Sarcastic Quotes Status


  • Light travels faster than sound. This is~ why some people appear bright until they speak.

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  • Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you t~hey can’t laugh either.

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  • Silence is golden.
  • duct tape is silver.
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  • I don’t believe in plastic surgery, B~ut in your case, Go ahead.

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  • I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work t~here and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

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  • People say that laughter is the best medi~cine… your face must be curing the world!

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  • Violence won’t solve anything…~But it sure makes me feel good.

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  • You go girl! And don’t co~me back.
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  • That is the ugliest top Ive ev~er seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

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  • Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

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  • I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

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  • I never forget a face, but in yo~ur case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

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  • Well my imaginary friend th~inks you have serious mental problems

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  • If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, its because you’re both heading in the same direction.

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  • I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed. “Don’t make me hit you again!” “Yo~u’re going to hit me again? No, don’t do that! I might~ not survive!” Are you always this retarded or are you making a special~ effort today? I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable. “I’d insult you, ~but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand and if I tried to ex~plain it to you, your brain might implode from information overload.

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  • Jealously is a disease…get well soon
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  • Police pulls over a speeding car ~; COP: I’ve been waiting for you all day. DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.

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  • Boy: “You’re not my type.” Girl: ~“Why, cause I can read

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  • Tell me… Is being stupid a~ profession or are you just gifted?

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  • Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

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  • I’m not crazy! The voices~ tell me I am entirely sane…

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  • You’d be in good shape…if y~ou ran as much as your mouth.

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  • Sure I’ll help you out…th~e same way you came in.
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  • Oh… I didn’t tell you… ~Then It must be none of your business.

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  • Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.
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  • Teacher: We are going to~ play the quiet game. Student: Are you playing too

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  • You: Go to Hell!
  • Me: See you there.
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  • Think I am sarcastic?
  • Watch me pre~tend to care

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  • My friends are so much coo~ler than yours. They’re invisible.

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  • You: I’m going to be a comedian o~ne day! Me: *Bursts into fits of giggles* You: Whats so funny? Me: *gasps* oh! you were be~ing serious, i’m sorry.

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  • If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want t~o give off the wrong impression.

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  • You: “Why are you here?” Me: “Well… Heaven didn’t want me, And hells afraid I’ll take over.

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  • Look at you your in perfec~t ~shape……………for a circle

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  • You sound better with your ~mouth closed.
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  • Your just jealous because th~e voices only talk to me.

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  • I’m smiling…that alone should scare you.

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  • If you wrote down every singl~e thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever

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  • I’d agree with you but the~n we’d both be wrong.
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  • Expect nothing and you~’ll never be dissapointed!
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  • If I promise to miss you, will you go away
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  • You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.

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  • Person 1: ” You did not just do that!!” Person 2: “no? watch I’ll do it again

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  • Thank you for leaving my~ side when I was alone… I realized I can do so much without you.

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  • Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty…

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  • Zombies eat brains. Y~ou’re safe.
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  • Attempting to give a da~mn… Unable to give a damn… Stopping… Process failed!

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  • You’re not that lucky a~nd I’m not that desperat
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  • I’ll try being nicer, ~if you try being smarter.
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  • On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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  • You have no one to blame but yourself…Unless some other guy is standing next to you then you can blame him.

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  • I thought I had seen the pi~nnacle of stupid… Then I met you.

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  • I’m sorry while you were talk~ing I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.

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  • You: Do you want a piece of my mind?! Me: Oh no, I couldn’t take the last piece.

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  • When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

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  • If had a dollar for evry smart thing you~ say. I’ll be poor.

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  • You: OMG did you just fall.? Me: No the gro~und just came up and smacked me in my face.

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  • Question: Do you know who I am??~?? Answer: No, Why? Have you forgotten

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  • I went on a diet, stopped smoki~ng dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

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  • Here let me drop whats i~prortant to me and pay attention to you and all of your needs.

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  • A boy is ham~mering nails onto the table: Mom: What are you doing?! The boy: Is that a trick question

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  • Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today

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  • Find your patience before I lose mine.
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  • Sitting in the cinema Person1: Oh My God! Did you just see that? Person2: Nahh, I paid $12 just to stare at the freakin roof.

