Hilarious Funny Statuses New 2017

⧭IF YOU CAN’T CONVINCE THEM, CONFUSE THEM⧭⧭

⧪DON’T THINK OF YOURSELF AS AN UGLY PERSON, THINK OF YOURSELF AS A BEAUTIFUL MONKEY. IT ALWAYS GETS LAUGHS⬋⬋

⧭NEVER GO TO BED MAD. STAY UP AND FIGHT⬋⬋

⧪⧪There is no “me” in team. No, wait, yes there is⬋⬋

⧬⧬ 80% OF BOYS HAVE GIRLFRIENDS.. REST 20 ARE HAVING BRAIN⥀⥀

6. ) Some people are beautifully wrapped boxes of shit.

7. ) I never admit or deny anything it makes things more interesting.

8. ) I RAN INTO MY EX TODAY…PUT IT IN REVERSE AND DID IT AGAIN!!!


9. ) If a stranger offers you a piece of candy…take two…

10. ) I wonder where my brother is, his lunch is getting all cold … and eate

11. ) formula for success….under promise and over delive.

12. ) I don’t get older, I level up.

13. ) DON’T TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY, YOU WON’T GET OUT OF IT ALIVE.

14. ) IN VICTORY, YOU DESERVE CHAMPAGNE. IN DEFEAT YOU NEED IT.

15. ) They say we learn from our mistakes; so I m making as many as possible!!!Soon I will be a genius :-B

16. ) A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

17. ) I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.

⧪⧪I can see you checking my whatsapp status⬈⬈

19. ) May god bless you, sick and shameful life.

20. ) ⧭⧭NEVER ARGUE WITH AN IDIOT THEY’LL DRAG YOU DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL AND BEAT YOU THROUGH EXPERIENCE⧭⧭

21. ) HEY,YOU ARE READING MY STATUS AGAIN⧪⧪

22. ) SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKY’S. PRETTY MUCH USELESS BUT MAKE YOU SMILE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.

23. ) I enjoy when people show Attitude to me because it shows that they need an Attitude to impress me!

24. ) CONGRATULATIONS!!MY TALLEST FINGER WANT TO GIVE YOU A STANDING OVATION.

25. ) Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

26. ) I’M JUST HAVING AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO THE UNIVERSE.

27. ) DON’T HIT KIDS!!! NO, SERIOUSLY, THEY HAVE GUNS NOW.

28. ) I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY ?

29. ) 1F YOU C4N R34D 7H15, YOU R34LLY N33D 2 G37 L41D.

30. ) NEVER JUDGE SOMEONE UNTIL YOU WALK A MILE IN THEIR SHOES. BY THAT TIME, THEY’LL BE A MILE AWAY AND BAREFOOT.

31. ) My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.

32. ) I’m a prince in Lagos, Nigeria and I want you to help me move $500 million out of the country.

33. ) Hello madam, do you want Credit Card? Girl: No thanks, I have a Boyfriend.

34. ) My IQ came back negative

35. ) Me: ‘What kind of font is this


36. ) AWESOME ENDS WITH ME AND UGLY STARTS WITH U.

37. ) I’M AN EXCELLENT HOUSEKEEPER..EVERY TIME I GET DIVORCE I KEEP THE HOUSE ;- )

38. ) My ex had one very annoying habit – BREATHING

39. ) LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND…THAT’S WHY PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL THEY SPEAK.

40. ) It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.

41. ) A WOMAN BROKE UP WITH ME AND SENT ME PICTURES OF HER AND HER NEW BOYFRIEND IN BED TOGETHER. SOLUTION?? I SENT THEM TO HER DAD.

42. ) Life is like ice cream, enjoy it before it melts.

43. ) People say that laughter is the best medicine…my face must be curing the world!

44. ) One more password got married…!!

45. ) A Good Date ends with Dinner. An Awesome Date ends with Breakfast

46. ) THE ONLY TIME SUCCESS COMES BEFORE WORK IS IN DICTIONARY.

