Dirty non veg adult jokes shayari sms messages 2017


  • Ek Bande Ki Suhagraat Thi,
  • Vo Bade Aaram Se Sex Kar RahaThha,
  • Par Uski Wife Jor Jor Se Cheekh Rahi Thhi,
  • Banda Hairan Hua Aur Usne
  • Puchha. Tum Itna Cheekh
  • Kyun Rahi Ho?
  • Wife:Bahar Tere Dost
  • Khade Hai, Chutiye Teri Izzat Rakh
  • Rahi Hoon


  • Sex kya hai;
  • Sex ek kala hai, Jo kare uska bhala
  • hai
  • Sex ek bhavna hai, jisko pura kurne
  • ki sabki kaamna hai
  • Sex do atmaon kaa milan hai, sadiyo
  • se jiska chalan hai
  • Sex maja hai, Jo na kare uska jeevan
  • ek saza hai
  • Sex bhakti hai, jisme subki mukti hai
  • Sex ek jaap hai, jisko na jupna
  • mahapaap hai
  • Sex amrut hai, poora jeevan jisse
  • trupt hai - Dirty Sex


  • Pehli Baar chudai Karane K Baad
  • Ladki LUND ko choom k Boli:
  • Aaj Mujhe Satya Ka Gyan Ho Gaya,
  • 'COKE' 'PEPSI'
  • Sab Bakwas
  • "MARD Ki LASSI"
  • Hi Bujhaye Asli Pyaas.


  • Purani soch:-Karo ya Maro.
  • Nayi soch:-Marne se Phle kuch karo!
  • Ekdam Nai soch:- Jab tak kuch kar
  • nahi lete maro mat!
  • Hamari Soch:-Koi Bataega Sala
  • karna kya hai?


  • Kaviyatri ki suhag raat ke baad uski
  • saheli ne pucha-Kaisi rahi
  • suhagraat?
  • Woh boli-
  • "Aaye the wo der se,
  • Dil jala diya,
  • Pehle kiye Darwaza band,
  • Fir deepak bhuja diya.
  • Pehle dabane lage
  • boob tatolkar,
  • Fir khelne lage
  • chaddi khol kar.
  • Ek jung aisi chidi palang par,
  • Gole wali toph rakh di surang par,
  • Mila sirf 9 minute ka maja,
  • Ab bhogni hai 9 mahine ki saja,
  • 9 mahine baad aisa hoga vispot,
  • Jo ban jayega Bharat ke liye
  • 1 aur vote...


  • Paper Dene Or Sex Karne Ke Baad
  • Sari Girls Ki Feelings Same Hoti
  • Hai:Kitna Lamba Tha NaKash Thora
  • Time Or Mil JataTooba Pehle Kitna
  • Dar Lag Raha ThaPhir To Pata Hi
  • Nahi Chala Kab Ho GayaUff Teen
  • Ghante Tak To Meri Saans Hi Band
  • Ho Gayi ThiAagay Ka To Theek Tha
  • Peechay Ka Kitna Mushkil Tha Na.


  • MARD hone k 6 fayade:
  • 1. 'Un Dino' ka tension nahi hota.
  • 2. Koi Heavy saaman latakta nahi
  • rahta(.)(.)
  • 3. Nange bhi ghumo to kisi ki
  • bhavnaye nahi jagti.
  • 4. Virgnity ka koi proof nahi hota.
  • 5. Khujane pe hath geela nahi hota.
  • 6. And above all, jaha chahe waha
  • moot sakte h.
  • IF U R MEN.!
  • Jiyo L**D utha k...


  • Ek bus me Ladko & Ladkiyo ki team
  • Antakshari
  • Khel rahi thi
  • Girls Hum Tumko Harakar Hi
  • Dikhayenge,
  • Pichhe betha PAPPU BOLA :- Hum
  • Haar Gye, Chalo Ab Dikhao


  • Ek Ladka bike se Aunty ko ghar
  • chhodne ja raha tha.Jab bhi aunty
  • ke boobs uski peeth se lagte, wo
  • kehta : "Na pintu na, ye aunty
  • he."Ghar pahooch ke Aunty boli :
  • "Tu kis pintu ke sath baat kar raha
  • tha?"Ladka sharma ke bola :"aapke
  • nipples bar bar takra rhe the,, Mera
  • penis bar bar khada ho raha tha, to
  • me use samajha raha tha ke pintu
  • khada na ho, yeh to Aunty
  • hai."Aunti boli : "Dhutt pagle,Aunty
  • to mai teri hu,Pintu ki nahi…. chal
  • andar"


  • Most BOYS don't lyk
  • Touch screen mobile,
  • U know why?
  • Jinhe dabane ki aadat
  • ho,
  • Unhe bas touch karne
  • me kahan maza aayega...!!!!


