alcohol sayings quotes status


  • I can’t afford vacat!ion, so I am just going to drink until I don’t know where I am.

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  • Drinking !and having fun every Saturday and Friday nights is NOT a bad habit,drinking on a Monday morning IS.

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  • I went to be!d drunk and happy, I woke up tired and hurting…Obviously sleep is a bad thing.

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  • If drinking and driving is illegal…then why do bars have parking lots?

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  • If you want to say t!he truth and you can’t, DRINK and SAY IT ALL

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  • Good girls are mad!e of sugar and spice…But me and my girls are made outta vodka and ice.

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  • My idea of ! balanced diet is a beer in each hand keep it on guys 

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  • Tequila… Making ugly men look good since the 16th century.

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  • I was so drunk that I fell off the floor.

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  • Life has many choices… Whiskey… Vodka.. Rum.. Gin.. Beer.. Which one did you Choose?

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  • Let’s get drunk, make mistakes & blame it on the alcohol.

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  • If water is the universal solvent, then beer is the universal solution!

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  • People drink to get !rid of the pain the!y are going through. Some drink and hope when they close their eye that they will never be awake to feel the pain.

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  • Officer, take me drunk i’m home.

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  • They say so many people die because of alcohol. Perhaps they never realized how many of them are born because of it.

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  • When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

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  • I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday and when it’s not my birthday.

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  • Alcohol doesn’t solv!e any problems, neither does the milk.

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  • I have a drinkin!g problem… I can’t find my beer.
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  • I don’t drink anymore. I don’t drink any less either.

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  • If you start t!alking to the beer bottle you’re drunk, if the beer bottle talks back you’re WASTED

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  • Alcohol – Because no gr!eat story every started with someone eating a salad. Source : ================================
  • Do you realize !you were swerving back there? Sorry officer, my beer was sliding all over the dashboard and I didn’t want it to spill.

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  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
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  • It takes skill to b!e a great drunk, how else can you fall out of a tent and roll around and not spill a single drop of your beer?

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  • Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

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  • Yea I Have a dr!inking problem. 2 hands 1 mouth no beer
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  • One tequila, two tequ!ila, three thequila FLOOR! Get back up and drink some more

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  • The whole world i!s about three drinks behind.
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  • Reality is a crut!ch for people who can’t handle drugs.

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  • I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.

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  • I hate to advocate! drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they always worked for me.

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  • Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think ab!out the workers !in the brewery and all of the!ir hopes &! dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of wo!k and their dreams would be shat!tered. Then I say to myself, ‘It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.’

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  • This is one of the dis!advantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.

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  • The first glass is for my!self, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.

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  • I stopped drinking f!or a while, Then I woke up

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  • There is a devil in !every berry of the grape.
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  • I like wh!iskey. I alw!ays did, and that is why I never drink it.

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  • Dear alcohol, W!e had! a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer… I saw the video… we need to talk.!

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  • Time is ne!ver wasted when you’re wasted all the time.

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  • An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do. Source : 
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  • One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

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  • Drink m!ore beer, give a fat girl a chance.
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  • Listen, I’m not an alcoholic, !alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk, we go to parties.

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  • You drink, get drunk, party hard, get hangover the next m!orning, then you decide not to drink again, but as! your system starts running up and fine, you do it again. That’s how human nature works.
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  • They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst. Source : 
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  • A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it’s better to be thoroughly sure.

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  • I drink to! forget I drink.
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  • The consumption of! alcohol may cause pregnancy.

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  • Don’t drink an!d drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

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  • Rehab is for Quitters!
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  • I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I pass out, NO PROBLEM!

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  • Drinking and Driving is so dangerous. Yesterday I hand signaled to turn and some guy stole my beer.

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  • A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.

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  • Beer is proof God loves us, and wants us to be happy.

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  • Cop says, “Have you been drinking tonight?” I say, “Why? Is there a fat chick in the back 
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  • Taking drugs to solve problems! is like cleaning your roo!m and putting all the extra stuff in the closet. You can’t !see it anymore, but it’s still there.

