Santa Banta jokes new2017


  • Jeeto making 2-minute Maggi Noodles in oven, calls Santa for sex.
  • Santa Surprised!
  • He performs & asks:
  • Why suddenly sex in kitchen?
  • Jeeto: Timer not working?
  • Santa: South Indians just discovered Kolaveri Di!
  • But Punjabis discovered:
  • Maa di, Bhen di years ago!
  • Q: How do you know if you are in a gay church?
  • A: Only half the congregation is kneeling!
  • Q: What does a Christmas Tree and a Priest have in common?
  • A: Their balls are just for decoration!
  • Hindi SMS
  • प्रीतो अपनी सहेली जीतो से: मुझे बच्चा नहीं हो रहा!
  • जीतो: तुम्हारा पति गांडू होगा!
  • प्रीतो: मेरा तो ठीक है, मुझे तो तेरा भी गांडू ही लगता है!
  • पठान 1: तुम्हें पता है कि गर्मी का एक फायदा भी है!
  • पठान 2: क्या? 
  • पठान 1: वैरी सिम्पल यार, सर्दी नहीं लगती!
  • महान दार्शनिक द्वारा स्वर्ण शब्द:
  • किताब और टाँगे खोलने से पहले ऊँगली पर थूक लगा लेना चाहिए!
  • सास: बहु, नए चावल कैसे है?
  • बहु: बिलकुल आपके बेटे जैसे!
  • सास: वोह कैसे?
  • बहु: चदते ही पाक जाते है और पानी छोड़ देते है तुरंत नीचे उतारना पड़ता है!

  • Jeeto gifted a Rolex watch to Santa.
  • Santa: Wow! It reminds me of your pussy.
  • Jeeto: Do you find it so sexy?
  • Santa: No! Actually it's loose around my wrist!

  • Q: Why does a woman have two pair of lips?
  • A: One is for fighting and the other is to make up!

  • It is said that if your palms are itching, you'll get money;
  • If your toes are itching, you'll get new shoes;
  • And if your dick is itching...
  • Don't fool yourself, simply rush to the doctor!

  • A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet and not her eyes.
  • A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard and not his life.

  • Hindi Jokes
  • मेरी फटी तो मिठाई और खुद की फटी तो रोना?
  • संता की शादी हुई, खूब मिठाई बांटी गई;
  • पहला बेटा हुआ, खूब मिठाई बांटी;
  • दूसरी बेटी हुई, फिर मिठाई बांटी...

  • दिलदार संता!
  • संता जोश में दिल्ली के एक कोठे पर जाकर बोला: मुझे रीटा से मिलना है!
  • मौसी: वो एक बार के 1000 रुपये लेती है!
  • संता: ठीक है!
  • संता ने रीटा के साथ...

  • और पूछ लो बीवी से सवाल!
  • एक बार एक आदमी अपनी बीवी की तस्सली से चुदाई करने के बाद अपनी पत्नी से बोला।
  • पति: जानू सच सच बताना की आज मेरे साथ सेक्स करके तुम्हे कैसा लगा...

  • अब कहो मास्टरजी!
  • एक बार एक शिक्षक कक्षा में बच्चों को हिंदी पढ़ाने जाते हैं।
  • शिक्षक: बच्चों अब आप सब मुझे हिंदी का एक एक दोहा सुनाओगे...

  • Hindi SMS
  • लड़की: तुम्हें क्या पसंद है स्तन या पैर (Breasts or Legs)?
  • पठान: चूत।
  • लड़की ने जोर का थप्पड़ मारा और कहा, "तू रंडी खाने में नहीं है, भोसड़ी के। यह KFC का काउंटर है"।

  • "राज 3" पिक्चर में अजीब सीन था जब बिपाशा ने अपना टॉप इमरान के सामने खोला और कहा, "मेरी आँखों में देखो"।

  • .
  • ..
  • "बई, अब ये कैसा मज़ाक है?"

  • सनी लीओन: एयरपोर्ट चलोगे?
  • टेक्सी ड्राईवर: हाँ, चलूंगा।
  • सनी लीओन: क्या लोगे?
  • टेक्सी ड्राईवर: गरीब आदमी हूँ बहन जी, पैसे ही लूंगा।

  • भारतीय जीवन बीमा निगम ने नयी कामुक योजना का आरंभ किया है;
  • जिसका नाम है: "जीवन संभोग"।
  • इसके प्रस्तुतकर्ता हैं "मैनफोर्स कंडोम" और "अनवांटेड -72"।

  • .
  • ..
  • ठोकने के साथ भी; ठोकने के बाद भी।

  • Santa Banta, CID Team and Rajinikanth were walking through a desert.
  • Suddenly, out of nowhere, they see a huge sandstorm coming...


