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  • When you're a kid, you see the life you want and it never crosses your mind that it's not gonna turn out that way.
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  • It's not that I'm antisocial. I just don't like you.
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  • When you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.
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  • If today was perfect there would be no need for tomorrow.
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  • A little jealousy in a relationship is healthy...it's always nice to know someone's afraid to lose you
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  • If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders.
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  • Sometimes you just can’t open up to someone.
  • Not because you don’t trust them.
  • But because once you tell someone how you feel inside, you’re giving them permission to hurt you…

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  • Before I criticize someone, I walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get angry, they are a mile away and barefoot."
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  • there are only two times when i want to be with you.... Now, and forever.
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  • ...every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.
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  • Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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  • A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's so he goes back to ask her why that is. She tells her son, "The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is." The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, "The bigger THEY are, the dumber the man is." Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play. Shortly thereafter, the boy returns again, and promptly tells his mother: "Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach. And the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
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  • you know you live in 2005 when....

  • 1) you accidentally enter your password on a microwave

  • 2) you haven't played solitaire with real cards in years

  • 3) the reaL reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have a screen name

  • 4) you'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the tv.

  • 6) your boss doesnt even have the ability to do your job.

  • 7) you read this list, & keep nodding and smiling

  • 8) as you read this list, you think about sending it to all your
  • friends

  • 9) and...you were too busy to notice number 5.

  • 10) you actually scrolled back up to check that there was no number 5

  • 11) and now you're laughing at your stupidity
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  • You are only young once, but you can be immature forever.
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  • That which does not kill us only makes us stronger.
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  • I went to a party,
  • And remembered what you said.
  • You told me not to drink, Mom
  • So I had a sprite instead.
  • I felt proud of myself,
  • The way you said I would,
  • That I didn't drink and drive,
  • Though some friends said I should.
  • I made a healthy choice,
  • And your advice to me was right,
  • The party finally ended,
  • And the kids drove out of sight.
  • I got into my car,
  • Sure to get home in one piece,
  • I never knew what was coming, Mom
  • Something I expected least.
  • Now I'm lying on the pavement,
  • And I hear the policeman say,
  • The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
  • Mom, his voice seems far away.
  • My own blood's all around me,
  • As I try hard not to cry.
  • I can hear the paramedic say,
  • This girl is going to die.
  • I'm sure the guy had no idea,
  • While he was flying high,
  • Because he chose to drink and drive,
  • Now I would have to die.
  • So why do people do it, Mom
  • Knowing that it ruins lives?
  • And now the pain is cutting me,
  • Like a hundred stabbing knives.
  • Tell sister not to be afraid,
  • Tell daddy to be brave,
  • And when I go to heaven,
  • Put Daddy's Girl on my grave.
  • Someone should have taught him,
  • That its wrong to drink and drive.
  • Maybe if his parents had,
  • I'd still be alive.
  • My breath is getting shorter, Mom
  • I'm getting really scared.
  • These are my final moments,
  • And I'm so unprepared.
  • I wish that you could hold me Mom,
  • As I lie here and die.
  • I wish that I could say, "I love you, Mom!"
  • So I love you and good-bye.
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  • I really do love this country, but...

  • 1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

  • 2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

  • 3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

  • 4. Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

  • 5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

  • 6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

  • 7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

  • 8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

  • 9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

  • 10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.

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  • A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

  • "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

  • The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

  • God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

  • Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

  • God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

  • "And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

  • God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

  • "Who will protect me?"

  • God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it's life."

  • "But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

  • God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

  • At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."

  • "You will simply call her, 'Mom.'"
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  • I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of falling. I'm not scared of the dark, I'm scared of what's in it. I'm not afraid to love, I'm afraid of not being loved back
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  • if someone wants to be a part of your life they'll make an effort to be in it so don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay..
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  • When a guy tells you that you're hot; he is looking at your body. When a guy tells you that you're pretty; he is looking at your face. When a guy tells you that you're beautiful; he is looking at your heart.
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  • A kiss blown is a kiss wasted...the only real kind of kiss is a kiss tasted
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  • In the end, what we regret most are the chances we never took.
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  • I'm a guy..... who can wrestle with you and let you win.... who i can talk to about anything... who laughs at your jokes.... who puts your cold hands in my warm hoodie pockets.... who lets you use my sweatshirt for a pillow.... who says i love you & means it.... who will kiss you in the rain, in the sunshine, and in the snow.... whos calls unexpectedly.... who will have many inside jokes with you and remember each one.... a guy who notices haircuts.... who realizes that you say things but dont always mean them.... who you can go swimming with on hot days.... who can tell you my problems and let you help.... who will listen to you talk... who will bring you seashells from the beach.... who will let you beat me up when you get angry.... who writes love letters to you, but doesnt send them.... who draws pictures and slips them gently into your locker slot.... who saves my genuine, big smiles for you.... with deeps eyes, that can see through faces into depths.... who wears baseball hats and lets your wear mine too. ... who gives you my t-shirt to change into and not expect to get it back.... who knows your favorite color, song, car, vegetable, perfume and the color of your toothbrush.... who will shake your dads hand and look your mom in the eye.... who will call you by your full name--first, middle and last.... who willl know when something is wrong when you're trying your best to put on an act... who will kiss you and tell you you're beautiful.... who will let you cry to me.... who will hold you & kiss your cheek.... who suprises you and compliments and plays with your hair.... who will brag about you to all of my friends...who will not tell his friends about intimate stuff we did... not afraid to give you a great big hug right infront of my mom... who smells like i just stepped out of the shower.... who will cut his hair when i know it looks bad... who wears cologne that you can subtly smell when you're leaning on my shoulder.... who will not try to meet up with other girls if i know you'll get jealous...who tells you that you have a nice laugh and a smile that lights up the room and simply be yours to hold.
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  • The worst thing a guy can do is make a girl
  • Fall for him when he has no intention of catching her
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  • What happens if you get scared half to death twice???
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  • When the americans went to space they quickly found out that ball point pens wouldn't work in zero G's so NASA spent a decade and 12 billion dollars developing a pen that could write in zero G's, upside down, underwater on almost any surface including glass and in temperatures ranging from below freezing and to 300 degrees F
  • THE RUSSIANS USED A PENCIL



  • It's not that I can't live without you
  • It's that I don't even want to try
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  • I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up your a**.
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  • "To let a fool kiss you is stupid, to let a kiss fool you is worse."
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  • 1. Get kissed in the rain.
  • 2. Have that one cute kiss where you're pressed against the wall.
  • 3. Have a guy that thinks you're the world.
  • 4. Have a guy that holds on as long as possible when giving hugs.
  • 5. A boy that whispers he loves you in your ear.
  • 6. Have that moment where you just gaze into each other's eyes.
  • 7. When you cry, he kisses your tears away.

  • 8. When you're not with your guy he's all that you can think about.
  • 9. Wearing his jacket and every time you breath in, his scent surrounds you. 10. A guy who will watch any movie with you, no matter how teary eyed you may get.
  • 11. A guy who squeezes your hand.
  • 12. A guy that says he loves you and means it.
  • 13. A guy that will play her favorite song outside her window.
  • 14. A guy who is loyal.
  • 15. A guy that will sing to you no matter how bad he is at it.
  • 16. A guy that will kiss you on the forehead.
  • 17. A guy that will call you beautiful or adorable...not hot, fine, or sexy.
  • 18. A guy that will never judge you for how you look.

  • 19. A boy that says cheezy stuff to you just to make u smile.
  • 20. A boy that is the same when he is with you and when he is with his friends.
  • 21. A boy that tells you everything honestly.
  • 22. A boy that is good with your family and introduces you to his family.
  • 23. Guys that will sometimes let you win.
  • 24. A guy who stands up for you no matter who it is against.
  • 25. A guy who calls you at night just to say 'hi' and see how your day has been.
  • 26. A guy who tells you that your smile makes his day and makes everything better.
  • 27. A guy who will sit on the phone with you when you're sad, even if you're quiet.
  • 28. A guy who you can hangout and have fun with.
  • 29. A man that will just randomly call you for no reason at all, just because he missed you.
  • 30. A guy who will hold your hand through the roughest parts of life.
  • 31. A guy who would love you forever no matter the circumstance.
  • 32. A guy who wouldn't mind you wanting to get all dressed up and do your make up for him. Even if he says he likes you better without make up.
  • 33. A guy who you can be yourself with and he will never give a care and would still tell you that you are amazing to him.
  • 34. A guy who runs his fingers through your hair, like he's washing your worries/troubles away.
  • 35. A guy who will call you just to say good night and say he loves you.
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  • God gave us mouths that close and ears that don't-- that should tell us something
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  • My best dreams and worst nightmares have the same people in them.
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  • How to Treat a Girl
  • 1.Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.

  • 2. Don't cheat on them. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out.

  • 3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.

  • 4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

  • 5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

  • 6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

  • 7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

  • 8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

  • 8.5 If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.

  • 9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...

  • 10. Not all of them eat like birds, alot of them can eat like whales.

  • 11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy.

  • 11.5. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

  • 12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.

  • 13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

  • 14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to kick the s**t out of him.

  • 15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

  • 16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

  • 17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

  • 18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

  • 19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.

  • 20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like s**t, so be understanding.

  • 21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

  • 22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

  • 23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

  • 24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

  • 25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

  • 26. Memorize their god damned birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

  • 27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.

  • 28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful.

  • 29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.

  • 30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, priviledge and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.
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  • You have no idea how much pain you have felt until you look in to the eyes of the one you love and you see nothing...nothing but the glare of light
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  • A girl quickly punches a number into her phone and waits until she hears the other line pick up.
  • “Becky, I don’t know what to do, I really don’t. I love him so much and I don’t think he thinks of me that way. I mean, whenever I see him or think of him, I can’t help it, this smile comes across my face. Sometimes he sees me smiling and smiles back. That’s when my knees turn to jello and I get butterflies in my stomach. I know you think that he’s is so totally adorable and cute, but if you look past that and actually listen to what he has to say, you find a totally different person. He’s so caring and considerate and he makes me feel like I don’t deserve him. Well, actually, I don’t deserve him. He’s too perfect, I mean, look at all the girls that fall over for him. I could never be one of those. Their all so pretty and bubbly and….. not me. I couldn’t even start to compare myself to them. But whenever I think of him or see him, I can’t help it, I smile.
  • Now I didn’t tell you this but he called me the other day about homework. I tell you now, I made a complete fool of myself. I’m so embarrassed. I stuttered the whole time, but he was so sweet and just kept talking and making me feel better. He’s so perfect Becky, I don’t deserve him, so why do I keep wishing and praying that he will notice me, why?............Becky? Becky are you ====================================
  • I would have given you the world if you had given me the chance.



