latest Jokess


  • संता एक बार एक रेस्तराँ में घूसा और चिल्लाया – मुझे एक हाफ चिकन तंदूरी दो और बाकी यंहा सब बैठे लोगों को मटन खिलाओ……
  • क्योंकि जब में खाता हूं तो मैं चाहता हूं सब खाएं…
  • .
  • संता फिर चीखा मुझे एक वाइन की बोतल दो और यंहा बैठे सभी लोगों को बीअर पिलाओ…..
  • क्योंकि जब मैं पीता हूं तो मैं चाहता हूं सब पीएं……
  • .
  • सभी संता से बहुत खुश हुए और उसकी तारीफ करने लगे…
  • .
  • पीने के बाद वे फिर चिल्लाया मुझे मेरा बिलदो और यंहा बैठे लोगों को भी उनका बिल दो…..
  • क्योंकि मैं चाहता हूं कि जब मैं बिल चुकाऊं तो सब अपना अपना बिल चुकाएं .
  • ========================================
  • एक दिन पति अपने घर की लाइट ठीक कर रहा था. तभी उसने अपनी बीवी को आवाज़ लगाईं.
  • पति– ओ पप्पू की माँ …. सुनती हो !
  • बीवी – क्या है ?
  • पति – ज़रा इधर तो आओ …
  • बीवी – लो आ गई, अब बोलो ?
  • पति– ये दो तार हैं, ज़रा इनमे से कोई एक हाथ में पकड़ना …
  • बीवी – क्यों ?
  • पति– अरे तू पकड़ तो सही एक बार …
  • बीवी – ये लो पकड़ लिया …
  • पति– कुछ हुआ ?
  • बीवी – नहीं तो …
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • पति – अच्छा … इसका मतलब karant. दूसरी तार में है …. !!!
  • ========================================
  • Ek baar ek Bandar ne ek aadmi se poochha ki tum mei aur
  • mujhme kya fark hai?
  • Aadmi bola:- tum daal par uchhal kood karte ho jabki main
  • daal kar uchhal kood karta hoon.
  • Pappu Aur Madam
  • ========================================
  • Ye Tab Ki Baat Hai Jab Pappu 5th Class Mein Tha. Uski Class
  • Ki Ek Teacher
  • Pregnant Thhi Uske Dekh Kar Ek Din Pappu Bola
  • Pappu – Madam Aapko Beta Hone Wala Hai Ya Beti ?
  • Madam Bade Pyar Se Boli – Ye Baat Bhala Mujhe Kaisi Pata
  • Hogi
  • Pappu – Madam Mujhe Pata Hai Aapko Kya Hone Wala Hai
  • Aapko Ladkaa Hone Waala Hai.
  • Teacher Hairani Se – Arey… Tujhe Ye Baat Kaise Pata ?
  • Pappu – Mam Wo Jab Aap Chair Pe Pair Utha Ke Bethhti Ho To
  • Ander Se Uski Moochhe Dikhaai Deti Hain.
  • ========================================
  • Doodhwala Lagataar Ek Aurat Ki Door-Bell Baja Raha Tha
  • Aurat Naha Rahi Thi Oonchi Awaaz Mein Gusse Se Boli
  • Aurat – Bhaiya Kitna Dabaoge Ab Bas Bhi Karo Tumse Achchha
  • To Paperwala Hai 
  • Jo Chup Chaap Neeche Se Daal Deta Hai.
  • Ek Chhoti Bachi Ne Randee Se Poocha
  • ========================================
  • Bachchi – Aunty Aapke Paas Itna Bada Ghar Hai, Paisa Hai,
  • Cars Hain
  • Aap Ka Business Kia Hai ?
  • Randi Boli –  Bas Beta
  • Ek Mera HOLE-SALE  Ka Business Hai
  • Ek Aadmi Apne Bachche Ko Lekar Sabzee Mandi Gaya
  • ========================================
  • Ek Aadmi Apne Bachche Ko Lekar Sabzee Mandi Gaya Aur Bola
  • Aadmi – Dekho beta jo cheez khareedni ho use daba kar
  • check kar lena chahiye.
  • Kuch dino baad uska beta Haanfte hue Baap ke office pahuncha
  • aur bole
  • Bachcha – Pitajee Pitajee ek aadmi Mummy ko khareedna
  • chahta hai
  • ========================================
  • In India, it’s hard to find a single truck or commercial vehicle, which doesn’t have something funny written on its back side. Here I’ve collected some best funny lines for your amusement –
  • (1) Found on a TATA Van :
  • First Line – “HAM DO HAMARE DO”
  • Next Line – “Sonu, Monu, Chinky, Pinky & Pappu De Papa Dee Gaddi…”
  • (2) Found written on the back of a TATA Magic (Chhota Hathi) :
  • “Papa, Main Bhi Bada Hokar Truck Banoonga !”
  • (3) Best Line on a School – bus :
  • “Mujhe Naa Chhed… Mai Toh Bachchon Wali Hoon … !”
  • (4) Found on the back of a Truck :
  • “Buri Nazar Waley …. Teri Lugaai Bhagey !”
  • (5) Another funny line found on a truck :
  • “Jalo Mat Bhai … Gaadi Kishton Mein Lee Hai … !”
  • (6) And this one is really scary, found on a truck on Delhi roads :
  • “Jatt Risky … After Whisky !”
  • (7) Another funny one on a truck :
  • “Yeh Lo … Gaya Tera Phoopha !”
  • (8) Line on a Mini-bus :
  • “Chal Bhaag Basanti … Peechhe Kai Ghode HinHinaa Rahe hain !”
  • (9) Written behind a truck :
  • “Buri Nazar Waley, Tere Bachche Jiyen … Bade Hokar Desi Piyen !”
  • (10) And this one is a LAJAWAAB SHAYARI found on a truck :
  • “Kaun Kehta Hai Ki Maut Aayegi Toh Mar Jaaoonga… Dilli Kaa Driver Hoon, Cut Maar Kar Nikal Jaaoonga !”