  • Santa:Oye banta,tufan!
  • Banta:Santa tufaan k taraf pith ksrke khade reh.


  • ACP Pradyuman:Daya pata laga ye humare raaste mein rukawat ayi toh ayi kaha se?
  • Daya:Sir, na yaha darwaza hai jise todke hum bhaag sake na tufan ko me thapad mar sakta hu...


  • Rajinikanth: "Sorry for Sneezing" ;) L0L

  • It's amazing how girls can translate a guy's
  • 'Hi' into a billion meanings while all he meant
  • was just 'Hi'




  • If SUPERSTAR RAJNI would hve born 150 yr back.
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .Then
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Britishers would hve fought for INDEPENDENCE !!!

  • Yanna Rascala, MIND It!!p




  • * Once God was surprised at something, he exclaimed "OMR" ("Oh my Rajnikaant!") 

  • * There is no Ctrl button on Rajnikant's pc beacuse Rajnikant is always in control.

  • * Rajnikant cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down. 

  • * Only Rajnikant knows Kaun Banega Crorepati. 

  • * Only Rajnikant knows Choli Ke Peechhe Kya Hai. 

  • * President is Indian citizen no.1...Rajnikant's number is 0 

  • * Rajnikant twice won arguments with his wife. 

  • * Rajini doesn’t need water supply. He can mix hydrogen and oxygen and produce water 
  •    whenever he wants. 

  • * There in nothing Rajini’Kant do. 

  • * Rajnikanth runs until the Treadmill gets tired


  • Do u know?
  • what is friendship?
  • ?
  • ?
  • ?
  • ?
  • ?
  • ?
  • khud ko jor se thappad lagao.dard mujhe hoga.
  • yakeen nai hota na to
  • Try-kar lo..... :D

  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Train mein Warning likhi thi.....
  • .
  • .
  • Bina Ticket safar krne wale Yaatri Hoshiyaar..
  • .
  • .
  • sardar- Waah, toh jisne ticket li woh bewkuf

  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • A Boy's Facebook Status:
  • "I M Online During Class..
  • Hahaha"
  • Comment From his Teacher:
  • "Beta Test mein 0(zero) mila hai..
  • Aake Dekhega ya Tag ka


  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Wt wud b d bhojpuri version of missiom impossible....
  • ee na ho sake he bhaiyya...
  • n wt abt M.I.-2
  • hum phir se kah rae he ee na ho sake

  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Shadi me dulhan ko ghungat me Q rakha jata hai
  • Socho
  • socho
  • nai pata
  • Taki kisi ke muh se ye na nikal jaye ki
  • Abe Ye To Meri Wali Thi...


  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • GIRLFRIEND ki sister agar missed call kare to use kya kahenge...?
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • BETAAA....
  • Mann me dusra laddu phoota...
  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • GOLU: Wife agar husband ko naukar smjh to Husband ko kya karna chaiye ?
  • MOLU: Zayda Kuch nahi
  • Do char ghar aur dekh pakad lene chaiye.

  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Santa Ne Wakeel
  • Se Mashwara Krne K Baad
  • 20 Rs Diye
  • Wakeel Ne Pucha:
  • Ye Mere Secertry k
  • Liye H Ya Peon K Liye
  • Santa-Ye Tm Teeno k liya :P

  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • I wrote ur name on sand,
  • It gt washed away,
  • I wrote ur name in air,
  • It gt blown away
  • so
  • I wrote ur name in my heart
  • Sala heart attack aa gaya


  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Boy to his gf- janu tere to bina hor koi kudi mere dil nu jachdi hi nhi
  • G-Jooth bolda aa tu kanjra, sidha keh k mere to elava hor koi fasdi hi nhi

  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Maine apni life mein bahut dhoke khaye hai.
  • for eg.
  • .
  • Apple,,, chiku,,, sabzi,,, etc etc..
  • .
  • sab dhoke hi khaye hai...
  • Aur aapne?...



  • Santa: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.

  • Santa:I got married bcoz I was tired of cooking,cleaning home and washing clothes.Banta:Amazing,I got divorce 4 te same

  • Santa: Why have you increased speed of car?Banta: Break has failed. We should reach home before accident.

  • Santa:Why are you heating the knife.Banta:To do suicide.Santa:But why are you heating it?Banta:To prevent infection.

  • Santa: Why do you close your eyes while playing the piano? Banta: I can't see the agony of the audience.

  • Santa:What happened in 1869? Banta:Mahatma Gandhi was born. Santa:What happened in 1873?Banta:Gandhi was 4 years old.