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  • Alcohol – Some of the !best times you’ll never remember.

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  • When you’re dr!unk, you notice the Earth really spins.

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  • I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.

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  • Alcohol has cost many lives…but let’s not forget how many it has created.
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  • They advise me not to drink every day, so I just do it every night.

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  • Get drunk and laugh at the world
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  • OH Liquor, OH Liquor.! Can’t you make me drunk quicker?

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  • Drink with mode!sty, but never drink with anger.

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  • I am not drunk, just chemically imbalanced.

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  • When the whiskey goes in the truth comes out.

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  • I don’t make enou!gh money to go on vacation, so I’m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don’t know where I am.

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  • That’s the probl!em with drinking if something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to c!elebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.

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  • I’m not a alcoholic I’m! a drunk alcoholics go 2 meetings

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  • You call me an alcoholic but I call it a damn good time. Source : 
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  • I only drink on 2 days when it rains & when it doesnt

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  • When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we c!ommit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!

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  • You know you are drunk when you think the bartender is making your drinks weaker. Source : 
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  • The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.

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  • Don’t try to drown your sorrows with alcohol, your sorrows can swim.

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  • Beer will save the world…I don’t know how..but it will.

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  • I feel sorry for people who don’t drink cause I know the only feeling they will have better than me is when they wake up in the morning.

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  • I drink to forget, but I can’t remember why.

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  • Alcohol doesn’t solve your problems but then again, neither does milk.

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  • Prohibition may be a disputed theory, but none can say that it doesn’t hold water.

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  • Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic’s best friend.

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  • Everything’s better with some wine in the belly.

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  • Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. 
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  • Don’t drink and drive – accidents cause people!
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  • There is no such thing as strong drink – only weak men. Source : 
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  • I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

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  • Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.

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  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

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  • Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
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  • I take my alcohol medicine everyday.
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  • Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

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  • Alcohol is not for sale to under 18 years, they get it free.

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  • Boy: What is the secret to a long life? Wise one: The secret to a long life is don’t drink, don’t smoke, and don’t overeat. The secret to a happy life is a whole different story!
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  • If your drinking to forget than please pay us in advance. Source : 
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  • I only drink on three days; Saturdays; Sundays and Weekdays

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  • Don’t Drink And Drive . Give Me The Drink And Drive Me Home

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  • A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk.

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  • You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Source : 
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  • A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk.

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  • They have warning labels on alcohol for women who are pregnant.. Where is the one that says this bottle could lead you to pregnancy?

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  • Work is the curse of the drinking class.
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  • Save water, drink beer!Drink till she looks cute
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  • Alcohol is the answer.
  • What was the question

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  • Stay b!usy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink !too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.

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  • Beer doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean… On things like chairs, tables, and other people. 
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  • Don’t drink a!nd drive… But then again don’t read and drive. Source : 
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  • Who needs beer !goggles, I got vodka binoculars!!!

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  • According to m!e, a balanced diet is having a BEER in each hand.

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  • Let ethanol m!ake you more interesting.
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  • I don’t dri!nk, its the alcohol which g!ot addicted to me. – Akash Malik I hate drinking, but alcohol loves me.

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  • I don’t h!ave a drinking problem… I’m actually quite good at it.

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  • I was sober, but then I woke up


  • Who says I drink.. I am just hel!ping poor people working in alcohol factories. Source : 
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  • Beer makes you! feel the way you should feel without beer.

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  • Beer… Because it makes me feel goo!d and you look better. Source : 
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  • Always do sober wh!at you said you’d do drunk. That !will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

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  • I don’t have a drinking !problem, I have no problem with drinking

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  • I don’t dri!nk anymore – Now I freeze it and eat it.

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  • No one respects age unless it’s bottled.

