Facebook Status Quotes Whatsapp


  • This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now r!ead without the word dog.

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  • My ex girlfriend’s status! said suicidal and standing on the edge. So I poked her.

  • Got a problem with me? So!lve it. Think i’m trippin? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit back down. Can’t face me? Turn around.

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  • Single is not a stat!us. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending !on others.

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  • Facebook should h!ave a “no one cares” button.
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  • If your relationsh!ip status says, “It’s complicated” then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”.

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  • I’d really post your na!me here every minute if facebook keeps on asking me what’s on my mind.

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  • Delete me , Poke !me, Like me, Limit me ..The choice is yours.. Welcome to facebook, where no one is really your frie!nd. 

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  • I’d rather check !my Facebook than face my check book.

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  • I’m wondering why log!ging onto Face book has become part of the everyday routine?… Do I really have nothing better to !do!

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  • Weather forecast for toni!ght: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning.

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  • I intend to live forever, or die trying.

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  • Being nice to people you don’t! like is not being two faced, it is called growing up.

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  • The kids next door ch!allenged me to a water balloon fight. I’m just updating my status while waiting for the water to boil.

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  • Sometimes I wish life w!as like facebook, you can delete anyone off your page and go back and delete everything you have sai!d and done

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  • did a lot of nothing yeste!rday, but I didn’t finish, so I’m going to do it again today!


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    • Trust me I am !a liar.

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    • Got a new job with the local ho!stage negotiators and tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.

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    • Girl: Why do you const!antly keep posting my name as your Facebook status every 2 minutes? Boy: Facebook keeps ask!ing me what’s on my mind? And honestly, it’s always you.

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    • That awkward moment when you change your Facebo!ok status to ‘single’ and your ex likes it.

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    • I’ve officially been dia!gnosed with OFCD (Obsessive facebook checking disorder). I have also been told that I am beyond cu!re. Please pray for me.

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    • Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual frie!nds, Who the hell are you?

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    • Facebook is the only place you can write whatev!er you feel on a wall. Grrrr Facebook won’t stop asking what’s on my m!ind even if I tell it, it keeps on asking.

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    • I’ve gone out to find m!yself. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait.

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    • I Know Wat You’re !Doing Right Now… You’re Reading On My Wall, Right

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    • Facebook is l!ike prison, you write on walls and get poked bu people you don’t know.

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    • Call me anor!exic, call me fat. I can put on or I can lose that. Call me annoying, call me dumb. Excuse me miss; but I’m having fun. Call me! a flirt, call me fake. That’s just me, so give it a break. Call me weird, a nerd & a geek. Call me w!hat you want, I’m just unique.

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    • Facebook should have an! ‘Enemy List’
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    • Adding you as my f!riend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list.

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    • Facebook shoul!d have “So What” button !!
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    • As Facebook has a “Poke” button!, it should have a “Kick” button as well.

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    • I don’t like to commit !myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.

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    • Whoever said fac!ebook was a good idea, “Let me share my dull life with the rest of the planet.

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    • My greatest fear is that I will a!ccidentally use the status update as the search bar.

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    • No matter what! anyone s!ays, my cooking is excellent, even the smoke alarm seems to be cheering me on!

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    • Facebook is the red carpet for pr!etty girls who have no talent.

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    • It’s Not That I Hate You… !But Let’s Put It This Way If You Were On Fire And I Had A Gallon Of Water I’d Drink It.

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    • He who went to facebo!ok and left myspace is wise.
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    • Am quitting face book to f!ace my books.
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    • Facebook should add a! “dislike button” some updates are just too senseless.

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    • Women are a st!range breed. They paint their lips; Show off their inner-wear; Flaunt their bodies; Wear butt-hugging jeans; And! then they expect men to notice their emotions!

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    • I’d say we should !have a “You Bore me” button on Facebook!

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    • Single doesn’t always! mean lonely and relationship doesn’t always mean happy.

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    • So you’re a player? Nice to m!eet you, I’m the coach.

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    • If taking a shower is b!ad for the environment, I know I’m doing the world a big favor

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    • For those of you compla!ining you can’t sleep, LOG OFF FACEBOOK! It’s a proven fact that it’s impossible to sleep while! facebooking.

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    • David loves animals. Es!pecially the sweet and sour chicken.

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    • Liking your own st!atus is like high fiving yourself in the face.

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    • I wish that I coul!d put my status to what I am really thinking.

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    • The person who has r!uined my life is one and only Mark Zuckerberg :D

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    • Who needs TV we got !Facebook DRAMA.

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    • I should change my n!ame to No One, that way when I request you as a friend it will say “No One wants to be your fr!iend”.

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    • Go away don’t talk to me! right now cause it’s my break time and I’m on FB mode…

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    • Living reality Not a Face!book fantasy Like others Be yourself Quit acting like someone else.

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    • Has implemented a !healthy routine, affecting immediately . Very basic and it’s free – Nap Time

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    • I’m not random its just- WHOA IT’S A SQUIRREL!!!!! I’m not random, you just can’t think as fast as me. I’m no!t insensitive, I !just don’t care. If aliens are looking for intelligent life!?WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED

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    • Facebook is where hypocrisy,! falseness, double standards, rumors and depression meet up for coffee.