  • How do you Make Santa Laugh on a Sunday.? ? ? Tell him a Joke on a Wednesday.



  • A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

  • “Mother, where do babies come from?”

  • The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

  • The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

  • “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

  • “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
  • ------------------------------------------------------
  • Dead Pussy 
  • An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.

  • The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common. 
  • ------------------------------------------------------
  • Making Love To... 
  • How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher,a nurse or an airline stewardess? 

  • A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right. 

  • A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit. 

  • And a airline stewardness says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.
  •  ------------------------------------------------------
  • Crowded Subway 
  • The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"

  • "I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket." 

  • "Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!"


  • little boy wrote a letter to God, asking him for $100. He addressed to envelope "God", put his return address on it, and dropped it in the corner mailbox.

  • The postmaster thought this was such a nice gesture from a young child and decided to sent this letter on to President. President was so touched by the little boy's sincerity that he told his secretary to send the boy $5.

  • Upon receiving the money, the boy wrote the following thank you letter:

  • "Dear God- Thank you for the money. I noticed you sent it through Washington D.C. and of course, they have deducted $95. Love, Joey"
  • This joke is Submited By -jovial


  • Wish of project manager

  • Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are working on a project.


  • About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish."


  • The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.


  • The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.


  • Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.


  • "I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.





  • Santa: Women live a better, longer & peaceful life as compared to men.
  • Banta: Why?
  • Santa: Women don't have a wife!

  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  • Jeeto: You don't love me at all.
  • Santa points towards their five children and says: Do you think I downloaded them from Google.

  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  • Santa: Which is better, Google or Yahoo?
  • Banta: Oh wait, I`ll search it on Google.

  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  • Girl: I love you! 
  • Santa: OMG! I love me, too.

  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  • Pappu: Daddy, what's gay?
  • Santa: It means happy.
  • Pappu: Are you gay?
  • Santa: No, I married your mother.

  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  • Santa: Today is a fine day.
  • Annoyed Jeeto: Why do you keep saying, `Today is a fine day` everyday?
  • Santa: You had said once that, `One Fine Day, I`ll leave this house`.



  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  • Best "W T F...!" Moment....
  • When Making a File named "dflgjkcmjqwsbdz" on Computer & Still getting the Message-
  • 'File name already exists.
  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • G.K Question-
  • Which is an eight letter word that has only one letter in it. . .?
  • "ENVELOPE."
  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • I wrote ur name on sand,
  • It gt washed away,
  • I wrote ur name in air,
  • It gt blown away
  • so
  • I wrote ur name in my heart
  • Bludy Heart Attacks Came..


  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Almost All Girls Like Only Two Things:
  • 1. MAKE UP
  • .
  • .
  • 2. BREAK UP..... :)
  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • She Proposed Me But I Was Rude..
  • Waah Waaah
  • She Proposed Me But I Was Rude,
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • Being Single Is My Attitude
  • NO clapps plz.....


  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Today Is Slap Day.
  • If Ever I Was Angry With U Or Misbehaved U Or Hurt U.
  • Plz
  • Just SLAP Urself Its Ur Fault,
  • I'm Basicly a GOOD boy.
  • U knw ;-)
  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Boy To Girl Before Exam:Hey,All The Best.
  • Girl:All The Best To U Too.
  • Girl Scored 80 Marks& Boy Failed
  • Moral:Only Boys Wish With True Heart


  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Height of computerised world:
  • Teacher-Where is ur homework?
  • Class-II boy- Ma'am, 4
  • my homework plz visit
  • my website-
  • "www. myHomeWork.
  • com"


  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Height of Social NetWork:
  • Teacher-Where is ur homework?
  • Class-II boy- Mam I Upload A Copy of My Home Work
  • To Facebook nd Tagged U..


  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • A Boy's Facebook Status:
  • "I M Online During Class..
  • Hahaha"
  • Comment From his Teacher:
  • "Son U Got Zero In Test.
  • Wnt To Come Or Tagged On Facebook


  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Hotel Manager: A Room wid 2 beds, sir?
  • But u r Travelling alone!
  • Man: Yes! Its just I wish to Njoy d SILENCE 4m d other BEDh to Enjoy



  • Short Jokes
  • Titanic was sinking.
  • Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
  • Banta: 1 kilo meter.
  • Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
  • Banta: Downwards !
  • ------------------------------------------ 
  • Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
  • Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.


  • No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

  • 1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that. 

  • 2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that. 

  • 3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too. 

  • 4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too. 

  • 5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too. 

  • Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. 

  • So Windows is not a virus. 

