Desi Jokes SMS New Best


  • Daku: Tera naam kya ha,

  • Girl: Nisha,!

  • Daku: Meri facebook friend ka nam bhi nisha ha jaa tujhy muaaf kia,

  • Daku: or tera naam kya ha?

  • Girl: Naam to mera pappu ha pr pyar sb mujhy b nisha nisha kehty hn.

  • ==========================

  • Exam ki rat student ne toss kia,

  • Heads aya to sona ha,
  • Tails aya movie dekhni ha,
  • Kharra rha to song sunu ga,

  • Agr hawa me rha to raat bhr prhun ga qsm se.

  • ==========================

  • Lrrki: Mujhy koi aisi sbzi do jisky 7 fayedy hon,
  • Sabzi wala: ye lo madam Gajar!

  • 1. Pasand aaye to alu matar k sath pkao,
  • 2. Juice bana k p skti ho,
  • 3. Salad bna skti ho,
  • 4. Gajrela bna lena,
  • 5. Noodles me daal lena,
  • 6. Murabba bna skty ho,
  • 7. Achaar bnaa skti ho,
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Beta jo dhoond rhy ho yahan ni mily ga,
  • Yahan srf shareef log aaty hn.

  • ==========================
  • 4702891494813834725

  • Rs.1000 ka card load kr lo.

  • Nhi hua?

  • Nhi?

  • Ary yaar,

  • Jb mene kia tha tb to ho gya tha.

  • ==========================
  • When do we write etc in exams,?

  • It means,

  • End of Thinking Capacity.

  • ==========================
  • Wo konsi cheez ha jo laal ha or trin trin krti ha,

  • Telephone,

  • Ghlt jawab, Tamatr, Trin trin to confuse krny k liye bola tha.

  • ==========================

  • Ik jayb ktry ne apny sathi k hath me tsbih dekhi to bola,

  • Kya apna kaam chhorr dia?

  • Sathi: nhi yaar,

  • Abhi abhi ik molvi sahib ki jayb me hath prr gya.

  • ==========================

  • Ex Girlfriend ki shadi ka card mila,

  • Thorra dukh hua pr socha jayen gy zaroor.

  • Dukh apni jageh, Biryaani apni jageh.

  • ==========================

  • Shaadi pr dulhan ka BF bhi sj sanwar k barat k sath aya,

  • Admi: aap dulha hn kya?

  • BF: G nhi nhi, Me to semi final se out ho gya tha,

  • Final dekhny aya hun.

  • ==========================
  • Sardar ka interview ho rha tha,

  • Manager: aap kitny behn bhai hn,

  • Sardar: 9

  • Manager: Unme apka number konsa ha,

  • Sardar: Mera telenor ka

  • ==========================

  • Bety ki bimaari ka sun kr baap hostel me bety se milny chla aya,

  • Ik lrrki usky kmry se nikal rhi thi,

  • Beta baap ko dekh kr: Baba bs abhi hi bukhar ne peechha chhorra ha,

  • Baap: han beta janta hun, Mene abhi usy bahar jaaty dekha,

  • ==========================

  • A Sardar was working…
  • .
  • for the 1st time in a garment shop…
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • A customer girl asked:
  • .
  • .
  • Underwear dikhana plz…
  • .
  • .
  • .

  • Sardar thora sharmakar: ..
  • .
  • .
  • G aaj pehna nahiN hai ..
  • 😛 😀 lolx hahahahhahahaha

  • ==========================
  • “Darling,” said Banta …
  • .
  • to his new bride, Preety…
  • .
  • .
  • “Now that we R married,
  • .
  • do you think you will be …
  • .
  • able to live on my small income???”
  • .
  • .

  • “Of course, dearest, no trouble,”
  • .
  • she replied…
  • .
  • .
  • .

  • “But what will you live on?>>”
  • 😛 😀 lolx hahahahhahahah

  • ==========================

  • Pappu rings a call centre…

  • .

  • .
  • My internet is not working properly..

  • .
  • Officer:

  • .

  • .
  • Ok

  • .
  • Double click on “My computer”

  • .

  • .
  • Pappu:

  • .


  • I can’t see ur computer..

  • .


  • Officer:

  • .
  • No no..

  • .


  • click on “My computer” on ur computer..

  • .


  • Pappu:

  • .

  • .
  • How can I click on ur computer from my..

  • .


  • computer?>..

  • .


  • Officer:

  • .


  • listen..

  • .


  • There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on ur..

  • .


  • computer..

  • .


  • Ok..

  • .


  • double click on it..

  • .


  • Pappu:

  • .

  • .


  • what the hell, what is your computer doing on..

  • .


  • my computer..???

  • .

  • .


  • Officer:

  • .


  • Double click on ur computer..

  • .


  • Pappu:

  • .


  • On which Icon i’ve to click..

  • .


  • Officer:

  • .

  • .
  • “My Computer”..

  • .


  • Pappu:…

  • .


  • Oh u Idiot……

  • .

  • .
  • Tell me where is ur office…

  • .

  • I’ll come there and ..

  • .

  • click on ur “Computer.”?? 😛 😀 lolx hahahahahahha

  • ==========================
  • Boy – Do u love me ..???

  • .

  • .
  • Girl – Yes, I can do anything 4 u …

  • .
  • Boy – Chal fir 17 ka table suna…

  • ..

  • .

  • .

  • .
  • *Blocked* 😀

  • ==========================
  • 1 mOrghi super market gaYe..
  • .
  • aur kaha: 1 anda dena.. 😛
  • .
  • .

  • Salesman: tum anda kya karogi???
  • .
  • .

