New sms sms jokes


  • Aapki girlfriend aapko romantic message kare...
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • To Yeh mat socho Ki woh romantic mood mein hai....
  • .
  • .
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  • .
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  • Balki yeh socho ki yeh romantic message usko kisne kiya

  • ===================================


  • Kisi ne sach hi kaha hai ki zindagi sirf do din ki hai

  • "Saturday aur Sunday"

  • Yeh baat Monday ko samajh aati hai.

  • ===================================

  • 8 baatein 8 baaton ko khatm kar deti hain

  • 1. Sorry - Galti Ko

  • 2. Dukh - Zindagi Ko

  • 3. Gussa - Rishte Ko

  • 4. Jhooth - Vishwas Ko

  • 5. Saath - Gham Ko

  • 6. Dhokha - Pyaar Ko

  • 7. Facebook - Career Ko

  • 8. Watsapp - Time Ko

  • ===================================


  • Aaj ki haqeekat...

  • Pehle do log ladte the to teesra unmein chhudaane jaata tha.

  • Lekin aaj teesra video banaane lagta hai.

  • Agreed or not....?????

  • ===================================

  • Rishte chaahe kitne bhi bure hon sambhaal ke rakhne chahiye.
  • Jaise paani kitna bhi ganda ho pyaas nahi to
  • Aag bujhane ke kaam aa hi jaata hai.

  • ===================================

  • True Lines On Relation -
  • .
  • Jab koyi kisi se rishta khatm karne ki soch leta haia
  • .
  • .
  • To sabse pahle woh zuban ki mithas khatm kar deta hain.

  • ===================================
  • Eating schedule of most girls -

  • Bhaav
  • .
  • Bhaav
  • .
  • Bhaav.
  • .
  • Breakfast
  • .
  • Bhaav
  • Bhaav
  • .
  • Lunch
  • .
  • Bhaav
  • .
  • Bhaav
  • .
  • Dinner
  • .
  • Bhaav
  • .
  • Bhaav
  • .
  • Repeat.!!

  • ===================================

  • If You Want People

  • To Give You Attention,

  • "Bring A Pen With

  • You While Going

  • To The Bank..."

  • ===================================
  • Woh sochte hain ki ladne se aur baat na karne se log bhool jaate hain.

  • Magar unhein nahin pata ladne se pyar badhta hai aur baat na karne se bechaini badhti hai.
  • Agree.. ??

  • =============================


  • Wife: Suno doctor ne muje ek maheena aaram ke liye Switzerland ya Paris jaane ko kaha hai.
  • Hum kahan jaayenge?
  • .
  • .
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  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Husband: Doosre doctor ke pass.

  • =============================

  • Always remember that your present situation is not your
  • final destination the best is yet to come.

  • =============================

  • Medical Student : 12 Ghanta

  • CA Student : 10 Ghanta

  • MBA Student : 8 Ghanta

  • Law Student : 6 Ghanta

  • BBA Student : 3 Ghanta

  • B.Com Student : 2 Ghanta

  • B.Sc Student : 1 Ghanta

  • Engineering Student : GHANTA

  • =============================

  • Ek teacher ka darja ek maa se kahin oopar hota hai kyun ki ek maa apni god mein sirf ek bachche ko sulati hai lekin
  • Teacher apne lecture se poori class ko sula deti hai.

  • =============================

  • When nails grow long we cut nails not finger.
  • Similarly when misunderstand grow up cut your ego, not your friendship.

  • =============================



  • Look Back : Gives Experience!
  • Look Forward : Gives Hope!
  • Look Around : Gives Reality!
  • Look Within : Gives Confidence!

  • =============================

  • Yeh Maths aaj tak move on nahi kar saka hai.

  • Hamesha apni "x" ko findout karne ke chakkar mein hamari aisi ki taisi kar deta hai.

  • =============================

  • Insaan mein sundarta ki kami ho to achche swabhav se poori ki ja sakti hai
  • Lekin achche swabhav ki kami sundarta se kabhi poori nahi ki ja sakti.

  • =============================

  • Lover and friend me kya fark hai??
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Lover:- Tumhein kuchh hua to main zinda nahi rahunga.
  • &
  • Friend:- Jab tak main zinda hun tumhein kuchh hone nahi dunga.

  • =============================

  • A friend is someone who understand your past, believes in your future, and accepts you today just the way you are.

  • =============================

  • Tree leaves do not look green forever,
  • Roses do not look fresh forever,
  • But I pray to God that
  • Smile on your lips stay forever.