  • It's a bug. 
  • --------------------------------------- 
  • GM Like Computer Industry 
  • At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that: 

  • "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got1,000 miles to the gallon." 

  • General Motors has issued a press release stating: 

  • 1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day. 

  • 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. 

  • 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you 
  • would just accept this, restart and drive on.

  • 4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 

  • 5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car XP" or "Car 2000". But then you would have to buy more seats. 

  • 6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5% of the roads. 

  • 7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning light would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light. 

  • 8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. 

  • 9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off. 

  • 10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna. 

  • 11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the justice dept. 

  • 12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to 
  • drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

  • 13. You would press the "start " button to shut off the engine.


  • My nights are going sleepless,my days are going useless.So I asked GOD,is this love?.GOD replied,no dear,result is near 

  • Love is not just made for lover .. Its for friend who loves each other better than lover like u and me

  • A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have...

  • friendship between u n me will last forever no matter wat happen becoz we r true friend

  • All friends are not True. But true friends are very few, Which includes U

  • There are many ships in the sea like gold ships.silver ships and many more ships but the best ship is friendship

  • Side by side or miles apart, dear friends are always close to the heart.

  • Flowers need sunlight, tulips need dew, all angels need heaven, and i need you!bestfriend never leave you alone, when u are hurt.

  • Distence can never weaken our relationship 4 wat is in our hearts &minds r stronger than our outside force.

  • Teacher asks students, what do u wish 2 do in future? Vinod: I want 2b a doctor. Deepa: I want 2b a good mother. Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa 

  • Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE:- C-Come, O-On, L-Lets, L-Love, E-Each, G-Girl, E-Equally……Thats why boys go to college 

  • Great Calculation: Only 20% boys have brains. So what do the rest have?...............They have girl friends:p

  • Parents to a college watchman: is this college good? Watchman replied i did my MBA here and got placement immediately...


  • BOSS KIDNAPED” WHAT TO DO?
  • Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in
  • loud discussions during office time…..
  • Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
  • to a senior employee, they ask, “What’s going on?”
  • “Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss”
  • They’re asking for Rs.10 Crores (2 MILLIOn US $) ransom, otherwise they’re going to
  • douse him with petrol and set him on fire.
  • We’re going from desk to desk, taking up a collection.”
  • One Trainee asks, “How much is everyone giving, on average?



  • Gang of SARDARS broke a Bank.
  • Instead of cash they found Botles full of Chilled Red Wine,
  • Happily they drank & went away.
  • Next day Headline aai: Blood Bank lutya gya. 

  • ********************************************************************

  • Ek Sardar ne ek bachy se pucha k tum ko A,B,C Aaty hai to bachy ne keha k mujy 9 tak aty hia..
  • Sardar ne bachy se keha k oyee Ullu k pathy 9 A,b,c main nahe aata. yeh to Alif,, Be,,Main ata hai:

  • ********************************************************************

  • Sardar Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe Khelkar Bahar Nikala

  • Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi

  • Kyun...

  • Kyun..Ki Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The

  • -----------------------------------------------------------------------

  • Santa-Oye!what R U doing?

  • Banta-Recording this babys voice.

  • Santa-Why?

  • Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this

  • ------------------------------------------------------------------------

  • Santa ki ladai apne baap se ho gayi

  • To usne apne baap ki photo kabristan me 1 ped pe latka diya

  • Aur Niche Likha

  • "COMING SOON”


  • BEFORE MARRIAGE

  • John – Ah… At last, I can hardly wait!!!
  • Jane – Do you want me to leave?
  • John – NO! Don’t even think about it.
  • Jane – Do you Love me???
  • John – Of course!!! Always have and always will
  • Jane – Have you ever cheated on me???
  • John – No! Why are you even asking???
  • Jane – Will you kiss me???
  • John – Every chance I get!!!
  • Jane – Will you hit me???
  • John – Hell no! Are you crazy?!?!
  • Jane – Can I trust you?
  • John – Yes
  • Jane – Darling!!!

  • AFTER MARRIAGE

  • Read from the bottom back to the TOP!!




  • It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged.It's like asking someone,if suicide is better or being murder

  • When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws

  • Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.

  • It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.

  • There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

  • Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in Life.



  • Supplemental Rules for Bowling 

  • If you holler "overs!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs". 

  • When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and your team still has a chance. 

  • After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames. 

  • When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the "Designated Bowler" rule. 

  • After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say "Kings X" and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, "Fair is Fair". 

  • If your ball goes in the gutter and jumps back onto the lane, knocking dow pins, by golly, you get them! That's much harder than to knock them down the conventional way. Good bowling should be recognized. 