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  • I’m definitely a morning person but often choose to sleep straight through it.

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  • You always do me a favor, when you shut up!
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  • My loyalty cannot be brought, however, it can be rented.

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  • I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

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  • Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really

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  • Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

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  • What did I do to give you the impression I actually care about what you think

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  • Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest

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  • Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.

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  • I’d like to call you. What’s your number?” “It’s in the phone book.” “But I don’t know your name.” “That’s in the phone book too.” You’re so cool. Any cooler and you would be me.

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  • My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.

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  • You: Do you think I am stupid. Me: Its not your fault.

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  • You : My dad bought me a new mirror, the old one is broken. Me : I can see why

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  • Sales Clerk: Sir are you going to buy that? Person: No, I’m just shop lifting it all the way to the cash register

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  • If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.

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  • Oh… I didn’t tell you…. Then it must be none of your business.

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  • Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.

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  • Sarcasm (n.) – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it

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  • Are you really stupid or you are just pretending
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  • Person 1: Can I ask you a question? Person 2: You just did

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  • Mom: What did you learn in school today sweetheart? Me: Obviously not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.

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  • My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

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  • Me- “What time is it?” You- “There’s a clock right there.” Me- “Did I ask you where the clock was

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  • Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.

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  • Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.

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  • Hey! I had a shoes like those once, then my father got a job.

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  • We have a love and hate relationship….. He loves me, I hate him.

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  • A. M. Phone call – Hey are you asleep? – No, I was in coma thank you for rescuing me!

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  • I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

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  • Don’t argue with fools, cos people from a distance can’t tell which one is you.

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  • A girl wearing pointed high- heeled shoes steps on someones feet Girl: Sorry, did that hurt? Someone: No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia why don’t you try again.

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  • Mom: You can’t have a coke now! Kid: Why not? Mom: Because it’s bad for you this early in the morning. Kid: Well how does the coke know it’s morning

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  • WAIT…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

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  • You: Did I wake you up? Me: Nah I’m always awake at 3 am

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  • Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

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  • Person 1: Are you watching TV on the couch? Person 2: No, I’m sitting on the TV and watching the couch.

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  • Some say the grass isn’t always greener on the other side…I say…. Depends on where you live.

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  • Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

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  • I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you everyday

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  • If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.

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  • Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does.

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  • Mom: *knocks on my door* Me: What? Mom: Are you in there? Me: No, I went to Narnia.

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  • Life’s good, you should get one.
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  • You are about as useful as a white crayon.
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  • Person 1: You look great ! Person 2: Sorry ! I can’t say the same about you. Person 1: Just do like me …

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  • Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, and the highest form of intelligence.

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  • Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.

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  • Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal

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  • Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.

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  • Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

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  • ’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. I never repeat myself.

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  • I was stopped by a policeman and his over excited sniffer dog the other day, my dog says you are on drugs, he said… I said, I’m not the one with a talking dog mate.

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  • Person 1: Are you sleeping? Person 2: Oh yes, I’m always having conversations in my sleep

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  • About once a year somebody will ask me “Where is the ice?” I reply “Check the oven”.

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  • Cop pulls over a car: Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over? Driver: You thought I had donuts

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  • I ain’t sleeping. I am just looking into my eyelids.

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  • No, you don’t have to repeat yourself, … I was ignoring you the first time.

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  • There is a fine line between fashion and circus. So where’s the tent

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  • Tact is for people not witty enough to be sarcastic

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  • I’m not sarcastic, I’m brutally honest

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  • You: Are you sleeping? Me: I’m not sleeping, I’m just trying to suffocate this bug in my eye… It might take a while.

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  • Oh… Sorry… Did you mistake me for someone who cares

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  • I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.

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  • Person 1: You are so cool! Person 2: Thank you! You’re not so hot yourself.

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  • You: “what are you wearing to the halloween party?” Me: ” I don’t know.” You: “We should go as each other!” Me: “Fine with me . . . At least I’ll win the scariest costume award.