  • =============================

  • Don't love the person who enjoyz with you..
  • Love the person who really suffers without you
  • B'coz..
  • The pain of real love
  • Can never be defined

  • =============================
  • Don't read success stories.
  • Read only failure stories,
  • Because, failure story you get new idea to win,
  • From success story you get only message.

  • =============================


  • Here is my heart, it is yours so take it,
  • Treat it gently, please do not break it.
  • Its full of love that's good and true,
  • So please keep it always close to u.

  • =============================
  • Light can replace dark.
  • Success can replace failure.
  • Smile can replace pain.

  • But nothing can replace you
  • Why?
  • Defective piece! No replacement.

  • =============================
  • Make 10 friends
  • Meet 9 of them
  • Talk to 8
  • Laugh with 7
  • Celebrate with 6
  • Share secretes with 5
  • Trust 4
  • Cry with 3
  • Take help of 2
  • But don't forget any 1

  • =============================
  • A small boy took a knife and wrote his girlfriend's name on his hand
  • After a minute he started crying loudly...
  • Why???
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Paining???
  • No..!! Then???..

  • Spelling mistake..

  • =============================
  • An effective threat by wife:
  • "Tum jitna time Facebook, WhatsApp aur Twitter ko doge utna hi time main Flipkart, Snapdeal Jabong ko doongi.
  • Hffff.. bechara husband.

  • =============================


  • Poochh rahi thi woh kal mujhse
  • Kya tum mujhe yaad karte ho
  • Muskurakar maine jawaab diya:
  • Paagal yaad karna itna aasan hota to
  • College mein top na kar lete hum

  • =============================

  • Don't worry if you don't have a valentine on valentine's day.. Most people don't even have AIDS on World AIDS day

  • =============================

  • What A Nice definition of "TODAY".

  • T - This is an
  • O - Opportunity to
  • D - Do
  • A - A work, better than
  • Y - Yesterday.

  • =============================
  • Sardar: Beta do bistar kuun lagaaye hai?
  • Son: Ghar pe do guest aa rahe hain.
  • Sardar: Kaun?
  • Son: Mummy ka bhai aur mera Mama
  • Sardar: Phir ek aur bitar laga le, mera sala bhi aa raha hai..

  • =============================


  • TEACHER : Ek Aisa Sentense
  • Batao Jis Mein URDU , HINDI ,
  • PUNJABI Aur ENGLISH Ka Sahi
  • Use Hua Ho
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • SANTA : ISHAQ DI GALI VICH
  • NO ENTRY .... =P =D

  • =============================

  • Kya aapki girlfriend ke paas yeh sab hai...

  • Sulagta Jism
  • Nasheeli Aankhein
  • Kaanpte Honth
  • Thartharata Badan

  • Agar hai to use dengue hai kripya turant doctor ko cousult karein.

  • =============================

  • Dear girls..

  • Aap k Mob No. pe agar koi ladka
  • Faltu ki calls ya miss call kare to
  • unka mob no.. Olx me daal kar
  • post kar do i phone 5
  • Only 10000 rs.. Me
  • Kasam se jitne
  • Calls aapko nai kiya hoga
  • Usse jyaada use Aayenge...

  • =============================
  • Gajini 2:1st scene -
  • Amir Khan ka beta apna tiffin box road par khol raha tha.

  • Why ?..........
  • Woh dekh raha tha ki woh school ja raha hai ya school se aa raha hai...

  • =============================


  • Sachin fans watching CRICKET;
  • Salman fans watching his MOVIES;
  • Sania fans watching TENNIS;
  • And my fans are always busy reading my 'Messages'.
  • Ohh God! They're simply crazy fans!

  • =============================

  • Advice to All Youth:
  • If you want to change the country, do it now.
  • Once you get married, you won't be able to change even the TV channel!

  • =============================


  • Santa fixed his marriage on 2nd January

  • He sent invitation to his friends like this..

  • "Marriage is on 2nd. Plz come on 1st night, sab mil ke enjoy karenge"

  • =============================


  • CID ne Sony se nata jod liya
  • CID ne Sony se nata jod liya...
  • Aur jis room me mana raha tha Abhijeet suhagraat
  • Daya ne wohi darwaza tod diya.!

  • =============================

  • What is a Teacher???

  • Who teaches us making plain rice in class AND

  • Expects from us to cook biryani in exams!