47. ) The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

48. ) IF YOU CAN’T GET SOMEONE OUT OF YOUR HEAD, .. THEN MAYBE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. <3

49. ) GO TO HEAVEN FOR THE CLIMATE, HELL FOR THE COMPANY.

50. ) I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!

51. ) SOME PEOPLE SHOULD JUST GIVE UP AT ENGINEERING( OR MEDICAL…I HAVE.

52. ) WE MEN WANT THE SAME THING FROM WOMEN THAT WE WANT FROM UNDERWEAR.SOME SUPPORT AND SOME FREEDOM.


53. ) WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK.

54. ) ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE. UNLESS YOU’RE A SERIAL KILLER.

55. ) Sometimes if your best friend is in love with someone, start finding love. Or a new best friend.

56. ) Galileo:Great mind…Einstein:genius mind…Newton:Extraordinary mind….Bill gates:brilliant

57. ) NEVER JUDGE SOMEONE UNTIL YOU WALK A MILE IN THEIR SHOES. BY THAT TIME, THEY’LL BE A MILE AWAY AND BAREFOOT.

58. ) I’m not sarcastic, I am just intelligent beyond your understanding.

59. ) WHENEVER I FIND THE KEY TO SUCCESS, SOMEONE CHANGES THE LOCK.

60. ) LIFE IS SHORT…SMILE WHILE YOU STILL HAVE TEETH.

61. ) A BOOK-STORE IS ONLY PIECES OF EVIDENCE WE HAVE THAT PEOPLE ARE STILL THINKING.

62. ) Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

63. ) I HAD TO TAKE SICK DAY.I’M SICK OF THOSE PEOPLES.

64. ) NEVER STEAL. THE GOVERNMENT HATES COMPETITION.

65. ) Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids… … …Eat them!

66. ) If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

67. ) DON’T KNOCK ON DEATH’S DOOR. HIT THE DOORBELL AND RUN. HE HATES THAT.

68. ) DO YOU EVER JUST LIE ON KNEES AND THANK GOD THAT YOU KNOW ME AND MY INTELLIGENCE???

69. ) It takes two to lie… One to lie and one to listen…

70. ) DO NOT TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY. YOU WILL NEVER GET OUT OF IT ALIVE.

71. ) WHY DO STORES THAT ARE OPEN 24/7 HAVE LOCKS ON THEIR DOORS?

72. ) I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY ?

73. ) HMMMM…..DON’T COPY MY STATUS.


74. ) ALL GUYS HATE THE WORDS DON’T AND STOP UNLESS THEY’RE PUT TOGETHER.

75. ) Love is like fart. If you force it, It’s probably shit.

You might want to see Funny Status For Whatsapp.

76. ) WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK.

⧪I WISH MY BOOK OF LIFE WAS WRITTEN IN PENCIL … THERE ARE A FEW PAGES I WOULD LIKE TO ERASE⧭⧭

78. ) Dear men, life without women would literally a pain in ass.

⬲⬲⬲DO YOU EVER JUST LIE ON KNEES AND THANK GOD THAT YOU KNOW ME AND MY INTELLIGENCE⬊⬊

80. ) LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND. THIS IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL THEY SPEAK.

81. ) BEHIND EVERY GREAT MAN IS A WOMAN ROLLING HER EYES.

82. ) Math Rule: If it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong. …

83. ) Avoid arguments about the toilet seat…use the sink…

84. ) mind…..ME:Never Mind.

85. ) LIFE IS LIKE A HOT BATH. IT FEELS GOOD WHILE YOU’RE IN IT, BUT THE LONGER YOU STAY IN, THE MORE WRINKLED YOU GET

86. ) A LIE IS JUST A GREAT STORY RUINED BY TRUTH.