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  • Never judge a book by its cover but always by it’s price tag. If you want to throw your attitude I will be waiting with a baseball bat. At times the way you choose to ignore me, I feel God is still with me.

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  • So did you choose today to humiliate yourself in public?

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  • Sarcasm (because punching people in the face is illegal

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  • Why are you late? The teacher asked… I guess its because I didn’t make it in time…replied the student

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  • Cashier: Hi can I help you? Me: No I just stood in line for 10 minutes to say hi.

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  • My Brother: Since when is silence smart? Me: Since you started talking

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  • Bro: Did you see my pen? Me: No, do you wanna see mine

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  • You’re right, violence is not the solution; it’s just part of the equation.

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  • The movie was awesome!! My favorite part was when it ended.

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  • Person: Go to hell! Me: I must already be in Hell since you’re still standing here.

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  • After being cut off mid sentence: I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours

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  • I’m sorry I was talking, while you were interrupting me.

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  • A’ is reading a book, ‘B’ says … B: “Are you reading?” A: “No, I’m staring at the book hoping that lasers will come out of my eyes and burn the book.

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  • I feel like we’re apart when we’re in the same room! But If you keep talking, you’ll ruin the illusion.

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  • You have a very strong grasp of the obvious.

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  • Time flies when I’m with you… Well, it’s because I zone out mostly.

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  • I love parents’ way of saying you have got a point “Don’t talk back at me

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  • Text: You awake??? Reply: No didn’t you know I text in my sleep Text back: Oh…text me when you’re awake… 5 minutes later… Text: Are you awake yet
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  • I don’t hate you. Its just my attitude has problems with your personality.

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  • Should I bring ladder so you can step out of my business?

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  • No, I’m not ignoring you…I just lost interest in what you were about to say.

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  • There is a strong need for a~ sarcasm font.
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  • Text : Hey, you up??!! Text r~esponse: Nope, just fell asleep an hour ago.

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  • I’m not good at giving ~advice…how about sarcasm?
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  • You can’t face the problem if the problem is your face.

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  • It’s not that they’re ugly. It’s just that everybody else is better looking.

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  • 3 A.M. Phone call… Hey are you asl~eep?… No I’m sky diving

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  • Oh yeah, the louder you yell, the more ~right you are. Turn off the lights…you look better that way.

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  • How can I miss you if you won’t go~ away
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  • Mom: Have you picked out what y~ou’re wearing to school tomorrow? Me: Yeah. Mom: What is it? Me: Clothes

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  • You: Go to hell.
  • Me: I go on vacations there.
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  • There’s a fine like between being tanned, and looking like you rolled in Doritos.

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  • Do I know Sarcasm? Why y~es he’s my best friend
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  • Nice shoes, how long did t~he doctor say you had to were them

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  • Looks are only skin deep bu~t ugly goes right to the bone.

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  • Teacher asked why are you late? Student: Because I didn’t come in early.
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  • I’ll be a millionaire once I’m done making this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet

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  • A: I hate ugly things. B: So I’m sure that you hate mirrors.

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  • You: What are you doing? Me: The answer to that question will be revealed from the God given thing that we call eyes.~

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  • Tell me what gave you the imp~ression that I actually care, so I can avoid it next time.
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  • Police pulls over a speeding car: Cop: Mam, do you know why am I standing here? Driver: Cause you got all D’s in hig~h school

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  • Before talking please connect the tongue to the brain.

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  • Awww that`s so cute!
  • you actually think I care…
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  • Man, I sure do hate a !bag of air with chips in it.

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  • I don’t know what you’re problem is. . . But I’m pretty sure it’s hard to pronounce.

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  • Person: Go to hell You: As long as you won’t be there

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  • Well, thank you. Coming from you, it means…absolutely nothing.

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  • One second…oh okay found it… Here is my cellphone, call someone who cares

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  • It’s your lie…tell it however you want
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  • The only thing to fear is fear itself and what 9 out of 10 doctors would prescribe.

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  • Sorry, my fist meant to caress your face.

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  • How could I possibly refuse? No thank you.