  • Murghi: q k murgha neY bola hai darling!
  • .
  • .
  • 15 rupay k liye …
  • .
  • apna figure khArab mat kro .. 😀

  • ==========================
  • 1 million copies of a new book sold..

  • In just 2 days due 2 typing error of ONE alphabet in title..

  • %%%”An idea,that can change ur WIFE”%%%
  • .

  • .

  • .

  • .

  • .

  • .

  • While real word was(LIFE). 😛 😀 lolx

  • ==========================

  • Don ka intezar tou 11 colleges ke larkion ko hai
  • Per don ka aana mushkil hi nahin namumkin bhi hai,
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • q k
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Don matric fail hay 😛 😀

  • hahahhahahhahahha

  • ==========================

  • larka:
  • Tmhareee judai mey,
  • Nend urti hey,
  • Jan jati hey,
  • Chain khota hey,
  • Dil rota hey,
  • .
  • larki:
  • Check karwaley beya,
  • .
  • .
  • Dengi virus bhee aesa hi hota hey :)

  • ==========================

  • Eik baat hamesha yaad rakhen…

  • DO chezen muqaddar walon ko hi milti hain.

  • no. 1 Samosey k 7 zyada Chatni…

  • Or 2usra,

  • Dahi barey k saath Paapri…

  • ==========================


  • 1 cheeni hospitaAL main tha…
  • 1 sardaar us ko dekhny gaya.

  • Cheeni ne kha

  • CHING CHONG MOU CHU CHA
  • r mar gaya…
  • Sardar ney socha k koi raaz bataya hy iss ne w0 in ALafzon ka mtALab maALoom karny k ALiye China gaya
  • un ALafzo ka matALab ye nikALa

  • KUTTAY KAMINY OXyGEN K PIPE SEy PeeR HATA 😛 😀 lolx

  • ==========================

  • Girl:Darling, Aj Mey Tumey Wo Jagha Dikati HOOn Jaha Mera appendix Ka Operation Huwa Tha.

  • Larka: Khush Ho Kar Dikaho DikahoOO….

  • Girl: Wo Deko RMI, PESHAWAR ka mehnga tareen hospital hai ye .. :) 😀 lol

  • ==========================
  • Dekh Darling..

  • ager khubsurat hona juram  hai tou,
  • .

  • .

  • .

  • han tm beqasooR ho 😛 😀

  • ==========================

  • Pathan London Mein Double Bus Mein Betha…
  • Conductor Ney Us Ko Upar Bhij Diyaa..
  • Pathan Bag K Nechay Wapis Aya r Bola:
  • Abay Marwaye Ga Kiya?
  • Upar Tou Driver Hee Nahin Hai  :P 😀 😛 hahahahha

  • ==========================

  • 3 Guys aik Girl Ko Propose Krte Jate Hain.

  • Gal With Attitude: “Tm Merey Liye Kya Kar Sakte Ho?”

  • 1st Guy: “Main Tmhare Leye Apni Jaan De Sakta Hun.”

  • Gal: “Wo To Sab Keehte Haiin.”

  • 2nd Guy: “Main Tumhare Liye Chaand Taare Todh Kar Laa Sakta Hun.”

  • Gal: “Purana Dialogue Ho Gaya Hai.”

  • 3rd guy: “Main Tumhe Apni Facebook Id Ka Password De Sakta Hun.”

  • ==========================

  • Addiction Of Aashiqui 3
  • Santa:” AB Toilet Se Jaldi Bahar Nikal
  • *
  • Banta:” Sun Rahaa Hai Nah Tu
  • Dhoo Raha Hu Mein. PA1

  • ==========================

  • Jalebi Koh Female Dish Keyun Kaaha Jata

  • Haiy?
  • *
  • ?
  • *
  • ?


  • Kyunk Yeah Kabhi Seedhi Nahi Hou Sakti Par

  • Hoti
  • Bhut SWEET Hai.

  • ==========================

  • Nursery K STUDNT Ne Xam Sheet Pe SUSU Kaar

  • Kay
  • Techr K Hath Mein Thama D.
  • Techr-GADHE Yeah Kya Keya
  • STU-Mam Apne Hi Kha Thaa Pahlay Joh Aaa Raha

  • Hai
  • Wahi Kro.

  • ==========================
  • Circuit: Bhai, Apun Ne Kaal Sania Mirzaa Sy
  • Phone Pay Baat K
  • Munna Bhai: Arre Wah Keya Kaha Usneay
  • Circuit: Usne Kaha Mamu Wrong NumBr.

  • ==========================
  • Bihari Aurat Cheque Cash Karanay Gai
  • Clerk- Sign Kero
  • Auraat- Kaisay?
  • Clerk- Jaise Khat Kay End Mein Likhti Hou
  • Aurat Nay Likha-
  • TOHAR Chummma Kay Intezar Me, Biiijli.

  • ==========================


  • 1 Terorist Ne 1 Budhiya K Ghar Mein Bomb

  • Rakh
  • Diya.
  • Loag Chillayeah- Budhiyaa Bomb Hai
  • Budhiya Bomb Hai
  • Budhiya Sharmakar Boli- DHATT
  • Woh To Mein JAWANI Mein Thi.
  • hhahahhahahahhahah

  • ==========================

  • 5th Class Ka Student Apne Dost Se: Kitna
  • Muskil H School Ki “Teacher” Se Pyar Kerna
  • 2 Dost: Keyun?

  • “LOVE-LETTER” Bheja Tha
  • Home Work Samz Kay Check Kar Diya.

  • ==========================
  • 1 Ladka Gadhe K Samne Gir Gaya
  • 1 Khubsurat
  • Ladki Nay Dekha Aur Kaha
  • Apne Bade Bhai Kay
  • Pair Chhu Rahay Ho?
  • Ladka Bola
  • JI BHABHI Ji.

