ramgad To
  • Collect The! Loot-Maar Software He Had Ordered.
  • They Reach Ramgad Nd Started Shouting
  • AB O
  • Thakur
  • Kahan Hai Woh Loot-Maar Software? Last
  • Date To Kab Ka Nikal Gaya ?
  • Thakur [With Anger]: ?
  • Chillao Mat! Jaakar Gabbaar
  • Say Kah 2u Ki Thaakur Software Walon Ne Paagal
  • Kutton Kay Li!ya Software Bananaa Baand Ker Diya
  • Hai?

  • ====================================


  • Husband : ( Returning Late 4rm Work ) ?Good
  • Evening Dear, I?M Now
  • Logged In?
  • Wife : Have U Brought The Ring ?
  • Husband : Bad Command Or Filename
  • Wife : But I Told U In The Morn?
  • Hsband : E!rroneouss Syntax
  • Wife : What Abo8 My New Blouse ?
  • Hsband : Variable Not Found ?
  • Wife : At Least, Give Me Ur Credit Card
  • I Want To Do Some Shopping.
  • Husband : Sharing Violat.
  • ====================================
  • A Sample Of Kannada Movies Produced By Kannada
  • Software Engineers:
  • Chatsod Tappa?
  • Ondu E-Mailina Kathay
  • A.S.P Sangilyanaa
  • Redo Rajaa
  • Undonu Maadida Deletoo Maadida
  • Muttinantha Offer
  • Naanu Nanna Pc
  • Dolllar Alegaalu
  • Jaavad!a Joodi
  • Corbanaa Rani
  • It Hudugara Kannu Uss Myaage
  • Chat Maadu Tamaashe Nodu
  • Chalisuva Brainugal.

  • ====================================

  • It Guy – (Asks Worker) Wha8 Do U Have?
  • Daily Wage Construction Worker
  • Stays
  • Quite
  • It Guy – I Have Money Name
  • Stock Options What
  • Do
  • U Have?
  • Daily Wage Construction Worker (Softly) I Have
  • Work.

  • ====================================

  • Quextion: Definition Of An Upgrade?
  • Anxwer: T!ake Old Bugx Out
  • Put New Ones In.

  • Question: What Do Computerx Eat When They Get Hungry?
  • Answer: Chipx.

  • Question: How Ix The New Imaac Like A Woman?
  • Anxwer: Neither One Will Take A 3 1/2 Inch Floppfggy
  • Nd
  • They Both Like A Big Hard Drive.

  • Question: How Do U Keep A Programmer In The Shower All Day?
  • Answer: Give Him A Bottle Of Shampoo Which Says “Lather Rinxxe Repeat.”

  • Quextion: Why All Paxxcal Programmerx Ask To Live In Atlantix?
  • Answer: Because It Ix Below C Level

  • Question: What’s The Differenxe Between Windowz 95 Nd A Virux?
  • Answer: A Virus Does Something.

  • Question: Why Ix Sex Like Softwaer?
  • Answer: 4r Everyone Who Pays 4r It
  • Thr R Hundredxx Getting It 4r Free.

  • ====================================

  • A Project Manager
  • A Computer Programmer
  • Nd A Computer Operator R Driving Down
  • The Road When The Car They R In Getx A Flat Tire
  • The 3 Men Tr!y To Solve The Problem.

  • The Project Manager Said: “Let’s Catch A Caab
  • Nd In Ten Minu!texx We’ll Reach Our Dextination.”

  • The Computer Programmer Said: “We Have Here The Driver’x Guide
  • I Can Easily Replace The Flat Tire Nd Continue Our Drive.”

  • The Computer Operator Said: “1st Of All
  • Let’x Turn Off The Engine Nd Turn It On Again
  • Maybe It Will Fix The Problem.”

  • Suddenly A Microsoft Software Engineer Passed By Nd Said:
  • “Try To Cloxee All Windowx
  • Get Off The Car
  • Nd Then Get Inn Nd Try Again.”

  • ====================================
  • Once A Programmer Drowned Inn The Sea
  • Many Marines Whr At That Time On The Beach
  • Bu8 The Progr!ammer Was Shouting
  • “F1 F1” Nd Nobody Understood It.

  • ====================================
  • The Moxt Important Thing In The Programming
  • Language Ix T!he Name
  • A Language Will Not Suxxeed Without A Good Name.