  • ========================================
  • पप्पू के 4 बच्चे थे.एक दिन उसने अखबार में पढ़ा कि ऐसे व्यक्ति जिनके 5 या अधिक बच्चे हैं, 
  • सरकार उन्हें 20000 रुपया महीना देगी.यह खबर पप्पू ने अपनी पत्नी को दिखाई और बोला – “अगर तुम नाराज़ न हो तो तुमसे एक बात कहूँ … ?”
  • पत्नी – “नहीं होऊंगी … कहो !”पप्पू – “मुझे मेरी गर्ल-फ्रेंड से भी एक बच्चा है … तुम कहो तो उसे भी अपने घर ले आऊँ … 
  • हमें ये20000 रुपये महीने मिलने लगेंगे!”
  • पत्नी – “ठीक है … ले आओ !”
  • पप्पू खुशी-खुशी बच्चे को लेने चला गया. जब वह बच्चे को लेकर वापस लौटा तो देखा कि उसके 2 बच्चे गायब हैं.
  • उसने पत्नी से पूछा – “मुन्नू औरचुन्नू कहां गए ?”
  • पत्नी – “जिसके थे वो ले गया … 
  • अब अखबार कोई ऐसी चीज़ तो है नहींकि अकेले तुम्हारे ही घर में आती हो ?

  • ========================================
  • Santa ki shaadi ke 3 mahine baad hi beta ho gaya.
  • Santa: Ye 3 mahine mein bacha kaise ho gaya?
  • Biwi: Aapki shadi ko kitna time hua hai?
  • Santa: 3 mahine.
  • Biwi: Aur meri shadi ko?
  • Santa: 3 mahine.
  • Biwi: Aur bachcha kitne time baad hua?
  • Santa: 3 mahine baad.
  • Biwi: Total kitne mahine ho gaye?
  • Santa: Ohh teri vakai, 9 mahine ho gaye!
  • Time ka pata hi nahi laga? :D


  • ========================================

  • Bhikari: Kuch khane ko Dedo.
  • SANTA – TAMATAR KHAO
  • Bikari – Roti dedo
  • Santa – TAMATAR KHAO
  • Bikari -Lao Tamatar hi do
  • Santa ki Mummy – Ye totla hai aur keh raha hai, KAMAKAR khao.
  • Funny Jokes : Santa emotional ho gaya
  • Clean Jokes, Funny Jokes, General, Hindi Jokes, Jokes, Jokes SMS, Santa Banta Jokes Comments
  • Santa saari rat mujra dekhta raha.
  • Mujrewaali:
  • Hamne aapko khush kiya ab aap hamko khush kar do
  • Santa emotional ho gaya aur bola
  • Acha ab tu baith main nachta hun!!