  • ==========================

  • 12 Saal Kay Ladkay Nay
  • 20 Saal Ki Ladki Koh Phool Dia
  • Ladki Ne Kiss Diya
  • Wo Ghabra K Bhaga
  • Ladki Ne Pucha:
  • Kya Hua
  • Ladka:
  • Guldasta Le K Aa Raha Hu.

  • ==========================

  • Gf- I Luv U
  • Boy- Tell Me Any Diffreent Style
  • Gf- Tere Lash Koh
  • Aag Lanay Kamoka Mere Bte
  • Koh DEyGA KeYA.

  • ==========================
  • Munna Bhai Ke Ghar LADKI Huway
  • Circuit- Bhai Ab To Muhale Ke
  • SaRe Ladkay
  • Isko Line MaRengay
  • MUNNA- Tu Fikaar Maat Kar Re
  • Apun Iska Naam DIDI Rakheinge.

  • ==========================

  • Sometimex My Eyes Get Jealous Of My Heart
  • Know Why?
  • Guexxx Wht It Ix
  • Simply Bcoz A Sweet Person Like U
  • Ix Alwax Close To My Heart Nd Far 4rm My Eyex

  • ==========================

  • Gf- I Love U
  • Boy- Tell Me Any Diffrant Style
  • Gf- Tere Lash Koh Aaag Laganay
  • Kamooka Mere Bete Koh Daiga Keya.

  • ==========================
  • Munna Bhai Ke Ghar Ladki Hue
  • Circuit- Bhai Ab To Muhale Ke
  • SaRe Larke Ixko Line MRnge
  • Munna- Tu Fikaar Maat Kar Re
  • Apun Ixka Naam Didi Rakhenge.

  • ==========================
  • Reporter: Platform Paar KhaiR Sab Pathan Kexxe Maar Gye?
  • Sardar: Aik Elan Hua K Train Platform Paar Aa Rahi Hai Saab
  • Ne Jan Buchanaay Kay Liye Patri Paar Chalaaang Lagaa Di
  • Reporter: Phir Aap Kexe Bach Gye?
  • Sardar: Main Khudkukxhi K Lie Patri Paar Letaa Tha Yeah
  • Elan Suna Toh Mein Platform Paar Jaa Kaar Laait Gaya.

  • ==========================

  • A Lady Go 2 Departmental Store
  • There Was A Sardar Ji
  • She Askd Him “LIpton Di Chah Hai Keya?
  • Sardar Ji Replied “Mainu To Nahi Hai
  • Tenu Hai Tay Lipaat Jaa

  • ==========================

  • Sardar: Yaar Kaal Ma Bathroom Gaya To Wahaan Sher Thaa
  • 2nd Sardar: Hein, Pher Tm Nay Keya Kiya?
  • 1st: Kucch Nai Ma Na Sher Sa Kaha
  • App Kar Lou Meri Toh Nikal Hi Gai Ha.

  • ==========================

  • Dr. K BNd Clinic K Agay Lambi Line Thi
  • 1 Sardar Bar-Bar Line Me Ghusta
  • Loag Uskoh Pakaar Kay Pichay Phennk Daitay
  • Sardar: Lage Rahoo Salo
  • Main Be Clinic Nahi Kholungah.

  • ==========================

  • Nurse To A Patient With Bleeding Head: Ur Name ?
  • Patient: Santaa
  • Nurse: Age ?
  • Patient: 28 Yearx
  • Nurxe: Married ?
  • Patient: No, Car Axxident.

  • ==========================

  • Shadi K MNdap Me Larrka Larki Say Boola
  • Mere 10 Ladkiyo Ke Saath Affair Raha Tha.
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • Ladki :
  • Mujhe Pta Tha , Jab Kundli Mili
  • He To Character To Milega Hi Na.

  • ==========================
  • A Beautiful Girl Entered In The Claxx
  • .
  • .
  • All Boys Went Crazy 4r Her & Stood In The Way
  • *
  • !
  • *Bu8 They Died Hearing Girl’x Rply
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • She Said :- “Bhaisaab Raaxta Doh, Jhaadu Lagaana Hai.

  • ==========================

  • Teacher: “Main Teri Jaan Nikal Dungi”
  • Ixxki English Kya Hogi.
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • Student:English Ki Aixi Ki Taisi,
  • !
  • Tu Haath Toh Laga Ke Dikha.

  • ==========================

  • 1 Oraat Coke Pi Raahi Thi K Achanaak Uss
  • Mein Sy 1 Machhar Nikla
  • Or Bola maa
  • Oraaat Boli:Me Teri maa nahi Huon Machar Bola
  • Esa Na Bol MAA Me Teri coke say Niklaa Houn.

  • ==========================

  • English Nd Hindi Alwayxx Contradict Eaxxh Other:

  • The Sooner The Better
  • Jaaldi Kah Kaaam Shetaaan Kah Hotaa Hai

  • Talk Of The Devil Nd The Devil Iss Here
  • Bari Laambi Umaar Haai, Abbhi Tumhaari Baaat Kaar Rahaay Thaay

  • Absenxxe Makex A Heart Go Fonder
  • Nazaaar Sy Ojhal, Dil Saay Ojhal.

  • Fight Ur Rights.
  • Sabaar Kah Phaaal Meethaa Hutaaa Haai

  • Ass Wise Ass An Owl
  • Ulluu Kaaah Paatthaaa.

  • ==========================

  • Saaaas Ki Demaand
  • Laddkki
  • Khubsuraat Ho
  • Ameeer Hoo
  • Padhi Likhi Hoo
  • Kaam Umaar Hoo
  • Kaam Boolti Hoo
  • Haar Kaaam Main Maahir Hoo

  • Laaddki Ki DemaaNd
  • Simple
  • Saaaas Photo Frame Mein Hoo.