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  • You: I don’t understand this. Me: Do you want me to bring a ladder? You: A ladder for what? Me: So you can step up to my intelligence level.

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  • Sarcasm is just another free service I offer. No refunds.

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  • Oh, you deleted me on Facebook. Is that your final revenge? What’s next… You throw a fruit loop at the back of my head and expect it to hurt

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  • Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

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  • You: “Are you kidding me?”
  • Me: “Yes, I’m serious”
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  • How very observant of you there captain obvious.

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  • Are you going to school tomorrow? Nah, I’m riding my unicorn to Mars instead.

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  • Last time I checked I didn’t ask for your opinion.

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  • Person: Hey you! Person #2: Me? Person: No, the person that’s not standing next to you

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  • Person 1: Wow, I can’t play guitar as good as you do. Person 2: Really? Person 1: Yes, no matter how hard I try, I always play it better than you.

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  • Person 1: What do you think we should make for dinner? Person 2: Food.

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  • B*tch at least I still remember planetary motion. The world revolves around the sun.

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  • Some one comes to your house. Them: Do you have a bathroom? You: No, we just go in the back yard

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  • I find it funny… But I have forgotten how to laugh.. Damn

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  • I’m sorry. I couldn’t see a person behind that giant ego. I must be psychic. I predicted you’d be an idiot. Don’t blame yourself. Let me do it. I failed my spelling test. The teacher said “Idiot” and I put your name down.

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  • Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here

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  • A guy asks “Do you think I’m straight?” My response: You’re as straight as a circle.

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  • You: Where Are You Going? Me: Somewhere You’re Not..

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  • I’m not sleeping, I’m just checking my eyelids for holes!

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  • You must be really clever to act so stupid all the time.

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  • Don’t worry you’re not as dumb as you look.
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  • Just because people don’t understand you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

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  • Me (with sincerity): Do you know what I like most about you? You: No…what? Me: Absolutely Nothing.

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  • No sh*t Sherlock!
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  • If I had a dollar for every smart thing you said…wait no, then I’d be in debt

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  • Not many people can listen to you and survive. I should be getting an award.

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  • You’re so cheap. Yeah! & still you can’t afford me!

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  • Do you want me to accept you as you are, or ~do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?

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  • That sounds so cool! It’s a ~shame I’m not interested

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  • Person 1: Can you help me do my homework? Person 2: Sure, I can, why not. Person 1: Well?. Person 2: Just b~ecause I c~an, doesn’t mean I will.

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  • Just in case you haven’t noticed, you are ugly both mentally and physically. Other than that? You are totally fi~ne

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  • You- “oh find it funny do you?!” Me- “hence the laughter

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  • So are you single?…- For you? No. Nice top do they make them for guys?( obviously this must be asked to a guy) (When bumping into so~meone you hate and haven’~t seen for a while)…Five more minutes and I would hav~e started missing you. ..statement – I am at College/ I was accepted in College…response- Oh good for you. So is it to study or to be studied

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  • I am not bad. I am just dangerously awful.

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  • The details of your incompet~ence does not interest me !

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  • If you’re one in a million, there are six ~thousand people exactly like you.

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  • How much do you charge to ha~unt a house?

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  • Oh, I’m sorry. Were you under the~ impression that I value your opinion?

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  • Psychologist can’t fix stupid, apparently it’s not a disorder that is recognized.

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  • No you’re not ugly.. It’s just that you’re face is few centuries out of fashion.

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  • Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.

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  • Person 1: Is that you?! Person 2: Nah, ~I’m an alien from the planet obvious.

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  • I hear voices and even they ~don’t like you.!

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  • You’re only jealous cos the v~oices don’t talk to you.

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  • Women… Did you fall there Mister… Me… Na I was trying to break a bar of toffee in my back pocket.

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  • Someone said that you didn’t have half a brain, but I defended you, I insisted that you did

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  • Me: Did it hurt when you fell fr~om heaven? You: Aww Me: Cause your face is seriously messed up

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  • Look at my face and tell me if it looks like I care.