  • Santa Banta Jokes : Mirror Ke Samne Padai
  • Clean Jokes, Funny Jokes, General, Hindi Jokes, Jokes, Jokes SMS, Santa Banta Jokes Comments
  • Santa: Tu Mirror ke samne baith kar kyun padhta hai?
  • Banta: Iske 3 fayde hain.
  • 1. Sath me revision ho jata hai.
  • 2. Khud pe nazar bhi rehti hai.
  • 3. Padhne ke liye company mil Jati.

  • ========================================
  • Ek kutta ek car k neeche baitha tha..
  • Santa aaya aur uski poonch kheechta hua bola:
  • nikal saale…
  • bada aaya Mechanical Engineer..!!
  • Santa Banta Jokes : Maine cigarette peena chhod diya hai
  • ========================================
  • Santa 2 cigarette ek saath pee raha thaa.
  • Patni: 2 cigarette kyon peete ho?
  • Santa: Dost kee yaad aati hai na.. ek meri hoti hai aur ek mere dost ki.
  • Kuchh dino baad Santa ek hi cigarette peene laga.
  • Patni ne poochha: Dost ko bhool gaye kya?
  • Santa: Nahi Pagli, maine cigarette peena chhod diya hai!!!
  • ========================================
  • Sir: Define Energy?
  • Santa: Sir pura nai aata hain, thoda last ka pata hain, bas…
  • Sir: Thik hain, jitna aata hain utna bolo.
  • Santa: “and this is called Energy…” :-P
  • Santa Banta Jokes : संता बंता को गुस्से से बोल रहा था।
  • ========================================
  • संता बंता को गुस्से
  • से बोल रहा था।
  • संता- यार, जब मैंने
  • तुझे खत लिखा था कि मेरी शादी में जरूर आना। तो तुम आये क्यों नही?
  • बंता- ओह यार, पर मुझे
  • खत मिला ही नही।
  • संता- मैंने लिखा तो
  • था कि खत मिले या ना मिले तुम जरूर आना।
  • Santa-Banta Sms Jokes
  • ========================================
  • संता: अब मैं बहुत
  • तंग आ गया हूँ,
  • कल बीवी को लेकर मनाली
  • जा रहा हूँ,
  • रास्ते में उसे कहीं
  • खाई में गिरा दूँगा !
  • बंता: मेरी वाली भी
  • ले जा यार, उसे भी किसी गहरी खायी में गिरा देना!
  • संता (कुछ सोचते हुए):
  • अगर तू बुरा ना माने तो, तेरी वाली को वापसी में गिरा दूँ? :D
  • Hindi Jokes : टीवी के विज्ञापनों से कुछ निष्कर्ष
  • ========================================
  • टीवी के विज्ञापनों
  • से कुछ निष्कर्ष
  • टीवी के विज्ञापनों
  • को देखकर हमारे एक सुधी मित्र ने कुछ निष्कर्ष निकालकर फेसबुक पर पोस्ट किये हैं. उन्हीं
  • में कुछ आपके साथ शेयर कर रहा हूँ -
  • घोटालों से परेशान ना हों, Tata की चाय
  • पीयें, इससे देश बदल जाएगा …
  • पानी की जगह Coca Cola और Pepsi पीयें और
  • प्यास बुझायें …
  •  Lifebuoy और Dettol 99.9% कीटाणु मारते
  • है पर 0.1 % पुनः प्रजनन के लिए छोड़ ही देते है …
  • अगर आप Sprite पीते हैं तो लड़की पटाना
  • आपके बाये हाथ का खेल है …
  •  Saif Ali Khan और Kareena Kapoor ने शादी
  • एक दुसरे के सर का Dandruff देख कर की है ….
  •  किसी के Toothpaste में नमक है या नहीं,
  • यह पूछने के लिए आप किसी के भी घर का बाथरूम तोड़ सकते हैं …
  • Mountain Dew पीकर पहाड़से कूद जाइये, कुछ
  • नहीं होगा ….
  • Cadbury, Dairy Milk, Silk Chocolate खाएं
  • कम और मुंह पर ज्यादा लगायें …
  • Happident चबाइए और बिजली का कनेक्शन कटवा
  • लीजिये ….
  •  फलमंडी से ज्यादा फल आपके Shampoo में होते
  • हैं …
  • अगर आपने घर में Asian Paint किया है तो
  • आप दुनियाके सबसे Intelligent इन्सान हैं …
  •  अगर आपका  बेटा Bournvita नहीं पीता तो वो मंदबुद्धि
  • माना जा सकता है …
  • - From the Facebook
  • Wall of ‘M for Manish’
  • Sardar Jokes : First time in the history it happened and won’t happen again
  • ========================================
  • Rajnikant vs
  • sardar: opening Question to both in a competition..
  • What is half of
  • 8?
  • Rajni: 4
  • Sardar: Depend
  • karta hai.
  • agar horizontally
  • half karo to ’0′
  • aur vertically
  • karo to ’3′
  • Rajnikant Lost!
  • badda aaya
  • Rajnikant.. :D