  • ==========================


  • God What Is Ur Wixh?
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • Man-Plz Mujhaay Unmarried Kaaar Doo
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !
  • *
  • !

  • God-Beta Mainaay Tumhaay Mannaaat
  • Mangnaay Koh Kahaa”Jannaat” Naahi.

  • C==========================

  • Santa : I Need Poixxon

  • Chemist : I Cant Sell Without Presxcription

  • Santaa Showxx His Used Ticxket Of Ra.One

  • Chemist : Bus Kaaar Paglee Rulayegaa Kiyaaa
  • Bol
  • Baaadi Bottle Duu Yaaah Chootti ?.

  • ==========================

  • World Populaation Rank:
  • 1.Chinaa
  • 2. Indiaa
  • 3. Facebook
  • 4. Usa
  • 5. Twittter
  • 6. Indonexia
  • 7. Brazzil
  • 8. Myspacce.

  • ==========================

  • Eik Desh Jahaa Pizza Ambulance
  • Ke Pehle Ghar Pahuchta Hay
  • Jahaa Car L0an 7% Hay 00r Educati0n L0an 12%
  • Jahaa Chaawal Rice Rs 40 Kg Me Milta
  • Hay 00r SIM Card Free
  • Jahaa L0g Durga Ke P00ja Karte Hay
  • 00r Larki Paidaa H0ne Pey Uska Kh00n
  • Jahaa 0lympic Sh00ter K0 Swarne
  • Padak G0ld Medal Jitne Pay Sarkar 3 Cr0re Dete Hay
  • 00r Dosra Sh00ter J0 Aatank waadi
  • Terr0rist Se Larte Shahid H0ta Hay Use 1 Lakh
  • Jaagh0 India Jaagh0.

  • ==========================

  • Best Example 0f Dem0ti0n Salman Khan
  • 2009: Wanted IPS 0fficer
  • 2010: Dabangg Inspect0r
  • 2011: B0dyguard
  • Upc0ming Films
  • 2012: Security Guard
  • 2013: Watchman .

  • ==========================

  • Americans Fart Nd Say Excuse Me
  • Britishers Fart Nd Say Pard0n Me
  • Japanese Fart Nd Say F0rgive Me
  • Nd
  • Indians Fart Nd Say N0T ME.

  • ==========================

  • An Dea Can Change Ur Life
  • But
  • A Girl Can Change Ur Ideas
  • S0
  • Always Change Ur Girlfrnds T0 Get New Deas
  • What An Dea Sirji.

  • ==========================

  • Makan Malik : Rs 700 Kiraya H0ga
  • Kirayedar : Thik Hay Lekin Apke Makan
  • Me Chuhey Nach Rahe Hain
  • Malik : T0 Saale 700 Me Kya Sheila Nachegi.

  • ==========================

  • Ek Aesa Shair Jis Ka mukaabla
  • Naa Faraz Kar Sakta Hai
  • Naa M0hsin
  • Naa Ghalib
  • Aur Naa Farzana
  • !
  • Dabbe Main Dabba Dabbe Main Tatti
  • !
  • Chakh Key Batana Meethi Ya Khati.

  • ==========================

  • Miya 00r Bibi kahe jaa rahe they
  • Raste mey eik fakir ney t0ka
  • Beggar :- 0h sundari
  • andha h00n
  • sawa panch rupya de de
  • Bibi c0nfused h0 gayi 00r apney pate k0h dekhne lagi
  • Is pe husband b0la
  • De de
  • tujhey sundari b0la hay t0h her haal mey yeh andha hai.


  • ==========================



  • M0m: – Beta ki0n r0h rahay h0
  • Beta: – Teacher ney mara mujhe
  • M0m: – Ki0n mara
  • Beta: – Mein ne unk0 MURGHI kaha tha
  • M0m: – Ki0n kaha tha
  • Beta: – W0h hmesha test mein anda dayte hein.

  • ==========================

  • Desi Man Called FM Radi0 & Said
  • I’ve F0und A Purse With Rs15000/- A Credit Card & An ID Card 0f Mr Santa Singh
  • RJ: – H0w H0nest S0 U Want T0 Return His Purse
  • Desi Man: – N0t At All I Just Wanted T0 Dedicate A Sad S0ng F0r Him.

  • ==========================

  • Bhikari:- Sahab ek rupiya dey d0h

  • Sahab:- Tmhe sharam nahe aati r0ad per khade h0kar bhikh mangte
  • Bhikari:- Abe tere eik rupiye ke liye 0ffice kh0lun kya.

  • ==========================

  • Banta’s wife c0mes nude in fr0nt 0f the
  • guests while serving the halwa
  • Banta sh0uts: – What’s this
  • Preet0: – Recipe b00k me likha tha Serve h0t with0ut dressing.

  • ==========================

  • Madam Ganya tu picnic la ka yet nai ??

  • Ganya Madam mala k0nacha tari Bembit b0t ghalun z0paychi saavay ahe.

  • Madam are tyat kay mazya bembit b0t ghalun z0p.

  • 0k

  • Tripla gelyavar ratri
  • Ganya madaam javal z0pla

  • Madam Are Ganya
  • Ti bembi naiye.
  • Ganya Madam he tari kuthe b0t ahe
  • ?