  • Its really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends, but it's really sad when the best of friends become two strangers.
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  • I love you not because I need you, I need you because I love you
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  • 35 fun things to do while driving
  • 1. Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged.
  • 2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Headbang.
  • 3. Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling.
  • 4. Two words: Chicken suit.
  • 5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
  • 6. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Watch in rearview mirror as toll collector tries to explain to next driver.
  • 7. Laugh. Laugh a lot. A whooooole lot.
  • 8. Stop at the green lights.
  • 9. Go at the red ones.
  • 10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
  • 11. Eat food that requires silverware.
  • 12. Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put sneakers on your hands, and lean the seat back as you drive.
  • 13. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, suddenly lock your doors.
  • 14. Honk frequently without motivation.
  • 15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an offended and angry look as if they gave you an obscene gesture.
  • 16. At stop lights, ask people if they have any Grey Poupon.
  • 17. Let pedestrians know who's boss.
  • 18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
  • 19. Restart your car at every stop light.
  • 20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.
  • 21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.
  • 22. Keep at least five cats in the car.
  • 23. Squeegee your windshield at every stop.
  • 24. If an fire truck comes up behind you, pull over, get on the roof of your car, and do a cheer for them as they pass!
  • 25. Compliment other drivers on their skill and finesse.
  • 26. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
  • 27. Stop and collect roadkill.
  • 28. Stop and pray for roadkill.
  • 29. Stop and cook roadkill. (If in Tennessee.)
  • 30. Throw Spam. Tape signs on windows protesting email abuse.
  • 31. Get in the fast lane and gradually... slow... down... to...a stop. Then get out and watch the cars.
  • 32. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
  • 33. Drive off an exit ramp, ask for directions to the town you're in. When they tell you you're there, look confused, glance at your map, laugh, and exclaim, "Oh! Wrong state!"
  • 34. Sing without having the radio on.
  • 35. At stop lights, run out of your car, place pylons around you, then gather them back up as the light changes and drive off...
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  • You don't drown by falling in water. You drown by staying there
  • ====================================
  • You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.
  • - The Notebook
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  • "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal."
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  • Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from many, it's research.
  • ====================================
  • I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly, it's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly...stupid.
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  • We're women. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it.
  • ====================================
  • The worst feeling isn't being lonely. It's being forgotten by someone you would never forget.
  • ====================================

  • At one point in your life you either have the thing you want or the reasons why you don't
    • ==========================
    • From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says, I survived.
    • ==========================
    • Don't follow me, I am lost too!
    • ==========================
    • Dear Lord,
    • I pray for wisdom to understand a man. love to forgive him and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength i'll just beat him to death.
    • ==========================
    • So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.
    • ==========================
    • The reason I know you don't love me, is because the day I walked out your door, you didn't stop me.
    • ==========================

    • Courage is about doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared before you do it.

    • It is your attitude at the beginning of a task that determines success or failure.

    • Don't wait until people are dead to give them flowers.

    • Don't let your pride or lack of courage stand in the way of saying you're sorry.

    • Never stop doing your best just because someone doesn't give you credit.

    • It doesn't take strength to hold a grudge; it takes strength to let go of one.

    • I would rather make my name than inherit it.

    • Measure your days by how the corners of your mouth turn.

    • The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.

    • I've been trying to find the word that says what I need to be in life.

    • "Brave' is the only word. It's the only thing that I ask myself to be.
    • ==========================
    • "Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down."
    • ==========================
    • Great minds discuss ideas;
    • Average minds discuss events;
    • Small minds discuss people.
    • ==========================
    • After I fell in love with you, I fell in love with my life.


    • the truth is.. we hide because we want to be found, we walk away to see who will follow, we cry to see who will wipe away the tears, and we let our hearts get broken to see who will come and fix them.
    • ==========================
    • "Don't forget - I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."


    • ==========================
    • I am not perfect, and I do not live to be, but before you start pointing fingers, be sure your hands are clean.
    • ==========================
    • IF I end up being the one walking away. I want you to know that it wasn’t because I stopped loving you but because you stopped loving me.
    • ==========================
    • One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God
    • bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."

    • Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot
    • about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or
    • two later the father heard his son saying his prayers again "God
    • bless Mommy and Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."

    • The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting
    • more than a little worried about the whole situation. Two weeks
    • later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God
    • Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."

    • This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say
    • anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would
    • miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner.
    • Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he
    • got home he apologized to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a
    • very bad day at work today." "You think you've had a bad day?
    • YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY!?", the wife yelled, "The mailman
    • dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
    • ==========================
    • Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.
    • ==========================

    • There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions.
    • ==========================
    • Common sense is not so common.
    • ==========================
    • Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have.
    • - Unknown
    • ==========================
    • "The first time you fall in love, it changes your life forever, and no matter how hard you try that feelin' never goes away."

    • ==========================

    • Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can fly.
    • ==========================
    • I've learned-
    • That you cannot make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
    • I've learned-
    • That it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. That it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
    • I've learned -
    • That you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you better know something. That you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do. That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
    • I've learned-
    • That it's taking me a long time to become the person that I want to be. That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
    • I've learned-
    • That you can keep going long after you can't. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
    • I've learned-
    • That either you control your attitude or it controls you. That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is a first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
    • I've learned-
    • That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
    • I've learned-
    • That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down will be the ones to help you get back up.
    • I've learned-
    • That sometimes when I get angry I have the right to be angry, but it doesn't give me the right to be cruel. That true friendship continues to grow over the longest distance, and the same goes for true love.
    • I've learned-
    • That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
    • I've learned-
    • That you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what tragedy it would be if they believed it. That no matter how good your friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while, and you must forgive them for that.
    • I've learned-
    • That it isn't always good enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you must learn to forgive yourself. That no matter how bad a heart is broken; the world doesn't stop for your grief.
    • I've learned-
    • That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for whom we become. That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other, and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
    • I've learned-
    • That we don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change. That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
    • I've learned-
    • That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
    • I've learned-
    • That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
    • ¢¾that the people you care about the most in life are taken from you too soon ¢¾
    • I've learned-
    • That it¡¯s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting someone¡¯s feelings or standing up for what you believe. That no matter what happens to me on earth or how much my faith falters, God's faith in me never dwindles or fails.
    • I've learned-
    • That life's lessons never end and wisdom can always be passed on.
    • ==========================
    • In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
    • ==========================
    • Do you know that place between being asleep and awake, where you still remember your dreams? Thats where I'll always love, that's where I'll always wait for you.
    • ==========================
    • The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
    • ==========================
    • In the end everyone will hurt you... it's up to you to decide who is worth the pain.
    • -
    • ==========================

    • There are two words guys hate: Don't and Stop...Unless those words are spoken together.
    • ==========================
    • you know you really love someone when you dont hate them for breaking your heart
    • ==========================
    • Love is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention towards other things it will come and softly sit on your shoulder.
    • ==========================
    • Ever noticed how all women's problems begin with men?
    • MENtal illness....MENstrual cramps... MENtal breakdown... MENopause... GUYnocologist


    • A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
    • The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter:
    • "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said:
    • "No, Dad. You hold my hand."
    • "What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father.

    • "There's a big difference," replied the little girl.
    • "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

    • In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours...
    • ==========================
    • Don't ask God to make your life easier, ask him to make you a stronger person!
    • ==========================
    • Falling for someone the first time is easy...it's the second time around, after you have fallen and trusted someone to catch you and they didn't...when it becomes difficult to let yourself fall again.
    • ==========================
    • 13 WEIRD QUESTIONS

    • 1) Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

    • 2) When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

    • 3) "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

    • 4)Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

    • 5)Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

    • 6)Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

    • 7)Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

    • 8)Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

    • 9)Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

    • 10) Don’t you find it weird we teach our kids: scrub a dub dub, three men in a tub?

    • 11) Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?

    • 12) Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopodaliophobia?

    • 13) If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"
    • ==========================
    • Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can't control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. Thats what it's like for me. I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt that you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me love like that has happened only once, and thats why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it.
    • ==========================
    • I know I have a heart because I feel it breaking.
    • ==========================

    • Ociffer. Iswear to drunk I'm not God. There's no blood in my alcohol system. That's my stuck and I'm story to it.
    • ==========================
    • I am lost. I have gone to find myself, if I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
    • ==========================
    • The most selfish 1 letter word - I - avoid it.

    • The most satisfying 2 letter word - We - use it.

    • The most poisonous 3 letter word - Ego - kill it.

    • The most used 4 letter word - Love - value it.

    • The most pleasing 5 letter word - Smile - keep it.

    • The fastest spreading 6 letter word - Rumour - ignore it.

    • The hardest working 7 letter word - Success - achieve it.

    • The most enviable 8 letter word - Jealousy - distance it.

    • The most powerful 9 letter word - Knowledge - acquire it.

    • The most essential 10 letter word - Confidence - trust it.
    • ==========================
    • "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
    • ==========================

    • Friends are like a good bra, supportive, hard to find, and always close to your heart!

    • ===================================
    • "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."

    • ===================================
    • Not all scars shows. Not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't see, the pain someone feels.

    • ===================================
    • One day we'll all look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject...

    • ===================================
    • People will believe anything if you whisper it.

    • ===================================
    • I'm outta here like a deaf kid in a game of musical chairs.

    • ===================================

    • Forget about the people in your past... they didn't make it to your future for a reason!

    • ===================================
    • "The quieter you become, the more you can hear."

    • ===================================
    • god made rivers, god made lakes, god made you .... well we all make mistakes

    • ===================================
    • -- what is love ? --

    • Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within
    • your chest??
    • -it isn`t love, it`s like.



    • You can`t keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right??
    • -it isn`t love, it`s lust.

    • Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
    • - it isn`t love, it`s pride.

    • Do you want them because you know they`re there??
    • -it isn`t love, it`s loneliness.