  • Azam Khan- Sirji election time kitna
  • boring hai, chalo kuch game khelte
  • hain...
  • Mulayam- Chal dekhte hai hum
  • dono mein se sabse bada bakchod
  • kon hai..!


  • Teacher Ne Class Mein Pappu Se Pucha
  • Teacher: “Batao Ladkiya Dupatta Kyun Pahnti Hai?”
  • Pappu: “Mam, Science Ki Wajah Se”
  • Teacher: “Wo Kaisi”
  • Pappu: “Kyunki Science Bhi Is Baat Ko Manti Hai Ki Khane Peene Ki Cheezo Ko Dhakk Kar Rakhna Chahiye“


  • Ek jungle mein sare male janwar
  • female janwaar ko 24 ghante chodte
  • rahte the.. !!Saari female jaanwar
  • mil ke Brahmaji ke pass gayi aur
  • vardaan mangaa ke kam se kam ek
  • mahiney ke liye chudai se mukti
  • miley !Bramhaji ne SAB male
  • janwaron ke laudey kaat ke unko
  • token de diye aur boley ki ek
  • mahiney ke baad token lanaa aur
  • apna-apna lund le jaana.. !Shaam ke
  • time Bandar ped pe baitha
  • tha..Bandariya ne usey chedtey hue
  • kaha:"Chodsaaley,bhenchod ! Ab
  • chod naa mujhe"?Bandar kuch nahi
  • bola.Bandariya fir boli"Chod na
  • Bhadve, chod na behen ke laudey.."!!
  • Bandar ne ek choti si smile di aur
  • bola:"Ek maheena ruk ja
  • haraamzaadi ! Maine Haathi ka token
  • churaya hai..."!!!


  • The best ever English to hindi
  • dictionary for guys:
  • xcuse me= sun chutiye;
  • stupid= abe gandu;
  • get out=Nikal bhosdike;
  • I m in problem = Yaar loude lag gaye;
  • I am scared= gaand phati hui hai yaar;
  • Where r u= Abbey Kahan maa chuda raha hai;
  • Would u like to have this= lega laudu;
  • Not possible!!!= chal bhosdike;
  • He is a very bad person= Bada madarchod hai;
  • I'm sorry = maa chuda;
  • Where r u? = kahan gaand mara raha hai?;
  • I 4give u! = muh mei le le;
  • No = ghanta;
  • Too small= jhaant barabar;
  • Too big= gaand faadu;
  • Difficulty= gaand faat gayi;
  • We rock= maa chod di;
  • And finally the best one:
  • Dost= laude......



  • Teacher: "What Is A Condom?"
  • .
  • Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag Jata Hai
  • .
  • Teacher: "Aap Itna Muskura Kyu
  • Rahe Ho?"
  • .
  • Aamir: "Sir!, Wo Kya Hai, Bachpan Se
  • Iccha Thi
  • Ki Main Sex Education College Mein
  • Padhu! Aaj

  • Yaha Padh Raha Hu, Bahut Maza Aa
  • Raha Hai"
  • .
  • Teacher: "Zyada Maza Lene Ki
  • Zarurat Nahi Hai,
  • Condom Ki Defination Bolo?"
  • .
  • Aamir: "Sir! Condom Is Anything
  • Which Reduces
  • Population"
  • .
  • Teacher: "Will U Plz Elaborate?"
  • .
  • Aamir: "Har Wo Cheez Jo Population
  • Control
  • Kare!""
  • .
  • Baccha Paida Nahi Karna Hai,
  • Condom Hai Na"
  • "Masti! Chahiye Raat Se Lekar Subah
  • Tak,Condom Hai Sir"
  • "Actualy Sir! Hum Condom Se Ghire
  • Hue Hai"
  • "8th Class Ke Ladke Se Lekar Mujh
  • Tak, Sab
  • Condom Ka Use Kar Rahe Hai"
  • "1 Second Mein In,1 Second Mein
  • Out, In-Out,
  • In-Out"
  • .
  • Teacher: "Arre... Defination Kya
  • Hai?"
  • .
  • Aamir: "Wo Hi To Bata Raha Hu Sir"
  • .
  • Teacher: "Exam Mein Ye Sab
  • Likhoge?"
  • .
  • "Ye Condom Hai! Masti! Raat Se
  • Lekar Subah
  • Tak!
  • Idiot""Anybody Else??"
  • .
  • Chattur: "Sir!, Condom Are Between
  • Any
  • Combination Of Body So Connected,
  • That Their
  • Relative Positions May Be Seen In
  • Kamasutra.
  • .
  • ."Teacher: "Wah! Kya Baat Hai."