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  • Not all chemicals! are bad. Without chemical!s such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no water, a vital ingredient in beer.
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  • 5 Rules of Alcohol 1. Open bar is a dangerous game. Respect it. 2. Vodka can be mixed up with anything. Even! more vodka. 3. Tequila changes people. 4. If you !do something really stupid, never say that you are drunk. Unless you!’re not. 5. If he/she’s still ugly after the 7th beer, give up.

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  • If you want t!o know the truth about you, you get drunk or get other people drunk. Source : 
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  • Beauty is in! the eye of the beerholder.
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  • Who is this mo!deration I am supposed to be drinking with? Source : 
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  • If drinking and d!riving is against the law, why do they have parking at clubs and pubs? Source : 
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  • Yes, I have a drink!ing problem, which is only solved by drinking.

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  • If I don’t d!rink and drive, how will I get home?

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  • Friends don’t let friends drink by themselves.

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  • The Surgeon G!eneral advises that smoking is bad for your health, that’s why I drink.

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  • I never drink !unless I’m alone or with somebody.
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  • When Win!e Goes in Wisdom Comes Out.

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  • Alcohol is not th!e answer to every question… but it helps us to forget every question…

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  • I do n!ot get drunk, I get awesome.

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  • BEER: It’s n!ot just for breakfast anymore.

  • So much the worse for those who fear wine, for it is because they have some bad thoughts which they a!re afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts.

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  • You know you’re d!runk when you take a big shot with the lid still on.

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  • You know !you’re wasted when you’re looking in the mirror, and can’t figure out what the heck you’re looking at.

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  • A drunk mind speaks TRULY
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  • I say when I! drink what I think when I’m sober
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  • You know you’re drun!k when you lose arguments with yourself. Source : 
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  • You look like I co!uld use a drink!

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  • Husband- I once went 4 yea!rs without drinking. Wife- Well what happened? Husband- I Turned 5.
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  • It does no!t matter if the glass is half empty or half full, clearly there’s room for more alcohol.

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  • Love makes the world go round. Alcohol makes it go twice as fast.
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  • I have c!ome to the conclusion that the solution to!all of life’s problems can’t be found at the bottom of a beer glass. However, I’m g!oing to keep checking just in case I’m wrong.

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  • Electri!city is actually made up of extremel!y tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

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  • Half drunk is waste of money.

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  • Wine is a gr!and thing,” I said. “It makes you forget all the bad.

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  • A woman dr!ov!e me to drink and I never had the decency to thank her.

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  • Drink and t!!hink but don’t think and drink
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  • Bob, tha!t qu!ote is both daft and wrong the correct one is: When life gives you lemons, bring on the tequila

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  • Heard this th!e other day…. Stopping alcohol and cigarettes don’t make you live longer – it will just SEEM longer

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  • You must be !drunk cos I can see 3 of you.
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  • A beer in h!and is worth four in the fridge.

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  • I only drin!k alcoh!ol when I am alone or with someone else.

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  • Blondes! have more fun, but redheads remember it the next day

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  • Alcohol does not !make you fat – it makes you lean… Against tables, chairs, floors, and ugly people.

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  • Now I lay m!e down to sleep with a vodka bottle at my feet. If I die before I wake. Tell my friends I drank it straight.

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  • Hand me anoth!er shot, you’re still ugly
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  • I’m gonna fight you! with one hand. But if you spill my beer, I’m using both.

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  • To alcohol…The cause !and solution to all of life’s problems.

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  • Only when you are drunk can your true creative side be seen.

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  • Either give me more wine or leave me alone.

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  • Drinking and Driving! is the real dea!l, I drink but never drive…probably because my mom, dad, and 3 brothers where killed by a drunk driver coming from the party I was at…

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  • I don’t have a dr!inking problem. I’m just really thirsty.

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  • Im not as think as you drunk I am
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  • Whats th!e officer problem?
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  • I don’t drink anymore, but no less either
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  • I only had one officer Mr. Peg.

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  • I don’t sleep, I pass out.
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  • I’m not drunk I’m just holding onto your lawn so I don’t fall of the earth.