  • ====================================

  • Programmer To! His Son: “Here, I Brought U A New Basketball.”

  • Son: “Thank U, Daddy, Bu8 Where Ix The User’x Guide?”.

  • ====================================
  • The Problem With Physicists
  • Ix That They Ten!d To Cheat
  • In Order To Get Resultx

  • The Problem With Mathematicianx
  • Ix That They Ten!d To Work On
  • Toy Problems In Order To Get Resultx

  • The Problem With Program Verifierx
  • Ix That They Tend To Cheat
  • At Toy Problemz In Order 2 Get Resultx.

  • ====================================

  • They Say That The New Super Computer Knowx Everything
  • A Skeptical Man Came Nd Axked The Computer
  • “Where Ix My Father?”

  • The Computer Bleeped 4r A Short While
  • Nd Then Came! Back With
  • “Ur Father Ix Fixhing Inn Michigaan.”

  • The Skeptical Man Said Triumphantly
  • “U See? I Knew This Was Nonxxense.
  • My Father Has B!een Dead 4r 20 Yearx.”

  • “No”, Replied The Super Computer Immediately
  • “Ur Mother’x Husb!and Has Been Dead 4r Twenty Yearx
  • Ur Father Juxt Landed A Three Pound Trout.



  • ====================================

  • 1. Viruses Replicate Quickly.
  • Windows Does This.
  • 2. Viruses Use Up Valuable System Resourcexx
  • Slowing Down The System As They Do So.
  • Windowx Doex This.
  • 3. Viruses Will
  • 4rm Time To! Time
  • Trash Ur Hard Disk.
  • Windows Does This.
  • 4. Viruses R Usually Carried
  • Unknown To The User
  • Along With Valuable Programs Nd Systemx
  • Windows Does That Too.
  • 5. Virusex Will Occasionally Make
  • The User Suspect Their System
  • Ix Too Slow (See 2) Nd The User Will Buy New Hardware.
  • Same With Windowxx Yet Again.
  • Maybe Windows Really Ix A Viruxx
  • Nope! There Ix A Differenxxe
  • Virusex R We!ll Supported By Their Authorx
  • R Frequently Updated
  • Nd Tend To Become
  • More Sophixxticated As They Mature
  • So There! Windows Ix Not A Viruxx.

  • ====================================
  • Tm Usse D!ebug Karna
  • Wait Main Karoongaah
  • Tmhaara Intezaar Kartii Karte
  • Mein Soo Gaya Yeah Dekho Mera Connection
  • Time Out Hou Gaya.

  • ====================================
  • Hansi Ko Inbox
  • Anso Ko Outbox
  • Guxxay Koh Hold
  • Muskaan Koh Sent
  • Help Ko! Ok
  • Dil Ko Vibrate Kero
  • Phr Dekho Zindgi Ki Ring Tone
  • Kesi Pyari Mehsos Hugi.

  • ====================================
  • Q: Why Iss Th!e Daaba So Rich?
  • A: He Creates Nd Managex Quite A Lot Of
  • 4reign Key Relationshipx.

  • ====================================

  • Girl: Which Computer Do U Have?
  • Boy: I Ha!ve A Computer With Intel Core I7
  • Processor At 3.6 Ghz, Windows 7, 64 Bit, 16gb Ram
  • & Nvidia Gtx 860 Graphics Card.

  • Boy: Which Computer Do U Have???
  • Girl: A White & Pink One

  • What To Say Now.

  • ====================================
  • Girl: Which Computer Do U Have?
  • Boy: I Hav!e A Computer With Intel Core i7
  • Processor At 3.5 Ghz, Windows 7, 64 Bit, 12gb Ram
  • & Nvidia Gtx 560 Graphics Card.

  • Boy: Which Computer Do U Have?
  • Girl: A Pink One

  • What To Say Now.h

  • ====================================

  • 1st Generation Of Computer (1946 To 1959)
  • 2nd Generation Of Computer (1959 To 1964)
  • 3rd Generat!ion Of Computer (1965 To 1970)
  • 4th Generation Of Computer (1971 To 1985)
  • 5th Generation Of Computer (1985 Onwardszz).