  • Marzi Ka Sex Pap Nahi Hota..Piche se
  • Dalne Wala Kabhi Baap nahi
  • Hota..Condom Zarur Lagana Mere
  • DostQki..Sex k Waqt POPAT Ke Pass
  • Dimag nahi hota. Dirty Shayari


  • HUSBAND WANTED
  • A lonely woman, aged 70, decided
  • that it was time to.get married. She
  • put an ad in the local paper that
  • read:
  • HUSBAND WANTED!
  • MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
  • MUST NOT BEAT ME,
  • MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
  • AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
  • ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN
  • PERSON.
  • On the second day she heard the
  • doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
  • opened the door to see a gray-
  • haired gentleman with no arms or
  • legs sitting in a wheelchair.
  • The old woman said, "You're not
  • really asking me to consider you, are
  • you? Just look at you ... you have no
  • legs!" The old man smiled,
  • "Therefore I cannot run around on
  • you!"
  • She snorted. "You don't have any
  • hands either!"
  • Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I
  • beat you!"
  • She raised an eyebrow and gazed
  • intently. "Are you still good in bed?"
  • With that, the old gentleman leaned
  • back, beamed a big broad smile and
  • said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"


  • What's the difference between
  • movies having Certificate - U, A, XX,
  • XXX?
  • U: Hero gets the heroine
  • A: Villain gets the heroine
  • XX: All the actors get the heroine
  • XXX: Entire shooting unit gets the
  • heroine
  • ??????


  • BE A FRIEND LIKE WOMAN'S BRA
  • COLOURFUL
  • COMFORTABLE
  • STRETCHEABLE
  • SUPPORTIVE
  • HOLDING TIGHTLY
  • NEVER LET GO DOWN
  • ALWAYS NEAR THE HEART


  • Pappu: Dad, today they taught
  • about Sex in the class.
  • Santa: Ok son.
  • Later he saw Pappu shaking his
  • penis, he asked what r u doing?
  • Pappu: Homework Dad....


  • There are 2 girls in heaven first girl:
  • how did you die 2nd girl: well i froze
  • everything waz really cold but then
  • it got warm how did u die first girl:
  • well i was sure my husband was
  • cheetin on me so i came home early
  • from work one day and he was sittin
  • on they coach watchin t.v. but i was
  • so sure i ran around the house and
  • checked inb closets and underbeds.
  • then i had a heartattack 2nd girl :
  • well if you would have looked in the
  • freezer we both would have been
  • alive!!!!


  • A young girl came back to Doctor and
  • complained, "Doctor, last time you did
  • my abortion, you forgot your sharp
  • blade inside of me,"
  • Doctor "Oh I am sorry, did it hurt you?"
  • Girl, "No but my eight friends went
  • impotent, ten of them lost their
  • fingers, and four of them went dumb.


  • 4 stages of relationship:
  • - Hand in hand.
  • - Hand in that.
  • - That in hand.
  • - That in that.
  • If you know what i mean..


  • An 18 year old Girl got PREGNANT. Her
  • Angry mother says-Who's the PIG?
  • Call him..
  • 30 min later a limousine car stops in
  • front of their house & a Mature grey
  • haired in a very Expensive SUIT steps
  • out.
  • Man:Ur daughter has informed me of
  • the Problem, howevr I can't Marry her..
  • But if a GIRL is born I offer a villa & 2
  • million dolrs.
  • If a BOY is born den 2 factories & 5
  • million dolrs.
  • But in case of Miscarriage, what do u
  • suggest I do?
  • Mom-FUCK HER AGAI


  • A person was carrying 3 BABIES in the
  • train.
  • The Lady next to him asked, "Are they
  • ur BABIES?"
  • The Person said: NO! I Own a Condom
  • Factory
  • & these are Customer's Complaints!