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  • If your date ain’t wha!t you expected, drink till she is!!

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  • Rum- Regularly !Used Medicine.
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  • I’m lost. Please take me to the nearest BAR.
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  • People say I have !an alcohol problem, and I say if there is still alcohol there is no problem.

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  • Don’t Worry…I’m SOTALLY TOBER!

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  • When you start takin!g pictures of yourself drinking. You need help.

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  • Take me !down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!

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  • In the eye of a drunk, no one is ugly.

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  • Love you lots like vodka shots but not as much as tequila.

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  • I don’t need rehab…I need refill.

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  • I’m not d!runk I’m just holding on to the lawn so I don’t fall off the earth.

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  • I don’t get drunk, I get AWESOME

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  • Drinking beer is not my habit, its my hobby.

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  • I have a drin!king problem, two hands, one beer, that’s the problem.

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  • 10% accidents are because of drunk drivers. Think wisely about rest 90%.

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  • The privilege of drinking with friends is that, we can talk nonsense all the time… & the best thing is that nonsense is understood, discussed & respected… Cheers 

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  • Drinking alcohol m!akes you an alcoholic, drinking fanta makes you fantastic.

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  • 2 beers 1 mouth, Bring out the funnel.

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  • It’s a night to !remember, if you can’t remember it…

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  • My grand!father is over 80 years old and doesn’t need glasses!; he drinks straight from the bottle

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  • Some see the glass as half !empty, others see it as half full, but I am just wondering who the hell is drinking my beer.

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  • I get a lot more from alcohol than alcohol gets from me.

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  • The more I drink, the more my hands are shak!in!g. The more my hands are shaking the more I spill. The more I spi!ll the less I drink. That way: the more I drink the less I drink.

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  • Good thin!g I drove last night, I was way too drunk to walk home.

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  • Alcohol, because nothing good started with someone having a salad.

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  • I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.

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  • My father always s!aid- “the day I can’t do my job drunk wil!l be the day I hand in my badge and gun”.

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  • If I’m not good enough for you, then you’re not drunk enough for me.

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  • There’s nothi!ng wrong with my liver as its been preserved in alcohol.

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  • Vodka . . . Like water, only better.

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  • I only drink occasionally but everyday seems like my birthday.

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  • Life is better when you are drunk.

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  • Liquor, beer, an!d vodka make the world a nicer place. People can’t stop laughing, all the fat ugly girls get laid, and the world keeps spinning round. And! round and round.

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  • Next! Generation child will sing: Twi!kle Twinkle little Cigar,! I just went to Royal Bar, Whiskey rates are up so high, so drink beer with chicken fry.

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  • Make it a night you won’t forget, not one you can’t remember.

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  • Son, we found bl!ood in your alcohol stream…

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  • One only reveals o!nes true personality when drunk.

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  • Happy hour is any hour with vodka.

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  • I don’t dr!ink and drive… I drive in between sips!

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  • Don’t b!lame alcohol for drunk driving…blame the per!son who invented the wheel

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  • Life is too short to drink cheap beer
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  • A beer a day keeps the salary away.
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  • You can call us! alcoholics if you want, but we call i!t a damn good time

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  • Alcoh!ol can kill the one’s you love. Trust me I would know, its th!e devil in drinkable form.

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  • Its good t!o leave alcohol, its not good to not know where you left it! What time doesn’t cure, alcohol hides the pain. Alcohol causes you forget stuff and s!ome other things a don’t remember

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  • When I drink… I feel like I’m a KING of the biggest KINGS in the world

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  • A drunkards blood sh!ould be examined very w!ell by the doctor before donor.who knows his blood may be 75% alcoholic

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  • Give a ma!n a beer and another beer and another beer and here fishy fishy. Give me another beer.

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  • One drink is !too many
  • and a thousands not enough
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  • Drink driving isn’t a !crime it’s only a crime if you spill it

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  • A drink is when y!our mind says yes, but your liver says no

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  • I did not drink you!r acohol, I only tasted your liquor.

