funny quotes status


  • If you’re ever having a bad day, just remember that in 1976 Ronald Wayne sold his 10% stake in Apple for $2,300. It’s now worth $70,000,000,000.

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  •  Don't worry about me, worry about your eyebrows.
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  • Don’t worry about me, worry about your eyebrows.

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  •  Today I ate a cupcake without sprinkles, diets are hard.

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  • Today I ate a cupcake without sprinkles, diets are hard.

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  •  Unleash your inner awesome.

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  • Unleash your inner awesome.

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  •  A simple life lesson to avoid getting hurt: never trust someone who dislikes dessert.

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  • A simple life lesson to avoid getting hurt: never trust someone who dislikes dessert.

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  • Whenever you feel sad just remember that there are billions of cells in your body and all they care about is you.

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  •  How do I like my eggs? Umm, in a cake.

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  • How do I like my eggs? Umm, in a cake.

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  •  Take that bad day & headbutt it in the face.

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  • Take that bad day & h!eadbutt it in the face.

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  •  New year, same me - because I'm already freakin' fabulous.

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  • New year, same me – !because I’m already freakin’ fabulous.

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  •  Sometimes a!ll you need is $500 million.

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  • Sometimes all you need is $500 million.


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  • Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

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  •  Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.

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  • Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.

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  •  If you met my family,! you would understand.

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  • If you met my family,! you would understand.

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  •  I think Christmas is a wonderf!ul time for drinking. And also after and before Christmas plus all the other days.

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  • I think Christmas is !a wonderful time for drinking. And also after and before Christmas plus all the other days.

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  •  I can't adult today. Please don't make me adult.

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  • I can’t adult today. Pl!ease don’t make me adult.

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  • You are not drunk if y!ou can lie on the floor without holding on. – Dean Martin

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  •  Never give up on! your dreams, keep sleeping.

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  • Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.

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  •  Coffee! completes me.

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  • Coffee completes me.

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  •  There is no sunrise so beautiful that is worth waking me up to see it. - Mindy Kaling

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  • There is no sunrise so beautiful that is worth waking me up to see it. – Mindy Kaling

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  •  A wall is a very big weapon. It's one of the nastiest things you can hit somebody with. - Banksy

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  • A wall is a very big weap!on. It’s one of the nastiest things you can hit somebody with. – Banksy


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  • Life is short, smile whil!e you still have teeth.

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  •  I'm only responsible! for what I say, not for what you understand.

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  • I’m only responsible for !what I say, not for what you understand.

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  •  I'm sorry fo!r what I said when I was hungry.

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  • I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.

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  •  Great minds think alike... unfortunately, so do stupid things.

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  • Great minds think alike… unfortunately, so do stupid things.

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  • Beer is living proof that God loves us and wan!ts us to be happy. – Benjamin Franklin

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  •  Always be yourself. Unless you can !be a unicorn, then always be a unicorn.

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  • Always be yourself. Unless you can !be a unicorn, then always be a unicorn.

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  •  My Monday morning face.

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  • My Monday m!orning face.

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  •  Not everyone has to like you. Not everyone has taste.

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  • Not everyone has to like you. Not everyone has taste.

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  •  That horrifying moment when you're looking for an adult but you real!ise that you are an adult. So you look around for an old!er adult. An adultier adult. Someone better at adulting than you.

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  • That horrifying m!oment when you’re looking for an adult but you realise that you are an adult. So you look around for an older adult. An! adultier adult. Someone better at adulting than you.

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  • My kitchen serves 3 meals: frozen, microwave and takeout.

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  •  Just because I'm! silent doesn't mean I agree with you. I'm just being polite. That, or I'm actually too stunned by your stupidity to even r!espond.

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  • Just because I’m silent doesn’t mean I agree with you. I’m just being polite. That, or I’m actually too stunned by your stupidity to even respond.

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  •  I've decided I no longer want to be an adult. If anyone needs me, I'll be on the beach building sand castles.

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  • I’ve decided I no longer want to be! an adult. If anyone needs me, I’ll be on the beach building sand castles.

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  •  I might wake up e!arly and go running. I also might wake up and win the lottery. The odds are about the same.

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  • I might wake up early and go runni!ng. I also might wake up and win the lottery. The odds are about the same.

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  •  There's no better feeling in the world than a war!m pizza box on your lap. - Steve Martin

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  • There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. – Steve Martin

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  • Any pizza is a pers!onal pizza if you believe in yourself.

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  •  Rather be someone's shot of whiskey than everyone's cup of tea.

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  • Rather be someo!ne’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea.

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  •  You may have stopped b!elieving in unicorns but they never stopped believing in you!

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  • You may have st!opped believing in unicorns but they never stopped believing in you!

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  •  Be the fruit loop in a world of Cheerios!

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  • Be the fruit loop in a world of Cheerios!


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  • Don’t waste a moment of your life trying to be normal.

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  •  I just realized I am not! a morning person, I'm a coffee person.

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  • I just realized I am n!ot a morning person, I’m a coffee person.

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  •  Dance lik!e no one is watching... because they are not, they are checking their phone.

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  • Dance like no one! is watching… because they are not, they are checking their phone.

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  •  Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another coffee.

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  • Everybody should bel!ieve in something. I believe I’ll have another coffee.

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  •  I have so much to !do that I'm going to bed.

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  • I have so much to do that I’m going to bed.

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  • Act like a lady. Curse like a sailor.

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  •  motivational inspirational love life quotes sayings !poems poetry pic picture photo image friendship famous quotations proverbs

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  •  motivational ins!pirational love life quotes sayings poems poetry pic picture photo image friendship famous quotations proverbs

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