  • A ball should be declared dead when you bowl 3 games without a strike. It shall be the owners privilege to decide on the disposition of said dead ball - Burial at Sea, Dropped from an airplane over a live volcano, or a simple burial in the city dump. For a small fee, a league officer can be bribed to deliver a short eulogy.



  • SARDAR:- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM GOING"?

  • FRIEND:- Main jaa raha hun.

  • SARDAR:- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, 20 aur bhi aise ja chuke hain....answer bata ke jaa..

  • ------------------------------------------------------------------------

  • Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in box & praying

  • Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through coin phone without receiver

  • ------------------------------------------------------------------------

  • Waiter gives bill to Sardar

  • Sardar: "Take my card."

  • Waiter: "But sir, this is Ration Card."

  • ***************************************************************

  • SardarJi: Ghar mai Mera he Hukam chalta hai.
  • Mai Kehta hon, Garam paani le aao, woh le aati hai,

  • Dost: Garam pani Q?

  • Sardar: Garam pani se Bartan Achay Dhultay hain.

  • *****************************************************************

  • A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
  • "My father grows beans," said one student.
  • "My father cooks beans," said another.

  • Then a Little Sardarji spoke up: "We are all human beans."

  • ****************************************************************

  • Sardar k 12 bachon mein 1 alag dikhta tha:

  • Jab uski biwi marnay wali thi to Sardar ne poocha: Ab to bata do ye kis ka hai?

  • Sardarni: Sartaj, sirf yehi aapka hai.



  • Titanic was sinking.
  • Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
  • Banta: 1 kilo meter.
  • Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
  • Banta: Downwards !
  • ------------------------------------------ 
  • Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
  • Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.



  • A new client meets a famous lawyer.

  • Client: Can you tell me how much do you charge?
  • Lawyer: I charge $200 to answer three questions!

  • Client: Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?
  • Lawyer: Yes it is, and what’s your third question?

  • ******************************************

  • A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me … They must be gods!

  • A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me … I must be a god!

  • ******************************************
  • A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.

  • Seeing this, her friend congratulated her and said yoga had totally cured her nervousness. “No,” she replied, “but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead.
  •  
  • ******************************************
  • Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?

  • Woman: Yes, Yes !! An amazing effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.



  • Numeric

  • :-0 hbtu 0-: happy birthday to you 
  •  
  • @WRK At work 2bctnd to be continued. 

  • 2d4 to die for 

  • 2g4u to good for you

  • 2Ht2Hndl Too hot to handle. 

  • 2l8 too late

  • 2WIMC To whom it may concern 

  • 4e forever 

  • 4yeo for your eyes only



  • A

  • AAM As a matter of fact.

  • AB Ah Bless!

  • ADctd2uv Addicted to Love

  • AFAIK As far as I know

  • AKA Also known as

  • ALlWanIsU All I want is You

  • AML All my love

  • ASAP As soon as possible

  • ATB All the best

  • ATW At the weekend

  • AWHFY Are we having fun yet
  • --------------------------------
  • B

  • B4 Before

  • BBFN Bye Bye for now.

  • BBS Be back soon

  • BBSD Be back soon darling

  • BCNU Be seein' you

  • BF Boy Friend

  • BGWM Be gentle with me (please)

  • BRB Be right back

  • BTW By the way
  •  --------------------------------
  •  C

  • Cld9? Cloud 9?

  • Cm Call me

  • Cu See you

  • CUIMD See you in my dreams

  • Cul See you later

  • CUL8R See you later
  • -------------------------------- 

  • D

  • Dk Don't know

  • Dur? Do you remember

  • E

  • E2eg Ear to ear grin

  • EOD End of discussion

  • EOL End of lecture
  • -------------------------------- 

  • F

  • F? Friends

  • F2F face to face

  • F2T Free to talk

  • FITB Fill in the Blank

  • FYEO For your eyes only.

  • FYA For your amusement

  • FYI For your information
  • --------------------------------  

  • G

  • GF Girlfirend.

  • GG Good Game

  • GMeSumLuvin Give me some lovin’!

  • Gr8 Great

  • GSOH Good Salary, Own Home

  • GTSY Glad to see you
  • --------------------------------  

  • H

  • h2cus Hope to see you soon

  • H8 Hate

  • HAGN Have a good night

  • HAND Have a nice day

  • HldMeCls Hold me close

  • Ht4U Hot for You

  • H&K Hugs and Kisses
  • --------------------------------  

  • I

  • IDK I dont know

  • IGotUBabe Ive got you Babe

  • IIRC If I recall correctly

  • IMHO In my humble opinion

  • IMI I mean it

  • ILU I love You

  • IMBLuv It must be Love

  • IOW In other words...