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  • Don’t drink an!d drive because you might get hit by a blimp and spill your drink. And that’s bad.

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  • Person 1 : Ar!e You A Alcoholiic Pe!rson 2 : Naaa I Only Drink In Days That End In Y To Prevent Hangovers Stay Drunk .. Save Water ,, Drink Vodka

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  • She only!drinks when she’s awake and then only on those days that end in Y. I’ve never seen her drunk enough to fall off the floor!. Where’s the problem here?

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  • The best k!ind of alcohol is the kind that makes you forget.

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  • Let him get drunk…And later, he will confess the truth.

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  • Is the glass is half e!mpty or half full? Who cares? Just drink the beer and move on with life!

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  • What does sober !mean?

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  • Think 2 drink, drink 2 think
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  • I swear to drink,! I didn’t god tonight, ossifer!

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  • I don’t drink and drive, I drink as I drive.

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  • And the ones who !don’t like liquor, drugstores admire you.

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  • A drinker’s though!ts are the real face of a gentle person.

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  • I drink to forget! that I smoke.

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  • I have all day !sober to Sunday up!

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  • If your beer hits! the floor, send your girl out the door.

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  • Every time I !see my wife, she reminds me of the mistake I committed … Marrying her and not my glass of beer.

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  • It not a night to reme!mber if you can’t remember it

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  • The best kind of alcohol is the kind that makes you forget. Source : 
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  • Let him get drunk…And later, he will confess the truth.

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  • Is the glass is half empty or half full? Who cares? Just drink the beer and move on with life 
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  • What does sober mean?

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  • Think 2 drink, drink 2 think

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  • I swear to drink, I didn’t god tonight, ossifer!

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  • I don’t drink and drive, I drink as I drive.

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  • And the ones who don’t like liquor, drugstores admire you.

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  • A drinker’s thoughts are the real face of a gentle person.

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  • I drink to forget that I smoke.
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  • I have all day sober to Sunday up!

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  • but why is all the rum gone?!?!?!”captin jack sparrow

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  • I can’t re!member the last time I was arrested for drunk and disorderly…….. I was too drunk…… 
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  • I quit dr!inking ! Now I freeze it and eat it!

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  • What’s the ociffer problem

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  • Don’t talk! to me if you can’t buy me a drink.

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  • Dear friend: I h!ave been thinking and drinking until finally I realized something REALLY important and that’s I like drinking

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  • If I knew !that I was going to this thirsty today I would’ve drunk even more last night.

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  • I don’t drink to get drunk…I drink to get awesome.

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  • No police officer I don’t drink and drive it’s illegal… I drive and drink!

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  • I have a drinking problem, two hands and just one mouth.

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  • I’m sotally tober ossifer!!

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  • I don’t have a drink problem…I can go all day without it…I just need it at night thats all.

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  • I only drink on 1 occasion……….always.
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  • If vodka was drama in our school we would all be wasted 

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  • I’m not an alcoholic…it’s just called being fun.

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  • Take me drunk im home 
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  • You !know you’ve had too much beer when you run out. You’ve had too little if you can afford to buy more. Draft beer, not soldiers
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  • Im too drunk to notice what im doing, so ill think about it later.

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  • I’m gonna get drun!k and let my car drive me home!
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  • Drink like a fish. Smoke like a chimney.. Tomorrow is another day..

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  • Over the Lips and Over the Gums Watch out Stomach Here it Comes. Source : 
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  • The mag!netic fields in the Earth must be Drunk if it makes the World spin

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  • You now you’re drunk when you pour the beer down you’re through because you are lying on you!r back and can’t lift your head.

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  • I drink till I can’t s!ee any more.i drink till I can’t walk. I drink till I hit the floor.i drink till I am sick. Then I still g!et up and drink some 

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  • I am being sober in moderation…
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  • I am on a ALCOHOL DRINKING DIET so when I see ALCOHOL I have to DRINK.

