English Jokes New 2016


  • A couple had a fight one night,

  • Going to bed husband said,

  • Good night mother of my three kids,

  • Wife said,

  • Good night father of none.

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  • When an apple becomes red,

  • Its ready to eat,

  • When a girl turns 18,

  • She is ready to,

  • Vote.

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  • Doctor to Lady: You are Looking so Weak and Exhausted!

  • Are You Properly taking 3 Meals a Day as I had Advised?

  • Lady: Oh My God! I Heard 3 “Males” a Day.

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  • A love letter from a biscuit maker to a girl:

  • Dear marie, today is good day,
  • you are anmol for me,
  • But u have crack jacked my heart,
  • because i have a little heart,
  • And now i m in 50/50 position.
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  • Girlz of 1990s

  • Agr tum mil jao, Zamana chhorr den gy hum,

  • Girlz of 2015.

  • Agar tum mil jao, puaran chhorr den gy hum.

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  • One boy came home after meeting his girlfriend,

  • Mom: kahan gye thy?

  • Boy: us se milny,

  • Mom: Kis liye??

  • Boy: haan bht kiss liye.

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  • Love is a game that two can play,

  • And both win.

  • Would u like to play with me.

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  • Curls of your silky hair,

  • Curves of your dressing pair,

  • Simply irresistible.

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  • Dady asked his 3 years old son.

  • Would you like baby brother or a baby sister,

  • Son: dad, I like ur sisters baby girl 😉

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  • The way to lose wight is the green tea,

  • Only if u go to the mountain n pik it yourself..


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  • Patient: every time i take tea,

  • I get sharp pain in my eye?

  • Doctor: Take dat spoon out of your eye please.

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  • A two seater plane ..
  • .
  • crashed at a graveyard..
  • .
  • .
  • at Punjab…
  • .
  • .
  • .

  • Locals found 500 ..
  • .
  • dead bodies and ..
  • .
  • .
  • still digging 4 more…!! :( 😛 lolx hahahhaha

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  • Pappu rings a call centre…

  • .

  • .
  • My internet is not working properly..

  • .
  • Officer:

  • .

  • .
  • Ok

  • .
  • Double click on “My computer”

  • .

  • .
  • Pappu:

  • .


  • I can’t see ur computer..

  • .


  • Officer:

  • .
  • No no..

  • .


  • click on “My computer” on ur computer..

  • .


  • Pappu:

  • .

  • .
  • How can I click on ur computer from my..

  • .


  • computer?>..

  • .


  • Officer:

  • .


  • listen..

  • .


  • There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on ur..

  • .


  • computer..

  • .


  • Ok..

  • .


  • double click on it..

  • .


  • Pappu:

  • .

  • .


  • what the hell, what is your computer doing on..

  • .


  • my computer..???

  • .

  • .


  • Officer:

  • .


  • Double click on ur computer..

  • .


  • Pappu:

  • .


  • On which Icon i’ve to click..

  • .


  • Officer:

  • .

  • .
  • “My Computer”..

  • .


  • Pappu:…

  • .


  • Oh u Idiot……

  • .

  • .
  • Tell me where is ur office…

  • .

  • I’ll come there and ..

  • .

  • click on ur “Computer.”?? 😛 😀 lolx hahahahahahha

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  • *Killing English*

  • .

  • Pappu:- “Hey, Fruit walay Baba, give me some Potatoes fever. . .

  • .

  • Fruit wala: Oo mere bhai ye ‘Potatoes Fever’ kya hota hai? . .

  • .

  • Pappu:- Oo Maye Gaad, You Literacy People, Potatoes Fever means

  •  

  • .

  • .

  • .

  • “Aaloo Bukhara!”

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  • Scientists are trying 2…
  • .
  • figure out how long…
  • .
  • a person can live …
  • .
  • without brain…
  • .
  • .
  • .

  • Please tell them ur age!!! 😀

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  • One day a Man Asked Shakespeare:

  • Man: “U Married A Girl Elder Than U, Why?”