  • =============================

  • Girl: Doctor mere lips pe infection ho gaya hai.
  • .
  • .
  • Doctor: Last time KISS kab kiya tha?
  • .
  • .
  • Girl: Ek saal pehle.
  • .
  • .
  • Doctor: Infection nahi hua hai "JUNG" lag gayi hai..


  • =============================

  • Whenever U feel depressed in your life, Close your eyes and think about that director who has to say Nice shot to Tusshar Kapoor..

  • =============================

  • Boy 1 : Election ki date fix ho gayi hai.
  • Boy 2 : Toh kya hua...
  • Boy 1 : Us din pata chal jaayega ki mohalle ki kaun kaun si ladkiyaan 18 saal ki ho gayi hain.

  • =============================

  • Heart touching lines..
  • Thousand words of any teacher does not hurt much..
  • But the silence of a friend in the examination hall brings tears to the eyes.

  • =============================

  • Santa: Yaar! Main jo bhi kaam shuru krta hoon meri biwi beech mein aa jaati hai.

  • Banta :- Tu Truck chala kar dekh, shayad kismat sath de de.

  • =============================
  • The true definition of insanity: Doing the same task over and over, and expecting a different outcome" - Albert Einstein

  • =============================
  • Main bahut pareshan hu
  • Neend nahi aati
  • Sukun nahi
  • Kisi kaam me dil bhi nahi lagta
  • Doctor ne mujhe kaha hai aap ki zindgai me,
  • Vitamin "SHE" ki kami hai.

  • =============================

  • Earlier:
  • Luv started wid eyes
  • Grew wid gifts
  • Ended wid tears

  • Now:
  • Luv starts frm cellphone
  • Grows wid msgs
  • &
  • Ends wid
  • "The number ur calling is currently busy please try again later"
  • =============================

  • Boy: "Tujh me Rab dikta Hai, Yara mai kya karu"
  • Girl:"Darsan kar, Dakshina de, Prasad la or Chala ja, Q ki tere piche or vi Bhakt khare hai".

  • =============================


  • Thousand words of a teacher do not hurt,

  • But

  • The silence of a friend in the
  • Examination hall brings tears into the eyes

  • =============================


  • Rajinikanth is remaking Titanic with some changes ...
  • In d end he doesn't die but swims across the ocean with heroine in 1 hand and titanic in d other hand.

  • =============================
  • Apni badnaseebi ka haal kis-kis ko batau. Girlfriend ka mobile recharge karane gaya tha aur recharge karne wala uska bhai nikla.

  • =============================


  • 1 day Rajnikanth got angry on his sweeper boy..

  • He kicked him so hard that he went flyin in d sky wit his broom..

  • Today that boy is famous as "HARRY POTTER"

  • =============================
  • I'm a cheater.
  • But i don't cheat humanity.

  • I hate study.
  • But i luv technology.

  • I flirt wid flirters.
  • But i respect luvrs.

  • World cant change me.
  • But i can change d world.

  • I dont have books in hands.
  • But i have revolutionry ideas in mind.

  • I'm d rarest race on earth,
  • Meet me I'm a last bench student.
  • =============================
  • Good old days

  • When I was a child,
  • My mom would send me down to the corner store with a 10.rs & I'd come back with
  • 5kgs of potatoes,
  • 2 loaves of bread,
  • 3 packs of milk,
  • A pack of cheese,
  • A packet of tea,
  • & half dozen eggs.

  • You can't do that now. Too many damn....

  • Security cameras.

  • =============================

  • Ladka bola : Dilruba
  • Ladki boli : Pizza khila
  • Ladka bola : Paise Nahi
  • Ladki boli : Kaise nahi
  • Ladka bola : Mehangaai hai
  • Ladki boli : To phir aaj se tu mera bhai hai.

  • =============================

  • Upcoming Horror Movies for Students

  • *Exam Ka Khouf
  • *Tarapta Student
  • *Shaitani Books
  • *Result Wala Jin
  • *Neend Ki Mout
  • *Pyasa Examiner
  • *Ssshhh Result Ane Wala Hai.

  • =============================

  • Take chit in exam, scratch & show it to the nearest teacher, and win a free trip to Principal's office, and enjow 1year holiday at home.. Hurry!!! Offer valid during exams only.

  • =============================

  • Attitude of a 'STUDENT'
  • "This paper is too easy for me. How could the examiner make such easy paper. I'll give him another chance to challenge me"

  • =============================

  • Once a farmer put up scare crow with Rajnikant's picture as face.
  • Crows brought back the corn they stole last evening.