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  • You’re pretty… See I can be funny too
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  • I need you like a fish need a rain coat.
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  • Inside the fitting room: Me: Hey Miss, it doesn’t fit me, do you have a larger size~ of this shirt? Sales Lady: Is it for y~ou Sir? Me: No, its for the other~ guy on that room, I am wondering why I am fitting this one, can you get a larger size for him

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  • Being hated and ignored by many, makes my life a lot more easier to handle.

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  • He was happily married – bu~t his wife wasn’t.

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  • People say sarcasm is the lowest fo~rm of wit… And that comes from the people who don’t understand it.

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  • DAD… What do you want to be w~hen you grow up? KID… An adult.

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  • Are you sarcastic?” “Well no duh
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  • I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

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  • Shut up, will you?” “Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now

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  • It’s okay, my sarcasm fixes y~our stupidity.
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  • Awkward moment – When you~r sarcasm is so advanced it makes you look stupid. I’m sorry. My fault. I forgot you were an idiot.

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  • You’re in shape, bearing in min~d that ’round’ is a shape…

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  • Person 1 : Was my speech good? Person 2 : Yup but I couldn’t understand a word you were saying.

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  • I trip and knock over a book shelf. Random person: “Smooth.” Me: “Thank you, I try

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  • The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

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  • Instant idiot, just add alcohol! You’d make the perfect blueprints to build an idiot

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  • Person 1: “Does this look like a face~ of concern?” Person 2: “It will if I smashed it in.
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  • Sarcasm is the last refuge of the i~maginatively bankrupt.

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  • A sarcastic person has a~ superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.

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  • I love you too much to let you be in peace.
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  • Oh I’m sorry, I’m not really good at acting like I care

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  • Your silence echos your thoughts.
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  • Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.

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  • I love to hear you talk- the ~white noise is very relaxing.

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  • Man…you are so funny, but hey looks aren’t everything.

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  • Why do you talk to yourself?” “Cos I like intelligent conversation.” So what do you want to do?…I dunno ~Well that helps a lot Oh, you hate your job? W~hy didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERY~BODY, and they meet at the bar. Why did you commit such a crime like that? He asked “Would you rather us commit a crime a different way

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  • So it seems a certain person believ~es that I have a problem with sarcasm. Well thank you Captain Obvious for that startli~ng revelation

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  • There are two things in l~ife that are ~infinite: Human stupidity and and it’s defense

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  • You almost mad~e me cry but then you left.
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  • You call this fat? I ca~ll this a 1 Pack
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  • You think you’re so sm~art? – No, I don’t. I’m actually pretty sure.

  • ==========================
  • I’m not really good at giving advice, could I interest you in a sarcastic comment

  • ==========================

  • Go to hell!
  • Okay, I will come to visit you

  • ==========================
  • Person 1: What time is it? Person 2: D~o I look like a clock to you?

  • ==========================

  • You are funny, you make everyone laugh~ except when you joke.

  • ==========================
  • Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

  • ==========================

  • Mom: Is that cake delicious? You: MMMMM… No, it’s awful, that’s why I’m eating it.

  • ==========================

  • Person 1: I’m not in the mood to hear gibberish . Person 2 : Oh… I am ! What were you going to say

  • ==========================

  • You: Go to hell! Me: See you there (: You: God.~ You’re so stupid! Me: I learned from the best.

  • ==========================
  • Person 1: Where are you going? Person 2: Oh, I’m sorry, I thought stupidity was contagious. Person 1: You’re right. I probably should~ go before I get it from you.

  • ==========================

  • Here’s my cup of care.
  • Oh look it’s empty.
  • ==========================

  • Woman 1 – Do you like my new ~jeans? Woman 2 – wow yes… Do they come in women sizes?

  • ==========================

  • I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.

  • ==========================

  • Be my guest and leave. You’re not stupid; you’re just not that smart.

  • ==========================

  • My dad: “Is the only thing you can do is be an a$$?” My reply: “No, I come with sarcasm 3. 0.”

  • ==========================
  • I don’t want to say I told you so. Because I just did.

  • ==========================

  • 1st Person: I totally hate you!! 2nd P~erson: And I totally care

  • ==========================

  • I’m married but it’s not serious.