  • ==========================

  • Ek saardar business ka kaam se ?
  • China gaya
  • Waha usnay ek chinayse x- ray chasma ?
  • kharida
  • jisse k0i bhi insaan nanga dekhta hai
  • dukndar naa kaha
  • saardar ji chashma?
  • Laga kr mujhy dekh0
  • saardar nay dekha
  • dukndar nanga dikhayi diya
  • fiir usnay chashma?
  • nikal kaar dekha t0 dukndar kapde pahenay huwy dikha
  • saardar khussH huwa

  • Saardar nay flight pakri india aanay ka liye
  • jahaz main ladkiy0 k0 chasma?
  • laga kar dekha
  • khussh huwa
  • Saab nange dikhe.
  • india puncha.
  • taxi leya ghar tak janay ka lye
  • Taxi wale k0 dekha?
  • W0 bhi nanga dikha.
  • saardar khussh huwa.
  • Ghar puncha.
  • uski biwi aur naukar d0hn0 nange bed par s0ye the
  • chasma nikl ker?
  • dekha.
  • abhi bhi d0hn0 nange hi the.
  • Chasma? laga kar fir dekha
  • d0hn0 nange the.
  • chasma?? nikal kar dekha.
  • d0hn0 nange hi dikhe.

  • Saardar bhaak gaya.
  • b0la bhench0d yahi t0 pr0blem hai.
  • china ka maal t0 2 din bhi nai chalta.
  • saalaa kharb h0 gaya

  • ==========================
  • Maths teacher t0 pappu
  • maan l0 tumahre paas 6
  • l0llyp0p hain jismain
  • se 3 chintu nay chus
  • liye 2 ramuu nay 0r
  • 1 chh0tu nay chus liya bta0
  • ab tumhare paas kya baccha

  • Pappu-mere paas luun bachha w0h aap chus l0O

  • ==========================
  • Two girls chatting

  • 1st: Kal raat main meray B0yfriend ka saath Date pey gai thi
  • Kal bah0t hi Suhani Raat thi

  • 2nd: really? W0w. Kya hua waha?
  • 1st: W0 muze apnay apartment me Le gaya. Usnay muze pyar se kiss kia aur halke Nazuk haath0 se mere red t0p ki pehli butt0n kh0li J0 Mainay Pantal00ns se kharida tha.

  • 2nd: W0w tumnay naya T0p kharida?

  • 1st: Ha waha saale lagi hai Mainay 2 jeans bi kharidi.

  • 2nd: Kya waha abi bi Saale lagi hai?

  • 1st: Haa.
  • Chal0 Sh0pping chalte hain
  • Kitnay expectati0n se st0ry padh rahi thi
  • Ladies hai bhai….hamesha p0pat karti ha

  • ==========================

  • Ghr se Bahar w0 Nakab me nikli Saaari gali unki firaak me nikli Inkar karti thi w0 Hamari M0HABBAT se Aur Hamari hi TASVIR unki “BRAA” se nikli

  • ==========================
  • Why GANDHi Ji Smiles on every rupees

  • &

  • ABRAHM L!NC0N didn’t smile in dollar ?

  • bcoz…

  • American women dont keep d money inside their

  • “B.L.O.U.S.E.!!”




  • 75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
  • On their first night both were crying – why ???
  • Coz she didn’t know anything, and he had forgotten everything.

  • ==========================

  • Americans fart and say ” Excuse me!”..

  • Britishers Fart and say “Pardon me!”..

  • Japanese Fart and say “Forgive me!”..

  • ..and

  • Indians Fart and say “NOT ME”..

  • ==========================

  • Cutest proposal by a nursery class boy:

  • Kya tu meleko apna address degi..?

  • :

  • :

  • Girl-Pal kyun??

  • :

  • :

  • :

  • Boy-EK din baarat lekal aaunga..!!

  • ==========================
  • Best Example of Demotion (Salman Khan)
  • 2009: Wanted – IPS officer
  • 2010: Dabangg – Inspector
  • 2011: Bodyguard

  • Upcoming Films…
  • 2012: Security Guard
  • 2013: Watchman ..

  • ==========================

  • An !dea Can Change uR Life

  • But

  • A Girl Can Change uR Ideas

  • So

  • Always Change uR GirlFrnds tO Get New !deas

  • What an !dea Sirji.!!!

  • ==========================
  • Dhirubhai Ambani Calling from Heaven : “Beta Anil, How is the business of our RELIANCE India mobile ??”
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .

  • Anil : I can’t Hear anything PAPA, Call on My Airtel number..!!
  • ==========================
  • Saas ki Demand.
  • Ladki
  • Khubsurat ho.
  • Ameer ho.
  • Padhi likhi ho.
  • Kam umar ho.
  • Kam bolti ho.
  • har kam me mahir ho..

  • LadKI ki Demand:-
  • Simple…
  • “Saas photo frame me ho..”

  • ==========================

  • God-what is ur wish?
  • .
  • .
  • Man-Plz mujhe unmarried kar do.
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • God-beta maine tumhe mannat mangne ko kaha”Jannat” nahi.. !!

  • ==========================

  • Rajnikant was putting his Dogs tail into a pipe.

  • James Bond: Hey,Dogs tail will never become straight

  • Rajnikant: Yenna Rascala, its my dog, I am bending the Pipe.

  • ==========================
  • A pig goes 2 GUINESS BOOK OFFICE 2 check, if he’s still d durtiest animal on earth o not..

  • He came out angrilly shoutn..
  • .
  • .
  • “Yeh Vidya Balan kaun hai re?”


  • ==========================

  • We should not Care Much

  • About dates like

  • 11:11:11

  • Or

  • 12:12:12

  • Or

  • 13.12.11

  • As Nothing Can Beat

  • 36:24:36 !!

  • ==========================
  • While the English teacher was explaining a lesson a student was not listening so she called his name and asked..

  • Teacher: Do you know the important of missing a period?

  • Student: Yes i do!

  • Teacher: So..

  • Student: Actually once my sister said she has missed one! My mother fainted, my father had a heart attack and our driver run away.