    • Are you there because it`s what everyone wants??
    • -it isn`t love, it`s loyalty.



    • Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand??
    • -it isn`t love, it`s low confidence.



    • Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don`t want to hurt
    • them??
    • -it isn`t love, it`s pity.



    • Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat??
    • -it isn`t love, it`s infatuation.



    • Do you pardon their faults because you care about them??
    • -it isn`t love, it`s friendship.



    • Do you tell them every day that they are the only one you think of??
    • -it isn`t love, it`s a lie.



    • Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake??
    • -it isn`t love, it`s charity.



    • Does your heart ache and break when they`re sad??
    • -then it`s l o v e.



    • Do you cry for their pain, even when they`re strong??
    • -then it`s l o v e.



    • Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts??
    • -then it`s l o v e.



    • Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and
    • relation pulls you close and holds you there??
    • -then it`s l o v e.



    • Do you accept their faults because they`re a part of who they are??
    • -then it`s l o v e.



    • Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret??
    • -then it`s l o v e.



    • Would you give them your heart, your life, your death??



    • The truth is hard to swallow when you're choking on your pride...

    • ===================================
    • Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So let's get wasted and have the time of our lives!

    • ===================================
    • Of all the friends I've ever met, you're the one I won't forget and if I die before you do I'll go to heaven and wait for you.

    • ===================================
    • When I first met you
    • You reached out to shake my hand
    • When I got to know you
    • You reached out to understand my mind
    • When I liked you, you reached out and touched my heart..
    • When I loved you, you reached out and touched my soul...
    • When I thought I had nothing
    • I had everything when I had you...
    • If we're meant to be togther
    • Let it be...
    • If fate wants us to be forever
    • Let's wait and see...

    • ===================================
    • I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.

    • ===================================
    • Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.

    • ===================================
    • Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

    • ===================================
    • True strength is keeping everything together when everyone expects you to fall apart.

    • ===================================
    • Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others......, including Love. One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island until the last possible moment. When the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help. Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, "I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you." Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." I can't help you", Vanity said, "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat." Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now." Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, "Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him. Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way. Love realized how much she owed the elder. Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?" "It was Time", Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?", Love asked. Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

    • ===================================
    • Gone crazy... Be back soon...





    • THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
    • *My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE-"If you're going to kill each other do it outside-I just finished cleaning."

    • *My mother taught me RELIGION-"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    • *My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL-"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to kick you into the middle of next week."

    • *My mother taught me LOGIC-"Because I said so, that's why."

    • *My mother taught me FORESIGHT-"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case your in an accident."

    • *My mother taught me IRONY-"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

    • *My mother taught me OSMOSIS-"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

    • *My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM-"Will you look at the dirt on the back on your neck!"

    • *My mother taught me STAMINA-"You'll sit there till all that spinach is finished."

    • *My mother taught me about WEATHER-"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

    • *My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS-"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming towards you; would you then listen."

    • *My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY-"If I've told you once I've told you a million times-Don't Exaggerate!!!"

    • *My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE-" I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    • *My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION-"Stop acting like your father."

    • *My mother taught me about ENVY-"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

    • THANKS, MUM!

    • ===================================
    • A true friend...
    • -Accepts you as you are
    • -believes in you
    • -calls you only to say "hello"
    • -doesn't give up with you
    • -admires all sides of your personality
    • -forgives your mistakes
    • -helps you
    • -encourages you to try it again
    • -makes a difference in your life
    • -says nice things about you
    • -offers his/her support
    • -understands you
    • -tells you the truth
    • -never judges you
    • -explains things you don't understand
    • -walks by your side
    • -calms down your fears
    • -shouts if necessary, if you don't want to listen
    • -raises you spirit.

    • ===================================
    • Our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it.

    • ===================================
    • More often than not, you fall in love with a person you can't really have, while the one who truly loves you remains either a friend or a stranger.

    • ===================================
    • Wait for the boy who pursues you. The one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical; the kind of boy who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the boy who will be your best friend; the person who will drop everything to be with you at any time of the day no matter what the circumstances. Wait for the boy who makes you smile like no other boy makes you smile, and when he smiles you know he needs you. Wait for the boy who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and have no makeup on, but appreciates it when you get all dolled up for him. And most of all, wait for the boy who will put you at the center of his universe, because obviously he's at the center of yours.

    • ===================================
    • You change for two reasons. Either, you learn enough that you want to or you've been hurt enough to have to.

    • ===================================

    • I think... therefore I'm single.

    • ===================================
    • Well you see, Norm, it's like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

    • ===================================
    • Anyone can make you smile or cry
    • But it takes someone special to make you smile
    • When you already have tears in your eyes

    • ===================================
    • everybody wants happiness
    • nobody wants pain
    • but you can't have a rainbow
    • without a little rain


    • ===================================


    • Those who criticize our generation
    • forget who raised it.

    • ===================================
    • If he doesn't love you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best...

    • ===================================
    • Some cause happines!s wherever they go; others whenever they go.

    • ===================================
    • "You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions."

    • ===================================
    • One of the saddest things in life is loving someone who used to love you.

    • ===================================
    • Smile even through your tears, Be Strong even through your fears

    • ===================================

    • You may not always end up where you thought you were going, But you will always end up where you were meant to be.

    • ===================================
    • The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

    • ===================================
    • I know i'm not a perfect friend,
    • You're broken heart, i've tried to mend.
    • Instead i made! you hurt and cry,
    • Maybe i should say goodbye.
    • Would it be better for me to go?,
    • I asked you, and you said "No".
    • Why say no when! i hurt you so bad,
    • But believe me,
    • you're not the only one that's sad.
    • I ma!de my best friend hurt like mad,
    • If i left would you be glad?.
    • Deep in my heart,
    • I'll always know,
    • I'll love you always,
    • Even if i go!

    • ===================================
    • iM a StRoNg GiRl WhO! kEePs HeR sTuFf In LiNe. EvEn WhEn I hAvE tEaRs GoInG dOwN mY fAcE, i AlWaYs MaNaGe To SaY tHoSe TwO wOrDs -Im FiNe-




    • ===================================

    • Sex is like MATH.
    • You ADD the bed
    • SUBTRACT the clothes
    • DIVIDE the legs
    • and MULTIPY

    • ===================================
    • The best way to win an argument is to begin by being right.

    • ===================================
    • Love your enemies...they hate it

    • ===================================
    • Never play leap frog with a unicorn

    • ====!===============================
    • They didn't agree on much
    • In fact, they rarely agreed on everything
    • They fought all the time
    • And they challen!ged each other everyday
    • But despite their differences,
    • They had one !important thing in common
    • They were crazy about each other
    • -
    • ===================================To truly love and trust someone is to give them your heart knowing that they can break it.

    • ===================================

    • Happiness is:
    • 1. Falling in love.
    • 2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
    • 3. A hot shower.
    • 4. No lines at the supermarket.
    • 5. A special glance.
    • 6. Getting mail.
    • 7. Taking! a drive on a pretty road.
    • 8. Hearing your favourite song on the radio.
    • 9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
    • 10. Hot towels!milkshake ... (or vanilla ... or strawberry!)
    • 12. A bubble bath.
    • 13. Giggling.
    • 14. A good conversation.
    • 15. The beach
    • 16. Finding a 20-pound note in your coat from last winter.
    • 17. Laughing at yourself.
    • 18. Eye con!tact with a hot member of the opposite sex.
    • 19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
    • 20. Running through sprinklers.
    • 21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
    • 22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful/good looking.
    • 23. Laughing at an inside joke.
    • 24. Friends.
    • 25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
    • 26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
    • 27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
    • 28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
    • 29. Playing with a new puppy.
    • 30. Having someone play with your hair.
    • 31. Sweet dreams.
    • 32. Hot chocolate.
    • 33. Road trips with friends.
    • 34. Swing!ing on swings.
    • 35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
    • 36. Making chocolate chip cookies (and eating them...!).
    • 37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
    • 38. Holding !hands with someone you care about.
    • 39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
    • 40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much-desired present from you.
    • 41. Watching the s!unrise.
    • 42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
    • 43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
    • 44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
    • 45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

    • ===================================
    • 10 Ten Reaso!ns it sucks to be a dick

    • 1. You've got a hole in your head.

    • 2. Your master strangles you all the time.

    • 3. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.

    • 4. You shrink in cold water.

    • 5. You never get a haircut.

    • 6. You always hang around with 2 nuts.

    • 7. Your closest neighbor is an a**hole.

    • 8. Your best friend is a pussy.

    • 9. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish.

    • 10. Everytime you get excited, you throw up.

    • ===================================
    • I guarantee that we'll have tough times. I guarantee that sooner or later one, or both of us will want to get out. But I also guarantee that if I dont ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life.. because I know in my heart you're the only one for me.
    • ===================================
    • we never really grow up; we only learn how to act in puplic.

    • ===================================
    • Slogans for Women's T-shirts

    • 1. So many men, so few who can afford me.
    • 2. God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
    • 3. If they don't have chocola!te in heaven, I ain't going.
    • 4. At my age, I've! seen it all, done it all, heard it all...I just can't remember it all.
    • 5. My Mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
    • 6. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks
    • frog.
    • 7. Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.
    • 8. Don't treat m!e any differently than you would the Queen.
    • 9. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
    • 10. Dinner Is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
    • 11. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
    • 12. I'm out of estrogen-and I have a gun.
    • 13. Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?
    • 14. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
    • 15. I hate everybody...and you're next.
    • 16. And your point is...?
    • 17. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
    • 18. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
    • 19. Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
    • 20. Do NOT s!tart with me. You will NOT win.
    • 21. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
    • 22. All stresse!d out and no one to choke.
    • 23. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
    • 24. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
    • 25. Sorry if I loo!ked interested. I'm not.
    • 26. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
    • 27. Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
    • =============================
    • If looks could kill, You would be a weapon of mass destruction
    • =============================
    • Each day I get up in the morning praying to God that everyone should get a friend like you...why should only I have to suffer!
    • =============================
    • "If practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why practice?"
    • =============================
    • Don't follow me, I wa!lk into walls.
    • =============================
    • A wise person kn!ows that there is something to be learned from everyone.
    • =============================

    • people ask me why it's so hard to trust people,
    • and i ask them why is it so hard to keep a promise
    • =============================
    • The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
    • =============================
    • Everytime I say I love you...

