the best quotes about life and love and happiness


  • Did You Ever Wonder.....
  • *If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?

  • *Is it ok to use t!he AM radio after noon?

  • *What do you call a male lady bug?

  • *When a dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it.

  • *Why didn't Noa!h swat those two mosquitoes?

  • *Why you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

  • *Why there are floatation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?

  • *Have you ever imag!ined the world without hypothectical situations?
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  • 10 best excuses when you get caught falling asleep on your desk:
  • !
  • 10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

  • 9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in
  • that time management course you sent me to."

  • 8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably
  • got here just in time!"

  • 7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement
  • and envisioning a new paradigm."

  • 6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

  • 5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
  • work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who
  • practice Yoga?"

  • 4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a
  • solution to our biggest problem."

  • 3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

  • 2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

  • And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your
  • desk...

  • 1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."
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  • Never be afraid to try, remember...
  • Amateurs bu!ilt the ark
  • Professionals built the Titanic
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  • When I saw you I liked you, !when I liked you I loved you, when I loved you I lost you.
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  • Last night I was looking at the stars and I wondered... where the hell's my ceiling!
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  • 10 commandments of being a teenager:

  • 1. Thou shall not sneak out when there parents are sleeping (why wait?)

  • 2. Thou shall not do drugs (alochol lasts longer)

  • 3. Thou shall not steal from K-mart (Walmart has a bigger selection)

  • 4. Thou shall not get arrested for vandalism (destructon has a bigger effect)

  • 5. Thou shall not steal from their parents (everyone knows Grandma has more money)

  • 6. Thou shall not get into fights (start them)

  • 7. Thou shall not skip class (take the whole day off)

  • 8. Thou shall not go to strip clubs (Hooters has better food)

  • 9. Thou shall not think about havin!g sex (like Nike says... just do it)

  • 10. Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street (leave them in the middle)
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  • You make me smile !for no reason whatsoever, you make me laugh at the unfunny things, but most of all, you make me love you when I shouldn't be loving you.
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  • I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to tell you how I really feel

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  • Friend: calls your parents by mr. and mrs.
  • Best friend: calls your parents by their first names.

  • Friend: has never seen you cry
  • Best friend: has always had the best shoulder to cry on

  • Friend: never asks for anything to eat or drink
  • Best friend: opens the fridge and makes herself at home

  • Friend: asks you to write down your number.
  • Best friend: they ask you for their number
  • (cuz they can't remember it!)

  • Friend: borrows your stuf!f for a few days then gives it back.
  • Best friend: has a closet full of your stuff
  • !
  • Friend: only knows a few things about you
  • Best friend: could write a biography on your life story

  • Friend: will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
  • Best friend: will always go w!ith you

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  • A true friend sees the! first tear... catches the second... and stops the third


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  • A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”

  • “Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.”

  • “Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”

  • “Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.”

  • Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”

  • “That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

  • “My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.

  • “Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card—it has everythi!g on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.”

  • The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?”

  • “I also know tha!t you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprise and shocked now.

  • “How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”

  • “And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.”

  • “Oh really?” the mother asks. “And why’s that?”

  • “Because you got an F in sex.”
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  • Never g!ive up if you still wanna try
  • never wipe your tears if you still wanna cry
  • never settle for the answer if you still wanna know
  • never say you don't love him if you can't let him go...
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  • Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
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  • Today we have higher buildings and wider highways, but shorter temperments and narrower points of view.

  • We spend more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses, but smaller families. We have more compromises, but less time. We have more knowledge, but less judgement. We have more medicines, but less health.

  • We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk much, we love only a little, and we hate too much.

  • We reached the moon and came back, but we find it troublesome to cross our own street and meet our neighbors. We have conquered the outer space, but not our inner space.

  • We have higher income, but less morals… These are times with more liberty, but less joy… With much more food, but less nutrition…

  • These are days in which two salaries come home, but divorces increase. These are times of finer houses, but more broken homes.

  • That’s why I propose that as of today -- You do not keep anything for a special occasion, because every day that you live is a special occasion. Search for knowledge, read more, sit on your front porch and admire the view without paying attention to the needs. Pass more time with your family, eat your favorite food, visit the place you love. Life is a chain of moments of enjoyment; it isn’t only survival.

  • Use your crystal goblets. Do not save your best perfume… use it every time you feel you want it. Take out from your v!ocabulary phrases like, “one of these days” and “someday”. Let’s write that letter we thought of writing “one of these days…”

  • Let’s tell our families and friends how much we love them. Never pass up a chance at adding laughter and joy to y!our life. Every day, hour, and minute are special… Because you never know if it will be your last…

  • If you’re too busy to take some minutes to share this message with someone you love, and you tell yourself that you !will share it “one of these days”… “one of these days” can be very far away, and you may not be there to see it…
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  • The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever.
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  • A man escapes from! prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

  • He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her nec!k, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

  • "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman! in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

  • To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
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  • Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will.
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  • Things worth having are worth waiting for
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  • The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
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  • Do, or do not. There is no "try".






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