  • ==========================
  • People say that ‘Behind every successfull man, there is a woman’
  • But the truth is that Women follow only Successful Men 😐

  • ==========================
  • Once Rajnikanth taught a kid how to enter a house without ringing the door bell…

  • ..
  • ..
  • ..
  • ..
  • .

  • That person is now known as Sub Inspector Daya…(CID)

  • ==========================

  • A boy touched his girl friend…

  • Girl: Dont touch me. All that only after marriage…

  • Boy: Ok, then I will pay for ur shopping only after marriage…
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Girl: Lo, ab main apne jaanu se mazak bhi nahi kar sakti..

  • ==========================

  • A Beautiful girl Entered in the Class..!!!
  • .
  • .
  • All boys went crazy for her & stood in the way..!!!
  • .
  • .
  • But they DIED hearing Girl’s Reply……
  • .
  • .
  • ..
  • .
  • SHE SAID :- “Bhaisab raasta do, JHAADU lagana hai..!! “

  • ==========================
  • Teacher: “Main Teri Jaan Nikal Dungi”..Iski English Kya Hogi.
  • .
  • .
  • . .
  • .
  • ..
  • .
  • .
  • Student:English Ki Aisi Ki Taisi,
  • ..
  • Tu Haath To Laga Ke Dikha.

  • ==========================
  • Shadi k mandap me Ladka ladki se bola …
  • Mere 10 ladkiyo ke saath Affair raha tha.
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Ladki :
  • Mujhe pta tha , Jab kundli mili
  • he to Character to milega hi na..

  • ==========================

  • Nurse to a patient with bleeding head: Your Name ?
  • Patient: Santa
  • Nurse: Age ?
  • Patient: 28 years
  • Nurse: Married ?
  • Patient: No, Car Accident.

  • ==========================

  • Munna Bhai Ke ghar LADKI hUE.
  • Circuit- Bhai ab to muhale ke, Sare ladke isko line marenge.
  • MUNNA- Tu fikar mat kar re, Apun iska naam DIDI rakhenge.



  • ==========================

  • 12 Saal K Ladke Ne 20 Saal Ki Ladki Ko Phool Dia

  • Ladki Ne Kiss Dia
  • Wo Ghabra K Bhaga

  • Ladki Ne Pucha:
  • Kya Hua

  • Ladka:
  • Guldasta Le K Aa Raha Hu.

  • ==========================

  • 5th class ka student apne dost se: Kitna MuskiL H SchooL Ki “Teacher” Se Pyar Karna,
  • 2 Dost: kyun?

  • “LOVE-LETTER” Beja Tha…
  • Home Work Samz Ke Check kar DIA.

  • ==========================
  • Bihari Aurat Cheque Cash karane gai
  • Clerk- Sign karo
  • Aurat- Kaise?
  • Clerk- Jaise Khat k end me likhti ho.
  • Aurat ne likha-
  • “TOHAR CHUMMA KE INTEJAR Me, BiiiJLi.!

  • ==========================
  • Dosti Karo College Wali Se
  • Pyar Karo Office Wali Se
  • Programme Karo Pados Wali Se

  • Love Karo Dil Wali se

  • Aur Maar Khao Gharwali se.

  • ==========================
  • Q. What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE .
  • A. Ek bigarti hai to bandh ho jati hai.

  • Doosari bigarti hai to -SHURU- ho jati hai.

  • ==========================
  • Boy-Ro Q rhi ho..
  • Grl-Mere marks bahut kam aaye h.
  • Boy-Bata kitne aye h..
  • Grl-Sirf 90%
  • Boy-Khuda ka khof kar zalim itne me to 2 ladke pass ho jate.

  • ==========================

  • Sardar wounded in an accident goes 2a doc
  • Dr:Stitches lagana padenge
  • Sarder:Kitne paise ..
  • Dr:3000 Rs
  • Sardar:Sir stitches lagwana hai, embroidery nahin karwani.

  • ==========================

  • Tu sawal nahi ek paheli hai
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • :
  • Meri manzil tu nahi teri saheli hai!

  • ==========================

  • Beti.- gov me foji aaye hai.
  • Maa- unki niyat kharab hoti hai tu andar aaja.
  • Beti- ma vo pakistani hai.
  • Maa- to bakari ko bhi andar lade.

  • ==========================
  • Girl : Arey itna bara munh mein kaise daloon gi.
  • Boy : Jaldi se munh kholo.
  • Girl : Oops sare kapray geelay ho gaye.
  • Boy : Aur lo gee.
  • Girl: NA baba na yeh Gool Gapey tum he kahoo.



  • Class mai 1 bar naya mahol cha gaya
  • Teacher ko Pappu se pyar ho gaya
  • Tabhise Pappu ka dil udas ho gaya
  • Class ke sare bacche fail aur Pappu pass ho gaya.

  • ==========================

  • Ladies ke saath aksar haraamipan karne wale:-

  • BANK CASHIER:
  • Madam, aap So So ke lengi..

  • FRUIT SELLER:
  • Bibiji, jaraa kele ka size to dekho,
  • dil khush ho jaayega.

  • DHOBI:
  • Aap kapde nikaal do,
  • baaki kaam hamaara.

  • XEROX WALA: Madam, aage aur pichhe donon side se karna hai ya ek hi side se.

  • ==========================

  • Boy: “Tum gaana bahut accha gaati ho”

  • Girl: “Thanks but i-m just Bathroom singer..
  • Boy:”To bulao na kabhi apne live program pe” 😀

  • ==========================
  • Said by True Lover:
  • “I dont Hate You but I Cant Love You”

  • Means

  • Madarchod tu itni Khubsurat Nhi k Shadi karlu par itni Buri bhi Nhi k bina Chode jane du!