  • IOU I owe you

  • IUSS If you say so
  • --------------------------------  

  • J

  • J4F just for fun

  • JFK Just for kicks

  • JstCllMe Just call Me

  • K

  • KC keep cool

  • KHUF know how you feel

  • KIT Keep in touch

  • KOTC Kiss on the cheek

  • KOTL Kiss on the lips
  • --------------------------------  

  • L

  • L8 Late

  • L8r Later

  • Lol laughing out loud

  • LTNC Long time no see

  • LtsGt2gthr Lets get together
  • --------------------------------   

  • M

  • M$ULkeCrZ Miss you like Crazy!

  • M8 mate

  • MC merry Christmas

  • MGB May God Bless

  • Mob Mobile 

  • MYOB Mind your own Business
  • --------------------------------  

  • N

  • NA No access

  • NC No comment

  • NE Any

  • NE1 Anyone

  • No1 No-One

  • NWO No way out
  • --------------------------------   
  • O

  • O4U only for you

  • OIC Oh, I see.

  • OTOH On the other hand
  • --------------------------------   
  • PCM Please call me

  • PPL People
  • -------------------------------- 

  • Q

  • QT Cutie
  • --------------------------------  

  • R Are

  • RMB Ring my Bell 

  • ROTFL Roll on the floor laughing

  • RU? Are you?

  • RUOK? Are you Ok?
  • --------------------------------  
  •  S

  • SC Stay cool

  • SETE Smiling Ear to Ear

  • SO Significant Other

  • SOL sooner or later

  • SME1 Some One

  • SRY Sorry

  • SWALK Sent with a loving Kiss

  • SWG Scientific Wild Guess 
  • --------------------------------  
  • T

  • T+ Think positive

  • T2ul Talk to you later

  • TDTU Totally devoted to you

  • Thx Thanks

  • T2Go Time to Go

  • TIC Tounge in Cheek

  • TMIY Take me Im yours

  • TTFN Ta ta for now.
  • --------------------------------  

  • U

  • U You

  • UR Y ou are

  • URT1 Your are the one
  • --------------------------------   
  • V

  • VRI Very
  • --------------------------------  
  • W

  • W4u Waiting for you

  • WAN2 Want to

  • WLUMRyMe Will you marry Me?

  • WRT With respect to

  • WUWH Wish you were here
  •  -------------------------------- 
  • X

  • X! Typical Woman

  • X Kiss

  • XclusvlyUrs Exclusively Yours
  • --------------------------------   
  • Y

  • Y! Typical Man

  • YBS You’ll be Sorry



  • Husband & Wife Jokes

  • Husband : Kamala Oru Cup Coffee…..! .?

  • Wife : Yennaadhu.?!

  • Husband : Unakku Coffee Tharattumaannu Keattean…!

  • -------------------------------------------------------

  • English SmS Jokes


  • Smile Sms


  • smile in ease

  • smile in pain

  • smile when trouble pore like rain

  • smile when someone hurt ur feelings

  • -------------------------------------------------------
  • Naughty SmS Jokes


  • UKG Son to his Mom

  • Son: I Don’t Want
  • to Go to School

  • Mom: Why.?

  • Son: Want to work

  • Mom: What Work
  • Will You Do With
  • UKG Knowledge.?

  • Son: Take Tution
  • for LKG GIRLS
  • -------------------------------------------------------

  • Friendship SmS

  • “Few Relations In Earth Never Die.”

  • Want to know what it is.?

  • Read again..

  • (F) few
  • (R) relations
  • (I) in
  • (E) earth
  • (N) never
  • (D) die…
  • ------------------------------------
  • 7 Rules to be HAPPY:
  • Posted by Anand under College Jokes , English SmS Jokes , Friendship SmS
  • 1 Comment 

  • 1 – Meet ME
  • 2 – Phone ME
  • 3 – Email ME
  • 4 – Fax ME
  • 5 – Courier ME
  • 6 – Think of ME

  • Idhellaam Illainaalum
  • Paravaailla

  • 7 – Just SMS ME!!!



  • Father Son Joke
  • Father: Ennada ella subject layum oru mark mattum vaangi irukka?
  • Son: Nee thana sonna, ellathalyum Number 1'na varanum endru. 
  • Student Joke
  • Student 1: Eppadi da unga appa kitta progress report'la sign vaanguna. Nee than ella subject layum fail aachhae.