  • =============================


  • This is how Rajnikant Can Inspire People:
  • Once Rajnikant gav kiss 2 his Galfrnd In front of a Kid..
  • today dat Kid is known as
  • Imran Hashmi

  • =============================
  • Logic Questions:

  • 1) When will a horse have 6 legs?
  • 2) Where does monday cum b4 Sunday?
  • 3) Where do u find a lot of cities without single house?
  • 4) How can u double ur money quickly?

  • Amazing Answers:

  • 1) When sum1 rides on d horse.
  • 2) In a dictionary.
  • 3) In a map.
  • 4) Show it in front of a mirror.
  • =============================



  • Once Rajnikanth went to McDonalds, he ordered a Dosa, but Mr. Mc'Donalds refused...
  • Since dat day, Mr. McDonald sits outside his own restaurant.

  • =============================

  • Sardar England me khana khane gaya. Murghi khana chahta tha par English me Murghi ka naam bhool gya.
  • Waiter: What do U want.
  • Sardar: EGG's MOTHER.

  • =============================

  • Ladki sath ho to restaurant ka bill.
  • Ladki door ho to mobile ka bill.
  • Aur
  • Ladki hamesha ke liye hi door ho jaye to
  • Daru ka bill
  • Isliye na lagao dil, na aayega bill.

  • =============================

  • Haathi aur cheenti ki shaadi hui, doosre din hi haathi mar gaya. cheenti boli wah re allha ek din ka pyar diya, aur sari umr
  • ............kabar khodne ka kaam diya

  • =============================
  • Teen Dost the Kallu, Billu aur Ulloo.
  • Kallu 7 th mein padh raha hai.
  • Billu 5th mein padh raha hai.
  • Ulloo yeh sms padh raha hai.

  • =============================

  • Note: Suna hai AAPKI ek smile pe hajaro log marte hai.
  • So keep smiling to reduce world's population.
  • "Population control board."
  • Janhit me jari
  • =============================

  • 1.NEWTONS METHOD :
  • Allow the tiger to catch you and catch the tiger.

  • 2.EINSTEINS METHOD :
  • Chase the tiger until it becomes tired, then catch it.

  • 3.POLICE METHOD :
  • Catch a cat and beat it until it accepts it's a tiger!!
  • =============================

  • Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

  • =============================


  • If a single teacher can't teach us all the subjects.
  • Then how could any one can expects a single student to learn all subjects

  • =============================

  • Naukar- Sahab apka kutta to admi jaisa dikhta hai, kya khilate ho?
  • Sahab- Kamine ye kutta nahi, mera beta hai,
  • Engineering kar raha hai aur abhi iske exams chal rahe hain.......

  • =============================

  • A 9 year old boy went 2 an ICE CREAM parlour.
  • Waiter: Wat do u want?
  • Boy: How much a CONE ICE CREAM costs?
  • Waiter: Rs.15
  • Then d BOY checked his pocket & asked cost of small cone?
  • ... Waiter irritated n said Rs.12.
  • Boy ordered a small cone, had it, paid bill & left.
  • When da waiter came to pick da EMPTY PLATE tears rolled down 4m his eyes.
  • u know y....?
  • The boy had left Rs.3 as TIP for him...
  • MAKE EVERY ONE HAPPY WITH SOMETHING U HAVE.

  • =============================


  • Q: Who had a double role in movie 'Sholay'?
  • A: King George
  • He is on both sides of the coin

  • =============================

  • A guy sitting wd his gf and drinkng beer says, "I love u"
  • Girl says- "is it u or d beer talkng?"

  • boy replies,
  • "its me..
  • .......
  • .
  • .
  • talking 2 my beer,
  • so u shut up

  • =============================
  • Pappu goes 2 hotel
  • .
  • Orders biryani..
  • .
  • Eats biryani n drinks water.
  • .
  • Washes his hands.
  • Pays bill n goes back home..
  • .
  • No jokes, plz exam time
  • Be serious.
  • =============================
  • This Msg. is being sent in the Interest of Humanity and Internet-

  • "Guys Please Stop making Jokes on Rajnikant or else he will Delete the INTERNET..