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    • If the world really ends !in 2!017, I wasted my whole life in school.

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    • Dear Facebook: Th!ey are !not “Suggested friends.” They’re people I’m intentionally trying to avoid.

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    • Facebook is like a frid!ge, you check it every 5 minutes even though you know that there is nothing there.

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    • Say it to my face, not thr!ough your status

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    • I keep my page public s!o my haters have something to do.

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    • Boys think of girls like b!ooks; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.

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    • Jonathan is applying !geometry to his everyday life: no squares are allowed in my inner circle.

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    • STATUS UPDAT!E MONDAY: While at work today I received an anonymous tip that “FED EX” will be going out of! business soon. STATUS UPDATE TUESDAY: While at work today I received an anonymous tip that “UP!S” will be going out of business soon. STATUS UPDATE WEDNESDAY: I just received another anonymous !tip that both companies have merged. “FED UP”

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    • Dear Facebook would it be too much to! ask for you to just shut down for one day so I could get some things of importance do!ne? Just kidding, really don’t do that.

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    • My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it.

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    • I failed my online quiz, did great on my FB status.

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    • Linda notices that nobody ev!er says, “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.

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    • If you feel a bit lonely,! forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember…You can always change your birthday !on Facebook

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    • Facebook is the only pl!ace where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.

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    • Quit posting junk !that no one cares about!! It’s called FILLING UP MY NEWS FEED

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    • Dance like no on!e’s going to put it on YouTube.
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    • Lauren lives vica!riously… Through herself.
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    • James is clean!ing out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at! a time.

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    • I’m going on a date wi!th my pillow!! Goodnight

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    • Rob is wondering if h!e had everything, where would he keep it?

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    • Jack will update his Facebook status for money!
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    • Jay feels ashamed of his sm!oking but it’s better that I smoke this and let the dreams of the cigarette workers come true then to b!e selfish & worry about my lungs.

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    • Sandy really wishes she co!ld but, My panty hose sprung a leak.

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    • Neal is nealing the neally! neal with the help of his close neal.

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    • I know that I am! beautiful, looking is enough but staring is too much.

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    • Peter reminds you to not p!lay stupid with me! I’m better at it.

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    • I thought I wanted a lo!ng career, turns out I just wanted cash money.

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    • On Facebook there shou!ld be a relationship status that says I don’t even know what’s going on?

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    • Facebook shou!ld have a limit on times you can change your relationship status… After 3 it should default to “un!stable

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    • Jolene understands that h!ard work has a future payoff but Laziness pays off now.

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    • Sean is going to drink wet !cement and get really stoned.

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    • When you can’t slee!p- have no fear! Facebook is here! …Yay?

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    • My memory is so bad” “How bad is it” “How bad is what

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    • School is pointless. E!nglish: We speak it. History: They’re dead, get over it. Math: We have calculators. Spanish: We hav!e Dora.

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    • James is going to borrow m!oney from a pessimist. They don’t expect to be paid back.

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    • I said “no” to drugs, b!ut they just wouldn’t listen.

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    • I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.

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    • If you’re going to spread lies !and rumors about me on Facebook… Feel free to tag me.

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    • James is for external use onl!y. See your doctor before administering.

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    • Sara couldn’t myself hav!e better it said.
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    • You actually have frien!ds? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.

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    • They said 2- faced is a n!orm in society.Okay..But if you’re going to be 2- faced,make one of them pretty at least. Please don’t be 2- faced with me!, because it’s hard to decide which face to slap first

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    • Josh thinks th!at if your relationship status s!ays, “It’s complicated” that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single

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    • Steven is not for everyone. Clinical tests show that Steven may cause nausea, fatigue, and kidney or liver pro!blems. Ask your! doctor if Steven is right for you.

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    • In the past, when you were angry with s!omeone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That’ll teach ’em n!ot to f*** with you.

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    • I just edited my frien!d list. So if you’re still able to read this then congratulations you made it through my first eliminat!ion.

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    • !
    • Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
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    • Face your problems; do!n’t Facebook them.
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    • Ian just found out that t!hey took the word “gullible” out of the dictionary!

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    • Sometimes I w!ish life had subtitles (and in a big font)

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    • Cleo really wishes she co!uld but, I’m attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.

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    • Jessie took the !“Are you spending too much time on Facebook” quiz and the result is “No – You should spend much more tim!e”. Jessie shot the computer.

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    • Who says I’m not in shape? Round’s a shape, isn’t it

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    • I like kids, but I don’t thin!k I could eat a whole one.

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    • If you don’t like me well honey you don’t have to.

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    • I am currently restructuring my multi national facebook Companies. I have decided to be within a manageable level of organi!zation for control purposes. I am stream- lining manpower. Meaning, I will only retain responsive, active members. This is !my way of cost cutting my energy from reading !non sense updates, humorless comments and unnecessary feedback. Until then, resign or be fired.