  • Student 2: Ungalala iruttula sign poda mudiyuma endru panthayam vacchaen. Avarum othukittaru. Light'ta off panneettu report card'dai neettittaen. 
  • Appa Amma Magan Joke
  • Son: Appa, ungala vida amma periyavangala?
  • Father: illa, aen?
  • Son: Neenga than sonneenga periyavangala ethirthu pesa koodadu endru. Adha vachu than solluraen. 
  • Funny Family Joke
  • Naina: Amma adichadarkku aenda ippadi aluvara?
  • Son: Unnai maadiri ennala vali thanga mudiyadhu naina. 
  • Teacher Student Joke
  • Teacher; aana aavvana sollu da.

  • Student;Theriyathu sir

  • Teacher; Idhu kooda theriyalai? Nee yenda schoolu'kku vara, maadu maykka vendiadu thanea.

  • Student; maadu maykka kuda theriyala'nuthan, palli kudathuku anupinar.
  • Submitted by sriram on 01-Sep-2009 
  • Internet Kadi Joke
  • Boy1: Enna night fulla ulundhu ulundhu book padichhum nee fail ayittiya?
  • Boy2: Aaamam. Aenna naan padichadhu "Facebook" 
  • Exam Kid Joke
  • Kid: Paatti naan exam eludha poraen. 
  • Paattu: Nalla paarthu eldittu vaappa. 
  • Tamil Kids Joke
  • Kid: Naina, naan kanakkula noothukku nooru vaangina enna pannuva?
  • Naina: Appadiyae mayakkam pottu vilundiduvaen.
  • Kid: Neenga mayakkam poda koodadhu enbadarkku dhan naan 25 mark vaangi irukkaen. 
  • Teacher Kids Joke in Tamil
  • Kid1: En class teacher solli tharadhu enakku suthama puriyavae illa.
  • Kid2: Adha vidu, en class teacher solli tharadhu avarukkae puriya villai. 
  • Cat and Kid Tamil Joke
  • Mummy: Poonai ella paal'laiyum kudichirichu. Adhu varaikkum ennada panni kittu irundha?
  • Son: Indha poonai'yum paal kudikkuma endru paarthu kondu irundhaen Mummy. 
  • Super Tamil Kid Joke
  • En payyan seidha velai naala ennala veliya thalaiya kaata mudiyala!
  • Appadi enna pannaan?
  • En "WIG"gai kuppaiyila thooki pottuttan. 
  • Kitten and Kid Joke
  • Mother: Aenda poonai'yoda kadhula paala oothura?
  • Son: Neenga dhana amma sonneenga, poonai oru vaayilla jeevan endru. Adhan. 
  • Exam Joke in Tamil
  • En payyan first class'la pass pannittan.
  • Mela enna padikka vaikka poreenga?
  • Second class dhan. 
  • Mokkaiappan Joke
  • Payyan1: En appavai naan madhipadhae illai. Nee eppadi?
  • Payyan2: Eng'appanavae naan madhipadhillai, indha lakchanathula ungappanai vera madhikka venuma? 
  • Father: Dey, en pocket'la 100 roova vachu irundhaen, ippa 10 roovai dhan irukku.
  • Son: Neenga dhana noothukku 90 edhukka soneenga. 
  • Man1: En payyan kitta, oorla ellorum mookkula kai vaikkara maadiri edhavadhu oru kaariyam
  • senja, unga thatha sandosha paduvaaru endru sonnadhu thappa poiyirichu.
  • Man2: Aen, enna pannan?
  • Man1: Septic Tank'kai therandhu vittutttan. 
  • Mokkai joke 
  • DAD: Pakathu veetu ponnu evaluvu mark vangiruku, avala partha'vathu nalla padi. 


  • Tamil SMS Jokes
  • Parthiban & Vadivel Jokes

  • Parthiban: Vazhai Pazham evlo?

  • Vadivalu: Onnu 1 Roopa

  • Parthiban: 60 Paisaku varatha?

  • Vadivalu: 60 Paisaku tholdhan varum.

  • Parthiban: A~ppadinna Indha 40 Paisa thola vachukittu Pazhatha Mattum kudu

  • Vadivalu: Vandhttanya Vandhttan!!!
  • -----------------------------------------
  • Yean thanni thelichchu Kolam poduranga theriyuma???

  • Kolam pottuttu thanni thelicha Kolam Azhinjidum adhaan…

  • Eeeeeeeeeeeeee

  • -----------------------------------------

  • Nee Enbadhu

  • Orezhuththu…

  • Naam Enbadhu

  • Eerezhuththu…

  • Anbu Enbadhu

  • Moonrezhuththu…

  • Inbam Enbadhu

  • Naangezhuththu…

  • Unakku Ellam

  • SmS Anuppuradhu

  • En

  • Thalai Ezhuththu!!!!
  • -----------------------------------------
  • Orutharukku Bank-la irundhu notice vanthuchu…

  • “Sir, Ungaloda credit card thriudu poi irukku…

  • aanal, neenga innum oru report- kooda kudukkalayea Ean sir???”