  • ==========================
  • Flat ki bell baji;
  • Cablewala:is mahine ka bill lene aaya.
  • Girl:baad me aahaah aana avi dudhwale ka bill chuka rahi hu.

  • ==========================

  • 1 Number DilMe Socho Usme 3 Jodo Ab 2 Se Guna Karo Usme Se 7 Ghatao Bache Hue Ko Kagaz Par Likho

  • Ab Uska
  • Aero-Plane Banake Udao
  • Furrrr

  • ==========================

  • Whats self insult ..

  • An angry boss-
  • Tumne kabhi ullu dekha hai ..
  • Employee(sar jhuka ke)-Nahi sar!
  • Oss-Neeche kya dekh rhe ho idiot..
  • Meri taraf Dekho.

  • ==========================

  • Dil Ko Dil Samjo
  • To Ishq Karo

  • Dard Ko Dard
  • Smjho To
  • Mohabat Karo,

  • Wade Ko Wada
  • Smjho To Pura
  • Karo,

  • Aur

  • Hume Apni jaan
  • Smjha hai To Abhi 1 PYARA SA SMS Karo.

  • ==========================

  • Ek Ladka Ladki..

  • Aha Aha!!

  • Raat me..

  • Aha Aha!!

  • Chus Chus kar..

  • Aha Aha!!

  • Daba Daba kar..

  • FROOTI PE RAHE THE.

  • ==========================

  • Bache ka surname:

  • Bacha Agar Ek aadmi se ho to EKNATH
  • 2se-DUBE
  • 3-TIVARI
  • 4-CHATURVEDI
  • 5se-PANDE
  • Sab ka ho to-MISHRA
  • Or kisika B pata na ho to-GUPTA.


  • ==========================

  • Wife:Zara Dhire Karo Q shtabdi Chala Rhe Ho..
  • Malgdi Chalao.
  • itne Me Beta Bed se Gira or Bola : Saalo Jo Marzi Chalao Par
  • Pesenger Ko Mat Girao..:D

  • ==========================

  • Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
  • Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
  • Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
  • Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
  • Hawa hi hawa hai.

  • ==========================

  • Girls should not study much..
  • kyu..
  • socho
  • socho
  • kyu ke
  • Is dunia k kisi kone me koi na koi gadha us k liye padh hi rha hoga.

  • ==========================

  • Inteligent Sardar–
  • Ye kela kitne ka hai..
  • Man:1Rs.

  • Sardar:60ps me dega..

  • Man:60ps me sirf chilka dunga..

  • Sardr: Le 40ps, sirf kela dede.

  • ==========================
  • Ek bar lalu yadhav aapne bhashan me kahata hai,
  • Lalu:mai sher ka baccha hu !
  • uspar raj thakare comment karta hai
  • Raj thakare:sher ghar aaya tha ya maa jungle me gayi thi.

  • ==========================

  • Ladkiyo ki 5 baatain kabhi samjh nahi Aati ,..
  • (1) Tum na bohat woh ho (pata nahi woh se kya matlab .. banda soch main per jaata ha ..
  • (2) Mujhe tum se ye umeed nahi thi.(to usay kya umeed thi ..
  • (3) Tum pehle jaise nahi rahe.(to phr main pehle kesa tha ..
  • (4) Sach batana,mai n kaisi lag rahi hon.(such kya boloon pitna thori hay..
  • (5) I am very selfish na.(ab haan bol doon to gayi bhens pani mein.

  • ==========================

  • Yar, ajkal Main boht Pareshan hon.
  • Nend nhi aati..
  • Sukon nhi..
  • Kisi kam men dil b nhi lagta..
  • Doctor ne mujhe kaha hy Ap ko,,,

  • .
  • .
  • Vitamin”SHE”

  • ki kami hay.

  • ==========================

  • Santa Ki Ladaai Apne Baap Se Ho
  • Gayi To Usne Apne
  • Baap Ki Photo Kabristaan Me
  • Ek Ped Pe Latka Di

  • Aur Neeche Likh Dia

  • COMING SOON

  • ==========================

  • Sardar Dukhi Tha
  • Kisi Ne Pucha
  • Kyu Tension Me Ho..
  • Sardar:Yaar,Ek Dost Ko
  • Plastic Surgery
  • K Liye 2 Lakh Diye
  • Ab Saale Ko
  • Pehchaan Nahi Pa raha hu.

  • ==========================
  • Ek poltry farm me murgione roz ek lakh aande deti thi,ek roz murgione ek v anda nehi diya
  • Batao to kyun..

  • Kyun ki
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Badh me patha chala BULA DI ghumne aayi thi




  • Message:
  • Unka chehara dekh ke bola aina,

  • wah..wa

  • Unka chehara dekh ke bola aina,

  • This fairness cream is made in china!

  • ==========================

  • Ye Hai Aam Zindgi–

  • Yaar, Plz Kuch Sms To Bhej Diya Karo..

  • OR

  • Ye Mentos Zindgi–

  • Oye Bhikhari, Kanjoos, Makhi chus, Balance Gaya Dabbeme,jaldi Msg bhej..

  • ==========================
  • Geeta main likha hai
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Are yaar yaha kaha doondh raha hai maine kaha geeta main likha hai.

  • ==========================
  • Real Tip Of The Life-
  • Zindgi
  • Ek Cigarette Ki
  • Tarah Hai,

  • Enjoy Karo..

  • Warna

  • Jal To
  • Rahi Hi Hai..!

  • Khatam To Waise
  • Bhi Ho Hi Jayegi.

  • ==========================
  • Agr jackie chain ki saas ko kidnap kr dia to use kaun vapas layega

  • Vicks Vapourub

  • Q..ki VICKS lautaye
  • “Chain Ki Saans”.