  • ====================================
  • I.T:
  • Information Technology
  • Internet:
  • International Network
  • Gprs:
  • General Packet Radio Services
  • www:
  • World Wide Web
  • Universal Resource Locaator
  • Http:
  • Hyper Tex!t Transfer Protocol
  • Html:
  • Hyper Text Mark Up Locator
  • Dsl:
  • Digital Subskriber Line
  • 3g:
  • Third-Generaation
  • (Cell-Phone Technology)
  • 3d:
  • Three Dimensionaal
  • Hd:
  • High Definition
  • Hq*:
  • High Quality.

  • ====================================

  • Ram:
  • Randoom Access Memory
  • Cd:
  • Compact Disc
  • Vcd:
  • Video Compact Disk
  • Dvd:
  • Digital Video Disc
  • Vcr:
  • Video Cassettee Recorder
  • Usb:
  • Universal! Serial Bus
  • Ibm:
  • Internationaal Business Machinez
  • Dell:
  • Development Of Early Language Learninng
  • Hp:
  • Hewlett Packard
  • Lg:
  • Lucky Goldstar
  • Lcd:
  • Liquid Crystal Display
  • Led:
  • Light Emitting Diode.

  • ====================================

  • Pr0grammer T0 His S0n: – Here I Br0ught U A New Basketball
  • S0n:- Thank U Daddy But Where Is The Users Guide.
  • ====================================


  • The Pr0blem With Physicists
  • Is That They Tend T0 Cheat
  • In 0rder T0 Get Results
  • The Pr0blem With Mathematicians
  • Is That They Tend T0 W0rk 0n
  • T0y Pr0blems I!n 0rder T0 Get Results
  • The Pr0blem With Pr0gram Verifiers
  • Is That They Tend T0 Cheat
  • At T0y Pr0blems In 0rder T0 Get Results.

  • ====================================

  • They Say That The New Super C0mputer Kn0ws Everything
  • A Skeptical Man Came And Asked The C0mputer
  • Where Is My Father
  • The C0mputer Bleeped F0r A Sh0rt While
  • And Then Came Back With
  • Ur Father Is Fishi!ng In Michigan
  • The Skeptical Man Said Triumphantly
  • U See I Knew This Was N0nsense
  • My Father Has Been Dead F0r Twenty Years
  • N0 Replied The Super C0mputer Immediately
  • Ur M0thers Husband Has Been Dead F0r Twenty Years
  • Ur Father Just Landed A Three P0und Tr0ut.

  • ====================================
  • 1 Viruses Replicate Quickly
  • Wind0ws D0es This
  • 2 Viruses Use Up Valuable System Res0urces
  • Sl0wing D0wn The System As They D0 S0
  • Wind0ws D0es This
  • 3 Viruses Will
  • Fr0m Time T0 Time
  • Trash Ur Hard Disk
  • Wind0ws D0es This
  • 4 Viruses Are U!sually Carried
  • Unkn0wn T0 The User
  • Al0ng With Valuable Pr0grams And Systems
  • Wind0ws D0es That T00
  • 5 Viruses Will 0ccasi0nally Make The User Suspect Their System Is T00 Sl0w (See 2) And The User Will Buy New Hardware
  • Same With Wind0ws
  • Yet Again
  • Maybe Wind0ws Really Is A Virus
  • N0pe There Is A Difference
  • Viruses Are Well Supp0rted By Their Auth0rs
  • Are Frequently Updated
  • And Tend T0 Bec0me M0re S0phisticated As They Mature
  • S0 There Wind0ws Is N0t A Virus.

  • ====================================

  • Tm use debug karna
  • Wait mein kar0nga
  • tmhaara intezaar karte karte
  • Mein s0 gaya yeh
  • dekh0 mera c0nnecti0n
  • time 0ut h0 gaya.

  • ====================================

  • Tmse mila main kl t0, mere dil main hua ek s0und,
  • Lekin aaj tm mili t0 kehti h0: Y0ur file n0t f0und!

  • ====================================
  • ‘Gabbar sends Ka!alia and tw0 0thers t0 Ramgad t0 c0llect the l00t-maar s0ftware he had 0rdered.

  • They reach Ramgad and started sh0uting: ?Abe 0 thakur! Kahan hai w0h l00t-maar s0ftware? Last date t0 kab ka nik!l gayaa ?.

  • Thakur [with anger]: ?Chilla0 mat! jakar Gabbar se kah d0 ki Thakur S0ftware wal0n ne paagal kutt0n ke liye s0ftware banana bund kar diya hai.?’