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  • When life gives you lemons, break out the tequila and salt!

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  • Whisk!y or wine? I really don’t even care if that ryhmes, but since I’m on a role give me a shot of both.

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  • Cant sing. !dance. Too fat to fly. So I drink… In loving memory. Source : 
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  • I’m not musician with a drinking problem, I’m a drinker with a music problem.

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  • I thought that al!!cohol was just for special occasions but people use it just to dull the pain. 
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  • Alcohol is the best thing that has ever been invented. (:

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  • This is !an old Danish saying We toast to our friends and those we know. And those we do not know, them we toast with.

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  • Me: Yes!! officer is anything wrong? Officer: No I was just wondering if you have any beer left?? Me: Yes we do.. B!ut you have to fix my DUI Officer: Give me the beer This really happen but he never fixed my DUI

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  • I don’t drunk with dance people!
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  • Take me drunk, I am home!!
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  • Life is too short to stay sober.
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  • AA? My mom didn’t raise a quitter.
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  • A question s!tuck into my mind, that is there any bar in the hell? Source : 
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  • I need a beer… Actually.. Make it a case.
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  • To beer or not to beer shakesbeer

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  • A da!y without beer is like a day without sun.
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  • Beer is your true friend, always there…always available.

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  • Go ahead, d!rink and drive, the police is to your left, the hospital it to your right and the morgue is further up the road.

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  • I am awake, I mi!ght as well be drinking.
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  • I am not drunk, I’m just chemically off- balanced…
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  • He who drinks ge!ts drunk, he who gets drunk goes to sleep, he who goes to sleeps doesn’t sin, he who doesn’t sin goes to heaven, so lets! all drink n we all go to heaven!!! Order from above.
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  • Alcohol is the sweet poison having benefits less than harm. Source : 
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  • Let’s face it – no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

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  • Nothing is im!possible when you’re drunk.
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  • Too much of an!y li!!quor makes a fool!of any man. Wine should make the heart rejoice not feel remorse. 
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  • I’m on a diet, I !only drink on days ending in y now. Source : 
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  • Just give me the alcohol and nobody gets hurt.

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  • I haven’t drank since the funnel was invented!
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  • My favorite drink is whiskey and sofa.
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  • You know you are drunk, when you walk into a door you didn’t see. You know you are drunk, when! you wake in the morning! and don’t! know what you did the night before.

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  • Wine enters, secrets come out.

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  • The liver is evil and! must be punished.

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  • Drinking solves !my drinking problem.
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  • I don’t have a! drinking problem… The glass lifts up just fine thank you.

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  • Beer is better than a! woman… It’s always there for you, never disappoints, always makes you feel good and doesn’t care if you drink out of! another beer.

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  • There is a liquid Photoshop for men and it’s called Alcohol.

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  • My doctor says my !alcohol level is dangerously low.

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  • My doctor says my !alcohol level is dangerously low.
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  • As a cure for worryin!g, work is better than whiskey.

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  • Vodka: Happy water! for fun people.
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  • I love the taste of water, e!specially frozen into cubes and completely surrounded by vodka.

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  • She has many rare and charming qualities, but Sobriety is not one of them.

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  • A drink. A good company in bad times.
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  • My drinking team has a hockey problem.

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  • The best way to !end a successful campaign is with a bottle of champagne.

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  • I’m sotaly tober.
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  • Yeah I have a drinki!ng problem. I can fist two beers and only have one mouth.

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  • I only drink on two occasion!s, when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.

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  • There’s no beer in heaven, we mig!ht as well drink it here.

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  • Friend 1: So are you a heavy drinker? Frie!nd 2: No, I only drink light beer.

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  • When I feel alone…th!ere is only one thing in my mind and that is beer.

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  • I sometimes drink to be able !to tolerate those around me who don’t.

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  • Paul: I noticed th!at the only time yo!u respond is when you are drunk. Mark: True, that’s because I only drink to make you interesting.

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  • I’m very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.

