Funny Golf Quotes New2017


  • A “Lion” would never cheat on his~ wife but a “Tiger Wood”.

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  • My golf score seems to improve consi~derably when I have the score card.

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  • My worst day at golf still beats my best d~ay at work.

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  • I hold several records on the golf cou~rse, but they all pertain to beer.

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  • Swing hard, in case~ you hit it!
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  • I never found golf intere~sting, but then I learned thats just where men go to let go of there anger.

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  • I found Jesus on the golf course. Well at least I heard his name several times.
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  • If you’ve forgotten what frustration is like, spend 10 minutes on a golf course.

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  • Golf has produced a lot of millionaires…most of them are former billionaires.

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  • It took me seventeen years to get three th~ousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

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  • Whoever said “Practice makes perfect” obvio~usly never played golf.

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  • I’m not saying my golf game went~ bad, b~ut if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.

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  • If you watch a game, it’s fun~. If you p~lay it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.

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  • The difference in golf and gover~nment is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.

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  • I’m the best. I just haven’t ~played yet.
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  • Golf is an unusual game. When you ~have a good day, you can’t wait to get back out there, and when you have a bad day~, you can’t wait to get back out there.

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  • If I had cleared the trees and drov~e the green, it would’ve been a great shot.

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  • You’ve just got one problem~. You stand too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.

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  • Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards 
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  • I know I’m getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.

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  • Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

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  • Golf is a game whose aim is ~to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill- designed for the purpose.

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  • I play golf with friends sometimes, ~ut there are never friendly games.

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  • I don’t want to play golf. When I~ hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.

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  • I regard golf as an expensive w~~ay of playing marbles.

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  • The reason the p~ro tells you to keep your head d~own is so you can’t see him laughing.

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  • Golf and sex are abo~ut the only things you can ~enjoy without being good at.

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  • The uglier a man’s legs ~are, the better he pl~ays golf – it’s almost a law.

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  • Golf is a game in which~ you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.

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  • Work is for people who don’t know how to play golf.

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  • Hockey is a sport for white me~n. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

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  • You can make a lot of m~oney in this game. Just ask my ex- wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

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  • I’ve had a good day when ~I don’t fall out of the cart.

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  • The only time my p~rayers are never answered is on the golf course.

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  • I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone’s golf game. It’s called an eraser.

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  • You always know a bad go~lfer’s name. He’s always cursing at himself.

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  • Don’t play too much golf. Two r~ounds a day are plenty.

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  • If you think it’s hard to meet n~ew people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

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  • Golf is played by twenty millio~n mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

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  • My most consistent an~d reliable shot is always the double at the 19th.

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  • The only thing a golfer needs~ is more daylight.

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  • Give me the fresh air, a beautif~ul partner, and a nice round of golf… And you can keep the fresh air and the round of ~golf.

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  • Early to bed, early to rise, golf ~all day & make up lies.

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  • The size of the divot is ~directly proportional to the frustration felt.


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  • He ain’t no tiger… He’~s a cheetah.

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  • Golf was invented by wives to get th~eir husbands out of the house on cleaning day.

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  • For me, the worst part of~ playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

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  • Golf is horrifying, humiliating, and humbling, but I can’t wait to do it again.

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  • I now consistently hit the fairways by aiming for the trees on both sides of the fairway.

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  • Golf is a fascinating game. It ha~s taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.

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  • I’d rather have my worst day on~ the golf course, than my best day at work.

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  • To golf or not to golf?? W~hat a stupid question!

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  • They named it GOL~F because all the other Four- Letter words were taken.

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  • His swing looks like he’s fighting off a swarm of bees His putting stroke looks like he is trying to kick- start a Harley.

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  • It says something about the stup~idity of a game where the lowest negative score wins.

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  • I don’t like your golf tips. I just ca~me here to get flustered in order to cut on my weight.

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  • Golf, a sport for the poor admired by the rich.

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  • That ball rolled like a dead rat i~n a corn field.
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  • The difference between a great golfer and an ~average golfer is not that a great golfer is incapable of h~itting a poor shot, it is what he does after that shot.

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  • Golf is flog backwards. And go~lfing is just one drawn- out self- flogging which costs you money.

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  • That ball came off the club f~ace like a cotton ball.

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  • The only two good balls I h~it all day was when I stepped on a rake.

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  • I really, really do not like ~golf, I simply just love it.

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  • Although golf was originally ~restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

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