87. ) IF YOU’RE TOO OPEN-MINDED; YOUR BRAINS WILL FALL OUT.

88. ) Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really…

89. ) I STILL MISS MY EX – BUT GUESS WHAT? MY AIM IS GETTING BETTER 😀

⧪LIFE IS SHORT…SMILE WHILE YOU STILL HAVE TEETH⧭⧭

91. ) I STILL MISS MY EX – BUT GUESS WHAT? MY AIM IS GETTING BETTER

92. ) ALL GUYS HATE THE WORDS DON’T AND STOP UNLESS THEY’RE PUT TOGETHER.

93. ) I HAVE HAD A PERFECTLY WONDERFUL EVENING, BUT THIS WASN’T IT.

94. ) LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND. THIS IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL THEY SPEAK.

95. ) A BOOK-STORE IS ONLY PIECES OF EVIDENCE WE HAVE THAT PEOPLE ARE STILL THINKING.

96. ) Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.

97. ) If procrastination was an Olympic event ,I’d compete in it later.

98. ) My laziness is like 8, when I lie down it becomes infinity

99. ) A WOMEN SAYING “I’M NOT MAD AT YOU” IS LIKE A DENTIST SAYING “YOU WON’T FEEL A THING”.

100. ) People have become very naughty on whatsapp.. Even married women have put their status as AVAILABLE.

101. ) IF YOU COULD KICK THE PERSON IN THE PANTS RESPONSIBLE FOR MOST OF YOUR TROUBLE, YOU WOULDN’T SIT FOR A MONTH.

102. ) THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT THE AMERICAN DREAM, BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE ASLEEP TO BELIEVE IT.

103. ) WHEN YOU CAN’T MARRY THE ONE YOU LOVE, :'( MARRY THE ONE WHO IS RICH

104. ) IF A BOOK ABOUT FAILURES DOESN’T SELL, IS IT A SUCCESS?

⧪⧪I just need a good Wifi and Wife⬋⬋⬋

106. ) WE LIVE IN THE ERA OF SMART PEOPLE AND STUPID PEOPLE.

107. ) If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

108. ) don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught

109. ) DOESN’T EXPECTING THE UNEXPECTED MAKE THE UNEXPECTED EXPECTED?

110. ) I’M JUST HAVING AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO THE UNIVERSE.

111. ) A BLACK CAT PASSING BY THE CROSSROAD CAN STOP HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WHAT A RED LIGHT ON TRAFFIC SIGNAL HAS FAILED TO DO FOR LONG TIME!!


112. ) WE MEN WANT THE SAME THING FROM WOMEN THAT WE WANT FROM UNDERWEAR.SOME SUPPORT AND SOME FREEDOM.

113. ) A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

114. ) I AM NOT A VEGETARIAN BECAUSE I LOVE ANIMALS; I AM A VEGETARIAN BECAUSE I HATE PLANTS.

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115. ) WARNING!! I KNOW BOXING …..AND SOME OTHER WORDS!!!

116. ) I am not lazy! I am just at my energy saving mode.

117. ) AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY, BUT IF THE DOCTOR IS CUTE FORGET THE FRUIT.

118. ) Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. – Dilbert

119. ) I will marry to a girl who look pretty in her voter id card.

120. ) LIFE IS SHORT – EAT FAST!

121. ) Oh… Sorry… Did you mistake me for someone who cares?

122. ) Hakuna Matata!!–the great motto to live life!!

⧪⧪⧪Never tell your problems to anyone…⧬⧬20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them…

124. ) It’s not how tragically we suffer but how miracously we live.

125. ) WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED.

126. ) Good morning…let the stress begin

127. ) SOMETIMES THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED IS LESS TRAVELLED FOR A REASON.

128. ) I’m great in bed; I can sleep for days.

129. ) I WANT TO KILL THE HOTTEST PERSON ALIVE… BUT SUICIDE IS A CRIME!