  • Man In Bar Orders Kingfisher Beer.
  • Lady Next To Him- What A Co-
  • incidence, Even I Have Ordered
  • Kingfisher.
  • Man- I'm Celebrating.
  • Lady- Me too.
  • Man- What A Coincidence.
  • Why are you Celebrating?
  • Lady- My Husband & I Have Tried 4
  • Yrs For A Baby..
  • Today I'm Pregnant.
  • Man- What A Coincidence
  • I Am A Farmer From 4 Yrs My Hens
  • Were Infertile, Today All Laying Eggs
  • Lady- Wow How Did That Happen?
  • Man- I Used A Different Cock .
  • Lady SMILED & Said
  • WHAT A COINCIDENCE...!!!!!!!


  • Little Student: Madam, when I grow up,
  • how will my wife have a baby?
  • Teacher: (after thinking for sometime)
  • An angel will come from heaven &
  • hand
  • over a baby to your wife.
  • Student: so who do I need to fuck ??
  • wife or angel ?


  • A Guy with 25 inch Long penis to
  • God : I can't live with this long penis..
  • God : Go to that Lake,
  • U will find a Female Frog. Ask her to
  • Marry u,
  • she'll say No & U will Lose 5 inch.
  • He Went & asked the Frog : will u
  • Marry me?
  • Frog : No
  • He Lost 5 inches.
  • He thought 20 inch is still Long.
  • So he asked again : will u Marry Me?
  • Frog : No
  • He Lost 5 inches More.
  • He thought 15 inch is Great,
  • But 10inches is Ideal
  • So he asked again : will u Marry me?
  • Frog : How many Times do I have to
  • tell u?
  • NO! NO! NO!
  • khel khatam
  • laude lag gaye !


  • 4 Gals take lift in a Car full of
  • Engineers
  • Since no place, sat on their lap
  • After 10min
  • ...Grl1:r u Telecom Engr
  • Boy1:how u know
  • Grl1:ur Tower is comunicating wit
  • my Unreachble area
  • Grl2:r u Computer Engnr?
  • Boy2:how u know?
  • Grl2:ur Pen drive is trying to
  • connect wit my USB Drive
  • Grl3:r u Automobile Engr?
  • Boy3:how u know?
  • Grl3:ur Piston is trying to move
  • into my Cylinder
  • Grl4: r u Civil Engr?
  • Boy4:how u know?
  • Girl4:ur Dam had broken &
  • flooded my Village;)


  • 11 year old girl realized growing hair
  • between her
  • legs. Got worried and yelled Mom
  • about hair. Mom
  • calmly said. "That part where hair
  • has grown is
  • called a monkey, be proud that your
  • monkey has
  • grown hair."
  • Next morning at breakfast she told
  • her elder sister
  • "My monkey has grown hair"
  • Her Elder Sister smiled and said.
  • "that's nothing, mine started eating
  • banana's."


  • A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is
  • it OK for us guys to notice all the
  • different kind of boobs?"Surprised,
  • the father answers, "Well, sure son,
  • we wouldn't be normal if we didn't...
  • there are all kinds of
  • breasts.Depending on a woman's
  • age, they are different shapes.In her
  • twenties, a woman's breasts are like
  • melons, round and firm. In her
  • thirties to forties, they are like
  • pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
  • After fifty, they are like
  • onions.""Onions, Dad?""Yeah, you
  • see them and they make you cry!" 


  • Latest News: Arvind Kejriwal has
  • stopped wearing his underwears
  • bcoz...
  • He can't wear VIP underwears as
  • they have VIP written on them.
  • He can't wear Rupa since people
  • would say he always keeps Rupa
  • around his private parts, and in
  • Delhi that's a dangerous thing to do.
  • Or Jockey as horse riding is a rich
  • man's pastime.
  • He can't wear Macroman since he is
  • a common man.
  • He can't wear Dixcy since he does
  • not want people to see his d***
  • And he can't go commando since he
  • has refused security.
  • So now all he needs is cover his
  • private parts with mango leaves to
  • prove that he is a "aam" admi and
  • his protection is the aam.


  • ho out of control 
  • pent ko tu apni khol 
  • Choom k tu uska hole 
  • dalde tu apna pole. 
  • Lund ghusa, ball daba, 
  • gaand maar k bol DARLING AAL IZZ WELL. 

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