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  • If the! ocean was vodka and I was a duc!k I’d swim to the bottom and never come up. But the ocean’s not vodka and I am not a duck so pass me a bottle and shut! the fk up!

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  • A drunk ma!n’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.

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  • My boss didn’t !know I drank, till one day I came to work sober.

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  • Of course I am! gonna drive. I am too drunk to walk.

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  • Beer is now ch!eaper than gas, do drink, don’t drive!

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  • Beer is now ch!eaper than gas, do drink, don’t drive!

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  • I swear to D!runk, I’m not God!
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  • A drunk man never tells a lie.

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  • I drink to make ot!her people more interesting.
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  • I only drink on 2 oc!casions when I’m thirsty and when I’m not

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  • I went on a di!et, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

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  • Everybody has to !believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.

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  • Lips that touch !liquor touch other lips quicker…
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  • 24 hours in a! day, 24 beers in a case, coincidence? I think not.

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  • Act single, se!e double, drink triple
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  • I use to thin!k drinking was bad, so I stop thinking

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  • I’m on whi!skey diet… I’ve lost three days already!

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  • I drink beca!use I work, I work so I can drink.
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  • Good friends make t!he world go round, but good beer makes the room go round.

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  • Money can’t buy y!ou happiness but it can buy you alcohol. Source : ==================================

  • Nothing in life! is absolute only vodka
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  • DRINK TO !FO!RGET BUT NEVER FORGET TO DRINK!
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  • Nothing lasts forever so l!ive it up, drink it down, laugh it off.

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  • I swear to drunk I’m not god

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  • Alcohol aint the answer but it makes you forget the question !

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  • I like to have a martini, two at the very most, after three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.

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  • When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.

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  • Parent sa!ys don’t drink Fr!iends says don’t drink Cops says don’t drink Are they saving it for themselves?
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  • Ociffer you hass too listening to me, I swear to drunk I am not god!

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  • A police offic!er said to a man “son your eyes loo!ked red have you been drinking?” Response from the man “gee officer your eyes looked glazed have you been eating doughnuts?

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  • Beer is the cause and solution to all of life’s problems!

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  • If you can still read the label, You need another. If you can’t read the label, You need another anyway

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  • When life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt

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  • The doctors found so!me blood in my alchohol stream.

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  • Help! I fell and I can!’t reach my vodka.

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  • Give a man a fis!h and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

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  • I could spend 50 bucks on a guitar or I could buy 2 cases of beer and play the air guitar.

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  • Things that are diff!icult to say when you’re drunk.

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  • Im not an alcoholic…i j!ust go to the meetings to meet new drinking buddies

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  • Alcoholism and drug a!ddiction are killer of mental and physical health. Alcoholic and drug addicts are killing themselves slowly.

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  • I don’t have a drin!king problem, it’s you who have a problem with my drinking.

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  • My grandmom is 80 she still! dosent need glasses, She drinks straight out of the bottle.

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  • Alcoholism is a t!hief of health, mental sanity and human dignity.

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  • You ask if the glass is half em!pty or half full, I ask “Are you gonna finish that beer

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  • D.A.M.M- Drunks Agai!nst Mad Mothers Save Water…Drink Beer

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  • Alcohol: Some Of The Best Times You’ll Never Remember

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  • Save the pla!net it’s the only one with beer.

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  • Why do! you need a Driver’s L!icense to buy Liquor when you Can’t Drink and Drive

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  • Reality: an illusion due to lack of alcohol

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  • Reality is merel!y an illusion caused by a! lack of alcohol Im not as think as you drunk I am He was so sober he had blood in his alcohol stream

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  • Drink triple, see double, and act single.
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  • This may be the beer talking, but I love beer.
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  • I’m only here for one… Better make it a pitcher.

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  • Rehab is for quiters

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  • People say I! have a drinking problem… i have no problem… i drink, i get drunk, i pass out, NO PROBLEM

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  • The secret of being! honest as an Angel is by being drunk as Hell

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  • A drunk !mans words are a sober mans thoughts.

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  • I hold several r!ecords on the golf course, but they all pertain to beer.

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  • Alcoholism is a dis!ease that creates temporary madness and insanity. Drug addiction is a disease that destroys health and humanity.

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  • You know your dr!unk when you call your friend on your phone and tell him you can’t find your phone.

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  • Never drink on an empty head
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  • The existence o!f Beer is proof that God loves us.

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  • Why am I so thirsty!? when I drank so much last night

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  • Alcohol doesn!’t solve any problems, but then againm neither does milk.

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  • I mixd whiskey with water and got drunk… I mixed brandy with water and got drunk… I mixed scotch with water and got drunk again.. I’ve therefore reached the conclusion that water is bad for me.

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  • I feel sorry for peop!le who don’t drink, because when they wake up in the morning it is going to be the best feeling t!hey experience the whole day!

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  • Alcohol may be m!an’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.

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  • Whiskey and Beer are a ma!n’s worst enemies… But the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward!

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  • My doctor put! an insect in a gla!ss of alcohol, it died – He asked me, what do you learn from this??? I replied, “Alcohol kills germs inside the tummy.

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  • Alchohal Brings !Out The Inner Retard In All Of Us… Source : 
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  • When life !hands you lemons grab the tequila and salt and call me over!

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  • The drunk! tongue speaks for the sober heart

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