130. ) We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

131. ) I DID NOT ATTEND HIS FUNERAL, BUT I SENT A NICE LETTER SAYING I APPROVED OF IT.

132. ) I’m Only Here For The Free Food

133. ) I didn t climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian…

134. ) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

135. ) AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY, BUT IF THE DOCTOR IS CUTE FORGET THE FRUIT.

136. ) DON’T GET A MAN(\WOMAN) ,GET A DOG …THEY ARE LOYAL AND THEY DIE SOONER.

137. ) IT’S AMAZING THAT THE AMOUNT OF NEWS THAT HAPPENS IN THE WORLD EACH DAY FIT EXACTLY THE LENGTH OF NEWSPAPER.

138. ) Wow now I’m a graduate…….Now thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains Don’t be too optimistic. The light at the end of the tunnel may be another train.

139. ) DON’T KNOCK ON DEATH’S DOOR. HIT THE DOORBELL AND RUN. HE HATES THAT.

⧪⧪Keep moving! Nothing new to read⬋⬋

141. ) I’M JUST HAVING AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO THE UNIVERSE.

142. ) IT IS EASIER TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS THAN IT IS TO ASK FOR PERMISSION.

143. ) DOING NOTHING IS VERY HARD THING TO DO…YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN TO FINISH.

144. ) As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free…

145. ) WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED.

146. ) You don’t have to like me….I am not a facebook status.

147. ) A relationship is made for two, but some bitches are bad in math.

148. ) THEY LOVE THEIR HAIR BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT SMART ENOUGH TO LOVE SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING.


Funny Stat
149. ) Don’t drink while driving – you will spill the beer.

150. ) A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

151. ) HEY,YOU ARE READING MY STATUS AGAIN??

152. ) I’am looking for a bank loan which can perform two things..give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.

153. ) DON’T THINK OF YOURSELF AS AN UGLY PERSON, THINK OF YOURSELF AS A BEAUTIFUL MONKEY. IT ALWAYS GETS LAUGHS!

154. ) DON’T DRINK AND PARK – ACCIDENTS CAUSE PEOPLE.

155. ) I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

156. ) In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.

157. ) DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE OR YOU MIGHT SPILL THE DRINK.

158. ) Suicide: Mans way of telling God – “You can’t fire me, I quit”.

159. ) EVERYBODY IS SO HAPPY….I HATE THAT.

160. ) If something goes wrong at the office, blame the guy who can’t speak English…

161. ) Shut up, will you?” “Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?

162. ) I’m Mr. Right, someone said you were looking for me?

163. ) IF I’VE LEARNT ANYTHING FROM MAYANS THEN IT’S THAT ..NOT FINISHING A PROJECT IS NOT THE END OF WORLD.

164. ) A LIE IS JUST A GREAT STORY RUINED BY TRUTH.

165. ) Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

166. ) Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1-2.

167. ) I WANT TO KILL THE HOTTEST PERSON ALIVE… BUT SUICIDE IS A CRIME!

168. ) PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ARE A GREAT ANNOYANCE TO THOSE OF US WHO DO.

169. ) WHY ARE THEY CALLED APARTMENTS IF THEY ARE ALL STUCK TOGETHER?

170. ) I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff… and I want it (:

171. ) Always remember that you are absolutely unique… Just like everyone else…

172. ) Eat…sleep….regret……repeat.

173. ) HMMMM…..DON’T COPY MY STATUS.

174. ) “Price is what you pay. Value is what you get

175. ) SOMETIMES THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED IS LESS TRAVELLED FOR A REASON.

176. ) I MAY BE DRUNK, MISS, BUT IN THE MORNING I WILL BE SOBER AND YOU WILL STILL BE UGLY.

177. ) I wish I could loose weight as easy as I lose my pens,keys,smartphone,my temper and even my mind.

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178. ) Don’t settle for good.Demand Great.