  • Atharku andha Person-oda reply….

  • “Adhu thirudu ponadhu romba sandhosamdhanga….

  • Ean-na andha thirudan ennoda wife-i vida limit-ta dhan

  • Selavu panran….”
  • -----------------------------------------
  • Office Sms Jokes

  • Staff1: Office-la Mobile-la Silentlathan Use pannanumnu Manager sollittar.

  • Staff2: Ean???

  • Staff1: Mathavanga thookkathai kedukka koodatham Adhan!!!

  • ----------------------------------

  • SmS Thathuvam…

  • Thathuvam solli romba naal achulla
  • adhan ippo sollalamunu…

  • Ennathan Namakku Rendu(2) kadhu irundhalum

  • Onnunu(1) Sonna Onnunu(1)dhan Ketkum…

  • Eppudi…

  • Adikkathinga Friends…

  • -----------------------------------------

  • Villager: Oru Thanni Bottle Kodunga

  • Kadaikarar: Anga irukku eduthukkonga…

  • Villager: Enna eamatha pakkuriya adhula “Bacteria Free”-nu
  •                 pottirukkula, Kodu ennoda free Bacteria-yavai!!!

  • Kadaikarar: ???

  • -----------------------------------------

  • Nee Azhudhal Unnai
  • “Sirikka Vaikka”

  • Nee Thuvandaal unnai
  • “Urchaaga Padutha”

  • Nanbargal Mattum Alla…

  • Naanum ~Unnudandhan Irukkirean…



  • Cricket Joke in Tamil
  • Who thought of the "One Day INternationals" cricket match (ODI)?
  • ?
  • ?
  • ?
  • ?
  • ?
  • ?
  • Who?
  • ?
  • Its mahakavi Bharathiaar because he sang "ODI vilayadhu paappa" 
  • Computer Mo~kkai Tamil Jokes
  • Two foxes went to the jungle in different directions. Eppadi kandupudippenga?
  • 'Bi-Nari' search..

  • Maths Mokkai SMS Jokes
  • 90 thadava paavam senjaa, 45 thadava maatipeenga... eppadi?
  • aenna, SIN 90 = COT 45
  • idhu eppad~i irukku? 
  • More Computer Mokkai SMS Joke
  • What would you call a girl driving a car?
  • ?
  • ?
  • A Pen Drive. 
  • Geometry SMS Mokkai Joke
  • Who is more intelligent among the two: SQUARE or CIRCLE?
  • ?
  • ?
  • Answer: Square.... because Squaru'kku naalu moolai. Circle'lukku moolayae illa. 
  • More Kadi Mokkai SMS Joke
  • Oru aalu oru kaakka valarthan
  • Atha touch panna, romba smooth'aa soft'aa irukkum
  • Avan adukku yenna peyar vaippan?
  • ?
  • ?
  • ?
  • "MI-CRO-SOFT" 
  • Sema kadi joke
  • Why do MUNIVARS have so much resistance to worldy pleasures?
  • Because they constantly keep saying OHM OHM OHM which is unit of resistance... 
  • Eppadi namma physics? 
  • Learn Hindi through Tamil
  • "Dhuniya me koyi nahi hai" - ulagathil koli illa
  • "koyi bath nahi" - koli kullikaradhu illa
  • "woh bar bar aathaa hai" - adhu barber'oda aathha
  • Proud to be ~Hindi student 
  • Next series of Harry Potter films in Tamil
  • Harry Potter and the Bottle of Quarter
  • Harry Potter and Sappa Matter
  • Harry Potter and Avar Vitta Peter
  • Harry Potter and personal matter
  • Harry Potter and his love letter 
  • Kid Joke
  • Oru paiyan road-la pOkumpOthu, thummikkittae pOnaan.... 
  • Yeannu kEattaaa avan cholraan, 
  • avan oru PODI paiyanaam..... 
  • ayyoooo... ay~yooooo.... 
  • COMPUTER THIRUKKURAL
  • 1.Bug kandupiditharae oruthal avar naana DeBUG seidhuvidal… 
  • 2.COPY PASTE seidhu vazhvaarae vazhvoar mattravarellam CODING seidhu saavaar. 
  • 3.emmozhi marandhaarkum JOB undaam JOB illai C i Marandhavarkku. 
  • 4.CHAT -tinil YAHOO.Chat seiga illaiyael CHAT-in CHATtaamai nandr..



No comments:

Post a Comment