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New Santa Banta SMS Collection

  1. Titanic was sinking. 
  2. An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"? 
  3. Santa: 2 KMs. 
  4. Englishman jumped into sea. 
  5. Englishman: Now, which direction? 
  6. Santa: Downwards!  

  7. ==========================================

  8. Two days of powercut in Delhi had...
  9.  Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators  

  10. ==========================================

  12. How did santa tried to kill a...
  13.  How did santa tried to kill a bird?? 

  14. He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.  

  15. ==========================================

  16. Santa I have swallowed a kay Doctor...
  17.  Santa: I have swallowed a kay. 
  18. Doctor: When? 
  19. Santa: 3 months back! 
  20. Doctor: What were you doing till now? 
  21. Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.  

  22. ==========================================

  23. Santa was drawing money from ATM Banta...
  24.  Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It’s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.  

  25. ==========================================

  26. Santa falls in love with a nurse...
  27.  Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister." 

  28. Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening? 
  29. Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM. 

  30. ==========================================

  31. Pappu while filling up a form What...
  32.  Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.? 
  33. Santa: Very long...!  

  34. ==========================================

  36. Teacher What should be in a book...
  37.  Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? 
  38. Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.  

  39. ==========================================

  40. A lady calls Santa for repairing door...
  41.  A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. 
  42. Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days. 
  43. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.  

  44. ==========================================

  45. Lady to inspector Santa My husband went...
  46.  Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet! 
  47. Santa: Why don't u cook something else?  

  48. ==========================================

  49. An englishman and santa inside the toilet...
  50.  An englishman and santa inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do

  51. ==========================================
  52. Jeeto yelled at santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you! 
  53. Santa: Make up ur mind, which one is it gonna be!  

  54. ==========================================

  55. Santa opened a petrol pump but not...
  56.  Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why? 

  57. Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..  

  58. ==========================================

  60. Ultimate answer while changing the job Interviewer...
  61.  Ultimate answer while changing the job. 
  62. Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job? 
  63. Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where..  

  64. ==========================================

  65. Santa and Banta went for a drive...
  66.  Santa and Banta went for a drive. 
  67. Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not? 
  68. Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"  

  69. ==========================================

  70. Santas wife dies He is calm but...
  71.  Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously... 
  72. Finally, santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.  

  73. ==========================================

  74. Why did santa keep the door open...
  75.  Why did santa keep the door open while bathing? 
  76. Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.

  77. ==========================================

  78. Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen. 
  79. After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.  

  80. ==========================================

  81. History teacher asked Santa Name kalidass brother...
  82.  History teacher asked Santa: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker. 
  83. Santa: Adidas  

  84. ==========================================

  86. Santa giving exam while standing at the...
  87.  Santa giving exam while standing at the door. 
  88. A man asked "Why are you standing at the door?" 
  89. Santa: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."  

  90. ==========================================

  91. Santa Mom last night when I opened...
  92.  Santa: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself. 
  93. Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!  
  94. ==========================================

  95. Teacher to santa where were you born...
  96.  Teacher to santa: where were you born? 
  97. Santa: Thiruvananthapuram 
  98. Teacher: can u spell it? 
  99. Santa (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA.  

  100. ==========================================

  101. Santa God if you give me 100...
  102.  Santa: "God, if you give me 100 rupees, I will donate 50 rupees in temple". 

  103. ==========================================

  104. Santa: "Shame on you God, you don't even trust me a little? You have already taken your share!"
  105. ==========================================

  106. Santa looking at himself in the mirror, "I have seen this man somewhere". 
  107. After half an hour, "Oh, its the same man, who married my wife."  

  108. ==========================================

  109. While walking in the highlands Santa fell...
  110.  While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole. 
  111. Banta: R u ok? 
  112. Santa: Yeah! 
  113. Banta: Did u break anything? 
  114. Santa: No, there's nothing down here.  

  115. ==========================================

  117. Santa was caught for speeding and went...
  118.  Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge. 
  119. The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000. 
  120. Santa: I think I'll take the money.  

  121. ==========================================

  122. Why did Santa take his pregnant wife...
  123.  Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? 
  124. A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'  

  125. ==========================================

  126. Dont rush in love for it never...
  127.  Don’t rush in love for it never runs out. Let love be the one to knock at your door, so by the time you start to fall, you know that your feeling is for sure.  

  128. ==========================================
  129. Whats missing in HRT EA or U...
  130.  What’s missing in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & you’ll get a heart! If u pick U, you’ll get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than hv a heart without U. 
  131. ==========================================

  132. To live this life I need a heartbeat, to have a heartbeat I need a heart, to have a heart I need happiness and to have happiness I need you!  

  133. ==========================================

  134. I have liked many but loved very...
  135.  I have liked many but loved very few yet no one has been as sweet as you. I'd stand & wait in the world's longest queue just 4 the pleasure of a moment with u. 

  136. ==========================================

  138. Pappu while filling up a form Dad...
  139.  Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.? 
  140. Santa: Very long!  

  141. ==========================================

  142. How do you recognize Santas son Pappu...
  143.  How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School? 
  144. A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.  
  145. ==========================================

  146. Santa I kiss my wife everyday before...
  147.  Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u? 
  148. Banta: Me too, after u leave.  

  149. ==========================================

  150. Santa Im a proud father My son...
  151.  Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college. 
  152. Banta: What’s he studying?" 
  153. Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!

  154. ==========================================

  155. Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication. 
  156. Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.  
  157. ==========================================

  158. Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on...
  159.  Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track. 
  160. Banta: Santa u'll die. 
  161. Santa: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform.  

  162. ==========================================

  164. Why did Santa throw the butter out...
  165.  Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window? 
  166. A: He wanted to see butterfly!  

  167. ==========================================

  168. Jeeto U tell a man something it...
  169.  Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other. 
  170. Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth. 

  171. ==========================================

  172. Santa My motherinlaw was bitten by a...
  173.  Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog! 
  174. Banta: Oh! That’s terrible. 
  175. Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions  
  176. ==========================================

  177. Santa walks into a library says Can...
  178.  Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library.
  179. " Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?

  180. Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of. 
  181. Pappu: Life imprisonment!  

  182. ==========================================

  183. Santa My dad was an extremely brave...
  184.  Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage. 
  185. Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out. 
  186. Santa: I didn't say he got out.  
  187. ==========================================

  189. Banta Why is the Police nicknamed The...
  190.  Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"? 
  191. Santa: It beats, beats, beats.  

  192. ==========================================

  193. Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to...
  194.  Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why? 
  195. Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.  

  196. ==========================================

  197. Preeto 2 maid Oh Kanta I hv...
  198.  Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary. 
  199. Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.  

  200. ==========================================

  201. Jeeto I didnt know you smoked When...
  202.  Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start? 
  203. Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in the ashtray.

  204. Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"  

  205. ==========================================

  206. Santa Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa...
  207.  Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain. 
  208. Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey? 
  209. Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.  

  210. ==========================================

  212. A sweet girl goes to Bantas shop...
  213.  A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao. 
  214. Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.  

  215. ==========================================

  216. Santa Woh ladki kitni sundar hai Banta...
  217.  Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai! 
  218. Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai. 
  219. Santa: Kya naam hai uska? 
  220. Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"  

  221. ==========================================

  222. Translation from hindi to english Khushi ke...
  223.  Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi". 
  224. Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.  

  225. ==========================================

  226. Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho...
  227.  Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi. 
  228. Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai? 
  229. Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi. 

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