179. ) I WANT TO KILL THE HOTTEST PERSON ALIVE… BUT SUICIDE IS A CRIME!

180. ) AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY, BUT IF THE DOCTOR IS CUTE FORGET THE FRUIT.

181. ) Sleep till you’re hungry….Eat till you’re sleepy.

182. ) Weather forecast for tonight: dark

183. ) Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’

184. ) THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

185. ) A WORD TO THE WISE AIN’T NECESSARY, IT’S THE STUPID ONES WHO NEED ADVICE.

186. ) If people are trying to bring you ‘Down’, It only means that you are ‘Above them’.

187. ) A LIE GETS HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD BEFORE THE TRUTH HAS A CHANCE TO GET ITS PANTS ON.

188. ) You can love me, hate me or masturbate screaming my name, it’s the thought that count.

189. ) Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!


190. ) If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.

191. ) I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY ?

192. ) The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*

193. ) I HAD TO TAKE SICK DAY.I’M SICK OF THOSE PEOPLES.

194. ) SAVE PAPER, DON’T DO HOME WORK.

195. ) IF COMMON SENSE IS SO COMMON WHY IS THERE SO MANY PEOPLE WITH OUT IT??

196. ) There are 3 types of people in the world- vegetarian, non-vegetarian &amp; Tuesday Saturday.

197. ) I have decided to leave my past behind me ,so i owe you money…..sorry but I’ve moved on.

198. ) MY MIND IS LIKE LIGHTING, ONE BRILLIANT FLASH, THEN ITS GONE…:(

199. ) My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.

200. ) WHY ARE THEY CALLED APARTMENTS IF THEY ARE ALL STUCK TOGETHER?

201. ) Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it…

202. ) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

203. ) AFTER GETTING DRUNK, BACHELOR OF TECHNOLOGY TURNS INTO MASTER OF PHILOSOPHY.

204. ) EVERYBODY WISHES THEY COULD GO TO HEAVEN BUT NO ONE WANTS TO DIE.

205. ) DON’T HIT KIDS!!! NO, SERIOUSLY, THEY HAVE GUNS NOW.

206. ) I wasn’t lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth

207. ) Problem with this generation is we first search for a Lover & then fall in Love.

208. ) I’m smiling. This should scare you.

209. ) Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

210. ) Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them…

211. ) WHEN NOTHING GOES RIGHT, GO LEFT.


212. ) Waiting for wi-fi network.

213. ) Life is the art of drawing without a eraser.

214. ) LIFE IS LIKE A HOT BATH. IT FEELS GOOD WHILE YOU’RE IN IT, BUT THE LONGER YOU STAY IN, THE MORE WRINKLED YOU GET. ];

215. ) I RAN INTO MY EX TODAY…PUT IT IN REVERSE AND DID IT AGAIN!!!

216. ) WHEN IT’S YOU AGAINST ME, YOU EITHER WIN OR YOU DIE!!!

217. ) Graduation – The process changing one’s status from “Student” to “Unemployed”.

218. ) Upgrade your weekend: Take Monday Off…

219. ) I love my life, but it just wants to be friends…

220. ) I Am Not Special , I Am Just Limited Edition

221. ) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

222. ) When your girlfriend picks a restaurant that is very costly, you just say “Oh yeah, that’s where the really cute girl works”.

223. ) I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?

224. ) I HAD TO TAKE SICK DAY.I’M SICK OF THOSE PEOPLES.

225. ) Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

226. ) IT’S NOT TRUE THAT I HAD NOTHING ON. I HAD THE RADIO ON.

227. ) No Déjà vu please…I Don’t want to go through that again

228. ) WHY GOD? WHY ONLY ME? WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME… Didn’t we had a deal that I never get old :'(

229. ) A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

230. ) IF YOU CAN’T GET SOMEONE OUT OF YOUR HEAD, .. THEN MAYBE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. <3

231. ) Am gonna Make my Status………….better you too Focus on your Status only.

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