    • I'm really trying to say so much more than !those three little words.

    • I'm trying to say you mean mor!e to me than anyone else in the world.

    • I'm trying to let you know that I adore you and that I cherish the time we spend together.

    • I'm trying to explain that I want you and that I need you and that I get lost in wonderful thoughts every time I thi!nk about you.

    • And each time I wh!isper "I love you", I'm trying to remind you that you're the best thing that has ever happened to me.

    • =============================
    • "Some people can't believe in themselves until someone else believes in them first."



    • If I could change anything about you, it would be the way you feel about me.
    • =============================
    • The only reason god didnt make us sisters is because one mom couldn't handle us both.
    • =============================
    • You don't stop playing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop playing.
    • =============================
    • A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very ner!vous.

    • They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousn!ess and the broccoli casserole.

    • The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit !and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf.

    • Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

    • The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.

    • This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"

    • Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".

    • A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

    • Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she s**ts on you!"
    • =============================
    • A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate! it to the class the next day. When the time came to prese!nt what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teach!er asked him just what it was.
    • "It's a period,'' said the little boy.

    • "Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

    • ''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
    • =============================
    • i stopped listening..so why don't you stop talking??
    • =============================

    • "The people who laugh !at you probably admire you the most."
    • =============================
    • Only in the d!arkness , you are able to see the stars.
    • =============================
    • The trouble with real life is that there is no danger music.
    • =============================
    • "I've always believed that a lot of the trouble in the world would disappear if we were talking to each ot!her instead of about each other."




    • Let’s face it, we’ve changed, we’ve all changed. Somewhere between summer ending and school starting, we’ve all gone our own directions. Hearts were broken, friendships were diminished,! and new loves started and new people came into our lives. We no longer spend all of our time together in our circle of friends; we no longer talk for hours about nothing at all. Some of us are finding !love while some of us are trying to let go. Even though we’ve changed we all know that even though we’re all finding our own place in the world that when we find love, let go of a love, or when the tears fall, or a smile spreads across our face, we’ll come to each other because n!o matter where this crazy world takes us and no matter what happens nothing will change so much that we are all not friends forever.
    • =============================
    • They say time heals all, but without you by my side, time stands still
    • =============================
    • Reality is an illusion caused by a shortage of alcohol.
    • =============================
    • This is an "A" and "B" conversation, so you better "C" your way out before "D" jumps over "E" and "F's" you up "G".
    • =============================
    • From the moment I saw you I wanted to be inside you. I love your smell, the way your tongue feels, the way y!ou tighten and loosen moving as I move Mmmmmmmmmm...
    • I love my new shoes
    • =============================
    • "If you don't go after what you want, you'll never get it. If you dont ask, the answer is always no. If you nev!er step forward, you're always in the same place."
    • =============================

    • He's the kind of guy who makes you love your name just because he says it
    • =============================
    • Love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can't live without. Someone you fall head over heels for. Find someone you can love like crazy, and will love you the same way back. Listen to your heart. No sense in life witho!ut this. To make the journey without falling deeply in love, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try, because if you haven't tried, then you haven't lived
    • =============================
    • Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana,
    • Jack got !high,
    • unzipped his fly and said Jill,
    • do ya wanna?
    • Jill said yes,
    • took off her dress and they did the hankeypankey,
    • but Jill forgot to pop the pill and out popped little Frankie!
    • =============================
    • the beauty of photographs are that they never change....even if the people in them do...



    • I miss you a little, I guess you could say, a little too much, a little too often, and a little more each day
    • =============================
    • Sometimes my mind wander!s; other times it leaves completely.
    • =============================
    • *The two hardest things to say in life
    • are hello for the f!irst time
    • and goodbye for the last *
    • =============================
    • Relationships are like !glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
    • =============================
    • "Just the thought of being with you tomorrow, is enough to get me through today."
    • =============================
    • Don't walk in front! of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
    • =============================

    • There will come a time in your life when you will !become infatuated with a single soul. For this person you'd do anything and not think twice about it, but when asked why ... you have no answer. You'll try !your whole life to understand how a single person can affect you as much as they do, but you'll never find out. And no matter how! badly you hate it or how badly it hurts ... you'll love this person without regret, for the rest of your life
    • =============================
    • Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
    • =============================
    • Many people have ideas on how others should change; few people have ideas on how they should change.
    • =============================
    • some people think b!efore they speak.some people speak before they think.but the smart ones just smile and nod...
    • =============================
    • You don't know
    • You can't see
    • Wha!t really goes on
    • Inside of me
    • My eyes shield
    • How I feel inside
    • You don't know
    • How much I've cried
    • My mouth restricts
    • What I'd really say
    • And make you think
    • I'm perfectly okay
    • I know you tried
    • You mean well
    • But I have things
    • I'd never tell
    • To truly laugh
    • To really smile
    • Is something I haven't
    • Done in a while
    • You'll n!ever know
    • How I really feel
    • I! don't know how long
    • It will take to heal.
    • Just know that
    • I still love you
    • After everything
    • That I'v!e been through.
    • You'll never see
    • Inside my mind
    • I'm protecting you
    • From what you'd find.
    • I protect you because
    • I love you so.
    • This is my pain
    • You'll never know.

    • ================================
    • I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I'm surrounded by angels, and I call them my best friends.

    • ================================



    • one night, a guy and girl were driving home from the movies. The boy sensed that there was something wrong because of the painful silence they shared that night. The girl asked the boy to pull over because she wanted !o talk. She told him that her feelings had changed, and it was time for them !to move on. A silent tear fell down his cheek as he reached into his pocket and gave her a folded note. At that moment, a drunk driver was speeding down that very same street. The driver swerved right into the boys side of the car!, killing him. Miraculously, the girl survived. Remembering the note he had given her, she took it out of her pocket. She began to read it : "Without your love I would die."

    • ================================
    • Fate decides who walks into your life. You decide who you let stay, who you let walk away, and who you refuse to let walk out.

    • ================================
    • If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it.

    • ================================
    • My Imaginary Frie!nd Thinks You Have Mental Problems.

    • ================================

    • I'm not supposed to be normal... I'm supposed to be me.

    • ================================
    • "If you love someone... you say it, right then, out loud. Otherwise... the moment just passes you by."!

    • ================================
    • "waiting for yo!u is like waiting for rain in this drought, hopeless and disappointing"

    • ================================
    • I think I'll go anti-love.Really.Who wants butterflies in your stomach and your heart skipping beats. That ca!n't be safe.



    • You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself be.

    • ================================
    • Some times you have to fall from the mountain to realise what you are climbing for.

    • ================================
    • When you realize God is all you have, you realize, God is all you needed in the first place.

    • ================================
    • i dont want to be your whole life...just your favorite part

    • ================================
    • Me without you is like
    • A pot head who's not high
    • A plane tha!t doesn't fly
    • A suicidal that doesnt die
    • A fat man with no boobs
    • A condom with no lube
    • A starcraft with no noobs
    • A hooker !with no luck
    • A hoe that doesn't suck
    • A slut that doesn't f***
    • A shoe with no laces
    • A nerd without braces
    • Asenten!cewitoutspaces
    • A gay guy without style
    • S**t without a pile
    • A phone without a dial
    • A desk without a seat
    • Socks without feet
    • A heart missing its beat

    • ================================
    • On the other hand, you have different fingers.

    • ================================

    • I'm scared of looking at you because the more i do, the more i fall in love with you..

    • ================================
    • "If you obey all the rules, you'll miss all the fun."

    • ================================
    • God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the !day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

    • ================================
    • "I do exercise. I do one sit up everyday...when I get out of bed in the morning."


    • ================================

    • I cried today, not because I miss you or even wanted you, but because I finally realized I'm gonna be alright without you

    • ================================
    • Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love...but that doesn't mean you love them any less...sometimes it makes you love them even more.

    • ================================
    • Reasons why you're my best friend

    • #001 - I can tell you anything and you won't be shocked.
    • #004 - When I'm really down you cry with me.
    • #023 - I'd trust you with my life and you'd trust me with yours.
    • #033 - We have private jokes.
    • #038 - I take pleasure in your competence.
    • #051 - I know your moods so well that I know exactly when to press you to tell me what's wrong- and when to! leave you in peace.
    • #052 - You're honest but tactful. Usually.
    • #054 - If I'm way out of line, you tell me.And when I'm doing a good job, you tell me that too.
    • #065 - You think I'm smart, capable, !clever and pretty. You're my one-woman cheering section.
    • #094 - Sometimes we're under a lot of stress and we snap at each other.Look, these things happen between friends. We get past it.
    • #098 - You send me encouraging e-m!!ails at critical moments and I send them to you, too.
    • #109 - You stop me firmly when I start apologizing for things that aren't my fault.
    • #110 - You bring your problems to me and let me help you solve them.
    • #122 - We don't look alike and we don't sound alike- but we think alike on all the important things and that's what counts.
    • #124 - You make room for me in your life, even when your life is crowded and busy.
    • #125 - I'm not embarassed to cry in front of you.
    • #128 - I admire your s!elf-control: You actually think before you speak.
    • #132 - I appreciate how you ferret out my secrets when I really want to tell you but can't quite bring myself to do it.
    • #139 - No one else gives me the total attention you do, when I have a problem or just need to talk.
    • #142 - I never felt that any of our arguments or disagreements would end our friendship.
    • #160 - When I'm procrastinating hopelessly, you give me the push I need to get going.
    • #175 - You know my dark side and I know yours. No judgments.
    • #183 - I don't have to watch what I say when we're talking, the way I do when I'm talking with certain other people. And you know who I mean.
    • #209 - Somtimes you give me tough love when I really need gentle love- but I know that's because you're worried about m!e.
    • #215 - There are a few dicery things lurking in my past and you're the only one who knows about them- but you don't hold them against me.
    • #226 - You love to laugh.
    • #230 - You're better than a sister: No sibling rivalry.
    • #248 - You laugh at my jokes!.
    • #249 - You always know the right thing to say.
    • #252 - Sometimes you don't have time for me. That might make me sad or hurt for a while, but hey, you'll be back.
    • #274 - Your love for me is as unconditional as mine is for you.
    • #300 - On!e hug from you is worth 10 from any other friend.
    • #366 - You never get clingy, but you don't mind if I occasionally do.
    • #460 - You're an angel on my shoulder.
    • #463 - We take pride in eac!h other's accomplishments.
    • #466 - We've hit a few rough spots, but with love and patience we smoothed them out.
    • #477 - Secrets are secrets and we'd never reveal each other's.
    • #486 - The good, the bad and the ugly- we've been through them all and we're still friends.
    • #500 - You may misbehave, I may misbehave, but best friends accept best friends, misbehavior and all. That's how it is.