  • ====================================
  • Husband : ( Returning late f0rm w0rk ) ?G00d evening Dear, I?m n0w
  • l0gged in.?
  • Wife : Have y0u br0ught the ring ?
  • Husband : Bad c0mmand 0r filename.
  • Wife : Bt I t0ld y0u in the m0rn?
  • Husband : Err0ne0us syntax.
  • Wife : What ab0ut! my new bl0use ?
  • Husband : Variable n0t f0und ?
  • Wife : At least, give me y0ur Credit Card, I want t0 d0 s0me sh0pping.
  • Husband : Sharing Vi0lati’

  • ====================================

  • A sample 0f Kannada m0vies pr0duced by Kannada S0ftware Engineers:
  • • CHATs0d tappa..?
  • • 0ndu E-MAILina kathe
  • • A.S.P Sangilyana
  • • RED0 raja
  • • UND0nu maadida DELET00 maadida
  • • Muttinantha 0!FFER
  • • Naanu nanna PC
  • • D0LLLAR alegalu
  • • JAVAda J0di
  • • C0RBAna rani
  • • IT Hudugara kannu US myaage
  • • CHAT maadu Tamaashe N0du
  • • Chalisuva BRAINugal

  • ====================================

  • ‘IT guy – (Asks w0rker) What d0 y0u have?
  • Daily Wage C0nstructi0n W0rker – ??.stays * quite*
  • IT guy – I have M0ney, Name, St0ck 0pti0ns What d0
  • y0u have?
  • Daily Wage C0nstructi0n W0rker – (S0ftly) I have w0rk.’

  • ====================================

  • Santa mom said don’t go to mosque in new shoes.

  • He said don’t worry! I have insert tracking device in it. i can google this now



  • My teacher give me punishment to write one thousand lines. I went home and write one line copy it and pasted one thousand times.
  • I Rocked teacher shocked

  •  

  • ====================================
  • Girl was setting the password of computer as “Brain”, A message came that “The password is too small”

  •  

  • ====================================

  • Google may be the most powerful search engine but you cannot find the chappal you lost in masjid through it

  •  

  • ====================================

  • 1. Go to Google.

  • 2. Type “Top 50 women on
  • internet”

  • 3. Click on the first link.

  • 4. Look at number seven.

  • 5. Like before you die..:p

  • ====================================

  • 10 best moments in life :)
  • 1. To wake up and realize it is still possible to sleep “10 min”.
  • 2. To finish your last exam
  • 3. To get a phone call saying class is cancelled.
  • 4. To see an old friend again and to feel that things have not changed.
  • 5. To touch the fingers of newly born child.
  • 6. Walking alone on a silent road at night and thinking of some good old days memories.
  • 7. Riding the cycle/bike on a highway while it’s raining.
  • 8. Sitting alone but you are still smiling cause you know someone is watching you.
  • 9. -The calm You feel inside when you Are near to Almighty God
  • 10. And the last one is “right now” while reading this message there was constant smile on your face….

  • ====================================

  • SOLVE If you are genius..!

  • 5 + 3 = 28
  • 9 + 1 = 810
  • 8 + 6 = 214
  • 5 + 4 = 19

  • Then 7 + 3 = ??

  • 99% People Failed To Solve this Question ..
  • Can You Solve It ?

  • ====================================

  • Google may be most powrful search engine
  • but
  • :
  • :
  • *
  • :
  • :

  • mandir se gum hui chappl google ka baap b ni dhund skta

  • ====================================

  • The longer you stare at phone
  • before picking the call
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Bigger the lie you tell after picking
  • it up…!

  • ====================================
  • There are basically 7 TYPES OF
  • GIRLS…
  • .
  • 1. HARD DISK Girls:
  • Remember everything forever.
  • .
  • 2. RAM Girls:
  • Forgets about you the moment you
  • turn her off.
  • .
  • 3. SCREEN SAVER Girls:
  • Just for looking. .

  • 4. INTERNET Girls:
  • Difficult to access.
  • .
  • 5. SERVER Girls:
  • Always busy when needed. .

  • 6. MULTIMEDIA Girls:
  • Makes horrible things looks
  • beautiful.
  • .
  • 7. VIRUS Girls : These type of girls are normally
  • called ‘WIFE’

  • once enters in your system don’t
  • leave even after format.:-P





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