1. Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.

  2. anonymous

  3. More: Animal Jokes, Cat Jokes, Corny Jokes, Funny Quotes
  5. Reid Faylor on Halloween
  6. I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won’t come when I call him.

  7. —Reid Faylor

  8. More: Animal Jokes, Cat Jokes, Dog Jokes, Holiday Jokes, One-Liners
  10. Game Respect Game
  11. My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”

  12. @NicCageMatch

  13. More: Animal Jokes, Cat Jokes, Daily Life Jokes, One-Liners

  16. I bet cats have 
a secret website where they 
upload clips of cute humans 
trying to open DVD packaging 
and jump-start 

  17. @rolldiggity


  19. More: Cat Jokes, Computer Jokes, One-Liners
  21. When Cats Go James Bond
  22. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. In 
the ’60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could 
spy on unsuspecting targets. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of 
dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab.

  23. Source:

  24. More: Cat Jokes, Military Jokes
  26. Cats Are Smarter
  27. Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

  28. —Jeff Valdez

  29. More: Animal Jokes, Cat Jokes, Dog Jokes, Funny Quotes, One-Liners
  31. ⇐How to Shock a Time Traveler
  32. If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared, what would be the most difficult thing to explain about life today? One answer: “I possess a device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man. I use it to look 
at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.”

  33. Source:

  34. More: Cat Jokes, Computer Jokes
  36. Cat Appetites
  37. They make cat food out of cow, fish, turkey, chicken & lamb meat—but not mouse meat, which is probably all cats want.

  38. @JohnFugelsang

  39. More: Animal Jokes, Cat Jokes
  41. ⇒What Cats Want
  42. Me and the wife [singer Katy Perry] have three cats, and they get whatever they want. We can only know what they want from what we speculate, so it’s a lot of vests, hats, and cat shoes.

  43. — Russell Brand

  44. More: Animal Jokes, Cat Jokes
  46. Going to the Dogs
  47. When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.

  48. At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk.

  49. “Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.”

  50. As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”

  51. More: Animal Jokes, Cat Jokes, Dog Jokes, Dumb and Funny Jokes, Funny Stories
  53. ⇆Funny Pet Names
  54. Does kitty dream of slinking down the catwalk? If so, give her a name that screams “I’m a star!” Like these actual pet names …

  55. Cats
  56. Cleocatra
  57. Bing Clawsby
  58. Chairman Meow
  59. Alexander the Grey

  60. Dogs
  61. Mary-Louise Barker
  62. Bettie Poops
  63. Virginia Woof
  64. Iggy Pup

  65. More: Animal Jokes, Cat Jokes, Dog Jokes
  67. The Clothes Make The Cat
  68. I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won’t come when I call him.

  69. —Comedian Reid Faylor (@reidfaylor )

  70. More: Animal Jokes, Cat Jokes, One-Liners
  72. Feline Friendly
  73. A w⇑oman walked into my aunt’s animal shelter wanting to have her cat and six kittens spayed and neutered.

  74. “Is the mother friendly?” my aunt asked.

  75. “Very,” said the woman, casting an eye on all the pet carriers. “That’s how we got into this mess in the first place.”

  76. More: Animal Jokes, Cat Jokes
  78. Cat Shopping
  79. Living in a household with eight indoor cats requires buying large amounts of kitty litter, which I usually get in 25-pound bags—100 pounds at a time. When I was going to be out of town for a week, I decided to go to the supermarket to stock up. As my husband and I both pushed shopping carts, each loaded with five large bags of litter, a man looked at our purchases and queried, “Bengal or Siberian?”

  80. More: Animal Jokes, Cat Jokes, Funny Stories
  82. Hungry Cat
  83. ##One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter’s indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning,↔ I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department.

  84. “We don’t do that anymore,” the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. “The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough.”

  85. “How do you⇖ know that?” I asked.

  86. “Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?” she said.

  87. Two hours later⇬ the cat was back, looking for breakfast.

  88. More: Animal ⇈Jokes, Cat Jokes
  90. Magic Cat
  91. I worked at a boarding kennel where people leave their dogs and cats while on vacation. One morning I had taken a cat out of his cage, and after playing with him and replenishing his food and water, I put him back in.

  92. A few minutes later, I was surprised to see the feline at my feet, since the cage doors lock automatically when they’re shut. I couldn’t figure out how the cat escaped, until I bent down to pick him up and spied his nametag: “Houdini.”

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