    • ================================
    • Take chance!s,a lot of them because no matter where you end up and who your with it will always end up just the way it should. Your mistakes make you
    • who you are, you learn a!nd grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it, say how you feel,always be you and be okay with it

    • ================================
    • Faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to.

    • ================================
    • If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.

    • ================================

    • Relieving Stress in Class

    • 1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
    • 2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your tex!tbook.
    • 3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". (At Least for the Male profs.)!
    • 4. Address the professor as "your excellency".
    • 5. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
    • 6. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.
    • 7. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.
    • 8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
    • 9. Sit in the fron!t row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.
    • 10. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you.
    • 11. Wink at the prof!essor every few minutes. (Hey you might even get a date if he/she is cute.)
    • 12. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.
    • 13. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.

    • ================================
    • there are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. what you've got to do is turn around and say "watch me"

    • ================================
    • The only thing harder than walking away, is not looking back..

    • ================================
    • "Most people love you for who you pretend to be... to keep their love, you keep pretending--performing. !You get to love your pretense... it's true, we're locked in an image, an act.
    • And, the sad thing is, people get so used to their image--they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And, if you try to remind them, they hate you for it. They feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession."



    • I'M RESIGNING, I'M HEREBY OFICIALLY TENDERING MY RESIGNATION AS A TEENAGER! I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an eight-year-old again! I want to go down to McDonalds and think it’s a five-star restaurant. I want to think that M and M's are better than money because you can eat them. I want to eat a whole packet of Tim tams without feeling guilty afterwards. I want to return to when all you knew were colors, multiplication, tables and nu!rsery rhymes. I want to return to when you didn't know and you didn't care. I want! to remember the whole morning was filled of what your Mom had packed for lunch and the whole afternoon what you were having for dinner. When a simple matchbox car or a Barbie doll represented a whole week's worth of entertainment. When you actually had an imagination. When magic !really existed. When 'Jaws' didn't look fake. I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good would always triumph over evil. When a member of the of the opposite sex was just some annoying disturbance. When friends were real and you didn't care if they were black, white, Catholic, Asian, African, Muslim, fat, skinny, pink, green or from a whole other planet, it just didn't matter... until others told you differently! I want to believe that anything is possible all you have to do is Dream. I want it to be unknown to me the complexities of life and to be completely ecstatic by the little things again like the sound of the Mr. Whi!py Van! I DON'T want to know of school, homework, clothes, friendship, relationships,popularity or even gossip! I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams and human kind. I want to believe that all adults must know everything (How wrong we were). So here's my money, keycards, my makeup, and my adolescence.

    • ================================
    • Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game!

    • ================================
    • There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

    • ================================
    • I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

    • ================================
    • I've convinced everyone else that I don't like you and that I don't want you anymore. Now all I need to do is convince myself.

    • ================================
    • Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Ev!eryone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thin!g in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt

    • ================================

    • Eventually, one of two things will happen. He will realize you're worth it, or you'll realize that he isn't.

    • ================================
    • It's tough when someone special starts to ignore you, but it's even tougher to pretend that you don't mind.

    • ================================
    • 30 Things !Guys Want Girls To Know
    • 1. We're not as perverted as you think we all are
    • 2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a
    • LOSER.
    • 3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
    • 4. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.
    • 5. Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
    • 6. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reasons we're going out with you.
    • 7. Don't go into deta!il about your period. It scares us.
    • 8. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and nothing more.
    • 9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us
    • think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.
    • 10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.
    • 11. NEVER as!k us if you can put makeup on us. It's just wrong.
    • 12. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if you don't.
    • 13. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe
    • us.
    • 14. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet
    • Boys, NSYNC,98 Degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
    • 15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least we can stand up and go
    • pee.
    • 16. Just cause you think you're always right,
    • doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong."
    • 17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for
    • you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
    • 18. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
    • 19. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you,
    • cause you might get what you wish for.
    • 20. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". That's just mean.
    • 21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
    • 22. Pam!ela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours better anyways
    • 23. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a relationship.
    • 24. PMS is not an excuse.
    • 25. If you want us to put the seat down when we're
    • done you should put it up when you're done.
    • 26. Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was.
    • That doesn't turn us on.
    • 27. And re!member: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach.. and maybe..oh nevermind.
    • 28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be
    • that comfy wi!th your friends, but to us it's just wrong
    • 29. We always notice how funny it is after your rip out our heart, stick it down our throat and still want to be friends.
    • 30. And last but not least: We know you're not
    • always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway.

    • ================================
    • If you see me walking with someone else,
    • It's not because i want to..
    • It's because you weren't brave enough to walk by me.
    • If you see me smile,
    • It's not because i forgot you...
    • It's because i got tired of crying for you.
    • If you see me living again,
    • It's not because i've moved on...
    • It's because i hate the fact you can live without me
    • So if I fall in love with someone else,
    • It's not because i want to...
    • It's because y!ou weren't there to catch me



    • The best feeling in the world is realizing that you're perfectly happy without the thing you thought y!ou needed

    • ================================
    • It's not what you know, it's what you do with what you know.

    • ================================
    • As people grow up, they realize it becomes less important to have more friends, and more important to have real ones.

    • ================================
    • True Things About Girls...

    • - We will never be too old for sleepovers.

    • - Gossip isn't a sin. It's an art.

    • - We have this thing called feelings. don't hurt them.

    • - We don't wake up looking pretty. It takes time and effort.

    • - Sometimes is just never quite enough.

    • - We need girls nights OFTEN.

    • - We hold grudges [sometimes] and we never forget the things you say to us that hurt.

    • - It does'nt matter who dumped who or! why. Whenever we see an ex with another girl, it always bothers us. Not because we're not over you, but because we know we used to be that girl.

    • - Makeup can hide so many things, like puffy eyes from crying of a broken heart.

    • - Never ever ask a girl what she weighs; or simply anything about her weight being too much or too little. just don`t do it.
    • !
    • - Never ask a girl if shes being b**chy cause of PMS.. cause other things annoy us...duh!

    • - As much as we say we didnt like you that much...we did.

    • - Girls notice every little thing so be careful what you say and do.

    • - Our eyes are located in our heads. Not our chest or butt. So when
    • you're not looking in our eyes, WE KN0W.

    • - We get a feeling in our gut when things are wrong.

    • - We don't like it when you're with someone in a relationship and you're over there texting some other b**ch.

    • - Sometimes we trust you because we want to, even when we know you are lying, and it hurts.

    • -We hate liars and hypocrites so do us a favor and just don't be one.

    • ================================
    • One fine day in the middle of the night two dead men got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other got out their swor!ds and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise and came to arrest the two young boys. If you don't b!elieve my story's true ask the blind man he saw it too!

    • ================================
    • We are who we choose to be.

    • ================================

    • Funny Gender Jokes - The Perfect Couple

    • Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was! driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect coupl!e loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

    • Scroll down for the answer...




    • ================================





    • The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa C!laus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

    • Men keep'a scrollin'...



    • ================================






    • So, if there! is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why ther!e was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

    • ================================
    • shut the door, take off your pants, get on top of me and do what you need to do to satisfy your needs


    • Love always,
    • The Toilet

    • ================================
    • that thing, that moment, when everything around you becomes hazy.. and the only thing in focus is you and! this person..and you realise that that person is the only person you should be kissing for the rest of your !life.. and for one moment you get this amazing gift.. and you wanna laugh and you wanna cry cuz you feel so lucky that you found it and so so scared that its all gonna go away all at the same time.

    • ================================
    • You can't see that I'm hurting. You don't notice the pain.
    • It feels like everyone else is sitting in the sunshine, while I drown in the rain



    • A first-grade teacher w!" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

    • The teacher had had eno!ugh. She took Harry to the principal's office.

    • While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he wa!s to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

    • Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

    • Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

    • Harry: "9".

    • Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

    • Harry: "36".

    • And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."

    • The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

    • The principal and Harry both agree.

    • The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

    • Harry, after a moment, "Legs."

    • Teacher: "What is in your !pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

    • Harry replied, "Pockets."

    • Teacher: "What does a! dog do that a man steps into?"

    • Harry: "Pants"

    • Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

    • Harry: Coconut

    • The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.

    • Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

    • Harry: Bubblegum

    • Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?

    • The principal's eyes open real!ly wide and before he could stop the answer.

    • Harry: Shake hands

    • Teacher: Now I will ask som!e "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

    • Harry: Yep.

    • Teacher: You stick your !poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

    • Harry: Tent

    • Teacher: A fi!nger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

    • Principal was looking restless and bit tense.

    • Harry: Wedding Ring

    • Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

    • Harry: Nose

    • Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

    • Harry: Arrow

    • Teacher: What word sta!rts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?

    • Harry: Firetruck

    • The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I missed the last t!en questions myself."

    • ================================
    • Girl: Will you remember me in an hour?
    • Guy: yes
    • Girl: a day?
    • Guy: yes
    • Girl: !a year?
    • Guy: yes
    • Girl: Eternity?
    • Guy: yes
    • Girl: Knock knock
    • Guy: who's there?
    • Girl: i thought you said youd remember me....

    • ================================
    • Somewhere, there is someone who dreams of your smile and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile. So when you are lonely, remember it's true; somebody, somewhere is thinking of you.

    • ================================
    • When I first fell in love with you, I couldn't stand being apart with you for a week, then it was a day, and then an hour, and then a minute. Now, I can't stand being away from you for a second. And when we are apart, I miss !you terribly. My heart aches to be with you again, my skin longs to feel your touch, and my eyes wish to gaze into yours. I want to fall helplessly into your arms, and have you hold me! there, close to you, forever.

    • ================================
    • Why Women Cry
    • Watch her eyes

    • A little boy asked his mother, "!Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

    • "I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

    • Later the little bo!y asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

    • "All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

    • The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

    • God said: "When I made the woman she had to be special.

