Funny Women Quotes New2017


  • Women: Scientifically proven to b~e right even when they’re wrong.

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  • Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are ~stupid.

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  • We always hold hands. If I le~t go, she shops.
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  • If the world were ~uled by women then there would be no war… Just couple of nations not talking with each other.

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  • Women are like telephones they lik~e to be held and talked to but if you push the wrong buttons you could be disconnected 

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  • A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.

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  • God made Adam first bec~ause he didn’t want any advise from Eve how to make Adam.

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  • Women sleep on the right side of the bed because even in their sleep they have to be right

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  • Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

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  • Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

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  • Behind every great man is a woman ro~lling her eyes.

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  • A woman has only 2 problems. 1. Nothing to w~ear. 2. No room for all the clothes.

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  • One day, a long long time ago, there was a wo~man who didn’t complain, criticize, or nag…but like I said, it was a long long time ago and just for a day!

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  • Women get the last word in~ every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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  • Women Are Like Hurrica~nes… When They Come, They’re Loud… When They’re Gone, So Is The House, The Dog And The Car. 

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  • Because I’m a guy, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what~you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pai~r of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine~. Can we just go now?

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  • You tell a man somethin~g, it goes in one ear and out the other. Tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out through the mouth..

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  • I am the boss in this house my wife told me so.
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  • Of course women don’t look as busy as men. We do it right the first time

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  • Women are a strange breed. They paint their lips; Show off their inner-wear; Flaunt their bodies; Wear butt-hugging jeans; And then th~ey expect men to notice their emotions!

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  • Men will spend 2 dollars on a 1 dollar item ~that they desperately need. Women will spend 1 dollar on a 2 dollar item that they don’t need at all.

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  • Women are like banks, they take every cent you got and give you very little Interest..

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  • There are two ways to r~ule a women and no body knows them..

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  • A women may be misinforme~d, mislead, unclear, misguided, and even downright stupid..but she is never ever wrong.

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  • Women fake orgasms and me~n fake finances.
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  • Fake hair, fake nails, fake eye lash,~ artificial face and sometimes fake behavior, yet a woman will say she needs a real man.

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  • What would be men without women?
  • Rich

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  • Whats the difference between a battery an~d a woman? B~atteries have a positive side. Why shouldn’t woman h~ave a drivers license? Because there is no road between the kitchen and the bedroom.

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  • Women make me happy and ac~cepting that I will never be able to understand them makes me happier still…

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  • Only a woman can make a man feel wrong, when he does good.

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  • Women don’t want to hear w~hat you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice.

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  • When it comes to me~n, women are like monkeys, they won’t let go of one branch until they have a firm grip on another!

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  • When a woman says “do whatev~er you want” do NOT do whatever you want.

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  • If your wife wants to l~earn to drive, don’t stand in her way.

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  • The best way to make a woman listen to you, direct your talk to another woman.

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  • Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.

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  • Happiness is not the only thing~ in the world. Which is exactly why every girl should fall in love with a man.

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  • Men are from Mars, women are from Venus; ex’s are from Uranus.

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  • It doesn’t matter how attrac~tive someone is when you marry, even a white cat is black in the dark.

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  • Women… Can’t live with ‘em… Can’t shoot ‘em.

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  • Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, ‘Government Health Warning: women can serio~usly damage your brains, current account, confidence, and good standing among your friends’.

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  • A man is always ready to go, it’s a women that says whether yes or no!

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  • You cannot win in a fight agai~nst women, cause men have a need to make sense.

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  • Women are like cars: we all w~ant a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

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  • I am the boss in my house (my wife said so) and I wear the pants in the family (my wife tells me which ones to w~ear). And that’s final (per my wife)

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  • There are two excellent theories for arguing with women… Neither one works.

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  • A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s – That’s because she changes it more often.

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  • A smart statement written outside a wome~’s shoe shop: 75% Discount if you select in 5 minutes. :

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  • Only a woman can make you feel wrong for~ doing something right.

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  • Women are like volcanoes. Bo~th stay calm for extended periods of time before exploding and killing everything. Then, there’s calm again.

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  • The best way to always get the last word~ in any argument with your wife or girlfriend? “Yes Dear…

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  • Behind every successful man is a wo~man. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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  • To generalize on women is dange~rous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.

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  • You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they’re placed around your throat she’s prob~ably slightly upset.

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  • Someday they’re going to call me “M’am” without adding “You’re making a scene

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  • The male body has seven trillion nerves and only a woman knows “How to get on every single one of them?”

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  • Women are like bank acc~ounts. No money, no interest.

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  • I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescue~d off of sinking ships.

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  • Who said that behind every successful man there is a woman … It’s wrong … The truth is that women fall only for~ successful men.

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  • A woman who doesn’t change her mind doesn’t have one.

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  • When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn’t she behave like a nice man?

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  • No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing.

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  • Women are like cars, the bett~er it looks the higher it costs.

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  • I wonder why it is, that young men ar~e always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It’s the good girls men should be warned against.

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  • Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On ~fire?

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  • Despite my thirty years of ~research into the woman soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want

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  • One of the most difficult ~things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.

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