  • ==========================
  • Sarcasm, Just another service I offer. What do you offer? stupidity?

  • ==========================

  • Yes I missed you, but if you come closer my ~aim is about to get better. OMG, Did you feel that.. I think the world just revolved around me.. I guess you were wrong.

  • ==========================
  • I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a sma~ll mind inside such a big head before.

  • ==========================

  • Person 1: Did you fall? Person 2: No, a bunch a kids wanted to play ping pong with my a

  • ==========================

  • You – “Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!” Me – “I’m sorry there’s a correct side to~ be waking up on?” It takes patienc~e to listen, however it takes absolute skill to pretend you’re listening. Excuse me love, would you like a skirt to go with that belt

  • ==========================
  • One thing I know is sarcasm is painful euphemism. Try not to be sarcastic when you are not, it’s just as difficult as walking with your nose. Sar~casm is a skill meant for a chosen few.

  • ==========================

  • I’ll give you five seconds to find hell.
  • ==========================

  • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

  • ==========================

  • 3 o’clock in the morning and~ your best friend calls You: HEY!! Dude I’m awake and super hyper!!! Me:… You: Dude, are you asleep? Me: No stupid, I’m skydiving. You

  • ==========================
  • ~
  • Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

  • ==========================
  • We are responsible for ~what we do unless we are celebrities.

  • ==========================
  • I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.

  • ==========================
  • Person 1: Why are you so fat? Person 2: I’m not fat. I am skinny, it’s just that because of all the fat you can’t se~e it.

  • ==========================

  • A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.

  • ==========================
  • You were looking good from afar.. Now you’re far from looking good.

  • ==========================

  • I let you know when I start to care….Ch~eck back in about five years.

  • ==========================

  • I had a slight headache, then you my fri~end, just turned it into a migraine. Thank you very much.

  • ==========================
  • The only thing to fear is fear itself a~nd what 9 out 10 doctors would prescribe.

  • ==========================
  • If you look like your passport p~icture, you probably need the trip.

  • ==========================

  • If you’re too open- minded, your brains will fall out.

  • ==========================

  • Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the Devil; for which reason I have, long since, as good as renounced it.

  • ==========================
  • ~
  • And who told you you we~e intelligent?
  • ==========================
  • Her face makes me wanna lear~ning boxing
  • ==========================

  • You: I’m Sick Of You and You~’re Nonsense! Me: Well Take Some Medicine.

  • ==========================

  • You fell asleep! No I just closed by eyes for few hours.

  • ==========================

  • Wow, it was nice meeting you~! And if I ever see you again, it’ll be too soon.

  • ==========================

  • It’s always the last place you loo~k for it… Of course it is! Why would you keep looking if you found it? I’m not so good at advi~ce; may I interest you in a sarcastic reply

  • ==========================
  • He has no enemies, but is intense~~ly disliked by his friends.

  • ==========================
  • I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner.We used to write essays like: What I’m going to be if I grow up.

  • ==========================
  • Okay…Tell me and I’ll pretend to care.

  • ==========================
  • Tell me about your problems again. ‘Cause I care SO much about your problems.

  • ==========================

  • As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me!

  • ==========================
  • Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. – Exactly! It’s the only form I’m capable of.

  • ==========================

  • You sound good every time you talk, and much better with your mouth closed.

  • ==========================

  • Early to bed early to rise just means you didn’t get invited to the party.

  • ==========================
  • Sarcasm kindles joy in us, releases frustration in a comic way.

  • ==========================

  • Person 1: Only few people can practice two arts simultaneously. Person 2: That is why I practice three. 

  • ==========================

  • 9 more hours and I can start behaving normally again.

  • ==========================

  • Have you heard about the discount for deodorant from Nivea?

  • ==========================

  • Excuse me, and pardon my interruption, but would you mind considering helping me to find out what makes you so repulsive

  • ==========================

  • Well aren’t you just a ray of sunshine.
  • ==========================

  • So I Burnt My Hand The Other Day. Then Someone Asks Me: You – “Did That Hurt??” Me – “No! I Just Yelled Out In Pain To Annoy Everyone!