    • I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

    • I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

    • I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fat!igue without complaining.

    • I gave her the sensitivity to love he!r children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

    • I gave her strength to carry her! husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

    • I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

    • And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
    • !
    • "You see my son," said! God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

    • The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

    • ================================
    • These are phobias that actually exist. I am not making them up. But they are pretty weird, and kinda funny.

    • • Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.
    • • Albuminurophobia- Fear of kidney disease.
    • • Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens.
    • • Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic.
    • • Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
    • • Amathophobia- Fear of dust.
    • • Anablephobia- Fear of looking up.
    • • Anthrophobia or Anthophobia- Fear of flowers.
    • • Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
    • • Aulophobia- Fear of flutes.
    • • Bibliophobia- Fear of books
    • • Bogyphobia- Fear of bogeys or the bogeyman
    • • Chaetophobia- Fear of hair
    • • Chr!omophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors
    • • Coulrophobia- F!ear of clowns.
    • • Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school.
    • • Ephebiphobia- Fear !of teenagers.
    • • Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge.
    • • Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news.
    • • Geliophobia- Fear of laughter.
    • • Geniophobia- Fear of chins.
    • • Genupho!bia- Fear of knees.
    • • Hedonophobia- Fear of feeling pleasure.
    • • Hellenologophobia- Fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology.
    • • Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.
    • • Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables.
    • • Linonophobia- Fear of string.
    • • Nephophobia- Fear of clouds.
    • • Nomatophobia- Fear of names.
    • • Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8.
    • • Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.
    • • Papaphobia- Fear of the Pope.
    • • Pediophobia- Fear of dolls.
    • • Pedophobia- Fear of children.
    • • Philosophobia- Fear of philosophy.
    • • Phobophobia- Fear of phobias.
    • • Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking.
    • • Politicophobia- Fear or abnormal dislike of politicians.
    • • Pupaphobia - Fear of puppets.
    • • Sophophobi!a- Fear of learning.
    • • Syngenesophobia- Fear of relatives.

    • ================================
    • In your life you meet people. So!me you never think about again. Some you wonder what happened to them. !There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again, but you do...

    • ================================
    • Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break yo!u down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.

    • ================================
    • Why is it every time I talk to you the words don't come easily, but when you walk away I know exactly what to say?

    • ================================
    • i didnt come back to tell you that i cant live without you.
    • i can live without you.
    • i just dont want to.



    • Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is a beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. L!ife is a duty, co!mplete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is life, fight for it.

    • ================================
    • Dumb as Einstein

    • A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch whil!e I prove it to you."

    • The barber puts a! dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

    • "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

    • Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey son, may I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"


    • The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

    • ================================
    • No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

    • ================================
    • Life is like a d***
    • when it gets hard
    • F*** IT!

    • ================================
    • *Never Get Mad At Someone U Love*

    • Girl: Hey baby i want to show you....
    • Boy: ( cutting her off ) Ugh I'm so mad
    • Girl: Why? Whats wrong ?
    • Boy: Ugh everything
    • Girl: Explain baby
    • Boy: Just lost a championship game,
    • parents flipped out on me for no reason,
    • and im catching a cold
    • Girl: Well !hey there will always be other games,
    • you know I'll take care of you when your sick,
    • what your parents flip about ?
    • Boy: They a!re making me pay them for a car repair
    • Girl: Is it a lot of money
    • Boy: No it just sucks
    • Boy: But hey I do!nt feel well I'm going to go lay down
    • Boy: Bye
    • Girl: Wait I want to give you some...
    • Boy: Can't It wait 'til tommorow ?
    • Girl: Yeah, sure
    • Girl: Bye
    • Boy: Bye


    • 2 hours later a friend of hers asks her to go for a drive ...she
    • goes.....

    • Her friend swerved to avoid a truck....hitting a tree instead

    • Her friend was killed instantly....she's in critical condition


    • This is the conversation between her sister and her boyfriend.....

    • Sister: Omg ( crying )
    • Boy: What? Whats wrong ?
    • Sister: My sister...your girlfriend was involved in a major car wreck
    • Boy: Is she OK????!??
    • Sister: She's in critical condition
    • Boy: I'll be there in 10 minutes


    • He shows up to the hospital room ...standing outside the door
    • going over the last con!versation i!n his mind over and over as he
    • heard the machines beep and beep and breathing tubes pump oxygen into her lungs


    • Boy: She wanted to give me something or tell me something
    • Girls mom: Yeah this...

    • It was an envelope smelling like she sealed it with a kiss in lipstick

    • He opened it.....

    • It said ..... You're everything to me....I love you with everything I am
    • and everything I have...I want to! spend the rest of my life with you

    • Sealed in it was a ripped movie! ticket from the first movie they went
    • to...

    • ...and the first picture the!y took together

    • He kissed the picture as a tear fell from his face onto the picture

    • It looked as if in the pic!ture she was crying

    • Then the machines flatlined....3 minutes later she was pronounced dead

    • ================================
    • No need for reven!ge - Just sit back and wait...those that hurt you will eventually screw up all by themselves ...and if you are lucky, God will let you watch.

    • ================================

    • If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.


    • ================================
    • HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN.
    • * Wine her,
    • * Dine her,
    • * Call her,
    • * Hug her,
    • * Support her,
    • * Hold her,
    • * Surprise her,
    • * Compliment her,
    • * Smile at her,
    • * Liste!n to her,
    • * Laugh with her,
    • * Cry with her,
    • * Romance her,
    • * Encourage her,
    • * Belie!ve in her,
    • * Pray with her,
    • * Pray for her,
    • * Cuddle with her,
    • * Shop with her,
    • * Give! her jewelry,
    • * Buy her flowers,
    • * Hold her hand,
    • * Write love letters to her,
    • * Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.


    • HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
    • * Show up naked ...
    • * Bring food ...
    • * Don't block the TV

    • ================================
    • what hurts more than losing you...

    • is knowing you're not fighting to keep me.

    • ================================
    • The ultimate measure of m!an is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at time!s of challenge and controversy.



    • ================================

    • old enough to know !better, young enough to try it again

    • ================================
    • Nowhere on your birth certificate did it say life would be fair.

    • ================================
    • "Wanna see who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there."

    • ================================
    • THINGS TO DO AT WALMART WHILE YOUR SPOUSE IS TAKING HIS/HER SWEET TIME....

    • *Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

    • *Set all alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals

    • *Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

    • *Walk up to an emplo!yee and tell him/her in an offical tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens

    • *Put M&M's on lay way

    • *Move caution wet floor signs to carpet areas.

    • *Set up a tent in the camping department , tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows form the b!edding department.

    • *When someone asks if! they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people leave me alone."

    • *Look right into the video !camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

    • *Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme to Mission Impossible.

    • *Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through whisper "Pick me, Pick me!!!!"

    • *When an annoucement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "No! No! It's not t!hose voices again."

    • *Go into the fitting room and yell real loud...."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"

    • ================================
    • The mightiest of !weapons is truth. And everyone knows you’re not permitted to enter a Government building with a weapon.

    • ================================
    • If someone has som!ething bad to say about you, it's probably because they have nothing good to say about themselves.

    • ================================

    • I can conquer the world with one hand,
    • as long as you're !holding the other.

    • ================================
    • I catch your eye and you smile and I feel so much love for you it's insane, but I feel you looking back at me wi!th nothing more than friendship.

    • ================================
    • It is not wanting to win that makes you a winner; it is refusing to fail.

    • ================================
    • If you ever want to see a man cry..Put a beer in one hand and a naked woman in the other..And..MAKE HIM CHOOSE!



    • ================================


    • It's beauty that captures your !attention; personality which captures your heart.

    • ================================
    • If you can't take the heat, don't tickle the dragon.

    • ================================
    • There's a story behind every person. There's a reason why they're the way they are. They aren't just like that becaus!e they want to. Something in the past created them, and sometimes it's impossible to fix them.

    • ================================
    • When I was in gr!ade school, they told me to write down what I wanted to be when I grew up.
    • I wrote down happy.
    • They told me I didn't understand the assignment,
    • I told them they didn't understand life

    • ================================
    • One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a debate that goes on inside people. He said,"My son, the battle between two wolves is inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, g!reed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

    • The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosi!ty, truth, compassion, and faith.

    • The grandson thought about this for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

    • The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

    • ================================
    • Kids Are Quick
    • ____________________________________

    • TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
    • MARIA: Here it is.!
    • TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
    • CLASS: Maria.
    • ____________________________________

    • TEACHER: John,! why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
    • JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
    • __________________________________________
    • TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
    • GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
    • TEACHER: No, th!at's wrong
    • GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
    • ____________________________________________
    • TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
    • DONALD: H I J! K L M N O.
    • TEACHER: What are you talking about?
    • DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
    • __________________________________

    • TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
    • WINNIE: Me!
    • ______________________________________ ____

    • TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
    • GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
    • _______________________________________

    • TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
    • MILLIE: I is..
    • TEACHER: No, Mill!ie..... Always say, 'I am.'
    • MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
    • _________________________________
    • TEACHER : George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do !you know why his father didn't punish him?
    • LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
    • ______________________________________
    • TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
    • SIMON: No sir, I don't! have to, my Mom is a good cook.
    • ______________________________

    • TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
    • CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
    • ___________________________________
    • TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
    • HAROLD: A teacher

    • ================================

    • The most important thing in! communication is to hear what isn't being said.

    • ================================
    • Pretending to be someo!ne your not is a waste of the person you are.

    • ================================
    • I have learned that som!etimes "sorry" is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change.
    • ================================
    • "It's impossible." said !pride. "It's risky." said experience. "It's pointless." said reason. "Give it a try." whispered the heart.
    • ================================
    • A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend pees their pants laughing, trips you again, and! calls you an a**hole.
    • =================================
    • Friends are lik!e stars, they come and go, but the ones that stay are the ones that glow
    • =================================
    • You see THAT girl, yeah her.
    • She seems so invincible right.
    • but just touch her & she'll flinch.
    • She has secrets & she trusts no one.
    • she's the perfe!ct example of betrayal.
    • cause everyone she trusted, broke her
    • =================================
    • Sometimes you have to smile...
    • Pretend everything's okay.
    • Hold back th!e tears,
    • And just walk away.
    • =================================
    • my plan is to forgive and forget;;
    • forgive myself for being so stupid
    • and forget you ever existed.
    • =================================

    • Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

    • The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

    • First floor
    • The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

    • Second floor
    • The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

    • Third floor
    • This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
    • "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

    • Fourth floor
    • This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
    • "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

    • Fifth floor
    • The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are f-cking impossible to please. The exit is to your left."