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    • That awkward moment whe!n somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

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    • Ruby says it’s been a !business doing pleasure with you.

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    • Claire is disturbed b!y abominable quadrupeds.
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    • Liz is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
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    • Sonia has found love !n Facebook. She is from Ba!ngladesh and “vhan day vill reesh amehica”

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    • Important !announcement: Please refrain from suggesting friends for me on FB. I’m not a clown. If I wanted so!meone on my friends list I’d have added ‘em myself. Thank You.

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    • I watch pom. I bet !you read that wrong, didn’t you

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    • Why can’t there be a get a!way from me button or stop poking me stalker button on Facebook…

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    • Erick is a nobody, no!body is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.

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    • Stop writing Lov!e quotes on your Facebook..It’ll hurt you more than you know.

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    • If you have a proble!m “Face it don’t Facebook it”.

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    • If you follow me !on Facebook, you are a stalker. That’s Twitter moron.

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    • If you’re tryin!g to stay outta trouble, don’t talk to me.

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    • I’ll change my !gender to ‘female’ and my name to ‘Linda’. So when I post an update, people will rush to like them.

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    • Facebook is the o!nly book that we read everyday.

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    • of course take y!our time…not mine. I am on a seefood diet …I see it ..I eat it. * BURP* …read this 3 times with your hands !on the screen …and you will be healed. ( Now send me money

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    • Yeah I got nothing a!t this point. Updates to follow.

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    • Stop saying lies !about me behind my back and I’ll stop saying the truth about you. 

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    • School Supplies: 1) Cellphone. 2) Charger 3) Headphones 4) iPod 5) Snacks 6) Homework that I copied 7) Money

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    • Everybody called me crazy when I said that Sharkboy was hot…

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    • If a girl has 550 likes and 394 comments in her picture on Facebook, it can only mean one thing: She’s naked.

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    • I’m using my credits to access Facebook…if you hate my status then you can unfriend me…from now on mind yo business! Hate me or like me I’m still gonna login.

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    • Right now, there is more people o!n Facebook, then there were people on this planet 200 years ago.

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    • I’m quitting facebook to face my books…
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    • I said to my husband, “I don’t hear many men boo- hoo’ing about gaining weight” & he said, “We just go buy bigger pants.”

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    • Next Invite or App, you’re getting blocked/deleted and marked as spam!

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    • What starts with f and ends in uck?!. Firetruck.

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    • Facebook should have a love button.

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    • I accepted your friend request not a ma!rriage proposal. Boys, just think of me as the barbie doll you’ll never get to play with.;) I’m not single, I’m just in a long !standing relationship with fun and freedom.:

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    • Facebook should have a ‘dislike’ button…I’d be going down my crushes/girlfriends page saying “dislike, dislike, dislike”.

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    • Facebook should have a ‘dislike’ button…I’d be going down my crushes/girlfriends page saying “dislike, dislike, dislike”.

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    • So I tried this intere!sting new recipe; beer can chicken. You actually cook the whole chicken with a can of beer inside. The recipe only calls for one beer. I bought a six pack and drank the first five before beginning to prepare t!he meal. Strange but I must have !missed the line in the recipe that said to “Open” the can before inserting into the chicken. When a can of beer is heated to 375 degrees, it reacts by “Self opening” what a mess to clean up.

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    • Jake is hoping that if he stays in F!ebook land long enough, the cleaning fairies will come

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    • Ntsakzin and 49 other !friends have removed you from their friend list.

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    • I only added you to fill up your news feed, in that way I may get a “Like” from you. Source : 
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    • Smile for me … Go ahead … Keep on smiling … Hmmm hmm you’re not too far from the stupidity line !

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    • I am currently restructuring my multinational Facebook friends list. I have decided to be within a manageable l!evel of friends for control purposes. I am stream- linin!g my own time online so I can do other things with more meaning. This means, I will only retain responsive, active friends. This is my way of cost cutting my energy from reading non sense updates, humorless comments and unnecessar!y feedback. So until I get round to unfriending you “You know who you are”, either from self delete or from myself having to use the! the bye bye button on you, this is only so my time is my own again. P.S. If you are reading this then hello Facebook friend.

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    • Oh really I didn’t know that; but I don’t care either.

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    • Noticed a friend’s Facebook status said that he was suicidal and thinking about jumping off of a bridge. So I poked him. April Fools!

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    • Facebook should have a “Pleas!e stop writing stupid encouraging messages” button.

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    • Dear Facebook, you sh!ould have a “I disagree” button & a dislike button.

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    • There will be an anoth!er sunrise if you can wait, always a more beautiful sunrise. A more beautiful day. Only if you can wait.

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    • Wouldn’t be much !etter if Facebook had “please reply to your inbox messages, or your Facebook account will be terminated”.

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    • If I had 10 ice!- cubes and 11 bananas, how many waffles could get stuck on the roof? Purple, because aliens don’t wear hats.

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    • Facebook anno!ys me. The statuses. The pictures. Everyone’s trying to get so many likes..and I’m starting to hate myself too. Why do I have to have people like my stuff or me to feel they like me.. Like, am I the only one?

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