  • ==========================
  • Person 1: Why does your kid keep getting zeroes on her test? Person 2: I like teaching my children to be consistent. Inconsistency is the mother of insanity. Person 1: You and inconsistency have a lot in common.

  • ==========================

  • Guy: Hey don’t worry I can play dumb Woman: Play dumb? You could manage the team 
  • ==========================
  • Oh yea you look so pretty I can’t take it.
  • ==========================

  • If you had to choose a name for my dog! It would for sure be yours! For loyalty purposes

  • ==========================
  • You: May I see the salt please
  • Me: See it
  • ==========================

  • Person 1: Have you heard the news? Person 2: No, but I will if you tell me.

  • ==========================

  • I just got off the phone with Satan…he told me that he has a special seat in hell with your name on it.

  • ==========================

  • Abusive Mom: Do you hate me? Girl: No, I just wish you would get your next period in a shark tank Abusive Dad: Do you hate me? Girl: No, it’s just that if you were on fire I’d roast marshmallows.

  • ==========================

  • What do you do when life gives you lemons? Well, when life gives me lemons, I sit in front of a McDonald’s and throw them at pedestrians.

  • ==========================
  • Sarcasm is my mother tongue.
  • ==========================

  • Would you care to join me? Why, are you coming apart?

  • ==========================

  • Person: Yeah that’s so funny. You: Yeah that’s why everyone is laughing.

  • ==========================

  • Me: Hey guess what I just found out! Black guy: What? Me: I know a black guy! Black guy: Me to

  • ==========================

  • You have one foot in your mouth already. You should probably try for a second.

  • ==========================
  • I wasn’t trying to insult you!! I’m ju~st being sarcastic.

  • ==========================

  • You might appear to be hard on ~people, but I know that deep inside there beats a heart of solid concrete.

  • ==========================
  • Languages I speak English Hindi And FLU~ENT Sarcasm

  • ==========================

  • Person1- “Dude, you have a serious pro~blem with sarcasm!!!” Person2- “NO I DON’T… We talk every day

  • ==========================
  • John: Do you know there ar~e 24 hours in a day? Elvine: Really!!! You have a gift John. John: Thanks Elvine: A gift for stating the ~obvious.

  • ==========================

  • ohhh…soooo sorry..you must be mistaking me for someone who cares…

  • ==========================

  • Of course I’m NOT being sarcastic!
  • ==========================

  • Are you asleep??? Nope

  • ==========================
  • Person 1: Please don’t tel~l me that … Person 2: Okay, I won’t tell you that …

  • ==========================

  • How do you manage to get such a la~rge foot in such a small mouth?

  • ==========================

  • Away is where you should go.
  • ==========================

  • You’re almost funny.
  • ==========================
  • Here you go!! It’s a bowl of sarcasm
  • ==========================

  • Since you’re so great, I might as well ask for advice.

  • ==========================

  • Aha… And I care how
  • ==========================
  • There’s a special place in Hell~ for people like you.

  • ==========================

  • Sarcasm is anger’s evil cousin.
  • ==========================
  • When you think your best isn’t go~od enough, more than likely it isn’t.

  • ==========================

  • If Barbie had brains she could drive, ri~de horses, swim, walk and talk, remind me what can you do again.

  • ==========================

  • There’s a hole in your head, would you like me to plug it so the rest of your brain doesn’t fall out

  • ==========================

  • I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in charge? See I didn’t get the memo.

  • ==========================
  • Cool Story Bro. Tell it again, you should tell it at parties.

  • ==========================
  • You: “Did I ask for your opinion?” Me: “Nope bu~t guess what you got it anyway

  • ==========================

  • 1st Person: Did you fall? 2nd Person: Of cour~se not! I just attacked the floor.

  • ==========================

  • Jeanette?… You know that you could be a ~ery pretty gurl?…if it wasn’t for your face?

  • ==========================


  • So, this is where our diligence has led?

  • ==========================
  • Wow…that outfit is unique…ain’t wrong to be dif~ferent.. but..you’re just asking people to make fun of you.