    • *Didn't write*
    • - ??? be happy for what you have
    • =================================
    • TO MY BEST FRIEND:
    • I was sitting here thinking
    • of the words I want to say,
    • but they just wouldn't come out right
    • so I found a different way

    • I got a piece of paper
    • and I wrote this poem for you,
    • but there's no way to thank you
    • for everything you do

    • For always being nice to me
    • and staying by my side,
    • for helping fix my problems
    • and never leaving me behind

    • For accepting my thoughts and feelings,
    • though you do not understand,
    • for never giving up on me
    • and being my best friend

    • For making me laugh
    • and letting me cry
    • and saying you'd miss me
    • if I were to die

    • Everything you mean to me
    • you could never know
    • In all the ways you've changed my life
    • I could never show

    • The way you take care of me,
    • you're my shining star
    • and though it's so incredible
    • that's just the way you are

    • Before I get too mushy
    • it's time for me to go,
    • but before I leave this ink-filled page
    • there's one thing you should know

    • As long as we are living,
    • no matter when or where,
    • if you ever need me
    • just call and I'll be there

    • I'll climb a thousand mountains
    • and swim a thousand seas
    • anything to be there
    • 'cause you've been there for me
    • =================================
    • READ THIS, IT WILL MAKE YOUR DAY !!

    • If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee
    • (Hardly seems worth it.)

    • If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
    • (Now that's more like it!)

    • The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

    • (O.M.G.!)

    • A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

    • (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

    • A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
    • (I'm still not over the pig.)

    • Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
    • (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

    • The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

    • (Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)
    • The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

    • (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

    • The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

    • (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)


    • Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

    • (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

    • Butterflies taste with their feet.

    • (Something I always wanted to know.)

    • The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
    • (Hmmmmmm......)

    • Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
    • (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

    • Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

    • (Still want 2 b the pig)

    • A cat's urine glows under a black light.

    • (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

    • An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

    • (I know some people like that)

    • Starfish have no brains
    • (I know some people like that too.)

    • Polar bears are left-handed.

    • (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

    • Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

    • (What about that pig??)

    • Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.

    • In other words, send it to everyone!
    • =================================




    • It requires wisdom to understand wisdom; the music is nothing if the audience is deaf.
    • =================================
    • Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship--never.

    • =================================

    • Procrastination is like masturbation...it feels great until you realize you f***ed yourself
    • =================================
    • everyone sees who I appear to be but only a few know the real me. you only see what i choose to show. there's so much behind my smile you just don't know
    • =================================
    • Somewhere behind the athlete you've become and the hours of practice and the coaches who have pushed you is a little girl who fell in love with the game and never looked back... play for her.
    • =================================
    • I've learned that it takes years
    • to build up trust, and it only takes
    • suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
    • =================================
    • Sometimes, when you're mad, you have the right to be mad, but you don't have the right to be cruel.
    • =================================
    • I called your boyfriend gay...and he hit me with his purse.
    • =================================

    • Footprints

    • One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene,he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, and the other to the Lord.

    • When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of foot - prints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

    • This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

    • The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
    • =================================
    • One day you're going to wake up
    • and realize that you truly love her

    • And she is going to be waking up
    • next to the guy who already knew..
    • =================================
    • Its funny how
    • you can do nice things for people
    • all the time
    • and they never notice.
    • But once you make one mistake,
    • its never forgotten.
    • =================================
    • Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

    • If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

    • {A} Almost Boobs...
    • {B} Barely there.
    • {C} Can't Complain!
    • {D} Dang!
    • {DD} Double dang!
    • {E} Enormous!
    • {F} Fake
    • {G} Get a Reduction
    • {H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

    • =================================


    • An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea.". Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it.".
    • =================================
    • I fear that someday you might leave me because you realize you can do better

    • I fear that something is going to stand in our way and we will slowly drift apart

    • I fear that you won't call me or will get tired of who I am

    • I fear that you might realize how you've compromised for me

    • I fear that some one is going to steal you away

    • I fear that something inside of you is going to get annoyed with all the little things you used to love

    • I fear that one day something is going to happen and God will take you away from me

    • But most of all I am afraid that I may do something to make you cry, and if that happens I'll die
    • =================================
    • "Be carefull..the ones that make you smile are the same ones that can shatter your heart."

    • =================================
    • If one day you want to cry, just call me. I can't promise I'll make you laugh, but I can cry with you.
    • If one day you want to run away, don't be afraid, just call me. I can't promise I'll make you stop, but I can run with you.
    • If one day you are bored, just call me. I can't promise I will entertain you, but I can tell you I am bored too.
    • But if one day you tell me you are in love with me, I promise I will tell you I am love with you, too.
    • =================================
    • If i could be any Barbie, i would be Divorce Barbie. She comes with, Ken's House, Ken's Car and Ken's Boat.
    • =================================
    • Your so ugly that if you entered an ugly competition they'd say sorry no professionals.
    • =================================

    • Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
    • =================================
    • "Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn’t make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn’t wait to grow up".
    • =================================
    • Tears are words the heart cant say
    • =================================
    • To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me?? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding



    • Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so no one can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love
    • =================================
    • my knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil
    • =================================
    • We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box.
    • =================================
    • Once you get what you want,
    • You've got something to lose
    • =================================
    • the worst thing about being lied to is knowing you're not worth the truth
    • =================================
    • Don't think less of yourself, think of yourself less
    • =================================

    • WHO IS JACK SCHITT?
    • For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find
    • ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!"
    • Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an
    • intellectual way.Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
    • In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
    • After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six Schitt, were inseparable throughout Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
    • The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the "Schitt-Happens nuptials."
    • The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarce. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
    • Now, when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them.
    • Sincerely,

    • Crock O. Schitt
    • =================================
    • "I am somebody. I am me. I like being me. And I need nobody to make me somebody."
    • =================================
    • I love you. I find you fun, funny, attractive, talkative yet sometimes quiet, caring, easy to like, annoying, lovable, great, hard to talk to, easy to talk to, too secretive, too open, too nice, really mean. I think that you’re worth all the awkwardness, the fights, the arguing, you’re worth all the tears, you’re worth all the pain. It doesn’t matter because I think you’re worth it.
    • =================================
    • "Sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it, because if we actually felt how much we loved them.. It would kill us."




    • Don't put off telling someone how you feel about them, because every day that passes by is another opportunity for them to meet someone else.
    • =================================
    • Sometimes the best way to get some ones attention is to stop giving them yours.
    • =================================
    • Suicide is killing the one person you can actually change
    • =================================
    • What a Girlfriend SHOULD Know and a boyfriend SHOULD do

    • Guys:Put your hands around her waist firmly
    • girls: lay your headback on his shoulder and put your arms on his.


    • Guys:whisper in her ear, girls: giggle
    • Girls:whenever he tries to kiss you, don't just let him, kiss him back.


    • Girls: When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold
    • Guys: automatically move closer to her. (if your stupid then you'll either say" me too " or you'll give her your jacket... don't)


    • Girls: During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
    • guys: lift her chin up and kiss her.


    • Guys: When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too... and mean it.


    • Girls:When you're both laying under the stars, put yourhead on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
    • Guys: whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.
    • =================================
    • "Don't be afraid of change. You may end up losing something good, but you will probably end up gaining something better."
    • =================================
    • There's three ways to do things, the right way, the wrong way and the way that I do it.
    • =================================

    • *I want a boy.
    • A bad boy, but a bad boy with a soft side.
    • A boy who will make me laugh.
    • A boy who will let me play with his hair.
    • A boy who will stop and wait for me in the hall; take my hand; and walk me two classes away.
    • A boy who will tell me he loves me when I get to school.
    • A boy who will never be ashamed of me.
    • A boy who would go to something even though he doesnt want to; just to see me.
    • A boy who will run his fingers through my hair.
    • A boy who would take the long way to class and be late just to see me for 30 seconds.
    • A boy who would stay after school with me just to walk around and talk.
    • A boy that can free style for me.
    • A boy that would look me in the eyes and sing me something random but sweet.*
    • 'A boy that acts normal around anyone.
    • A boy who would tell a girl that he had a girlfriend.
    • A boy who would make out in the rain with me.
    • A boy who would lay under the stars and tell me stories as I lay my head on his chest.
    • A boy who would wait for me outside the bathroom.
    • A boy who would come up behind me; take my hands; and lay his head on my shoulder so I can put mine on his.
    • A boy who lets me pay for some thing’s.
    • A boy who would do something special for me if I were having a bad day.
    • A boy who would write on "Happy Birthday" on a chalkboard in one of my classes on my birthday.
    • A boy who would take someone's cell phone; go into the bathroom and call me if I wasnt in school; and find out where I was.'
    • *A boy who would tell me things through my friends.
    • A boy who yells my name from across the hall.
    • A boy who would meet me at my locker every morning and at dismissal.
    • A boy who would beat another guys a$$ if they were messing with me.
    • A boy who would buy me 25 cent rings from gumball machines.
    • A boy who would call me at 3am and ask me what I was doing; and tell me he was thinking about me.
    • A boy who would go to the mall with me and we'd make fun of people.
    • A boy who would go places with me and my friends even though he'd be the only guy.
    • A boy who would laugh at me when I get a detention; only because he's sitting there next to me for the same reason.*
    • 'A boy who would help me with my homework; even though he doesn’t know it either.
    • A boy who would pick out a song that made him think of me.
    • A boy who likes some of my music; and I would like some of his; even though we both in the first place hated it; but now love it cause they like it.
    • A boy who would help me if I was having problems at home.
    • A boy who would take the blame for me being late.
    • A boy who would pin me against a wall and kiss me.
    • A boy who would take me to the movies and see a stupid kid movie; just so we can sit in the back and make out.
    • A boy who makes his friends jealous of me because he talks about me so much.
    • A boy who lets me take pictures of him at embarrassing times.
    • A boy who would pretty much do anything for me.'
    • =================================
    • Everyone will eventually make two mistakes in love.
    • They'll fall for someone they'll never have,
    • And they'll ignore the person right in front of their face.
    • =================================
    • "She's strong because she knows what it's like to be weak.
    • She keeps a guard up because she knows what it's like to cry herself to sleep."
    • =================================
    • You told me I was beautiful,
    • It meant so much to me,
    • But when I looked into the mirror,
    • There was no beauty I could see.
    • I asked you why you said that,
    • I asked you why you lied,
    • Then you told me to look closer,
    • Because I'm beautiful inside.

