chatpate jokes in hindi 2017


  • Santa ne kaafi saraab pee li or banta ke saath ghar pahuncha..

  • Taala kholte waqt uske haath kaanpne lage..

  • Banta = Oye! tune jyada pee rakhi hai, laa main taala khol dun…

  • Santa = Yaar main ek dum thik hun, tu bas makaan pakad ke rakh,

  • Hil bahut raha hai…..

  • Drunk

  • ***********************************************************************************

  • Ik aadmi kabar ke upar baitha tha. Ek girl udhar se ja rahi thi.

  • Girl = Tum ko dar nahi lagta?

  • Aadmi = Darne ki kya baat @hai, andar garmi bohot thi thori der ke liye 

  • kabra se bahar aaya hun…..

  • Grave

  • *************************************************************************************

  • Duniya mein sab se himmat wala kaun? 

  • .."Dhobi"

  • Kabhi bhi kisi ke ghar jaa kar bol sakta hai sahib bibi ji ko bolo kapde 

  • nikal kar rakhe mein abhi aa ke leta hun.

  • Clothe

  • *************************************************************************************

  • MODERN GIRLS: –

  • 1980 = Love me But dont touch me

  • 1990 = Touch me But dont kiss me

  • 2000 = Kiss me But or kuch mat karna

  • 2005 = Sab kuch kar Lo p@ar kisi ko Batana nahi

  • 2011 = Sub kuch karo warna sub ko Bata dun gi k tum ko kuch nahi aata.

  • Action

  • ************************************************************************************

  • Man = Koi lambi umar ka tarikaa bataiye

  • Doctor = Shaadi karlo..

  • Man = Kiya isse umar lambi ho jayegi..

  • Doctor = Nahin, Ye jeene ka shouk khatam ho jayega!!2

  • Marriage

  • *************************************************************************************

  • Teacher class mein bachcho ko jansankhya ke baare mein padha rahe the..

  • Teacher = Bachcho tumhe pata hai desh ki jansankhya bahut tezi se badh 

  • rahi hai. Yahan har dus second mein ek aurat bachche ko janam deti hai..

  • Sardar = Master ji, humei@n jaldi hi us aurat ko khoj kar usey rokna chahiye…..

  • Teacher Student

  • ***************************************************************************************

  • Santa ne ek sundar ladki dekhi..

  • Wo uske paas gaya or usey chum liya…

  • Ladki = Uff..! kya kar rahe ho…?

  • Santa = B.com from Chandigarh University….

  • Animal

  • ***************************************************************************************

  • Santa = Yaar mere mobile par aaj ek ajib sa mesaage aaya or phir mobile 

  • switch off ho gaya….

  • Banta = Message kya tha..?

  • Santa = Battery Low!

  • Banta = Mujhe forward k@ar do, sabko daraaenge….

  • Battery

  • ****************************************************************************************

  • Chor(bandook taante hue) = Apni zindagi chahte ho to apna purse mere 

  • hawaale kar do…

  • Santa = Ye lo…

  • Chor = Kitne bewkoof ho tum, meri bandook mein to goli hi nahin hai…. 

  • ha ha ha ha….

  • Santa = To mere purse mein kon se rupay hain.. he he he he ;-)

  • Shoot

  • *****************************************************************************************

  • Santa banta se = Chalte chalte kahin ruk jata hun main, Baithe baithe 

  • kahin so jata hun main…

  • Kya yehi pyaar hai….

  • Kya yehi pyaar hai….

  • Banta = Nahin yaar, d@octor ke paas ja, tujhe kamjori ho gayi hai….

  • Think

  • *******************************************************************************************

  • Baap = Santa beta, agar sasuraal wale scooter den to car maangna,

  • Dukaan den to makaan maangna, coolar den to AC maangna…

  • Santa = Papa agar wo apni ladki den to kya uski maa ko maangu…?

  • Father Son

  • *******************************************************************************************

  • Santa = Arey baapu..! tumhare daant kaise toot gaye..?

  • Baap = Hasne ki wajah se….

  • Santa = Hasne ki wajah se..!! mazaak kar rahe ho…?

  • Baap = Arey yaar! kal main ek pehelwaan ko dekh kar hans padaa tha….

  • Teeth

  • *******************************************************************************************

  • Santa ek din kothey pe gaya or saari raat mujra dekhta raha..

  • Mujre wali = Sahab humne aapko khus kiya ab aap humein khus kar do…..

  • Santa = Achchha ab tu @baith, main naachta hun…..

  • Dance

  • ********************************************************************************************

  • Ek baar ek kabutar car se takra gaya or behosh hokar sadak par gir gaya.. 

  • Driver ne usey ghar le ja kar pinjre mein band kar diya…. 

  • Kabutar ko hosh aaya to usne dekha ki wo pinjre mein band hai..

  • Kabutar chillaya = Aaila..! Ye kya mujhe jail ho gayi..!! Lagta hai driver mar gaya……

  • Bird

  • ********************************************************************************************

  • Teacher = Sabse jyada n@asha kis chiz mein hota hai..?

  • Santa = Kitaabon mein..

  • Teacher = Wo kaise..?

  • Santa = Kitaab kholte hi neend aa jaati hai….

  • Sleeping

  • ********************************************************************************************

  • Santa ek su@nsaan jagah par baitha ro raha tha..

  • Banta = Yaar santa tum ro kyun rahe ho..?

  • Santa = Yaar ek ladki ko bhulne ki koshish kar raha hun..

  • Banta = Ismein rone ki kya baat hai..?

  • Santa = Jis ladki ko bhulne ki koshish kar raha hun,

  • uska naam nahin yaad aa raha..!!

  • Crying

  • *********************************************************************************************

  • Santa = Tum ladkiyan itni khubsurat kyun ho..?

  • Ladki = Kyunki bhagwan ne @humein apne haathon se banaya hai..

  • Ladka = Le, bol to aise rahi hai jaise humein to majduron ko theke pe de 

  • kar banwaya hai…..

  • Play

  • *********************************************************************************************

  • Santa apni mummy ke@ saath pataakhe kharidne gaya

  • Santa = Mummy mummy main saare pataakhe yahin se kharidunga..

  • Mummy = Oye puttar! ye to girls hostel hai..!

  • Santa = Lekin papa to kehte hain ki saari phuljhadiyan yahin milti hain….

  • Crackers

  • **********************************************************************************************

  • Mukesh ki patni uski sharaab pine or juaa khelne ki aadat se kaafi pareshaan thi.

  • Ek din dono bazaar se guzar rahe the ki tabhi ek bhikhari unke paas aaya….

  • Mukesh = Kya tum juaa khelte ho, sharaab pite ho..?

  • Bhikhari = Ji nahin saahab..

  • Mukesh(apni patni se) =@ Dekha, jo log cigarette, sharaab nahin pite,

  • juaa nahin khelte hain unki yahi haalat hoti hai….

  • Mouse

  • **********************************************************************************************

  • Santa sukhe talaab mein padi naav chalaa raha tha.

  • Tabhi banta ki nazar us par padi..

  • Banta = Oye! ye tussi kya kar rahe ho….?

  • Santa = Dekh nahin raha, naav chala raha hun..

  • Banta = Kitna bev@koof hai re tu, Tera kya karun..

  • Agar mujhe tairna aata na to wahin aakar tujhe maarta…

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