  • ==========================

  • Girl: Are you mad?
  • Me: No. Are you?
  • ==========================
  • Other Person: Sarcasm is a Dying Art. Me (Looks person up and down): Not all of us can be Monet. You’re the~ perfect example! Parent: Are you taking~ a t~one with me? Me: No, that’s your imaginatio~n Other Person: Aren’t you~ sarcastic? Me: Me? Never! You can leave now. Me: You act like such a girl Other Person: I AM a girl. Me: Right. So, uh…really

  • ==========================

  • You sound more int~elligence with y~our mouth shut.
  • ==========================

  • Oh, I’m so sorry! You’re conf~using me with someone who cares!

  • ==========================
  • If you don’t have the money for air t~icket borrow your neighbor’s carpet next time…

  • ==========================
  • Well aren’t you a breath of fresh air
  • ==========================
  • I can’t help you but I really care about you.
  • ==========================

  • Girl 1: Do you like my new dress? Girl 2: Yeah, I like it… Are you wearing it for Halloween

  • ==========================

  • I miss him like I miss~ a sore thumb.
  • ==========================

  • Do you know sarc~asm? – I speak fluently in sarcasm.

  • ==========================
  • Would you like a side ~of epic with that fail? You~- Thank you Captain Obvious! Me- You’re welcome Lieute~nant Sarcasm

  • ==========================

  • You: Are you listening ~to me? Me : Oh! really? should I? Go ahead. Love can’t be explained, nor can be~ sarcasm. Feel it

  • ==========================

  • Your new hairstyle is truly amazing. Tell me who did it, and I’ll make them an offer they can’t refuse.

  • ==========================

  • You: Nothing is as it seems… Me: Did the~ aliens tell you that when you took off your foil hat

  • ==========================
  • What? I don’t speak idiot

  • ==========================
  • I’m told that familiarity breeds contempt … We~ll I feel I’ve know you forever.

  • ==========================

  • To fail you have to try. To try you have to fail first to start again.

  • ==========================

  • Judge: How do you ~plead? Me: Not guilty your honer! Jud~ge: What have you got to say for yourself? Me: Isn’t being ugly ag~ainst the law

  • ==========================
  • I am Modest…………… And proud of it.

  • ==========================
  • Awww!!! That is so cute… Do you really think I care?

  • ==========================

  • Dont you need a license to be that ugly?

  • ==========================
  • Oh wow, who cut yo~ur hair?… The council?
  • ==========================

  • 60% of the time, it works everytime!!
  • ==========================

  • Seriously, if I was as ug~ly as you I’d cry too.
  • ==========================

  • Your passport looks like s~ome horror- booth application.

  • ==========================
  • Aww thank you… I’m f~lattered that you’re jelous of me!

  • ==========================

  • I’m stupid and I know~ it, I just don’t like people telling me this.

  • ==========================
  • Somebody: So you th~ink you’re some kind of player? You: No. I know I’m the Game

  • ==========================
  • ~
  • You don’t have to b~e ugly to be tough, but it helps.

  • ==========================
  • Oh look?? I found y~our nose all up in. My damn business again!

  • ==========================

  • Do I get bonus poi~nts if I act like I care?
  • ==========================
  • I asked God to pun~ish me, next day I met you.
  • ==========================

  • Let’s share, you’ll ~take the grenade, I’ll take the pi

  • ==========================

  • Bully: And w~hat are you going t~o do about it? Me: Nothing, but if you don’t do something about that attitude, you~ may get stuck.

  • ==========================
  • Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No~. I dug my way up from hell.

  • ==========================

  • Don’t give up, girl! Keep chasing him! But I guess h~e runs away because you have a beautiful face in ugly people’s point of view.

  • ==========================

  • Are you sleeping? – No, I am trying to hear what the pillow says.

  • ==========================

  • Waitress: Would you like a table? Me: No, not at all, I came to the~ restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please!

  • ==========================
  • Yet, I didn’t understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sar~casm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid~ and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and im~pudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yi~eld out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you.

  • ==========================

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