  • Shakespeare: (Showed Him A Calendar N Said)

  • ……”A Week Has 7 Days;

  • Can U Say Which Day Is

  • Younger,Either Sunday Or

  • Saturday ????

  • So, Love Comes 4rm Heart Not In

  • Age…”

  • Love Has No Age.

  • -MORAL:—

  • Senior Girls aRe Also

  • Available For Boys 😛 😀

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  • A guy gets pulled over for speeding on a rainy day.

  • The traffic police says, “Isn’t it kind of stupid 2 be driving so fast in this weather?”

  • The driver says, “Who’s stupid? I’m dry in my car. You’re the 1 who’s standing out in the rain.”

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  • Sardar g is buying a Television…

  • .

  • .
  • Sardar to storeman: “Do u have color TVs?”

  • .
  • storeman: “Sure.”

  • .

  • .
  • Sardar: “Give me a green one, please.” 😀 😀 hahahhaha

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  • A man is cutting sides of a capsule before taking it.

  • His neighbour saw this and asked him,

  • ” why are you cutting the sides of the capsule?

  • He replied ” To avoid the side effects” 😛 😀 lolx hahhahahah

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  • A divorced woman 2 her advocate: I want 2 marry my ex-husband again…

  • Advocate asks his client, “Why??? Only last month u got the divorce.”

  • Divorced Woman: After divorce, I c him very happy & I just cannot tolerate it! 

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  • joke of the day:

  • Boy bought gift 4 His Girl friend on breakup party-

  • Girl Friend:Wat the hell would I do with this rocket?

  • Boy: U wanted stars ????
  • Now sit on it and GET LOST 😀 hahhahah

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  • Pathan in an American School:

  • Teacher: Are you nervous?
  • Pathan: No, I am not. I am single.

  • Teacher: Is this your pencil?
  • Pathan: Yes, I am a pencil.

  • Teacher: What are you wearing?
  • Pathan: I am fat. 😛 😀 lolxx

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  • If  u give a man a fish, he eats 4 a day.

  • If  u teach a man 2 fish, he can always eat.

  • If  u give a man a fire, he’s warm 4 a day.

  • If  u light a man on fire, he is warm 4 the rest of his life. 😛 😀 lolx

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  • Alisha:
  • What is the longest word in the English language?

  • Salma:
  • SMILES: becoz there is a mile between the first and last letters!” 😛 😀

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  • Shahid to the umpire: “My players would like to know if ICC has rules against thinking.”

  • Umpire: “Thinking. Not really! Why do you ask?”

  • Shahid: “Well because my team thinks you are a dick.”  😛 😀 lolxxx

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  • Sadia: Why do they never serve beer at a math party?

  • Saqib: Because you can’t drink and derive…  😛 😀 lolxxx

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  • Adam: Why did the student throw his watch out of the school window?

  • Rayyan: He wanted to see time fly.  😛 😀 lolx

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  • Teacher: Why R U late, Ahsan?

  • Ahsan: There was a man who lost a 100 dollar bill.

  • Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it?

  • Ahsan: No. I was standing on it. 😛 😀

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  • 2 fish in a bowl talking:

  • fish 1: Do you believe in God?

  • fish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water? 😛 😀 lolxx

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  • Little Jerry: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?

  • Teacher: Little Jerry, MAY I go to the bathroom?

  • Little Jerry: But I asked first

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  • Ahsan: Why R U crying?

  • Sania: The elephant is dead.

  • Ahsan: Was he your pet?

  • Sania: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave. 😛 😀 lolx

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  • Arif: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
  • Bilal: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
  • Arif: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
  • Bilal: I’m not. I’m her mother. 😛 😀 lol

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  • Ali: I have the perfect son.
  • Basit: Does he smoke?
  • Ali: No, he doesn’t.
  • Basit: Does he drink whiskey?
  • Ali: No, he doesn’t.
  • Basit: Does he ever come home late?
  • Ali: No, he doesn’t.
  • Basit: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
  • Ali: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

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