    • =================================

    • Relationships of all kinds are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold on to some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.
    • =================================
    • Winning means you're willing to go longer, work harder, and give more than anyone else.
    • =================================
    • Being happy doesn't mean you're perfect. It just means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections
    • =================================
    • I look up to the people who keep on dancing even after the music has stopped, because those are the people who will keep on trying even after all hope is lost.
    • =================================
    • When I lost you, both of us lose
    • Me because you were the one I loved the most
    • You because I was the one who loved you the most
    • But from the two of us the one who lost more was you
    • Cause I'll be able to love others the way I loved you
    • But no one will love you the way I did
    • =================================
    • take nothing but photos
    • leave nothing but footsteps
    • and kill nothing but time
    • because
    • here's to the nights
    • that turn into mornings
    • and the friends
    • that turn into family
    • =================================

    • Sometimes you think you've gotten over a person, but when you see him smile, you suddenly realize you're just pretending you're over him to ease the pain of knowing he will never be yours
    • =================================
    • Your friendship means so much to me that...

    • When you cry...
    • I cry.
    • When you laugh...
    • I laugh.
    • When you jump out a window...
    • I laugh some more.
    • =================================
    • I'm not gonna get drunk to please the crowd...
    • I'm not gonna be a slut and sleep around...
    • I'm gonna say what I think and say it loud...
    • I'm gonna say what I believe and I'm gonna stand proud....
    • I'm gonna be me, no matter who i'm around...
    • =================================
    • I find it hard to look at pictures that are of you and me
    • It’s hard to think that someday the two of us may not be
    • When those thoughts go through my mind, I stop and realize
    • All the things we have done and how you opened up my eyes
    • When I feel like I’m alone, you’re the first person that I call
    • The only one who knows how to fix everything and all
    • You came into my life and I knew it from the start
    • No matter what may happen, you would always be in my heart
    • I know that I can go to you with anything I need
    • You’ll help me through my toughest times telling me I will succeed
    • You have the two best shoulders for me to lean and cry on
    • Wiping away all of my tears until they are gone
    • You know all of my wishes and you know my dreams
    • Reminding me they’re not as far away as they may seem
    • You are loyal, kind, and caring, and I know that this is true
    • My world wouldn’t be as bright if I knew there were no you
    • If ever you need a friend to tell everything and all
    • I’m just a few numbers away, so don’t be afraid to call
    • If there were one thing to want from life, this is what it would be
    • To be as good a friend to you as you have been to me
    • I hope I made you smile when you were about to cry
    • I hope I comforted you when you wanted to just die
    • Our smiles and our laughter, our tears and all our sorrow
    • They mean just as much as knowing that we still have tomorrow
    • It is a gift knowing someone is gonna by your side
    • With this person, you will never have to hide
    • Looking at you makes me realize you’re more than a friend,
    • And that you will be there with me until the very end
    • To you I want to say thanks for touching my life and leaving your mark
    • With you I know I will shine, even when in the dark
    • You are always there to help me, guiding me through the bends
    • That is why you will forever be my true best friend
    • Finding a friend like you is like finding a pot of gold
    • Something that can never be bought, something that can never be sold

    • =================================



    • I just want to be the girl you talk about, the only one you couldn't live without..to be the one who makes your heart beat crazy and for you to say to your boys "shes my baby"
    • =================================
    • what's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives girls crazy?.......................................................................... MONEY!!!
    • =================================
    • A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like “chalk” or “pencil,” she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral.

    • Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, “What gender is a computer?”

    • The teacher wasn’t certain which it was, and so divided the class into 2 groups (male and female) and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.


    • The Men decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

    • No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

    • The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else,

    • Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

    • As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

    • The Women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

    • In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

    • They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

    • They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

    • As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you waited a little bit longer, you could have had a better model.
    • =================================
    • BLACK MAN WALKS INTO A CAFE EARLY ONE MORNING AND

    • NOTICES HE'S THE ONLY ONE THERE

    • AS HE SAT DOWN HE NOTICED A WHITE MAN SAT BEHIND HIM,

    • THE WHITE MAN SAID "COLOURED PEOPLE ARN'T ALLOWED IN HERE" .

    • THE BLACK MAN REPLIED...

    • "WHEN I WAS BORN I WAS BLACK

    • WHEN I GREW UP I WAS BLACK

    • WHEN I'M SICK I'M BLACK

    • WHEN I GO IN THE SUN I'M BLACK

    • WHEN I'M COLD I'M BLACK

    • When I Die I Will Be BLACK!

    • When You Were Born You Were PINK

    • When You Grew Up You Were PEACH

    • When You'r Sick You Turn GREEN

    • When You Go Into The Sun You Turn RED

    • When Your Cold You Turn BLUE

    • When You Die You Turn PURPLE,



    • AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO CALL ME COLOURED".
    • =================================
    • Forever is a long time and time has a way of changing things.
    • =================================
    • it's the way yOu make me laugh ...
    • when i dOn't even wanna smile
    • =================================

    • Sometimes people come into your life & you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are & or who you want to become You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know at the very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
    • and sometime things will happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, & unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming these obstacles that you would have never realized your true potential, strength, will power, or heart
    • Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by mean of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness & sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without this small test, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe & comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
    • The people that you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you will become Even the bad experiences are learned from. In fact, they are the most poignant ones.
    • If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love & how to open your heart & eyes to things.
    • Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment & take from those moments everything you could possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before & actually listen... Let yourself fall in love again, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right too.
    • Tell yourself that you are a great individual & believe in yourself. For if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your life anything you wish.....Create your own life & then go out & live it with absolutely NO REGRETS. Most importantly, if you love someone tell him or her, for you NEVER know what tomorrow may have in store. And learn a lesson in life each day you live.
    • Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday.... Was it worth it?
    • =================================
    • you're the only one who can leave me completely breathless even when theres nothing but silence between us. It's like I can lay beside you and we not say a single word and still I have the best time.
    • =================================
    • things to do in a public bathroom
    • Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
    • 2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

    • 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise

    • 4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

    • 5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"

    • 6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

    • 7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

    • 8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

    • 9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

    • 10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

    • 11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

    • 12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

    • 13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!

    • 14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

    • 15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

    • 16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks

    • 17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

    • 18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

    • 19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."

    • PLZ COMMENT AND VOTE....THX

    • '*'didnt write it but love it'*'
    • =================================
    • "Dont be mad because I dont care anymore. Be mad because I once did, and you were too blind to see.




    • OBSTACLES ARE PUT iN OUR
    • WAY TO SEE iF WHAT WE WANT
    • iS REALLY WORTH FiGHTiNG FOR.
    • =================================
    • When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn't mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over.
    • =================================
    • "We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everyhwere."
    • =================================
    • Men are like pennies: two-faced and worthless.
    • =================================
    • I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake
    • =================================
    • There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
    • =================================

    • Fat people are harder to kidnap
    • =================================
    • There's a huge difference between giving up and letting go
    • Giving up is sacrificing what
    • was rightfully yours,
    • and letting go is forgetting what never was
    • =================================
    • God made Man before Woman because you always make the rough draft before the final masterpiece.
    • =================================
    • Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say 'I'm happy for you', when all you really do is cry.



    • If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
    • -
    • =================================
    • Maybe you're just scared, because for once in your life
    • someone actually wants to be with you.
    • =================================
    • Rehab Is for Quitters
    • =================================
    • " You are the answer to every prayer I've offered. You are a song, a dream, a whisper, and I don't know how I could live without you for as long as I have. I love you, more than you can ever imagine. I always have, and i always will."
    • =================================
    • Arms are for hugging
    • Boys are for kissing
    • Sluts are for dissing
    • And best friends are for
    • when the boy is kissing
    • the slut and all you really
    • need is that hug
    • =================================
    • ...There's a point in your life when you get tired of chasing everyone & trying to fix everything, but it's not giving up. It's realizing that you don't need certain people `& the crap they bring...
    • =================================

    • I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
    • =================================
    • Everyone has their own reason for waking up in the morning...Mine is you
    • =================================
    • Pain is only temporary but victory is forever.
    • =================================
    • if a kiss was a raindrop i'd send you a shower, if a hug was a second id send you an hour, if a smile was water id send you the sea, if you needed love id send you me



    • Why am i afraid to lose u if ur not even mine....
    • =================================
    • It wasn't your fault, it was mine for believing every word u said
    • -
    • =================================
    • you learn a lot about people
    • when you listen to the songs
    • that mean something to them
    • =================================
    • When I have a kid, I'm going to go to the mall, put him into a double stroller, and run around looking frantic.
    • =================================
    • I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
    • =================================
    • So let me get this straight, you were leading me on, using me, keeping me waiting for something that wasn’t there, letting me get my hopes up for you, acting like you cared, and allowing me to start liking you more and more everyday because you didn’t want to hurt me?
    • =================================

    • A thousand words won't bring you back i know because i've tried, neither will a million tears i know because i've cried.
    • =================================
    • Her: Will you pick me up if I ever fell down?

    • Him: No.

    • Her: Would you wipe away the tears when I'm sad?

    • Him: Never.

    • Her: Will you still love me when I look my worst?

    • Him: Nope.

    • Her: [feeling hurt after hearing this] At least you're honest. [starts to walk away...]

    • Him: [grabs her back to face him] I wouldn't pick you up if you fell because I would catch you before you even hit the ground. I wouldn't wipe away your tears because I'll make sure there's nothing for you to ever be sad about. I wouldn't love you when you look your worst because that's impossible. You always look you're best, even when you think you don't. I love you more than anything, remember that.
    • =================================
    • Never go back into an old love, no matter how strong it is, because its like reading a book over and over again when you already know how it ends....
    • =================================
    • Will you love me for the rest of my life?
    • No, I'll love you for the rest of mine.



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