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  • Friends bring happiness into your life. Best friends bring beer.

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  • Vodka does not ease back pain. But it does get your mind off it.

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  • Trust me you can dance.

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  • An addict’s biggest flaw is in denial, till you admit your wrongdoings for everything else will be your biggest an!d most deadly flaw.

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  • I drink too much. The la!st time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

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  • I don’t have a drinking !problem, I have a being sober problem.

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  • Mom tells me not t!o drink in the morning, I say it’s always night time somewhere in the world.

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  • I will keep drinking till you are pretty.
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  • Thinking of quitting ? Re!member, you don’t live any longer, it only seems like it.

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  • I love you almost as much! as I love alcohol… ALMOST…

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  • A drunken mind, !speaks a sober heart.

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  • I used to have a !drinking problem, I didn’t drink enough.

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  • NO…I don!’t want a glass…it already comes in a glass

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  • One solution to all problems “Alcohol”.
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  • As I poured myself! yet another glass of !wine. After many. It occurred to me that I don’t have a drinking issue. No no. Only those who do not drink have a drinking issue.

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  • Beer… Now there’!s a temporary solution.
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  • Beer doesn’t a!sk silly question, beer understands.

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  • I got 99 problems & beer solves all of em.
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  • A beer a day keeps the doctor away.
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  • Vodka is like water!, but with consequences.
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  • I tried to say no to the !vodka but it’s 40% stronger than me.

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  • I tried to say n!o to the vodka but it’s 40% stronger than me.

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  • Pessimist: The glass is! half empty. Optimist: The glass is half full. Me: Yay! there is room to add vodka!

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  • Vodka is made from! potatoes. Potatoes are vegetables. Vegetables are good for you. You’re welcome.

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  • Vodka is made fr!om potatoes. Potatoes are vegetables. Vegetables are good for you. You’re welcome.

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  • She asked h!ow I get it all done? Coffee and vodka honey. Coffee & vodka.

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  • Vodka mixes well with everything except decisions.

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  • Wine is sunlight, h!eld together by water.
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  • Boss. Sorry I can’!t come to work today. I woke up this morning and hurt my hand trying to get the cap off my breakfast!

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  • A man is a fool if h!e drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward.

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  • My doctor t!old me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

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  • I figured out th!e abbreviation of WH IS KY” =”which is the key” to everything.

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  • Whisky Is A!Brilliant Invention…One DOUBLE and people starts feeling SINGLE Again…

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  • Whats t!he point of drinking if you don’t drink till you don’t remember you drank ?

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  • In vino veritas – in wine there is truth.
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  • When I’m dr!unk and I say I love you, I’m referring to beer. Don’t take this the wrong way but I need some time with beer. Beer goes away, but you…you stay here forever.

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  • Party all night, drink !all day maybe that would make the hangover go away.

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  • A night to neve!r forget is one you can hardly remember.

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  • Drink until you fall over and then you lay and drink

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  • Let’s go drink until we can’t feel feelings anymore! As we say in Ireland: let us drink until the alcohol in our systems destroys our livers and kills us.

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  • I drink for those who !wish me well; All those who don’t can go to hell…

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  • People Normally !Drink I Drink Normally!

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  • I wasn’t drinking!, I wasn’t drunk, I wasn’t even there, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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  • He who drinks gets drunk He who gets drunk falls asleep He who falls asleep does not sin He who does not sin goes !to heaven So let us all drink and go to heaven 

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  • You never kn!w what you’re missing until you start drinking alcohol.

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  • Tequila..all the answers are at the end of the bottle!

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  • I drink it when I’m happy and when I’m sad. Sometimes I drink it when I’m alone; when I have company I consid!er it obligatory. I trifle with it if I’m not hungry and drink it when I am. Otherwise I never touch it – !unless I’m thirsty. Quote from Madame Lily Bollinger 

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  • I’m recovering from sobriety…

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  • I only drink on two oc!casions, first when it’s raining and second when it’s not.

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