  • ===============================

  • DEFINITION OF LAZINESS:
  • Its a talent of taking rest before you get tired because prevention is better than cure. :)
  • Be lazy think crazy
  • ===============================
  • Enginering is like public Indian toilet
  • People outside it r desperate 2 go inside
  • while people inside it r just suffering and want to get out as fast as they can.
  • ===============================

  • Bf: "Pack ur bag honey, I've won Rs.10 crore in a lottery."
  • Gf: Wow! Thailand or Switzerland?"
  • Bf: "Who Cares? You just pack ur bag & GET LOST."
  • ===============================

  • Kyu mera dil dukhate ho..
  • kyu mujse har baat chupate ho..
  • mera to dil hi tut gaya ye sunkar ki aap..
  • gore hone k liye VIM BAR se nahate ho...

  • ===============================

  • If you get failed in exam:
  • .
  • .
  • Mom say 3 word : Thoda padh leta nalayak
  • .
  • .
  • Dad say 3 word : Mera juta lao.
  • .
  • .
  • Lover say 3 word : Oh no yaar?

  • And

  • Friend say 3 golden word : Oye saale tubhi.

  • ===============================

  • Teacher : Who Invented The "I Love You"
  • Student : China
  • Teacher : How?
  • Student : Its has no guarantee & quality. If works, till forever.. If not, then no ever.

  • ===============================


  • I asked God to keep my friend happy.
  • God said- ok only for 4 days
  • I said ok, summer, winter, rainy & spring days.
  • God said- No, only fr 3 days
  • I said ok, Yesterday, today & tomorrow.
  • God said-no, only for 2
  • I said day & night.
  • God said- No,only 1 day
  • I said ok, 'Everyday'.
  • God laughed & said OK.
  • ===============================

  • A rabbit runs, jumps but lives only for 15 yrs!
  • A turtle doesn't run, does nothing, yet lives for 150 yrs!
  • .
  • .
  • Moral-EXRCISE IS HELL!
  • JUST SLEEP WEL

  • ===============================
  • Never say I failed 99 times say I discovered 99 ways which causes failure"
  • By:Thomas Alva Edison. . . . ....... . . . . . ....

  • Moral: Beshram ho jana lekin apni galti mat maan na..

  • ===============================

  • James Bond Suicides after watching hindi movie
  • U know why??
  • rajnikanth had empty Revolver,
  • Villan fired at rajnikanth...

  • ===============================

  • Mohabbat k raste me har waqt dard milega
  • Mohabbat k raste me har waqt dard milega
  • Meri mano
  • Isi raste par medical store khol do mast chalega.

  • ===============================

  • Son: Papa apki love marriage hai na?
  • Dad: Haan par tumhein kaise pata?
  • Son: Apki shadi aur meri date of birth me sirf 5 month ka fark hai.

  • ===============================


  • Munna Bhai: Oye circuit, Bapu bole to Gandhi Ji kapde kyu nahi pehante the?
  • Circuit: Bhai bole toh bapu bhi us time ke Salmaan Khan the!!!

  • ===============================


  • Hum ne ek murga pakda
  • Tokari mein bandh kiya
  • Wo niche se nikal gaya!
  • Fir pakada fir bandh kiya,
  • Fir niche se nikal gaya!
  • Bahot gussa aaya,
  • Murge ko pakda, kata, pakaya, khaya .... magar
  • Wo sala fir niche se nikal gaya

  • ===============================


  • A cow was walking Newton stopped it.
  • It stopped. He found his 1st law
  • "An object continues to move unless it's stopped"

  • He gave a force by kicking d cow, it gave a sound 'MA'
  • He formulated d 2nd law
  • "F = MA"

  • After sometimes d cow gave a kick to newton
  • Then he formulated d 3rd law
  • "Every action has an equal & opposite reaction

  • ===============================

  • Har taraf padhai ka saya hai,
  • Kitabo main sukh kisne paya hai,
  • Ladke to jate hai tuition ladkiyan dekhne,
  • Aur sir kehte hai dekho itni barsat mein ladka padhne aaya hai.

  • ===============================



  • A boy took a knife & wrote his Girlfriend's name on his hand. After 5 mints he started crying loudly.
  • Friend: Is it paining?
  • Boy: No, shit Its spelling mistake...

  • ===============================


  • Teeth said to Tongue: "If i just press you a little, you'll get cut..."
  • Tongue replied: "If I misuse One word against someone, then all 32 of you will come Out.

  • ===============================
  • You are a normal person in case of :

  • 1> U got a facebook account

  • 2> U got a mobile phone
  • ...
  • 4> U are wasting your time reading this

  • 5> U didn't notice that there is no Number 3

  • 7> u went to check if number 3 is there

  • 8> Where is number 6 ?

  • 9> U are now smiling :)

  • 10> Where is number 1 ??

  • 11> LOL u went to check number 1 :D







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