  • ========================================

  • “S” Hindi Joke
  • Hum ne zindagi ki shuruaaat ‘S’ se ki.
  • S se Suraj, S se Subah, S se Swagat, S se Saaz, S se Sangeet.
  • Par Fir ‘S’ se Samay ne aisi karwat badli Ki ‘S’ se hamari Shadi ho gai.

  • Aur fir jeevan ka arth ‘S’ se Saas, Sasural, Sala, Sali, Sasur aur ‘Sankat’ ho gaya. 

  • ========================================
  • THIS IS A CLASSIC ::
  • Santa ne facebook pe apna account banaya aur apni WALL pe likha :

  • “Yaha thukna mana hai” :)

  • ========================================
  • एक बार यमराज नरक के दौरे पर निकले
  • उन्होंने देखा कि एक कोने में बहुत सी औरतें आपस में हंसी मज़ाक कर रही थी
  • उन्होंने यमदूत को बुला कर पूछा कि ये कौन लोग हैं जो नरक में भी इतना enjoy कर हैं
  • यमदूत ने कहा हिन्दुस्तानी बहुएँ हैं कमबख्त जहाँ जाती हैं adjust हो जाती हैं ..
  • कहती हैं बिलकुल ससुराल जैसा माहौल है

  • ========================================
  • जिन नज़रों से हम ऐसी गर्मी में “चिल्ड बियर” को देखते हैं, उन्ही नज़रों से
  • अपनी गर्लफ्रेंड/बीवी को देखें तो ब्रेकअप/तलाक़ की नौबत कभी नहीं आएगीwink.png
  • ========================================
  • इंसान अपने आपको
  • सबसे ज्यादा “इनसिक्योर”
  • कब फील करता
  • है.. .. ..
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • जब वो किसी
  • ऐसे “टॉयलेट” में बैठा
  • हो जिसमे “कुण्डी”
  • ना हो..
  • ========================================
  • Wife- नारी
  • का क्या मतलब
  • होता है??
  • Hus- नारी का मतलब
  • है “शक्ति”..
  • Wife- पुरूष
  • का क्या मतलब
  • होता है??
  • Hus- पुरूष
  • का मतलब होता
  • है “सहनशक्ति”..
  • ========================================
  • A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.
  • The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”
  • The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged.”They fight off the pirates eventually.
  • The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells, “Get me my brown pants!”
  • @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~*
  • ========================================
  • A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:
  • “Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?
  • The sailor said no to all his questions.
  • Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.
  • After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
  • The professor said no.
  • Sailor:“Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.
  • @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~*
  • Clever kids
  • Clean Jokes, Funny Jokes, General, Jokes Comments
  • A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.
  • One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.
  • A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”
  • A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.
  • @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~*
  • Will’s experience at the airport
  • ========================================
  • After his
  • return from Rome, Will couldn’t find his luggage in the airport baggage area.
  • He went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags
  • hadn’t shown up on the carousel.
  • She smiled
  • and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in
  • good hands.
  • Then she
  • asked Will, “Has your plane arrived yet?”
  • @=●~* @=●~*
  • @=●~* @=●~*
  • @=●~* @=●~*
  • @=●~* @=●~*
  • @=●~* @=●~*