  • ==========================

  • 1 Over Me Kitne Balls Feke Jate He

  • Kya Apne Kaha 6..

  • Galat Jawab 1 Over Me 1 Hi Ball 6
  • Bar Feka Jata He.
  • Bade Aye! Cricket K Shoukin.

  • ==========================
  • Teachr:-john ne raat ko khana khaya is ka Future Tens kya hoga..
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .

  • Student :-“John subah ko uth kar potty karega.

  • ==========================
  • Santa Banta Se- Yaar I-m Going Ka Kya Matlab Hota Hai Batao..
  • Banta – Mai Ja Raha Hu…!
  • Santa – Are Jate Jate Matlab To Batake Ja.

  • ==========================
  • 1 aadmi ladies ward mi admit ho gaya.. nurse: tujhe sharm nahi aati.. Aadmi:sharm kaisi

  • hum to paida hi LADIES

  • ward me hue the.

  • ==========================
  • Tere Liye Me Chand KoTod Du,
  • Suraj Ko Mod Du,
  • Zamin Se Asma Jod Du,
  • Tu Ekbar Has Ke DekhTere Sare Daat Tod Du.
  • Ab jaldi se so ja.


  • ==========================

  • Ek aunty pani naha rahi thi utne me ek baccha puchta hai aunty a kya hai

  • Aunty :A garage hai beta
  • Baccha:par is garage me ek bhi gadi nahi hai
  • Aunty:Nahi beta gadi uncle ke pas hai raat me aake is me hi chodenge.

  • ==========================

  • Ek ladki thi deewani si
  • Mobile lekar chalti thi
  • Nazrain jhuka ke
  • Sharma ke
  • Mobile mein jaane kya dekha karti thi!
  • Kuchh karna tha shaayad usko
  • Par jaane kis se darti thi
  • Jab bhi milti thi mujhse
  • Yehi poochha karti thi

  • Yeh ON kaise hota hai,
  • Yeh ON kaise hota hai
  • .
  • aur main sirf yehi kehta tha
  • ye mobile nahi TV ka remote hai.

  • ==========================

  • Pappu road pe sandas kar raha tha.
  • Police ne use pakad liya.
  • Jab use le jaane lage to pappu bola :
  • “sahab saboot to utha lo”!

  • ==========================
  • Machchar ne apni wife ko divorce de diya
  • Pata hai kyu
  • ..

  • ..

  • ..

  • ..

  • ..

  • Bolta Hai..
  • uske bachhe ki Ragon me kisi aur ka khoon tha!

  • ==========================

  • Santa Ne god Se Pucha
  • Kya Mai Agle Janam Me
  • Gadha Ban Sakta Hoon..
  • God Ne Jawab Diya
  • aap iss suvidha ka labh pehle hi le chuke hai.

  • ==========================

  • Ladke Ladkiyo Se Jyada Dayalu Hote Hai
  • Kaise..
  • Ladki Kabhi Anjan Ladke Ki Help Nhi Karti
  • Aur Ladka Har Ajnan Ladki Ko Help K Liye Ready Hai.

  • ==========================
  • Log tumhare sakal pe marte hain..

  • Log tumhare nazar se ghayal hote hain..

  • Log tumhare awaj sunke pagal hote hain..

  • Isliye tum plz chupchap apne ghar me hi baithe raho ta ki is duniya tabah hone se bach jaye.

  • ==========================

  • Tumhari yad dilse jane nahi denge
  • Tumhare jaisa dost khone nahi denge
  • Sharafat se contact me rehna
  • Warna khub Marenge
  • Or Rone bhi Nahi denge.

  • ==========================

  • The best gifts to give :
  • To your friend – loyalty
  • To your enemy – forgiveness;
  • To your boss – service;
  • To a child – a good example;
  • To your parents – gratitude and devotion;
  • To your mate – love and faithfulness.

  • ==========================
  • Durion ki na parvah kijiye,
  • Dil jab b pukare bula lijiye,
  • Hum dur nahi zayada apse
  • Bas ek bottle
  • MAZAA
  • Aur
  • 5 Samose taaza
  • Mangwa lijiye


  • ==========================



  • Devdas ki tarah jaan mat do yaro
  • Pyar ko lath maro

  • Meri bat mano

  • Na chandramukhi na paro

  • Roz raat 1 kingfisher maro aur chain se zindagi gujaro.

  • ==========================

  • Safar lamba hai, Dost
  • banate rahiye,
  • Dil mile na mile, Hath
  • badhate rahiye,
  • Taj na banaye, Costly
  • padega,
  • Har taraf Mumtaj
  • banate rahiye

  • ==========================
  • School mein Master ji ne chote santa se poocha:
  • Jisme koyi kami nahi usko kya kehte hai.?
  • aur jawab aayi:
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Kami- na

  • ==========================
  • acha: Abu plz mje 5 Rupees dedo.
  • Baap: Beta mre pas to khule nhi hy
  • tu apni ammi se
  • lele
  • .
  • Bacha: Ami plz mje 5rp dedo..
  • Ammii: Beta mre pas to khule nhi hy
  • tu apne mamu
  • se lele
  • .
  • Bacha: Mamu plz mje 5rupy dedo
  • Mamu: Beta mre pas to khule nhi hy
  • tu apni mami
  • se lele
  • .
  • Bcha: Mami plz mje 5rp dedo
  • Mami: Beta mre pas to khule nhi hy
  • tu apne chacha se lele
  • .
  • Bcha: Chacha 5rp hy?
  • Chacha: Ha hy beta du kya?
  • .
  • Bcha: Nhi apni kabar me lay jana
  • icecream wala
  • chala gya ab 😛



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