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Animal jokes 2016 New

  1. @If Life Were Like A Computer:

  2. @You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.

  3. You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!

  4. You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.

  5. You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.

  6. You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys.

  7. To @get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!

  8. If you mess up your life, you could always press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and start all over!

  9.  animal jokes
  10. @A blind man was out walking with his seeing-eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man’s leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog’s head.

  11. @Having watched what happened, a bystander said, “Why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!”

  12. “I know,” said the blind man, “but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt.”

  13.  Kids joke
  14. 3 sky divers were diving but there parachutes were faulty and they all died.
  15. They went to heaven and there before those 3 men stood God.

  16. “Go down the slide and you will receive one wish what you wish for is what you get at the end of the slide, “boomed God’s voice.

  17. The first man slid down and said “SPORTS CAR” and sure-enough there was a sports car.

  18. The second man went down and said “MONEY” and he received money.

  19. The third man jumped down the slide and said “WE.......

  20.  Animal jokes
  21. @There were 3 guys walking in the woods and they came across this huge hole in the path.

  22. The 1st guy says “Lets throw some rocks in the hole and see how deep it is.” So thats what they did only they didn’t hear it hit bottom.

  23. So the 2nd guy says “I saw a log back there lets get that and throw that in.” So thats what they did.

  24. Then this old farmer comes walking up and says “Have you seen my goat go by here?”

  25. The 3rd guy replies “We saw one jump down in that hole.”

  26. The farmer replies “That couldn’t have been my goat. He was tied to a log.”

  27.  Animal jokes
  28. There once was 3 fish (the mom,dad,son) who needed a place to sleep.

  29. Th@e mom slept in the kitchen sink.

  30. The dad slept in the the bathtub.

  31. The @son slept in the toilet.

  32. The next morning the dad asked the mom how her night was.

  33. “Okay, but it was a little too small, said the mom”

  34. The mom asked the dad how his night was.

  35. “Just fine. There was a lot of room to swim,” said the dad.

  36. The dad asked his @son how his night was.

  37. “Horrible!!”, said the son. It was raining scat and logs all night long!!”

  38.  Animal jokes
  39. Two little ladies @were shopping in the mall when Joanne smiled: “My cat can really play chess!”

  40. With a shocking @expression, Angelina praised Joanne’s cat: “Really? It must be very smart!”

  41. Just when Angelina finished her sentence, Joanne said:” Well… Actually, I don’t know about that. I usually win three out of four times.”

  42.  Animal jokes
  43. A tiger was walking through the jungle one day and saw two men relaxing under a tree. One was reading a newspaper, and the @other was working feverishly on a manual typewriter.

  44. The tiger leapt on the man with the newspaper, and ate him up. The tiger did not bother the other man at all. That’s because any @predator knows that readers digest but writers cramp.

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