  • The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says,“Elephant.”
  • Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”
  • The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.
  • The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”
  • @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~*
  • Wrong email address
  • ========================================
  • A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business
  • trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next
  • day.
  • When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a
  • quick email.
  • Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter
  • and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband
  • had passed away only the day before.
  • When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look
  • at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead
  • faint.
  • At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this
  • note on the screen:
  • Dearest Wife,
  • Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival
  • tomorrow.
  • P.S. Sure is hot down here.
  • @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~*
  • The child and his mother
  • ========================================
  • A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of
  • your hairs turning grey?”
  • The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child:
  • “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my
  • hairs grey!”
  • The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother
  • has only grey hairs on her head.”
  • @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~* @=●~*
  • The Brahmin and the Crooks
  • ========================================
  • In a village, there lived a poor Brahmin priest.He was
  • pious, dutiful and very superstitious.
  • One day, the Brahmin left for a neighbouring Village to
  • collect a gift that he had been promised from a rich landlord. Finishing his
  • job in the neighbouring village, he was on his way back carrying his gift-a fat
  • and healthy goat on his shoulders.
  • Three hungry crooks crossed his path. They saw the healthy
  • goat on the Brahmin’s shoulders and whispered, “That is a very plump goat. Let
  • us trick the Brahmin and take the goat away. We can then make a tasty dish out
  • of it”
  • They soon made a plan. The three of them went in separate
  • ways.
  • The first one stopped the Brahmin and exclaimed in horror,
  • “Oh my god! Such a respected priest and carrying a dog on his shoulders? Don’t
  • you know that it is a sin to touch a dog, or a rooster, or a donkey?”
  • The Brahmin lost his temper. “You stupid fellow, are you
  • blind? Can’t you see it is a goat, not a dog?”
  • “Don’t be angry,” replied the first crook. “If you think it
  • is not a dog, then please carry on. But isn’t it ridiculous that you are
  • carrying a dog?”
  •  The Brahmin hardly walked a few more yards when the second
  • crook stopped the Brahmin and looked at him in shock.
  • `How can a reputed priest like you carry a dead calf on the
  • shoulder?” exclaimed the crook.
  • The Brahmin yelled, “Are you blind too? This is a healthy
  • and live goat and you say he is a dead calf. You are an ignorant fool!”
  •  “All right, sir,” said the second crook. “Please forgive me.
  • Do as you please.”
  • “What’s wrong with everyone?” wondered the furious Brahmin
  • as he hurried towards his home. “The whole world has gone mad?”
  • Now it was the turn of the third crook to the Brahmin’s
  • path. “Sir, why are you carrying a donkey on your shoulders? It is going to
  • bring you misfortune.”
  • Now the Brahmin was confused. Three people have said that
  • the goat was something else. “Have I been given a ghost that keeps changing
  • into a dog, a dead calf or a donkey!” he wondered. “I don’t want this
  • creature.”
  •  “Before it turns into something else, I better get rid of
  • it.” Confused and scared, he threw the goat to the ground and took to his
  • heels.
  • Coming out of their hiding place, the crooks took the goat
  • and laughed at the stupidity of the Brahmin. Listening to others blindly, he
  • got duped.
  • MORAL Have faith in yourself. Don’t believe others blindly.
  • Teaching the Tribe
  • ========================================
  • A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets the word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.
  • He points to a tree and says to the chief, “This is a tree.”
  • The chief looks at the tree and grunts, “Tree.”
  • The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, “This is a rock.”
  • Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, “Rock.”
  • The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy… activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, “Riding a bike.”
  • The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
  • The chief replied, “My bike.”
  • The Well-Dressed Salesman
  • ========================================
  • A little old man answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a very well-dressed young man in a navy blue pinstriped suit, red silk tie, white shirt, shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner.
  • “Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
  • “Get lost, Mister fancy suit!” said the old man. “I haven’t got any money” and he proceeded to close the door.
  • Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his polished shoe in the door and pushed it wide open.
  • “Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.”
  • The old man again told him to get lost. And with that, the young man emptied a bucket of mud all over his hallway carpet.
  • “If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.
  • “I got a better idea” said the old man, looking the young man up and down “If you don’t clean it all up, I’ll swap those fancy clothes of yours fer my overalls.”
  • “Fine, sir!” said the young man confidently.
  • “That fancy suit and tie are gonna look good on me!” said the old man.”But take them shoes off first!”
  • “But sir! I haven’t demonstrated the vacuum yet!”
  • “Yes, you have. The electricity ain’t workin”…”
  • Caught Speeding
  • ========================================
  • Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
  • Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
  • Woman: Oh, I see.
  • Officer: Can I see your license please?
  • Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
  • Officer: Don’t have one?
  • Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
  • Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
  • Woman: I can’t do that.
  • Officer: Why not?
  • Woman: I stole this car.
  • Officer: Stole it?
  • Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
  • Officer: You what?
  • Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
  • The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
  • Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
  • please!
  • The woman steps out of her vehicle.
  • Woman: Is there a problem sir?
  • Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
  • Woman: Murdered the owner?
  • Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
  • The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
  • Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
  • Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
  • The first officer is stunned.
  • Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
  • The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
  • Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
  • Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

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